Anons, how do you delete someone from your mind? & How do you stop yourself from reaching out to them?

Time and not having an idle mind.

I cut the contact with that guy months ago, the time doesn't help. Hobbies and work keep me occupied but there are still brief moments when I'm not busy and can't help but think about him. And when it happens I force myself to think about something else, but it doesn't help much because he comes to me in my dreams.

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You can't. It's easy if it's some random thot but if you genuinely love her and feel like she's an interesting person then you won't get rid of her. Everyone who tells you to focus on stuff is a fucking moron because that shit doesn't work. And it doesn't because we don't really want to let go. Nobody in their right mind would want to let go of hope. Hope of being with someone who's better than every other person you've met in your entire fucking life.

Even if she mistreated you in the end, you well know that to that someone she loves, she'll be that qt talkative smart girl.

It's almost amazing how can one girl just destroy a man so easily and make him into a fucking husk. A shell of what he could be. And how the very same girl with just a small bit of attention can make that man into the king of the world.

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>delete from you mind
not possible

>stop from reaching out
reach out really hard and get rejected

>reach out really hard and get rejected
does it really work?

Not him but no. Girls will rarely ever do that. They're always going to leave you just that small "maybe" and your mind, searching for a way in, is going to exploit that hard. You're going to get hopeful anyways really. It's how our brains work. We rarely give up. Especially if you're like someone like me, you're gonna go through a nightmare because you'll try fighting no matter what. Even when she puts you down, you'll get up and look for another way. Relentlessly.

Jesus christ I feel like death can only save me from this now. There's absolutely no way she could be with me and I got to the point where I don't even feel lonely or want other girls. I want HER. HER only. Funny how fucking faithful I am to someone who doens't even so much as respond to me anymore.

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I'm a girl who is trying to forget a guy, so maybe it will work in my case?
Shit, I need something to cure me

Well, for all I know it's easier for girls. But hey, in my case the girl didn't want me after all because she still loved another guy. She was only there with me because I reminded her of him...

I don't know what to tell you.

this is a good point, however the harder you go, the harder it will be for you to trick yourself into thinking there is still a chance, I still think about someone all the time, but it's a little easier now

All depends on you. I'm the type who is extremely persistent in fighting for the things I want. I never got things the easy way so my fucking mind somehow manages to still trick me into thinking there's a way even if CLEARLY there isn't, and it's because I made it so.

Like I said, nothing bar death can save me now.

Just think of how pathetic it is to chase after someone who doesn't give a fuck about you. Shes licking some guys ass while you think of her. Shes sucking his dick while you stalk her social media. Shes texting 10 other dudes while you reach out to her. And I'm not even exaggerating. Woman emotionally distance themselves form their bf before a breakup and have a backup guy lined up, that's why they are so cold while the guy is all hysterical and shit.

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Fuck.. that’s me right now but she always tells me if I kiss her again she’ll feel something for me. How fucked is that, who says that.

Ouch.. I needed to read that. I was slowly moving away from my situation but damn this has nailed it down for me. Treat a hoe like a hoe and get my nut is all I’m going for rn.

>she always tells me if I kiss her again she’ll feel something for me. How fucked is that, who says that.
My girl did that too. She'd even so much as first tell me she wants sex and when I'd offer that she'd say "Wait, user. I don't want to do something I'll regret."

It's as if she was consciously fucking blocking herself from doing that. Jesus christ...

Are you me? I’ve heard the same thing.

I guess girls aren't all that different from each other.

Were you two fwb?

I don’t know what it was.. but I feel like I’m being played or was being played like a sucker.

Well we started as fwb but she pushed for something more. Far more. Then I fell in love, then all of the sudden she was like "wait! you're not him!" and said she doesn't love me. She still cuddled with me at every given occasion but in the end she still told me to fuck off. She couldn't even come up with a fucking reason why.

That said, I still love her. I just wish she wasn't mental, because all that aside, she was pure perfection for me. For ME. Not in general...

>That said, I still love her.

Ha! You guys are fools. You have to understand the key difference between you and woman is your options. She seems so special because you can't get girls of her quality with ease, while girls can get 20 other guys just as good as you like its nothing. You will never be as valuable to her as she is to you because you are easily replaceable, that's why girls can toy with guys and play these stupid games.

time

I know. I'm just one of many. I know that too well, user. They just never fucking pay the price.

