How are you holding up lads?

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poorly

>Asking 4chaners, the retards and outcasts of society, how they're doing.

Hahah

Closer and closer to suicide. :)

I'm stressed that I can't find gainful employment

In survival mode and have been for months now

I'm alright user, and you?

Continuing my descent into madness. Paranoia is getting worse, voices are getting louder, meds are not working. Not even afraid of killing myself anymore living is the true terror. Just living not to hurt friends and family.

I think that I realistically have 30 hours before I speak to a counselor and get admitted to hospital. I have danced around it for long enough and pine for some sort of release from life.

My mother kicked me out on Christmas eve and I slept in a train station. Haven't spoken since. My dad still tries to help me, I don't know why. Sister wishes I wasn't alive. Girlfriend of two years broke up with me over wanting to care for herself first, meaning my closest friend is now gone and sees me as surplus to requirements. I have nobody in my life. My dad offered to chip in rent if I need a place to live but I don't know if I can do it to him. I think it would be easier for everyone if I crawled out to the desert someplace and died. That way I could say I was lost.

Studies are a little wonky but I'll make it. Parents will be pissed that I'll need another semester but at least I'm from Germany so its not expensive.
Otherwise everything is fine af. My girl is hot and we fuck like rabbits, great relationship with friends and family and I am in decent shape.
Gonna organise some stuff for uni today, work out with my best friend and play some vidya.
Feels kinda good to write that shit down.

Going back to uni today, have some work to do and prepare for an exam. It's alright I guess, I have a few buddies to mess around/drink with.
I should start working out though, spring is coming so I might start running to get in shape.

Getting a fuckbuddy would be nice, but not a priority.

>trying not to get my hopes up too high over a job interview that went exceedingly well because everyone inevitably turns me down due to needing 1.5 days off out of every 4 weeks for medical reasons
>they all imagine their vacant positions are so incredibly busy that this is an intolerable compromise

I haven't managed to masturbate in a couple of weeks now. It just doesn't work and it frustrates me. Every time I try I just get sad and feel depressed, start crying sometimes. I don't know what to do, I just can't maintain an erection.

I finally love being in my own. It's great. I'm at peak health. I'm only eating healthy food. I smile at people and they smile back. All the girls are beautiful and they don't scare me anymore. I love approaching people. I'm ready for everything. If I get cancer tomorrow, then no problem.

Also, nofap is a meme. I fap every day, sometimes twice. I tried it for two weeks and there was no difference in any way. I felt great with or without it. But I also never watch porn anyway. Maybe that's the problem for some.

cant you just withhold that information until you're employed?

Probation periods say no. I have to go off for treatment once every other week so best case scenario I'd start the job on one week and have a whole week until I had to drop the bomb.

As an employer I would kick someone to the curb just for the dishonesty of that.

Still in the slow down spiraling flow of life. .feel as though my mental health is getting worse, more frequent arguments with myself. .major mood swings, gripped in depression each morning until the othersode of me comes to life an puts on that fake smile. My sex drive has dropped tremendously which has been hard to disguise with my wife. .ive been pushing for group sex, if only to take the pressure off me to preform. The worst part is my being drawn to young girls, this i csn share with noone, no councelor would treat me and keep my name hidden and we all know that. Theres something taking over me from within user i fear that suicide will be my only escape from the pergatory that is this existance. Duely note im slowley giving in. . .im still fighting

Doing great, been married for five months and life has never been better.
I come to this board with the honest intent to help people but there are so many stubborn idiots here that I usually devolve into just being mean.

I don't hold up lads. I hold down women

Trying to fix my sleep schedule and keep trying to learn to code and look for remote jobs on craigslist. I'm still self sabotaging tho

Going on a date with this qt as fuck girl I met in my favorite class. She's gorgeous, and into all of the same stuff as me, and she's funny as hell. I'm nervous but also really excited because we're getting coffee later.

What the fuck, this never happens to me.

>been married for five months and life has never been better

Dude...

It's a never-ending struggle between having to deal with the guilt from being alive while managing the guilt that keeps me from killing myself

So not great

I'll be OK as long as I don't get fired. I need 5 years to do my online courses - maybe 4.

my anxiety is ratcheted up, but i'm doing the best i can with that. i just need to accept that i can't bust my ass and feel great at the same time.

Wishing i had some weed to smoke for later tonight, alas it wasnt meant to be

Also a bit bored

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You can complain about sour grapes all you won't, I'd love to see you desperately try to prove me wrong with literally zero knowledge about me. It's not like every single other bitter Incel hasn't already tried.

really bad
its one of those i envy the dead days

i could really use a friend
but my last friend run away after the last time i lost my shit
and even tho i miss him and i feel bad about what i did i cant appologize because i know i would do it all over again
im in so much pain i cant take it, it seems impossible for someone like me to ever be happy
i miss being 15 and coming home from school with my friends to play some videogames and watch a couple bad movies, it was the only time in my life i was happy
i wish i died back then instead of becoming this

Barely .. long story. It's the kind of tired sleep won't fix. Thanks for asking though

It's okay if you're into cuckolding, I guess.

My head hurts and I feel tired
The last person I could call friend ghosted me since a couple of weeks ago when I replied an older message from him that went unnoticed (I should close that facedumb thing, I don't have a purpose for it anymore)
My current aquaintances don't want to stick around with me and always find excuses to leave.
I blame it on me being as interesting as an empty sack of potatoes when I try to be quiet, being a social retard and perhaps my current worst: having an instinctive mindset that I always fall into: I must always be right when I speak my mind or else I'll feel inferior and humilliated... One of this days I'm gonna snap and cut my vocal chords, or get lobotomized to stop this shit, nothing seems to work against it...
All I really need is a shutdown button, so I don't give more fucks about dumb shit like that and can focus on keeping up and avoiding trouble
Sorry for blogposting once more, I have no one else to vent to, my family, and everyone else really, doesn't deserve any more of this bullshit, I have to find a way to stop