How do I fake being jewish?

>talk through nose
>smell like genitals that haven't been washed since circumcision
>walk like a pepper pot
>high-waisted jeans for men, sloppy tatty dresses for women
>shave beard but leave sideburns until the hair growing at your ear is long enough to reach your chin, twirl it as it grows all day
>wear jewelry despite being a man
>???
>profit!

hunch your frame
whine about everything
stop bathing to get that greasy sheen
answer every question with a question
make up stories to tell about your grandparents oppression and why they changed their last name when they came to the US
use their slang/idioms (schmuck, yenta, schvitz, kvetch, mensch, invent new ones by ading a sneezing sound at the end or beginning of random words, it'll sound jewish)

oh so it would work thanks

start your twitter post with "as a white man"

this is all you need

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>this fucking thread

Are you all that fucking delusional that you really believe Jews have a secret club about destroying white people?

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they really are and its strange this meme wont fucking die

I have a hooked nose. I think I could pull it off. I get asked about it I'm jewish often. I've been mulling this over too. Bump

Of course they do you stupid flip

I say we don't let it die

This is too fucking funny

If you want to breed with their women, you have to cut off your foreskin first user

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i live in NYC, lots of jews date outside their ethnic group. it's not a big deal anymore, especially for the non-orthodox ones. they seem to have bought into the "diversity is good" message they've been preaching all those years. one of my best buds in college was a white catholic and had a jewish girlfriend.

now the orthodox on the other hand will not date outside the group. but most jews are not orthodox.

suck a nigger bbc while letting a white dude fuck you in the ass. Guarantee you'll be speaking yiddish by the end of the night

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You're the stupidest cuck if you're going to waste your precious time trying to infiltrate something that doesn't exist

Do it anyway, this is hilarious

This thread is going into my cringe compilation

This kid looks like he's about to screw the optics and go the fuck in.

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It's not a meme. Keep trying to pretend it is. Go read der judenstaat you kike bastards

Jews are high IQ. You sound like a retard. You can't give a chimpanzee a hair cut, dress him in a suit and tie, and expect him to join the local book club and not get noticed. If you are an Adonis, you might get a slutty Jewish girl to fuck you a few times, but it will never be more than a dirty thrill for her. She would never marry you and allow her DNA to mix with that of a dumb ape.

Kek, Welcome to Jow Forums mother fucker

>I am so stupid and so racist, just like you guys

oh hai shariajew

Funny thing is, I actually think OP is a Jew trying to LARP as a paranoid Nazicuck

What's his story?

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Jews seem to be able to tell if someone else is jewish even if they dont know themselves that theyre jewish they just have a respect , I remember in high school the jewish kids always seemed to respect each other even if one was popular high status and the other not

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Cole_(journalist)
Try what David Cole did and get caught over, and over, and over again

Yeah you might not care because you're countries already shit. Anyone living in a non-shit country has Jews trying to overthrow it

Lol for what? Please humour me you deluded canuck

I'm Jewish and you're all retarded. If you just say you're Jewish nobody will doubt you. Most Jews look Jewish, but enough don't that you'll pass fine. I have dirty blonde hair, green eyes, Anglo features and I'm fully askhenazi. Someone occasionally might go "oh you don't look Jewish" but that's the extent of it.

There's no fucking secret handshake or something lmao. Besides, most Jews now are so secular that they don't know anything about Jewish religion beyond what the major holidays are, and some don't even know that anymore. Just say you went to summer camp or some shit.

On the other hand, despite what the autists here believe being Jewish doesn't really confer any benefits on you, it's not like some magic pill to make your life easier. Maybe if you're interviewing for a job and your boss is jewish it'll help a bit, but that's basically the extent of it. Wish we had some secret group where we land each other top jobs and free money, but sadly if it exists I've been left out.

Stay a while newfriend, try to learn something

youve said youre full Ashkenazi but have no physicall traits makes me doubt your story highly or youve been lied too This is like saying youre full somali but look completely white

>I'm Jewish
>Just say you went to summer camp or some shit

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Exactly you know jack shit to justify your stupidity lmao

All you have to do is drink a babies blood, swear yourself to satan and perform evil for a world-wide crime kabal. It should be easy, no physical requirements nessessary

I took a 23andme and I'm 97.7% ashkenazi. I don't want to show my face for obvious reasons but I definitely don't look Jewish even slightly.

We exist. I grew up with another Jewish kid who'd you swear was Swedish, and both his parents are Jewish. There are a fair number of purely white-passing Jews, but Jow Forums fixates on the really Jewy looking people because they're more obviously Jews.

I'm pretty sure Zac Efron is fully askhenazi fwiw, although maybe one parent is a gentile

Anyone can identify as Jewish nowadays.