She is (was) your high school sweetheart. Everyone had one. You met yours a bunch of years later but the experience is the same. You should be grateful, learn from the experience and move on. Just think of how naive you were before meeting her, you've grown emotionally. The reason you feel like shit is because you yearn that feeling you had when you first met her. Which is not only amplified to a bigger deal than it was (think of it as nostalgia) but the only way you'll get something like that or better again is with someone else. Trying to go back to her is like when a junkie chases that first hit feel. It's gone forever.

Throw out their stuff, drop contact, don't talk about them unless necessary, and when memories come up remember it's gone and done good or bad. Form new memories with the things which were trained. You will still have gay dreams until you find the next one or get a life

This shit doesn't work, user. It just doesn't work.

Only thing that works is a really shitty interaction with her and the realization that the same sweet cute girl is no longer out there. She's gone. Instead you have this insane girl that does nothing but hurt others.

In my case it's that we parted on friendly terms, there is no bad blood... I miss him and I want to talk to him so badly
Fml

Well my oneitis did that same exact thing and ended up hurting me very badly, only because she wanted me to be him.

I have no advice for you. Only way it could ever work is if you parted badly. Try getting back together with him maybe.

Yeah.. I’m not even texting her because I don’t want to go down that road. It seems like it desu.

I don’t this it’s her but women in general, if they are average at best they’ll have many fucks after them. Anyway, I’m healing atm. I thought I could play the game but I couldn’t.

True that.
Joke's on my ex though, I gave her that cold sore herpes thing.

Delete her from social media, etc. and learn to live in pain, also use that leftover love/hate to better yourself.

>Yeah.. I’m not even texting her because I don’t want to go down that road. It seems like it desu.
Well I texted her today and she was mad at me. For no particular fucking reason. I suppose she now made me into someone else again, but this time it's someone she deeply hates for some reason. I didn't do fucking shit to her. I always treated her well like a fucking princess as this goddamn whore keeps treating me like garbage and intentionally misinterpreting everything I say as something negative. I'm seriously fucking done this time. I gave her enough of my trust. Everyone fucking told me to drop her because she crazy and not good for me, but I tried to defy my fate and give her a chance. This is it. I can't do it anymore, after what she did. She will never even see her own fucking mistake in all this. She'll never pay the consequences.

She doesn't deserve to ever be fucking loved or have anyone by her side. She deserves to have her heart broken over and over and over again. That's what girls like her deserve.

There was only one person who mattered to me outside of my family.
>I tried to just not think about her
>I tried drenching myself into alcohol
>I tried to hate her
>I tried to preoccupy myself with hobbies
>I tried to accept the fact that she will never love me anymore

Fuck it, it doesnt work. I can never stop loving her. Its been 10 years, but I havent pursued her, I've moved on to other women. None of which I can love as I did "her".
In time your heart grows out of that first disappointment. Its why those boring adults can still remember their first love.
>a point that has never been as important to girls as it has been to guys
You just wake up into a world that is just dull. and realize that a dull and a boring world, where your best emotions are somewhat faked is the norm to any man.
And that all of us are a bit dead inside.
They might smile, they might function, but all men are broken by girls and women. There is no "true" happiness. Only how you cope.
>this is the point where you see young men shooting their first loves out of jealousy

You just find the second best and settle.
>sex even becomes a chore
>women seem to be readier for it than you are

And you realize that there is no happy ending, only the second best, only a bitter outcome you have to pretend to like.
And it has been so since the time of your fathers.
You're most likely an outcome of your fathers unhappy marriage as well. He produced you out of some force deep down in his genes that forced him to, instead of wanting to have you with a woman he loved.

You, and your kids are mistakes, and such is the unhappy fate of being a man.

Welcome to adulthood.

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This is the worst thing. The fact that adulthood and marriage is often all about settling because you couldn't be with that one person you truly loved. You just do all that to not be completely alone in this world. It's so sad.

Pic very much related

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Wow, I’m sorry she’s fucked you like that.. if she is that devil you make out to be then of course she doesn’t deserve love and I don’t think she’ll find it.

Funny enough, I’m also being told I’m the worst to.. fuck man.. I thought I was alone. We’ll get through it mate, just keep looking elsewhere and be yourself.

>I don’t think she’ll find it.
She will. Look at me, I loved her. I loved her to fucking death. I could legitimately give up everything to be with her at some point. I remember asking myself if I could even give up my beloved car that I saved up so hard for. The answer? YES. And eventually I crashed it hard, in a totally random set of events. I thought that maybe it was God's sign that now that I gave up the car, I can be with her. It wasn't. I have no car and I have no her now. Fuck my life.

