Is anyone else contemplating suicide?

I am on the verge of it. Have you ever been in this position? What did it feel like?

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Well, I decided to do something I really wanted to do before killing myself and the outcome turned out to be positive.

once every two months more or less. I don't know what should I do anymore

Lucky you. Are you completely over it?

You're not on the verge of anything. If you were truly so close to doing the world such a favor, you wouldn't be posting on Jow Forums. Posting here about it only shows that you're a whiny attention whore trying to play victim for sympathy points and general attention. If you really meant it, youd just go do it

Do you want to though? I have just lost any appetite for making a change. It's not that I don't want to, I just don't know how to.

This isn't Twitter, FB or Reddit. There are no likes, retweets, and upvotes.

I am seeking neither attention nor sympathy. Frankly, I am just bored out of my mind and wanted to talk to random anons about how I am feeling.

the only time I actually tried to kill myself was when I went to this trap house and mixed a ton of drugs together, hoping it would do me in but I was OK and just scampered on home after and slept it off for a good week

I want to try drugs. Tried weed once with a friend, was okay. Tried it again, this time alone, and hated it. Got paranoid so had to sleep it off.

Stop posting and go kill yourself then. Every post you add is just further proof you're just a whiny attention whore. Just because youre anonymous, doesnt mean theres no validation to be had. You're a confirmed idiot, now please go kys

I've tried to hang myself a couple times. I've had suicidal thoughts since I was in the 5th grade.

But here's the thing: I've noticed that whenever I go through those suicidal phases, it's because I'm miserable, and the times I'm miserable are the times I grow the most. When I'm miserable, I realize everything has to change, so for the 2 or 3 weeks of misery, emotional pain is driving everything I do. Then, at the end of those pain periods, I emerge more skilled and wiser than I was before. That feeling of having progressed and becoming more effective and in a sense powerful, is nearly euphoric.

tomorrow maybe

That's so cool. More power to you, user.

til im attracted to chubby indian women. thanks user

I’m a full blown paranoid schizophrenic and I can’t do it. There is a fear barrier that I erected around it.

>fear barrier that I erected
user, that's called survival instinct.

try mdma and lsd before you go. mdma really helped me cope, for a while atleast.

Trust me I’d do it if I wasn’t actively trying not to

Yeah. I still do. I either feel nothing and feel disassociated or I’m sad as fuck. Sometimes I’m ok for a few days. Longest I could go was a month in the past 12 months. Before that I had 3-4 months when I was fine and I think that was my peak. I still felt somehow shit but at least my life was in order, I had no unusual stress whatsoever, I had cash, friends, free time and a relationship.
Then I lost everything but my job, plus had a few friends and relatives die in short succession. That’s when I decided it’s not worth it and tried to take sleeping pills and hang myself for maximum effect. Obviously didn’t work but I realized I could do it any day, I might as well stick around until I really can’t take life anymore. I can take risks and if I get utterly fucked, I can try heroing again.

Now, I’m pretty fucking sure I didn’t need to wake up in vomit-soaked suits with a noose around my neck to come to that realization. Knowing I could go through with it is enough. Wouldn’t recommend and I wouldn’t do it again.

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What about the guy who posted on here then live streamed himself drinking a barbiturate death-cocktail? Fuck off.

Nobody cares, roastie. Nobody in here is even talking about women.

What do you guys think is the root cause of your suicidal thoughts? When I was depresed it was mostly because of a feeling of hopelessness.

The trick is not telling them you’re suicidal. I learned that the hard way.

If you care about what others think of you, you clearly still have a decent reason to stay alive aka you arent suicidal at all.

I’m just trying to live life the best I can despite my situation. I need sex and some affection of course, and hiding my problems seems to be the only way to get it.
My only reason not to hero is curiousity. I can experience life despite feeling like shit. It’s like a horrifying helicopter ride, knowing I’m capable of jumping without a parachute if it’s too much.

Yes. It felt like that will show . They'll be sorry for not caring about me / neglecting me.
I got over it after getting a job but even going to that interview was tough. Felt like I was settling for a shitty minimum wage job. That life was going to suck even harder and so on.
At one point I just had like 1 or 2 things in my head that I wanted to try before I die.
Starting a journal (that I no longer update that much) helped put some things in perspective.
I dunno, I changed a lot since then. Matured a little even. Still plenty of shit to deal with but having some money saved, which in turns gives me some security feels nice. In some ways I feel like I'm never going to amount to much but it no longer bothers me as it used to. I find contentment in little things.

Yes, I even went out and spent upwards of $500 on stuff that would make my death as "peaceful" as possible.

I still get those thoughts often, but I realized i'd rather live just to simply experience things rather than die early. There are a lot of warm, peaceful nights that remind me of when I was happier and that usually makes me instantly depressed.

I'm still depressed and lonely, but maybe I'll have the experience of getting better in life (getting friends, getting rich, etc) in the future. May as well at least try. If it still doesn't work out, I am curious what it's like to be at the very bottom. To have absolutely nothing, and manage to live with no money. Obviously I'd rather make it big and get rich but my points is that it's my curiosity is what's kept me alive.

My advice to you is to stay curious. Do whatever you want, and sometimes, maybe even push yourself to do stuff you normally wouldn't. I used to be afraid of heights and whatnot, but now that I don't mind the idea of death, I wouldn't think twice if the opportunity came up.