PTSD

What are you trying to feel OP? Seems like you are trying to feel fear or empathy, rage perhaps? Can you still laugh?

Have you considered working with MDMA or ayahuasca?

>My advice is to get medical help I wish I did PTSD is something you cant fight for your self.
I tried. My therapist told me he was ending the sessions, because it was not helping but getting worse. I am sadly above his pay grade, but cant afford to see someone better. I already went though 4 people who tried to help, none of them could....having theory triggers the reaction...

> Have you considered working with MDMA or ayahuasca?

No, I have worked with Marry Jane before, but after a too close call...lets just say I dont have the nerve to see her for a long time.

> What are you trying to feel OP? Seems like you are trying to feel fear or empathy, rage perhaps?

Human. I am trying to feel Human. I dont know what else to try to feel...maybe disgusted? Horrified? Alive?

> Can you still laugh?
I can only laugh when I'm in great amounts of pain....its more like the Joker's laugh though....hit me, I laugh, hit me harder, I laugh...I think I am broken.

Attached: IMG_20180402_212410465.jpg (4320x2432, 1.55M)

Just a thought: the fact that you feel some semblance of unhappiness or concern that you can't feel emotions in the way you'd like is, indeed, a feeling.

It's not much, but it's a start.

>I never said im the worst....i said the ones who are trying to help me cant, as its above their pay grade, and i can not offard to see someone better. Last guy ended the sessions, as he said it wasnt helping me but getting worse....
Honestly OP, there is help out there, and you can get medication help. That you can't hold a job is inconsistent with your statement that you can't get the help you need—the poorer you are, the more available free mental health care is, and the people who deal with the poorest tend to be the most experienced with PTSD, because they tend to handle a lot of homeless veterans.

You may have just been getting bad advice and not seeing the right kinds of people up to now. There is help out there, and there is hope for you getting better, no matter how complicated your case may be. You are not beyond help.

OP, if you're in such dire straits you need to think seriously about calling 9-1-1, saying you're suicidal and need help, and getting observation and a referral to someone real who can help you. If you need it, inpatient care is available. That you can't afford it is why it'll be available.

>I can only laugh when I'm in great amounts of pain....its more like the Joker's laugh though....hit me, I laugh, hit me harder, I laugh...I think I am broken.

That's above my pay grade OP. I need to bow out. My advice might do more harm than good. Hopefully some experienced military anons can help you out. Good luck.

This.

It doesn't feel like you can find help - I was there, I really was. I even made a similar thread on Jow Forums about three years ago. I posted some identifiable info in that thread, and a kind user tracked me down, called 911, and I got the help I desperately needed.

I have no idea who that user was, but they saved my life. Now, I am so, so much better off. I had no insurance, but the hospital set me up and I spent nothing on getting the very real help I needed. Now, I have a job (actually helping people out like myself), I am genuinely happy, and really, really wish I could express how much life can be better than it is for you right now.

Please call 9-1-1. Please tell them everything you've told us. They will send help. It's scary, and it feels hopeless and it's not easy, but it is possible, and sometimes that's enough.

If you don't want to call 9-1-1 for whatever reason, call this number instead:
1 800
273 8255

I have complex PTSD, grew up with worthless parents, and so my life is also pretty wrecked. That being said, this seems like another suicide thread crossed with an OP-argues-with-everyone thread.

Restate, if you want things to improve then you'll have to improve on what you're doing (or not doing).

Yeah. Suicide is whack in most cases anyway. We're all going to die, and life can at the very least be exciting if we will it.

>unhappiness or concern
I dont feel that. Just empty. Is empty a feeling? I dont think it is.

>you can get medication help.
To do that, I need to see an expert, I tried, but they just delayed my visit by another 3 months and I cant see anyone else to do sooner.
The office called me the day before my appointment after I waited 3 months, just to say they overbooked and im now waiting 3 more months.

> the more available free mental health care is,

Need to be unemployed for over a year to get that, i cant keep a job longer than a few months at a time. I'm on a waiting list, that just got longer....due to the poor flooding the main offices....this is the soonest i can see someone who can give me meds.

>seriously about calling 9-1-1, saying you're suicidal and need help,
That would just cause the police to come a knocking, and I might just 'knock' back....dont need that. Just a bad idea.

>That's above my pay grade OP. I need to bow out. My advice might do more harm than good. Hopefully some experienced military anons can help you out. Good luck.