She wasn't the devil really. When I met her she was the best and kindest person on earth. I wish I could bring back that girl. But she changed. First she changed into an undecisive slut that used others, but I was willing to let it go if she would learn her lesson (which she did). I believe in second chances. Then she turned out into this. She's a fucking monster now. So far from that cute girl I knew back then. All in a matter of just few months.

All I could do was to stand and watch. And take all the blame.

>Woman emotionally distance themselves form their bf before a breakup and have a backup guy lined up, that's why they are so cold while the guy is all hysterical and shit.
Is there anyway to avoid this? How does a man prevent this from happening? Does he have to beat the guy senselessly to near-death in order for evolution to be on his side?

This is usually the fault of the man though. You can have options like woman if you just step your game up. Settling is for the weak, you have to become valuable enough for the woman you want. Even then you could get cucked, but at least you'd have options.

That's just tough guy talk. You can have pussies to fuck, yeah but it's not about just a girl, it's about THE girl. And even if you were a Chad, you may never every find another girl like that one in a million that you're lost. You may date your way through hundreds of girl and never find one like it. Eventually you'll settle. And she'll settle too. It's the way of life.

No, there is no way to avoid this.

You aren't happy with yourself and you weren't happy before her. She was a means to fill the void in your soul, a crutch to get through life not unlike a heroin addiction. If you ever want to truly be in a fulfilling relationship, it can't be based on attachment. In fact, you have to be completely free of attachment to her, like a Zen monk. She will not be able to get away from you because she knows that you will simply not be effected if she leaves, and she also knows that very few guys live in this sort of state, it is the true Alpha mindset. Getting to this point is full of pain, though. I'm not there, but I've felt glimpses of it.

I'm this post
How many women do you think I went trough in the dizzy state I got from being abandoned by her?
I lost count after 50.
>both one night stands and longer relationships
>time before tinder was even a thing
The capacity to care died when she left. And even if she came back, I couldnt trust her, because she betrayed me once already by leaving.
There is no amount of material wealth, emotional comfort you can give to another, no amount of adventure or curiosities you can provide.

I do get the tough guy wibe people put on. But that usually comes from never truly being in love in the first place.

>You aren't happy with yourself and you weren't happy before her.
Of course. Doesn't take a genius to tell that.

>She was a means to fill the void in your soul, a crutch to get through life not unlike a heroin addiction.
Not exactly. There were girls before her and they were... boring. Yeah I was looking for a relationship but whenever I'd actually meet a girl, she'd turn out to be boring and meh. I would grow attached, yeah but parting with her wouldn't really hurt me much. And then I met this one girl who was so much different. So much better.

>If you ever want to truly be in a fulfilling relationship, it can't be based on attachment
I don't want to be in such relationship. I don't see a point of being with someone when you're not attached. You can't even really say you're "with" someone if you're not attached.

>She will not be able to get away from you because she knows that you will simply not be effected if she leaves, and she also knows that very few guys live in this sort of state, it is the true Alpha mindset.
This is actually correct. There's already this one girl in my life who I'm not attached to at all (because I'm still attached to the previous girl) and she's legitimately doing her absolute best to be with me. I don't give a shit about this girl desu but she's falling head over heels tobe with me. I've never seen a girl this thirsty after me really.

But the whole fucking point is that since I'm not attached, I don't want her. In fact, I'm well aware that the second I invest myself, she'll fucking no longer be attached and will leave me. Dumb fucking cunts only like a guy when they can't have him. I'm so fucking sick of women. I swear I'm just so sick of them. Women and their fucking games.

>Is there anyway to avoid this?

You have to pay less attention to your gf, focus more on self improvement, family, and finding new social circles. Its weird, but girls get bored with guys once they've conquered his heart and he begins to become attached to her. You have to realize that you will always be in direct competition with every other male on the planet. Giving her attention doesn't give you any advantage over other guys because anyone could give her that, you keep your girl by being a catch at all times and never letting her or yourself get too comfortable. Always live your life in a way that makes it clear to your girl you can replace her, that drives them nuts and puts them in competition mode.

Even this isn't full proof, sometimes you guys just won't be compatible or she'll meet a guy who shits on you in every way,but the most important thing to develop is the ability to let go of a female, no matter how much you like her.

