Recently i had a conversation with my husband about sex and ever since then, i‘m disgusted by the thought of sleeping with him. Wtf am i supposed to do now?
Additional info: the thing that disgusts me is that he obviously has a completely different concept about sex than me and that he can‘t distinct between real live and porn.
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Honey, it's your own fault for being retarded and not talking with him about sex BEFORE getting married.
/thread
You have a conversation about sex in general or sex in your relationship?
sex is overrated. stop listening to the media
Sweety, i obviously have talked to him about it. It might surprise you, but even if you‘re together for years there might be stuff in your partner you don‘t know.
Give us more info. What did he say.
Both
That has nothing to do with my issue
Well, we always had a lot of sex and recently it has become rougher and rougher. So one day i asked him how it comes that whenever we have sex we‘re fucking and that we never switch up between fucking and having different kinds if sex. His answer was that a) he gets off on hurting me and b) he isn‘t ABLE to have any other kind of sex. Which is kind of disturbing to me.
Honey, if your partner wasn't willing to share his honest views on sex BEFORE marrying you, it means that he is shitty guy and you picked a rotten apple. Blame yourself for that.
And his idea of sex like porn also applies to your relationship?
I mean, if I'm sexually attracted to some guy I fantasize some kind of sex, if I have a romantic crush I fantasize some sweet making love kind of sex. So, maybe your husband was mostly referring to the first kind of sex, idk. What disgusted you so much?
So he's into SM. Why the fuck didn't you talk about t before marrying you stupid woman.
Why the fuck do you assume we haven‘t you stupid user? You know, people and their preferences can change?
PS: It's not necessary porn related. More a power thing.
Nah, such things don't change. You'Re either into it or you aren't. He either hasn't talk you because he knew you would react that way or you didn't actually ask deep enough.
b) is kind of disrespectful towards what YOU like. There should be a compromise and it's totally understandable you're pissed now. Talk to him about it. He can't decide what kind of sex you two should have without taking in consideration your wishes.
Anons, some time what you like in sex change with time, give this woman a break.
Obviously, yes, since i am supposed to have sex with him.
I‘m down for all kinds of sex, but not if you‘re unable to be flexible. If you can only have one kind of sex then that‘s disturbing to me. I mean, it‘s logical that sometimes you‘re in the mood for fucking and sometimes you‘re in the mood for something a bit more intimate. If he can only fuck, then that‘s an issue for me.
It disgusts me that i now feel like a selfcleaning fleshlight he uses to act out his porn induced fantasies. Our sex isn‘t about US having a good time together anymore, now it just feels like a fucking staged show.
>he can‘t distinct between real live and porn.
This is how I know that you're a moron.
Such things do change. You may think you don't like something and when you actually try you love it. You can enjoy quite rough sex now and tomorrow you may prefer another kind of sex.
Yeah, that‘s an assumption, true. But i know the kind of porn he watches and it plays right into it. But that‘s a henn and egg question in the end. I just think that his excessive porn consumtion hasn‘t been helpful in his sexual development. It‘s very one sided and „task focused“ instead of focusing on the people involved.
You have a really condescending attitude for someone who boldly admits how idiotic they are.
I‘m just mimicing your condescending tone for someone who has no clue about humans
So his preferences suddenly changed from vanilla love-making to I'm-basically-an-impotent-unless-I-get-to-choke-her? What kind of Gerald's Game shit is this? Listen, it sounds like he consciously decide to hide his true sexual preferences from you, and it's a huge red flag. Because if I'm correct, he either did that because he hates this part of himself and would rather keep it hidden, or he didn't trust you enough to be open about his kinks before you two said your vows. Both of these possibilities are worrying and just show how immature this guy is.
If you honestly aren't into having only this kind of sex for next 30 years, you two are sexually incompatible and this will doom your marriage. Desu even if you decide to somehow suffer through his sado-maso nonsense, you will end up bitter and hateful towards him. Plain and simple, there is no winning - divorce now.
Creepily, yes, that‘s pretty point on.
Well, we just had a baby so i‘m shit out of luck i guess.
This is clearly a problem. That people on adv barely can understand and obviously can't solve. You should talk to him about how you feel, and consider couple therapy I guess.
Cute larp
>It‘s very one sided and „task focused“ instead of focusing on the people involved.
That's just how man view porn. That's why porn for women has an actual storyline. Don't expect him to care for such thinks when he slaps his meat. Put out more often, tell him to controll his degeneracy or life with it. Those are your posibilities.