Thats what I have been trying to tell the other anons, I have seen people to help with this, but I am so fucked up its above their pay grade....they just end my sessions as it goes more harm than good.

I was only going to try to solve the problem while im on this waiting list to see someone who can give me some form of meds.

>I posted some identifiable info

Wont make that mistake. Last thing I need is police at my door, could make things a lot worse.

>kys hotline
Everyone knows they track your calls, no thanks mr.police.

>OP-argues-with-everyone thread.

Not auguring, just explaining why some advice doesnt work, ive done much of this before..

Attached: IMG_20180402_212421632.jpg (4320x2432, 1.74M)

yes, this is the definition of arguing. it's civil, but it's still you asking for advice and then discounting every bit of advice you get.

Why would you want bad advice, and not give feedback user? Op is not doing anything wrong here. If op has done this stuff before, why not let ppl know so he gets different advice?

I used to do that when I was very depressed and helpless. I just got frustrated because other people had actionable plans and hope, whereas my brain just couldn't wrap around anything like that.

I guess what I needed above all else was a break. From isolation. From bullshit. I pretty much said fuck it and shirked my responsibilities to go do whatever the hell I wanted. Didn't want to kms after that.

It's not bad advice, it's positive and actionable advice. If a person is in a pattern of despair and helplessness for long enough, it can become extremely difficult to imagine anything else.

Alternative therapies like IV ketamine might help.Ayahuasca also has a good track record of helping people with PTSD. Should be taken in conjunction with therapy if possible though.

Sorry for posting so many separate posts.

I was abused by my father and became exactly the way OP is right now. People would tell me to make positive plans, and that there was hope for the future at least being better than the present, but I just didn't see how it was possible. I thought I was ugly, a failure, and that nobody would ever like me. Anyone who told me opposite, I just argued with them, because it was like they were saying that the sky was green.

Homie you need to try therapy. If not formal therapy then try to find a dedicated PTSD community online; you will learn a lot about what is going on with you and strategies to deal with it from a community that understands. Do at least that much and decide where to go from there.

This is what worked for me and I wish I had done something YEARS ago.

>To do that, I need to see an expert, I tried, but they just delayed my visit by another 3 months and I cant see anyone else to do sooner.
>The office called me the day before my appointment after I waited 3 months, just to say they overbooked and im now waiting 3 more months.
Then you need to go to the hospital and tell them you're suicidal and need help. I can't spell it out more plainly for you. You're making excuses for some very minor roadblocks the system is throwing in your way. Like this delay shit. You and I both know you could get in tomorrow SOMEWHERE. Even if you're in Canada and there are actual lines to see every doctor no matter what's wrong with you. You're suicidal. You're a priority.

>If op has done this stuff before, why not let ppl know so he gets different advice?

Because most of the people giving that advice in this thread have been where OP has been, or known someone in OP's position, and can literally SMELL the bullshit when he says shit like "Oh the doctor wouldn't see me for three months, and then rescheduled my appointment to three months later. Guess I'd better just kms!" Those of us who have been in the system or who have worked in the system know it doesn't work like that anywhere, just that OP hasn't been taking his mental illness seriously and has given the impression that he's not having serious problems.

Doctors, nurses, receptionists, etc. cannot tell you're in distress if you don't tell them. That is what OP is doing wrong and he's arguing about why *we're* wrong even though he's never given this shit a proper chance.

>it's positive and actionable advice.

Calling 911 does not help. I am already seeking help for this, but the people I can offard to see at below the level of help I need. Getting police attention would make it worse, as they stick me with the lowest grade person, to "help" and harass me while they do it.

They cant help me. Only someone on a much higher level can...which is why I am on the waiting list, just due to a damn snowday, they decided to make me wait even longer to get to see someone who can give me meds.

>Homie you need to try therapy. If not formal therapy

I have, therapy causes my reaction as well. My therapy has been ended by the therapist because it did more harm than good.

I'm on a 6 month waiting list to see someone who can give me meds for this, no clue if they are on the same level as the help I need but at least I can get meds...

>Then you need to go to the hospital and tell them you're suicidal and need help.
Then they toss you to the free-therapy to try to "help" but as I said, its not the level of help I need. Its well above their paygrade.

> You're suicidal

I'm not, I just dont feel anything anymore. Havnt for a long while.