>I do get the tough guy wibe people put on. But that usually comes from never truly being in love in the first place.

When all else fails, simply realize that you are being an illogical pussy. It makes no sense to care so much for a woman who no longer cares for you, especially when you have family that would kill for you. YOU made the mistake of allowing your feels to overcome you, you foolishly fell for the love meme and now you have to pay the price like the junkie who tried heroin.

I can't take it anymore anons
I think I will text him tonight

>And even if she came back
At least she fucking did in your case. In my case she's gone. Out. Forever. Never coming back.

You don't get to fucking choose who you love, user. It doesn't work like that. It's not like trying drugs. Love is a drug, but you can never know when you truly fall in love. What you're suggesting is to keep trying heroin and just hope you never get hooked on it.

Fucking do it. Stop being a fucking pussy and do it. Either you get a good result or end it forever. It's better than what you're going through now.

She came back, I sent her packing.
I wont be a subject to her whims.

A decision I am happy I made. But I am continuously nauseus remembering.

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There was this girl that I knew a long time ago. Describing how large of an impact she had on my life is difficult. I suppose it was one of those, "infatuation at first sight" things. It was during highschool, and I'd just opened the door to the cafeteria. The table I'd usually sat at was near the door I'd entered, and an unfamiliar voice hit me. This girl was sitting at our table, and she stuck out like the sorest of thumbs. I'd never been struck so hard by anybody in my life. I couldn't even process anything else, I just wanted to leave, but my friend had dragged me back in. Couldn't talk or anything, so I just tried to pretend I was sleeping so they'd ignore me. Well, that might've been the worst thing I could've done. My first words to this person were pretty interesting. I'd told her to shut up. I've always been quiet and reserved, so everybody at the table had found it rather funny. In a way I guess I hadn't realized, there was a feeling then that isn't much different that I feel now. I'd heard she was just visiting from another school. I was quite relieved to hear this of course, but at the same time, sad. They were a very interesting person, not afraid to speak their mind no matter how blunt. I remember every detail of that day, even the clothes we were wearing.

The problem is... That was 9 years ago now, and really, I feel no different. However, life is very different now. A bit has happened over the years. I've realized many things, not the least bit being that in reality, the person that I fell in love with no longer exists in the same capacity that they once did. They've become even more special, and unique, but also a stranger.

It's going to be a sad story, and I'm going to have regrets. As much as I might've wanted to forget it ever happened at certain points in my life, I know I could never allow myself to do that. This event was significant, and nothing will ever change that. I will die feeling the same way. Yet, I'm okay with that.

In a comforting way, the past is certain. I might've screwed up, and things may not have ended up the way I wanted, but it doesn't matter. I have no obligations to those memories anymore.

This is just... life. The only thing I can change of the world is how I perceive it.

old post, but relevant to my situation.
>I have done this, and it is bloody effective. >However, the guy is my bf's best friend, who lives out of town. And he likes us to all hang out together when hes back in town. I just flat out said no after going 22 days without talking to the friend. Then, the following day, the friend just shows up where were hanging. My bf had invited him.
>I think it would be more selfish for me to ruin their friendship by revealing my crush.
>nothing has happened, nor will it, i like my bf very much, there is just something about the friend that i have been fighting for a year not to act upon. Hating myself for the feeling.
> I've considered breaking up with my bf, and did go on a break, but i do like him genuinely, which is why i decided it makes sense to just cut off the friend
>I am at a loss for how to stay away from the friend when he keeps getting dragged into conversations and hang space

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In my experience, absence makes the heart get over it. If you're not actively seeing them or talking to them then you just eventually forget and get on with your life.

It helped for me because she wasn't really active on social media and neither am I, so thee was less exposure to be worried about. And now I actually only see her once a year near Christmas with friends. First time I was fucked and depressed about it all over again after a few drinks. Last year it wasn't even that bad. It gets better.

Time and distance.

hm

So whats the solution?

Don't. All you are doing is digging in the wound. If he gives a shit then he would reach out to you . The one who did the breaking up has to be the one who wants to start it back up since they were the one who wanted to end it.

I feel you user. I think about her almost everyday. I have fucking dreams constantly about her and us getting back together. But that will never fucking happen. So I just let those thoughts pass through my mind and keep going about my day.

I can't stop those feelings or thoughts. I just be with them and let them flow or run their course. No sense in struggling with them.