>we just had a baby
Ehhh... You can try exploring different kinks, add some toys or role-play (not in SM way). Maybe over time his preferences will change ""again""", who knows. It really sucks that sado-maso thing didn't resurface earlier. I'll never understand why people won't be totally honest with their future spouses, even seemingly small-scale shit like this complicates relationships endlessly.
In the end OP, I suppose you just have to wait and see. If it becomes clear that his preferences won't change, you will have these options:
>divorcing
>suffering through it
>not having sex at all or having it very rarely
>having a man on a side who will satisfy your needs for a change
That's about all when it comes to your options, really. If I were you, I would do everything to suffer through it during my child's formative years, make sure that the relationship is happy and functional and I don't spoil it with my saltiness or disgust towards him, and then once the kid is old enough and my pussy isn't Sahara-dry yet, I would tell him to fuck off and look for a guy who is more sexually compatible with me
>promoting divorce with a small child
>promoting cheating
Go hang yourself right now you filthy degenerate.
I don't promote shit, cunt. I'm just saying that these are possible options, it depends solely on OP's morality whether she chooses to do this.
And user, you would change the tune if you had to be a cumrag for some impotent guy who can't get hard to normal sexual stimuli. I'd take a divorce over this shit every time.
I would never divorce with a child. Especially not just because of sex for fucks sake. Do you even understand that a divorce fuck skids up beyond repair, not getting raised by both parents and to learn how both man and female interact? If you get a child you better be damn sure about your man. A divorce is something you think about if you literally have to fear for your life, not because you don't get to cuddle after fucking. Good god, how the fuck can you people make sex more important than your child. You people disgust me.
See a marriage counselor.
Almost every guy is like this OP not just your husband. I say almost because I knew one guy that could love to me and he always knew when thats what I wanted. He could be a porn god too but I would nearly pass out when he would LOVE FUCK me. I mean his intent oozed through his pores and his eyes. Too bad I have only the memories and in a way has ruined sex for me with other men. A guy like him has many women, even after we broke up when I took a job in another city I still had sex with him for a year.
Would a divorce fuck up your child more than making them live in a loveless, hostile enviroment, though? My parents divorced when I was 2, I don't remember shit and it barely affected me. People should stop with the "stay together for the kids" bullcrap.
My parents divorced because of cheating when I was 4. This user is right in everything. Especially here:
>Good god, how the fuck can you people make sex more important than your child. You people disgust me.
You make it work. No matter what you have to do. A mother which doesn't even suck her husbands dick to play nice and keep the marriage going for her child, should die of shame. You might not even know how fucked your upbringing was, how even, you don't know how a loving family is. And don't give me the "my mothers boyfriend" crap. Ever read into the stats of violence and molestation of non biological parents? It takes time and a will to realise how shitty it was, your brain is prolly hiding it for a reason.
I played it off as well for years till I actually saw what a real family is like. I cried for days as it has fallen like scales from my eyes. MY mother divoreced my father because "no feeling lmao" and to this day I would spit in her face for this.
user, don't be retarded. Sex will inevitably impact the relationship, unless both partners are happy with what they do in bed together, or both of them don't care.
>OP submits and keeps having sex she doesn't enjoy only for her husband's sake
>she grows to despise him, is irritated and hateful = this causes fights and issues within the marriage
>OP doesn't put out
>Her husband grows frustrated, irritated and hateful = fights and conflicts
>OP decides to put out but have a man on a side who would fuck her like she likes
>Husband is jealous and hateful, so conflicts
>Husband is ok with wife not putting out but gets a mistress who will satisfy him
>wife is jealous and hateful, conflicts and shit
People underestimate the importance of sex but the truth is that it always seeps out on other aspects of married life. And while I agree that a child should have a mom and a dad, it's not necessarily better to be brought up in the atmosphere of constant animosity between parents, fights and badly-hidden resentment. It can fuck a kid up just as badly, if not worse, than single-parenting.
>don't be retarded, sex can be more important than your children
Even suggesting this makes you a piece of shit. I will never understand you hedonistsing whores, rather breaking up the family oand the future of your child than to suck up bad sex. You make it work. That's the end of it. If your spouse isn't actually beating the crap out of you or the children it IS ALWAYS better for the kid to stay in a marriage. You only lack the will to fight for it, because you are one of tho sepeople, who are to lazy to give too many fucks about their kids.
