So I've been good friends with this guy since high school. I guess I was always sort of attracted to him, but I didn't really start to take it seriously until the past 8 months, when I started to actually consider my sexual identity (I'm bi).
He has definitely given hints over the years. From not wanting to be set up with girls at the bar, to several comments, to sending me a drunk Snapchat asking for nudes (this was a while ago and I didn't give him any - maybe I shouldve).
I came out to him as bisexual a few months ago, I asked him if he was into guys and he said "I don't think so". I kinda feel like there's no way he's not gay or bi based on history but he won't tell me that he is.
I really want to ask him out, or at least try some sexual things with him because I'm pretty fucking attracted to him. He knows I'm bisexual but hasn't done anything about it yet. I don't want to actually ask him because he's my best friend and I don't want to lose him or make things awkward.
To make things more complicated, we go to school in different cities (3 hours). I'm also currently in a relationship with a woman, but it's not going super well and I'll probably be ending it within a month or so.
Advice? Sorry for the wall of text, but Idk what to do here.
This is awkward because nobody wants to ruin the friendship and your friend may not want to reveal his sexual interests.
The best thing is never to plan anything that appears intentional. Get together and watch some movies or play video games or do something that interests you both. If you drink, have s few. Then flirt some but not too obvious and see where it goes. Do some unobvious touching or bumping into him. Get ready to go out and take a shower leaving the bathroom door open. Offer to give him a back rub. Just be subtle. See how it goes.
Dominic Evans
If I was to hazard a guess, it sounds as if he's gay(ish). The 'I don't think so' isn't exactly a very emphatic response. Most people would just directly say 'yes' or 'no'
Jackson Rodriguez
That sounds like a good plan, the only problem is the distance between us, I only really see him on breaks between school. I'm going to be around him for a couple weeks soon though, hopefully some stuff happens.
Jose Perry
He acts pretty straight, you couldn't tell unless you are thinking about it and trying to put the pieces together, then it makes sense that he's gay or straight.
He had asked me if I'd ever taken a dick before, I said no, have or would you? And he said 'I don't think so'.
The guy is hella confusing man, I just wish he would be straight up. I would never judge him and let this ruin our friendship, I'm just worried about the case where he's actually straight and just a weirdo.
James Torres
>I came out to him as bisexual a few months ago that was your mistake. he most likely just wanted some drunk tomfoolery but you dragged sexual identity in to it which makes it more serious and turns him off the idea.
John Brooks
Honestly I don't think so. I said that when I was drunk, and then when we hung out after that things were completely normal. He didn't seem to be concerned about it at all.
Logan Torres
just stay in the friend zone for the rest of your life...
oh wait actually don't do that, fucking tell him how you feel, you dingus
Cooper Johnson
I didn't meant that he became concerned about it or didn't want to be your friend. He just didn't want to experiment sexually with you anymore. Because it was no longer a fun thing that might happen but something that means more to you. That's how these things work. The moment you label yourself, you remove the romanticism of anything being possible and you make things more concrete. And words are hard to take back once they are out.
Ryan Roberts
Lol. So much contradicting advice here. tells me to be subtle about it, and you tell me to go for it.
Which one is it? And if I take your suggestion it could ruin the friendship if he is actually straight.
Owen Rodriguez
>He had asked me if I'd ever taken a dick before, I said no, have or would you? And he said 'I don't think so'.
Was this before or after you told him you were bi?
Sebastian Richardson
this was after. well after actually, he asked me if I'd ever done anal. I thought he meant with my girlfriend but then he made it clear he was asking if I had ever taken a dick.
so...
Cameron Gutierrez
I don't know if he's into you personally but from what I've read, the dude definitely has a thing for other guys.
Nathan Watson
He has asked me for nudes before. I stupidly didn't send any, although this was also before I was really thinking about being bi. But that seems like he would be into me...
But idk, maybe he's not into me. He is also from a pretty conservative religious household so he could just be shy about his feelings too.
I want him to be into me, but if he's not I guess I cant force him.
Should I just ask him straight up?
Nathan Ramirez
As I already said, he was into doing things with you but you screwed it up by "coming out". By doing that you made it more real than it just being sex, you made it into sexual identity which will turn away guys like him. You'll learn this as time goes by. You'll also learn that its not wise to tell people your orientation because the worst kind of closet you will be placed in are by others.
Christopher Roberts
I'd give him time to figure himself out first. He's come on to you before. I'd be surprised if he didn't come on to you again. It's obviously going to be difficult because you live apart but my advice would be just to keep on spending as much time with him as you can. The more comfortable he is with you, the more likely he'll be to express his feelings. If he ever brings up anything related to his sexuality, I'd ask him directly. But until then, I'd just do what you're doing now.
Charles Moore
What if I told him very clearly that I'm just looking to fuck around? I could just say stuff like "Man I can't do anymore relationships or serious stuff, I get bored with that".
Idk it just doesn't seem like that big of a deal. I had never thought of it from the perspective you are coming from and it still doesn't make that much sense to me.
William Campbell
Alright thanks for the advice. The ball is really in his court at this point then. Hopefully the long game works.
Caleb Mitchell
He most likely wouldn't believe you. Now that you have cemented that you are of that orientation you will always be analysed from the image people have of that orientation. Its why when you come out everyone says "yeah we knew", not because they necessarily knew but because they can immediately place you into that mold that these orientations mean to them. You'll see eventually. Lots of straight guys experiment sexually but they don't want there to be a label to it, its why the "no homo" label grew so quickly because once someone is closer to homo it means something else completely.
Gavin Stewart
Look, you're dude buddy may well not be a queerbait. You might want to chase the cornhole with yer buddies you know are butt pirates instead of randomly trying to buttfuck with regular dudes. Dudes that ain't queers, a lot of us are pretty tolerant of queers and even have queer friends, but y'all gotta understand that don't mean we're wantin' to suck on your balls and love up together. Step off, bro.