The things I'd fucking do to have her come back. It's funny how people like you, who can just tell the girl to fuck off, actually get her to come back, whereas me, a guy who'd do anything for her to come back, will never have her back.

There is none.

Not true. It's only gonna make you forget the bad things, because if you truly loved her, you still will. You'll still remember fondly all the good moments between you two.

I can't believe that after all those moments she managed to just wipe them away and tell me with a straight face "user I don't see you in my future".

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You don't understand, user. A relationship based on attachment is doomed to fail or end in unhappiness for one or both parties. I had my relationship like the one you're lamenting over and she cheated on me. I was a drug addict at this time and wasn't the guy she fell in love with; I was unhappy, had low self-esteem, and the drugs were a symptom. It hurt me more than any other pain I've experienced in life, and yet I fooled myself into believing that we could work through it, that I just needed to get off the dope. I did at first, but the pain of being betrayed didn't exactly motivate me to stop. I continued, but tried showing her more attention and focusing on the little things.

She eventually started messaging a guy on Instagram who lived in Washington. She always wanted to live in the mountains and she became infatuated with him. She wanted to break up with me and move over there for him. I tried to explain to her that this was delusion, that she had no idea if this was going to work out, that she was in love with a fantasy in her head. None of it got through. It wasn't until she refused to post a picture with me out of fear that he would see it...that's when I hit my breaking point.

I broke down in my bathroom and literally hit rock bottom. But something happened that I didn't know existed within me. All of my emotions intensified, my depression, my hatred, my fury to the point where my body was shaking. And then...nothing. She was nothing to me. My attachment towards her broke in that instant. I returned to her with a blank demeanor and told her to leave. And for the first time in a year, she made an effort to save our connection. She begged and pleaded and I sat there, looking at her with pity for having been so deluded. But there was no more sadness, or at least I didn't perceive it as something that "I, myself" am enduring. It was just a process of the current experience before me. I have never felt such inner strength in my life, user.

check out reddit/r/exnocontact

pretty good sub filled with people like you

Beautiful. Thanks for sharing, user. Had a similar encounter with first and third GF, unfortunately, still getting over my second GF.

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And it was when I regained this strength that she found her love for me again. When she saw that I did not rely on her for happiness, but that it was all within me. When she realized that I wouldn't give a shit if she left. This is when she finally fell for me again. This is the strength women crave, anything else will repulse her and she'll look for it in others.

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Wait so she didn't go with the washington dude and then try to get back with you?

No, she was literally just in love with the fantasy of him. She was looking for any other dude who would give her attention besides me because I became so weak-willed in being enthralled in her. That moment changed me forever. She went through a long state of depression. Meanwhile, I was hitting the gym and got off the drugs as well as abstaining from porn. For the first time in my life, I felt confident. Other women suddenly became interested in me, but I literally didn't care at all. I saw through the game and what they were trying to do, albeit in a slightly bitter way, and refused to give them even an inch of myself. This obviously makes women want you even more, but this stage of my life was a thot-free zone.

I won't drag this story on any longer, but will say that we did end up back together after some time. Since then, I have no suspicions of her going behind my back with another person/ Why? Because I will drop her in an instant and she knows that. The only reason I gave her another chance is because I recognized how weak-willed my past self was and didn't blame her for not being attracted to a drug addict.

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I respect your right to not want to continue with the story, but I'm sure the people who have read, replied, and lurked all seem very interested. You've built up a bit of an audience, if you want to continue then by all means, it's not a drag at all.

Regardless, truly fascinating, and I'm glad you got your shit together

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What a story. Did it never occur to you that she was just crazy? She wasn't attached to you, user. Women take so much longer and harder to get attached to a man.

All proper relationships are based on mutual attachment.

Been there. It's not good.

Only if they still look at you and see you. She's the type that will never have a problem finding another guy. She could literally change men weekly. And she's very good at telling herself she's the only correct person in the world and she can very easily antagonize someone in her head.

>No, she was literally just in love with the fantasy of him.
I've seen this shit happen too. She met this guy before me but had to leave the country. It was good with him and she still had this fantasy of him how perfect he is and how perfect life with him would be. I was out there, though. I tried to be as perfect of a boyfriend to her as possible, but no. She still preferred the other guy.