If anyone doubts you just accuse them of anti-Semitism.

Come back after you watch this. Its for your own good philo-guy. I could turn this into a redpill thread for you if you wanted but itd be better this way
europathelastbattle.wordpress.com/watch/

zac efron is quarter i think
also is it true jews go to camp to practice their powers?
youtube.com/watch?v=dX3k_QDnzHE

Roasted

Oh damn. Idk, maybe I'm a rarity then.

And Jews go to camp to awkwardly have "mixers" with girls from the camp next door, get rifle lessons from washed up Israeli ex commandos who want a visa to the US, and eat shitty food at the dining hall that I'm pretty sure have laxatives in them so we go home thinner and our parents are happy.

It's not that simple. Despite what Jow Forums might have you think, not all Jews are part of the New York City-Washington D.C.-Silicon Valley-Hollywood establishment. You have to know the right Jews.

Was the Philippine VPN on sale, Moshi?

Seriously. You want to sound Jewish? Drop the follwoing lines:

1. Oh, I went to camp in the Poconos as a kid
2. I have lots of friends from Westchester, my cousins live in Scarsdale
3. I remember playing coke and pepsi at my bar mitzvah haha, so embarrassing!
4. I'm studying to get my series 7, can't wait to start trading

Congrats, you are now a certified American Jew.

Dump it then, I'm curious

I'll read your redpill dump after I finish watching

myjewishlearning.com/article/the-conversion-process/

this user otm. a jewish girl marrying a goy? i've never even heard of that.

>dirty blonde hair, green eyes,
Larp??

He said he was pure but i just cant see someone being pure ashkenazi and having no features

All the suggestions in this thread are too complicated.

Just wear their stupid clothes and say, "Oy vey, gevalt!"

i'm white but grew up in a very jewish community. there are tons of full jews who don't have any jewish features.

If it also makes me a little weird.
But for / pol / I met someone 37% Nigerian and had blue eyes and blond hair.
He uploaded photo and everything. Everything is possible...

>high IQ
Their average is a paltry 115.
>intermarriage
Most US Jews marry out. Pic related.

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Man but taking into account that it is 97% Jewish ...

I already do almost all of this and I'm not even pretending to be Jewish

this guy is basically 99% ashkenazi he looks pretty damn jewish

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Make sure to complain about minor physical discomforts in day to day life if you want to fit in.

but not pure jewish

Just learn about interest rates, it's Jew magic

I have a better idea. Do what Jesus did: Expose their hypocrisy and learn/teach righteousness.

I've successfully faked being Jewish before. They WILL try to test you though. Expect them to ask about schul, and use different words to refer to the same things. Hebrew terms are used also. If you don't have google handy, you will be outed.

Internet infiltration works best. I chatted to a reform Jew (liberal athiest SJW types) who succesfully infiltrated a Chabad house and was trying to steal people from them because he felt it was a cult for Jews. Maybe we should make more Chabadniks.

It is pretty hard. I grew up with Jews but don't look very Jewish. They have a very keen nose for imposters. I would just act normally, drop the occasional yiddishism. They have almost a sixth sense for who is Jewish and who isn't.

what happens when they "out you"?

Remove the meme flag, and maybe I'll tell you.

Are the cute jewish girls drawn to white or jewish men

my philipino gf's brother in-law says jews run the federal reserve

and get doxxed, bruh

You can't just do "I'm White" like they do to us.

Judaism is hyper-local. A jew from NY can go to California but he will be treated like an outsider because he's not known in the local community. If they they don't know you you are not Jewish until proven otherwise.

The first time I tried the "I'm Jewish too" fake, I got asked a bunch of questions that only a Jew would know. After that I learned and honed my approach. Googling topics, and learning from failures. I can make it pretty far in conversation now, thanks to Wikipedia.

It's easy, child.

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First off you need a rabbi to suck you off then cut your penis, then you need to have a barfmitza

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I can appropraite jewish culture if I want.

>paltry

That's fucking massive for a cohort mean. If the SD is similar to the goy curve, they would be massively overrepresented at the 130+ range and even more heavily overrepresented in the 145+ range.

As a fellow white man, let me just say it’s best to stay away from Jewish women. Leave them be. You should only pursue white women. Jews don’t really do anything anyway. It’s better to focus on other issues

Do you live in Lichtenstein or some shit? No one is going to dox you based on your nationality.

Back to the corner. They won't know you crapped your pants.

Its located at Cantors deli on sundays while christians are in church. Duuuuh

Just find one of their women and marry her. It's really not hard. They are not very pretty but their loaded.
>t. man dating a like for the same reasons you want to

I'd marry a jewish woman for a billion dollars

Wear a Star of David necklace. If they press you on it say you’re a reform Jew

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