Disgusting.
>fucks kid up
>but divorcee is happy
Maybe I'm selfish but I think the kid can handle it, otherwise the kid was never going to be a strong one
is your dick missing
We've always been close my aunt and uncle who are happly married with kids and I never envied that, I just saw it as a different kind of family. My mother divorced my dad for the very same reason and I'm glad she was honest to her feelings instead of forcing herself to be with someone she didn't want to just for my sake.
>like whatever eat or die, I'm not gonna bother keeping up with your dad, kiddo, you'Re not that important lmao
I how some of the niBBas which you will fuck afterwards leaves them an orphan. They have better life chances than with a whore mother.
>sweety
Confirmed bait
This is extremely relevant to your husband.
youtube.com
>different kind of family
No, user, that what I thought as well. BUt you have to realise that your mother chose her feelings, which is a matter of working on, above giving you a father. She made her own comfyness more important than you. You will prolly deny that and tell yourself that she had her reasons. I did as well. Its naturall for a child to not trash talk its parents.
Yu never had a father growing up. You never learned how a functioning family interacts. Your father never teached you basic guy stuff, never talked to your boyfriend about how he has an eye out, he never showed affection towards your mother shwing you the way. You know at best random dcks your mother brought home. Ever changing. You never learned stability. There is so much you missed. And that all just because your mother was not willing to work on feelings.
>You never had a father growing up
Hm, I did. My dad has always been present and concerned about me. If you really had a dick of a father who didn't even bother to try to be a part of your growing up after divorcing your mom, maybe you should consider blaming him.
Either way, my homelife with my mom and sister has always been pretty stable and loving so I genuinely don't know what you're talking about and you sound like a really weird person.
>this reading comprehension
I weep for you. I never said that sex can be more important than children. But you need to realise and accept that issues within a sexual sphere of life will inevitably impact other spheres of life. Adults with healthy sex drive in a relationship will want satisfying sex; there is nothing hedonistic in it, it's just human biology. Now, some people can cut out the sexual aspects of their lives, but the majority can't. And sorry user, but shitty sex will put you in a foul mood, in the same way a bad day at work will. You have a bad day at work, you come home and you are grumpy. You have a bad day in your bedroom, you sit to the supper with your family, you are grumpy. The obvious answer is to keep everything in its compartment but that is not how humans work. You can't always control your mood, and I guarantee you that after 30 years of sexless marriage (or a marriage with completely rotten sex life) a person is bound to be hostile, unhappy, sour and aggressive and likely to blame other people for their unhappiness - even their children.
>B-but you make it work, end of!!!
That's a very immature stance. Yes, one should always try to make it work, but in the end when everything else fails, a divorce is a last-resort option. You can't always fix everything, and people who like you preach this kind of thing seem to be unable to accept it.
>he visited every other weekend
>seeing my mother bring home strange man is normal
I guess the delusion is the think that keeps this ciycle going. It's like with kids which have been eaten and from their deepest heart can claim that it done them good.
And one more thing:
>If your spouse isn't actually beating the crap out of you or the children it IS ALWAYS better for the kid to stay in a marriage.
No, user. What if the spouse is mentally abusing your kids? What if s/he is a hard-core drug addict or an alcoholic and is unable to take care of the child, keeps dangerous shit like used up needles and broken glass scattered all over your living room? What if your spouse is abusing you? Should you still stay with them because "that's the best for your children"? Is it really? What if the parents constantly fight and hurt each other for years and years and you are a kid stuck in their war zone? Still better than having a relatively stable house with one parent but no fights, no violence? Is it really better to stay together with a spouse who openly cheats on, ruining your mental health and driving you to a suicide attempt or at least heavy depression sprinkled with some alcohol abuse problems?
>that is not how humans work
It is, in humans which see the worth in it.
You wouldn't have a foul mood on work, risking your job, so you obviously can suck it up for important things. The only question than is why a job would be more important than your children.
And no, divorce is not the last resort just due to bad sex life. And you listed it literally as your first post in the middle of your lost. Be honest, for you it's nothing offending, just "shit happens".
>what about mental abuse
That's counted under abuse as such. 9/10 marriage still get only ivorced because THE WOMAN has "fallen out of love". Not because of anything else.
Stop trying to down talk it with arguments which are practically never the case.
>It is, in humans which see the worth in it.