I appreciate it user, though there's not too much more to say. We eventually began talking as friends again and she was doing a lot better. I still hadn't slept with or even pursued another girl because I was happy with myself for the first time. I eventually ran into a former coworker at a bar and we went back to her place. I was going with it at first, but right before we had sex, I realized that I didn't even want to do this. I wanted a partner, not a girl who was willing to fuck me after visiting for an hour at a bar. The look on her face when I left still makes me feel a bit guilty.

I called my ex the next day and asked if she wanted to meet up and we hit it off like our first date years before. The spark that we thought we had lost was rekindled, but this time, I fully recognized that at some point, I will lose her. If not due to relationship struggles, then death will at some point take her or I. In recognizing this, we were able to have a much higher appreciation for the present moment with each other.

I've also realized that the honeymoon phase is essentially the point in the relationship where things are so new that you're both grounded in the present with each other. Over time, your thoughts start building up about the other person and both parties bring baggage in. This is what makes or breaks a relationship: are you willing to break down the walls of separation that you both build and reach a mutual understanding, and can you do this whilst maintaining your independence instead of clinging onto the other person for dear life? This, in my experience, is the secret.

Throughout your journey, were there any specific pieces of literature or books that you would recommend?

>All proper relationships are based on mutual attachment.
You're exactly right, but you must be mindful of this attachment, do not become a slave to it. Nothing will repel women quicker than that.

>Only if they still look at you and see you.
Sure, but also realize that if you attain this sort of personal freedom, you will not view her as the only one for you, the one who got away. Epictetus says that suffering is caused by the inability to discern what one can control and influence. Attaining this sort of mindset is painful because it requires that you let go of things that you cannot control, i.e. this woman.

In short, you have to surrender to the will of the universe. If you cannot control this woman's desire towards you, then you must let go. After all, the only way she'll ever be attracted to you again is if you do attain this independence. So if it's meant to be, then it'll happen, but the only way that's possible is if you embark on this personal quest, which creates a paradoxical loop because if you reach that state of mind, you will not care whether or not she comes back to you which is the only way she will ever come back to you anyways.

Women aren't attracted to Chad solely because of his physical appearance. The physique is merely a symptom of the mindset, and the specific aspect of this mindset that they're attracted to is what I'm describing: non-attachment and independence. It keeps women on their toes and makes them feel special if he decides to pursue them.

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Alan Watts "The Book on the Taboo of Knowing Who You Are" changed my entire perception of reality and gave way to this sort of thinking. But to be honest, the most influential were my few experiences with LSD. You have all of the answers within yourself. No, I'm not giving you some mystical new-age woo advice. I literally mean that you can figure out every aspect of you and what may be troubling you by lying in bed and opening a dialogue with yourself. Your entire sense of self, your identity, is a collection of thoughts you've acquired over your lifetime and that is it. It is not what defines you. When you open a dialogue with yourself, as if you're asking for advice, there will appear to be two parts of you: the "you" as know by yourself, and that which rests behind all of this, that is nothing but an observing "base" consciousness. This observer understands every part of you though, and you will see this if you try and tell yourself a lie, if you try and justify an action you know is wrong. This is a form of meditation and I do it every time I face a difficult decision. It may not seem effective at first, but you have to put trust in that over time, you will build an honest connection with yourself. Once you're truly honest with yourself, when the observer and the ego merge into one collective identity (or experience), then you have attained the mindset. Keep in mind, however, that it's not a fixed state. You will fall in and out of it, but the more you stay in touch with your self, the more you will flow through life like water.

Sorry if this is hard to understand, I probably explained it badly. Truth be told, nobody has asked me to explain this sort of thing before.

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>I called my ex the next day and asked if she wanted to meet up and we hit it off like our first date years before. The spark that we thought we had lost was rekindled, but this time, I fully recognized that at some point, I will lose her. If not due to relationship struggles, then death will at some point take her or I. In recognizing this, we were able to have a much higher appreciation for the present moment with each other.
This is a wet dream of mine. It's never going to happen. I tried reaching out, hoping that we could start over but she was still so mad.
>"I don't see you in my future, user"
>okay, can we at least exchange a few messages?
>"I doubt it"
>why not? What's wrong?
>"I just don't want to"
>"There never was or ever will be anything between us, user"
So much for her ever coming back. It's over

>Attaining this sort of mindset is painful because it requires that you let go of things that you cannot control, i.e. this woman.
I let go of so many things in my life, user. I wanted to actually not let go this one fucking time. Just this one time to try and actually save the whole thing from falling. I see her as the one because she has features unlike any other woman I met in my life. There was this internal feeling inside me, this chemistry between us. I just wish she wasn't crazy.

