I just found out, that the man who raised me, and who I know as my father, is not my biological father...

>my mom actually left him, I'm not sure why as she isn't willing to explain but my mom does not have a good track record whatsoever, wouldn't be surprised to see her be at the root of this..
Honestly I think that's the best approach for her. Many, many women would just fucking make something up and say the guy was evil, abusive, etc. I think it signals a touch of class in your mom that she's not getting too far into it, not that she was necessarily the one at fault... since, again, the woman at fault often lies to the kids.

nope, i understand wholeheartedly, i do not in anyway want to disrupt this mans life, I dont want his family to know of my existence unless thats what he wants. I am just curious as to my ancestry, and any genetic problems I need to know about. Thank you for the insight. I have messaged him on facebook, but it probably won't show up due to his privacy settings.

I tried to talk to my mom, and she is not willing to explain, but basically she left (my adoptive father who is my brothers dad), for this guy, moved to the US, got knocked up, and for some reason left him and came back here, wherein my brothers father stepped in and became my dad.
From what I have discovered of my biological father, his other children are much much older than me(10+ years, similiar to my biological brother) , which leads me to believe he had an affair, or left his wife and met my mom afterwards.

I kind of agree, but my mom has been known to be wildly irresponsible and do insanely dumb shit sometimes. I agree that many women make a lie up saying the dad is an abusive piece of shit, but when i asked my mother she didnt seem like she had any negative sentiment towards the guy, she only stated that it was a "very very trying time of her life and we all make mistakes."

Sounds like it was a one-night stand and she wasn't into him anyway, but decided to keep you.

Yeah. You've done your homework. You're really walking on egg shells there. It does look like an affair on both your parents part.

I think you raised a valuable interest in all this: obtaining American citizenship. Regardless of what you think of America from up North, it's still valuable to have an American passport and be able to own properties here, if you so choose to. Plus, you'll never have to worry about visa stuff or overstaying your time limit.

You might want to pursue this, if for nothing else, the American citizenship, and getting that genetic info from your bio-dad. And maybe since your mom isn't talking... maybe you can just ask him to spill the beans. I mean, it's pretty obvious, but it's good to just hear it.

>be able to own properties here
Foreigners can own land here. We're not Mexico.

Thank you for understanding my viewpoint. I freelance as a private investigator and I am incredibly good at finding people, regardless of where they are in the world.

I actually love the USA, have identified as an American as a long time because my mom always told me that I lived there as a kid, my papers just "got lost" as i dont have a birth certificate. (fuck me for believing that)
But slowly overtime i put the pieces together, the american citizenship and the genetic information is all I really want, and maybe some insight into that side of my family history. Im just not sure how to approach this, other than the already mentioned facebook message.

Hi,

I recently met my dad about 2 years ago, when I was 20 for the first time in my life. He divorced his wife a couple years prior because she didn't want him to be involved in my life or meet his children that he had when he remarried and she wanted a paternity test before I was even able to meet my siblings.

My dad is in Canada and I am in U.S but I have visited him a few times. It is awkward but like the second or third time I saw him we got more comfortable with each other.

He's kinda a dick and is known for not keeping promises

Was supposed to hang out with him last week and he never answered my calls or messages

I feel like he means well but he's obviously not used to having me in his life

Thank you for the response.

I am of the same age as you actually, just a reverse scenario, how weird. thank you for the insight. How did you go about contacting him the first time?

I have this guys address, past and present for the past 15 years, all the phone numbers he's registered in his name, utility bills, his kids names, addresses, i have everything on this guy except a wifes name.

Right. Not more you can do. Try to find his e-mail, because those messages on facebook don't get seen.

I was looking at this web page. uscis.gov/us-citizenship/citizenship-through-parents

Based on my interpretation, if you were born after 86, then you qualify for citizenship provided that you establish parentage. You will almost certainly need his approval though, if you're not underage.

Thanks for the response, and the info.

Really all i want out of this is US citizenship.

I was fine without knowing who my dad was and I never really asked about him but it was actually my grandmother. She had started using Facebook and just trying to find literally anybody who she could find under the sea

Then she kind of got into a realization that she could find my father because she knew his full name and date of birth and knew people that were his friends or that he worked with

Then my grandmother just sent him a whole novel about the fact that she was glad to have found him and that she wanted us to meet

Fortunately, after finding him on fb we also found him on other forms of social media like Instagram and WhatsApp and what not

Turns out he wanted to meet me too and the only thing that was holding him back was his ex wife
He seemed really resentful at the fact he didn't meet me sooner. I know first time we meet he cried and would just look a thing me in sadness because he wasn't there to help raise me. It was really weird hanging out with me because he's a lovable guy he wouldn't stop playing with my hair or hugging me and just making sure I was comfortable.

Thats mighty interesting, thank you.

I'm not sure if i really give a shit about who he is as a person, I mean it would be nice to meet him, and socialize and see whats what, but I dont know, the man i was raised by, just seems like an even better man knowing he isn't my bio-dad.

I really would suggest that you keep your expectations as low as possible. I'm in a somewhat similar situation as you. Actually, maybe not at all similar.

I'm a bastard son born out of wedlock. I met my bio-dad twice in early childhood. I haven't seen him since 2000. He slapped me one of the few occasions.. (great guy). My mom basically told me that he was a brute. I was a kid so just left it at that. Well, I connect with a half-sister that he had several years after me, right. She tells me that he basically physically and emotionally abused her all throughout childhood and that I basically dodged a bullet. He's bipolar and has explosive anger disorder.

I, similar to you, would like to reconnect just to ask him about the family stuff and genetic risks. But I'm just so turned by his character. My dad is real life Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

Well like I said, probably not much in common with you (hopefully for your sake). But I sympathize about wanting to find out stuff.

Thank you, i intend to do such. Im very cruious to see how this will play out.