My gun is just to prove I am the OP, and not some name stealing namefag. >"Oh the doctor wouldn't see me for three months, and then rescheduled my appointment to three months later.
They are backlogged due to poor fucks flooding the office..fucking snowday delayed my appointment and they cant fit me anywhere sooner. Ive seeked out other offices and their waiting list is even longer to see someone who can give meds. Seeing a therapist is easy, seeing someone who can give meds and is on the same level as the help I need....not so much.

>just that OP hasn't been taking his mental illness seriously and has given the impression that he's not having serious problems.

When you have nobody to help, you tell yourself there isnt a problem. I'm awake now.

Attached: IMG_20180402_212430710.jpg (4320x2432, 1.78M)

>Calling 911 does not help. I am already seeking help for this, but the people I can offard to see at below the level of help I need. Getting police attention would make it worse, as they stick me with the lowest grade person, to "help" and harass me while they do it.
>They cant help me. Only someone on a much higher level can...which is why I am on the waiting list, just due to a damn snowday, they decided to make me wait even longer to get to see someone who can give me meds.

You are objectively full of shit at this point, OP. You are not trying. You are lying to us. You are LARPing for fucking attention. And you're posting a picture of a gun getting progressively more and more ready to fire in order to get more attention.

Your kind really makes me fucking sick.

>I'm not, I just dont feel anything anymore. Havnt for a long while.
Okay, then you can fuck right the fuck back off where you came from asshole. You've been intimating you were suicidal for this entire thread, what with your retarded gun pics.

Call 911 does help when there is an emergency. That's why it's called 911 emergency. Some of your observations are correct, but the way you keep discounting everything we say is clearly incorrect, and it's very frustrating, but ultimately you will be the one who suffers for discounting advice in what seems like a critical moment.

Also, give up on the idea of magical help. It seems like right now you are getting no help, because the system sucks. If you just get some help, you will have a chance to pull yourself out of this. If you blow your brains out because you're scared of what happens when the police come, then that is very sad but also natural selection.

You don't have PTSD at all, you fucking fake. I have friends who actually served in Iraq and Afghanistan who actually had shit happen to them that would make you piss your pants.

>LARPing for fucking attention.
user, you know nothing. Just, go away.
> It seems like right now you are getting no help, because the system sucks.

This is correct.

> If you just get some help, you will have a chance to pull yourself out of this.

Get some help, get some help, see someone....do you honestly think i am not doing that user?

> If you blow your brains out because you're scared of what happens when the police come, then that is very sad but also natural selection.
I never said I would kill myself.

You don't have PTSD at all, you fucking fake.
>friends who actually served in Iraq and Afghanistan
I have nothing to say to this. But I must admit, I think its a bit cute you think you can only get PTSD from the military.

Attached: IMG_20180402_212440018.jpg (4320x2432, 1.33M)

That guy probably thinks that having PTSD from something outside of the military is a soybean conspiracy by the liberal SJWs. Most likely he is transitioning into a gay frog as we chat.

>I never said I would kill myself.
Wow, attention whore confirmed. You keep posting a fucking gun with one bullet in it, you faggot.

Well, if you aren't going to kill yourself, you honestly should feign an emergency. These systems are supposed to serve you, not vice versa. You're being too much of a patient goodboy, and you're too ascared of the police.

>only get PTSD from the military.
I don't think that at all. I think YOU are a fraud based on everything you've said in this thread, and YOU are taking away from people who are really suffering by being a fucking scum-sucking faker.

>Wow, attention whore confirmed. You keep posting a fucking gun with one bullet in it, you faggot.
Yep. OP is literally a fucking faggot.

hey buddy can you fuck off? thanks

>PTSD from something outside of the military is a soybean conspiracy by the li
Agreed, but I was once that gay frog...i thought that it was the only way to have it once, but at the time, i thought this was normal...its clearly not, and I'm awake now.

Honestly, I wish i was that naive again, it just got harder recently...

>scum-sucking faker.

If you turly think this user, then just leave. I dont want your attention or anyone elses for that matter. I want to feel again.

Attached: IMG_20180402_212443654.jpg (4320x2432, 1.31M)

He's having trouble getting services for his PTSD, because the system is broken, and he doesn't want to go to into emergency psychiatric care (even though that would fix his problem).