>In short, you have to surrender to the will of the universe.
I realized it myself. I cannot change my fate. I tried, I always fight so hard against the reality but I realized that no matter what you do, you just can't change the course of events. There is no God.

>So if it's meant to be, then it'll happen, but the only way that's possible is if you embark on this personal quest, which creates a paradoxical loop because if you reach that state of mind, you will not care whether or not she comes back to you which is the only way she will ever come back to you anyways.
I was so scared to let go. I still am. Why let go if I still love her? Will I love her if she comes back? Will she come back? Now I know she won't so I can just let it all go. I didn't want it to end the way it did.

>they're attracted to is what I'm describing: non-attachment and independence
I know... She was attracted to me so long as I didn't care. I fucked up by first confessing to her, and then doing it for the second time. This other girl, right now she's in my life, I don't want her. I don't fucking want her at all, because I want the previous girl. And she's head over heels into me. It makes me fucking sick. I don't even want to attempt to pursue her because I know how it'll end.

Me, fell asleep :)

You’ll find better, all we can do is hope for that. There will be women on the same emotional level as us and hoes. It’s just about finding the first and that’s the hard part.

having been hurt does not fucking make it ok to lead somebody else on, fuck

I know.

Though she's been leading on someone else too. It's a shitty fucking cycle of loving someone else than the person who loves you.

Still, even though this girl is doing the same shit and I'm broken, I do not have the intention to lead her on and fuck with her. I couldn't control it though and she fell in love with me even though all we did was just talk.

Love yourself first and be selfish.

Stop being needy and start working on your goals and what you want out of life.

Yes, I get it; you really loved this girl and it's like a death. Let me tell you something; everyone in this world is replaceable. Does that sound cold? Well it's true; you might think this girl was the best thing that ever came into your life; however, I can tell you that there's another one even better than her out there waiting for you. You need to first work on yourself though and build up your confidence. It's time to take care of yourself and rise out from the ashes. Start building the life you want and stop being needy and these things will come into your life.

ghchhsjjxhfhfSTOP TRYING TO JUSTIFY IT fuck the cycle doesn't perpetuate unless you let it, there is enough pain in this world already you are literally feeling plenty of it yourself firsthand, why would you want to increase it further and spread it?

I want to break the cycle, user. Do you think I don't? I'd love it to break by me being with the girl I love, but I'm not going to be with this one girl that is in love with me.

Which is why I'm going to straight up tell that girl I want nothing close with her. I doubt it will work but I will. I'm sick of women at this point anyway.

I was actually trying to get her to be with that other guy who loves her, but she's blind and has feelings for me instead. Poor guy he is.

>Love yourself first and be selfish.
Good advice

>Stop being needy and start working on your goals and what you want out of life.
Also good advice.

>everyone in this world is replaceable
Not true. You may never find another person like her in your life. You will settle for someone, just like someone will settle for you. It's sad really.

>Do you think I don't?
it sounded like it
>Which is why I'm going to straight up tell that girl I want nothing close with her.
thank you

Every time you think of them slice your dick with a butcher knife

dank

No, you're fine.

I'll take out the book from my library, I most likely won't do LSD but I'll certainly take a read from Alan. Thanks user.

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My gf asked me today if I ever experienced one-sided love. I have been in love with another girl for some time now, but fuck if I can tell her that.
I hoped it would disappear over the winter, with no-contact, but it haven't helped yet.
>plsmakeitstop.jpg

You grow the flip up and realise that every man and woman turns into a frustrating cow. That's why I don't understand infidelity. It's just chasing the dragon. If you're lucky, you have at best an agreeable roommate in a few years time. If not, you have someone who's adulterous, irresponsible, avaricious, or any combination thereof. And I've been married twice, I'm almost 40.

You know you have to accept r
the roles and can become an awesome dude right ? it's true that girls have it easier but only as long as both are lowlifes.

>Why let go if I still love her? Will I love her if she comes back?
The only way to truly love someone is to let them go (in a metaphorical sense). But do you know what the true nature of love is as distinct from attachment? True love is unconditional and is not bound to one single person. The smile you give to a lady at the grocery mart is the same love you experience with your girlfriend at it's core. It is recognizing yourself in every other Being. Intimate relationships throw a curveball at this though. It breaks down all barriers of separation you have built and forces you to accept that something other than yourself is fundamentally real. The ego clings to this feeling, to this girl in your case, because it is the closest you have ever felt to yourself. This is what I mean when I say you're using her to fill the void. There actually is no void, it is a byproduct of your unhappiness with yourself, and you are clinging to her because she represents the connection you're missing with yourself.