No, you dumbass. While you can make a conscious effort to keep these bad emotions on a leash, they will resurface on their own sooner or later. You can't just choose something not affect you because it's a more noble choice and expect your subconsciousness to just oblige and ride with it. This is why people who suppressed their traumas or negative emotions end up in a dire need of therapy.
>And no, divorce is not the last resort just due to bad sex life.
It is if bad sex life dramatically disrupts your marriage.
>9/10 marriage still get only ivorced because THE WOMAN has "fallen out of love"
Firstly, provide me a study confirming this bold statement. Secondly, falling out of love is a valid reason to terminate a marriage. Again, you may not know it, but some people can't stay in loveless relationships because they feel alienated, depressed or suicidal. I know a man who stayed in a loveless marriage because he wanted his kids to have both parents. He is a wreck and his relationship is so contrived and fake that visiting him and his wife is traumatic to me, an adult person. I can only imagine how his children feel seeing him, a shadow of a man unable to communicate with his "wife", a stranger in his own house, putting on a fake smile and pretending in front of his kids that everything is alright and mummy and daddy love each other very much. Children are perceptive and they see straight through this bullshit. Of course before going for a divorce one should ALWAYS try to work things out, like I said before, a divorce should be a last-resort thing and not an easy way out.
>It's normal that bad sex affects you that much that you can't controll yourself like a filthy animal which can't even work on increasing the bonding through other means
Pathetic. I hope you're infertile and pick a hord of cats.
Humans bond the best over sex, but you wouldn't know it ;^)
I'm a married woman about to have a full weekend full of kindy sex with my husband. Thanks for your thoughts.
My grandmother starved to be able to feed my mother. I think I would be fine living in celibacy for my child.
I hope you never get stuck in a loveless marriage with kids seeming that your one track mind will see no other option besides uselessly trying to fix someone while making your kids suffer through it all.
So he's retarded?
Not picking trash people makes sure you don't end up this way. Beeing open to new modi operandi helps further.
Where there's a will there's a way.
>I think I would be fine living in celibacy for my child.
That is very admirable, let me get you a Jow Forums thot of the month medal.
If you are an adult woman, you should know by now that not all people are the same. Stop spouting bullshit and belittling other women only because you *think* you would be able to do something other women maybe wouldn't be able to do.
And desu we are not talking about life/death situation but a comfort of living situation.
Absolutely cucked
>saying that children are more importnat than your degenerate animalistic pleasure is "thot bullshit"
I will not only belittle whores like you, if would spit in your face if I would knew you personally. If you are not able to sacrifice yourself, don't get children.
You know quite well that your mentality is to be despised.
>my marriage is in tatters, I hate my husband and he hates me, but I must endure... I must stay married to my deranged shit of a partner no matter what, I must sacrifice myself for the child, give up on my own happiness and my own life, even though there is no real reason to do that because divorce is not equal to death of malnutrition... But I must prove that I'm a Real Mother, humble and delightfully miserable, suffering quietly just for my child's apparent happiness...
I would spit in your face right back, because you are an idiot.
Women like you don't make good mothers. They make obsessive mothers who build their whole existence around their kids to the point of it being too intense and too toxic for the child. The fact that you would rather needlessly "sacrifice yourself" than look for an option good for your child and yourself speaks volumes.
It's like there are only mindless thots and weepy saints, where the fuck are normal women?
[spoiler]probably not on Jow Forums[/spoiler]
That's ok, if you don't want to have sex with him he can have sex with someone else
It's a basement dwelling troglodyte larping dude. Stop responding and maybe it will go away
>invent the most pathetic scneario to hide that you would leave your husband ecause he's indo porn and kink
Why do roasties always try to seek the victim role for their degenerate behaviour?
>working on a marriage for the child is "nedlessly sacrificing yourself" and "obsessive"
My sides, whatever you need to tell yourself to make your mirror image look less like a worthless animal without a backbone or emphathie for your child.
>invents anotehr ridicously unrealistic scenraio to make divorce acceptable
Fuck of toastie, the winds are changing and your kind will get their rightfull penalty soon enough.
>reee it's a neckbeard, no other human could see my inner whore
Does it hurt you, getting told how you trully are? Does nobody else show you your true mirror image? Sad.
>being so mad that you can't even type properly
Don't take Jow Forums threads this seriously, user. It's bad for your health.
Nah, I'm just changing into a nice dress while typing. Don't take it personal that you aren't worth a second read to check for typos.