>If you turly think this user, then just leave. I dont want your attention or anyone elses for that matter. I want to feel again.
You've literally rejected all advice in this thread and focused solely on bawwing and posting pics of you loading your gun as though you plan on killing yourself. You are a piece of shit for wasting people's time on this thread who could've been helping someone else who actually needed help. You're literally just venting. Get the fuck out yourself.

>trouble getting services for his PTSD, because the system is broken
this, just so much this. Someone gets it.
Unlike the user below you..
>helping someone else who actually needed help.

Because "i dont need helping" and people wonder why i dont call 911, its dickheads like this who think the people that need help dont need help. Again, go away if thats what you think.

Attached: if-you-cant-make-your-own-neurotransmitters-store-bought-is-fine-20286383.png (500x690, 107K)

>You're literally just venting.
Even if OP is just venting....why the fuck must he 'get out'? Is help only given if hes about to kill himself? If so, the system is beyond broken.

>>>Jow Forumsrules/3
He's literally just venting. Every piece of heartfelt and honest advice he gets is dismissed with a bunch of venting about how unlucky his situation is. Attention whores can get the fuck out.

>Every piece of heartfelt and honest advice
Oh yeah like....

>call 911
>scum-sucking faker.
>you fucking fake.
>friends who actually served in Iraq and Afghanistan who actually had shit happen to them that would make you piss your pants.

Yeah, thats sooo helpful.

Op is having trouble getting help for his PTSD, and this shit isnt helping anyone.

>Yeah, thats sooo helpful.
You need to read the actual thread you idiot. Get the fuck out and stop enabling piece of shit like this OP.

People like this are literally worse than the guy who keeps posting about his felony DUI warrant.

>People like this are literally worse
I dont reach out to people like this, this is the first time I am doing it and most likely the last.

I am not venting, I am not accepting stupid advice either. I am already seeking help for this, I am on a waiting list. Why would i fuck that up with calling 911?

fuck sake, if you think any of my issues are fake, fuck off. i couldnt care less.

Attached: IMG_20180402_212458149.jpg (4320x2432, 1.2M)

>already seeking help; don't need more help
>this is not venting
hmm

>I dont reach out to people like this, this is the first time I am doing it and most likely the last.

Attached: 1516445559005.jpg (649x732, 333K)

>>already seeking help; don't need more help
>>this is not venting
Let me fix that for you

>already seeking help, dont need stupid advice.

>Still seeking help

>still seeking help
You're literally not. You're literally just attention whoring.

>You're literally not.
...
>On six month waiting list
>already seen 4 therapists that couldn't help anymore
>trying to wait it out
>asking for some small forum of help/advice

>get called attentionwhore

seriously, are you blind?

>On six month waiting list
>already seen 4 therapists that couldn't help anymore
>trying to wait it out
>asking for some small forum of help/advice
What the fuck do you think we're gonna tell you, brainiac? Go see a doctor. If you can't wait for your appointment, get one someplace else or ask for it to be bumped up because you're in dire straits. If you're in truly dire straits you check yourself into a psych hospital for an emergency evaluation like you've been told REPEATEDLY in this thread.
You got this advice, which is the RIGHT advice. You fought with the people who gave it to you. Why? Because you just wanted to vent, you didn't want people to go away and not talk to you after your problem was solved. You are literally an attention whore of the same caliber as the guy who posts about his felony DUI.

>can't wait for your appointment, get one someplace else

Already have, its a longer waiting time

> or ask for it to be bumped up because you're in dire straits.

Already did, most I was told, is I may get a call between today and 3 months for a "come right now" session, but they cant say when, as its only when someone is a noshow.

>check yourself into a psych hospital for an emergency evaluation

How do you think i met the first 2 ? ....been there, done that, didnt help. Not gonna do it again. Got anything new?

Attached: IMG_20180402_212540157.jpg (4320x2432, 1.4M)

Do it again or just wait. But you know this already. You knew this before you posted this shit. Which is why this is literally a venting thread.

So do nothing, or repeat a failed step i did twice already.....yeah no thanks, ill pass.

its late, goodnight

Attached: d2aef3e7710f14737744b1770346411a.jpg (717x960, 124K)

Go fuck yourself.

Jesus, OP is a massive faggot in this thread. First he deceives about wanting to kill himself with pics of his gun, then he rejects the only good advice he's gotten because "it didn't work before".

Bitch, you were clearly doing something wrong. Do it again.