So then, if you truly love her, you must let her go and wish her the utmost happiness. The reason it's obvious that this is mostly attachment-based is because you have a self-centered way of looking at it. You haven't said much about how you wish she is happy at the end of the day, you've only said how badly you wish she would come back to you. But maybe going back to you isn't what's best for her, at least right now. You have to accept this or you will live in this perpetual sorrow forever, user.

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I fucking miss her guys. She was perfect. We were talking about marriage, we fucking had a name for our child. 4 Years down the drain. I still love her so much.

>There is no God.
Are you sure about that, user? I'll borrow some Alan Watts here, since it sounds like your nihilism contributes to your suffering. There is a higher force that turns the gears of the entire universe. This higher force encompasses everything, including yourself. What you do is what the whole universe is doing at the place you call Here and Now. You are something the whole universe is doing in the same way that a wave is something the whole ocean is doing. The real you is not a puppet which life pushes around. You are a piece of the universal quilt, and are thus just as much "God" as a rock is.

You may shrug this off, but ask yourself this: What will it be like to go to sleep and never wake up? It's one of the great wonders of life. If you think long enough about that, it will pose then next question: What was it like to wake up after having never gone to sleep? That was when you were born. You can't have an experience of nothing; nature abhors a vaccum, so after your death, the only thing that can happen is the same sort of experience as when you were born.

In other words, we all know very well that after people die, other people are born. And they're all you; but you can only experience it one at a time. Everybody is "I", you all know you're "You", and wheresoever beings exist across all galaxies, it doesn't make any difference; you are all them. And when they come into being, that's YOU coming into being.

Don't you see how ridiculous it is that you're looking for happiness in another, when at your core, you are the same blank, "base" consciousness? All other differentiation is an illusion of the mind.

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Bullshit. If I love a girl, I'd jump into a fucking fire to save her, without being scared or caring what happens to me. With a grocery girl I couldn't give half a fuck whether she burns or not.

There is no God. I'm willing to believe that Devil exists though. And he's only there to fuck with us. Or with me at least. And to deceive everyone that "God" exists.

>There is no God. I'm willing to believe that Devil exists though. And he's only there to fuck with us. Or with me at least. And to deceive everyone that "God" exists.
There's this strange truth to the story of Adam and Eve living in blissful ignorant paradise, only to find suffering after gaining the fruit of knowledge.

I'm not seeing your point here.

Not OP but in similar situation. First and only GF broke up with me a little over a year ago. We dated for 4 years (21-25). Absolutely in love from day one, were great together, best friends. We moved in together right as we started our careers and shit went south. GF couldn't handle living away from parents and taking care of herself as well as the 9-5 grind of life. She got super depressed and decided it was because "she realized she just isn't a relationship person" so she broke it off and moved back home.

I can't get over her. I've tried so many times. I've blocked her on all social media, I've drowned myself in my career and hobbies and friends. I've tried to meet new girls even been on a few dates. But god above does it just not work. I dream about her still. Any time I see anything that reminds me of her or of us I die a little inside. Lately its just been getting harder. The more time goes by the worse it seems to get because I realize at almost 27 now all the good girls are starting to get married and I've had my one chance with a girl as great and as beautiful as her. I've never met anyone that I clicked with on every level that was as smart and as driven as her and interesting. Even though from an outside look it would seem like i have my life together, great job, lots of friends, hobbies, good shape. All of it feels dull and pointless. And its not just her, I miss her family so fucking much. Her mom and dad were so wonderful to me, her little cousins were cute as fuck. Her whole family had assumed we'd get married and I was ok with that(hell she told me multiple times she wanted to marry me once we were more financially secure)

And worst of all there was no fight, no falling out. We still have mutual friends so I know that she's just doing the same stuff we did before. We're still the exact same people and just as compatible. In my mind I can't escape this constant thought of "why can't we try and just work this out?" but she's convinced herself she's asexual and never wants a relationship ever again and its basically because she's afraid to face the real world.

I just want to feel good again. But once you've had your dream life and then had it ripped away everything turns to ash in your mouth. And even after a year of searching I've never met a girl as pretty and cool as her.