So on a friend level I really hit it off great with this girl the past few days and she has really peaked my interest. Well as it turns out she has a fiance and now I don't really care to keep that mask up.
Do I straight up tell her, or just get busy with my own shit, and get on with my life without dropping it?
By telling her I mean all cards on the table just say, hey I thought there was something, my mistake.
>By telling her I mean all cards on the table just say, hey I thought there was something, my mistake.
No, don't do this.
Just get on with your life dude.
not to initiate anything, but for closure. is it bad?
>just get busy with my own shit, and get on with my life without dropping it
Whenever you have to ask and one of the options is this, then this is the answer. I'm not kidding, I'm not being a dick, I'm not trying to troll you. I'm being deadly serious. If you have to ask, and "just get on with my life" is on the table, always ALWAYS pick "just get on with my life."
>closure
Yes it's bad. It doesn't work like that and doesn't give closure. Moving on is a far better strategy for closure.
You might be right.
I just think there is an aspect of owning up to it. For me to just disappear after having a great time after she indirectly mention that she has a fiance makes it bloody obvious though, and to play it off slow is just false to me. I don't know, it just seems funny to me.
yeah this I can get behind. Should I just be a dick and get too busy to keep up?
Yeah, wanting closure is not justification for being an asshole. The girl is in a relationship and it would be a real dick move to inappropriately lay all of your feelings on her like that just for your own piece of mind. Move on.
>I just think there is an aspect of owning up to it. For me to just disappear after having a great time after she indirectly mention that she has a fiance makes it bloody obvious though, and to play it off slow is just false to me. I don't know, it just seems funny to me.
You're overthinking it. People get busy. I mean, the reason she indirectly mentioned she has a fiance was almost certainly to make sure you weren't getting the wrong idea.
Eh, it's not even being a dick. Just be busy with other people and other things. She's probably not gonna be texting you a whole lot, and if she does, eh. Do what you do when there's a guyfriend texting you all the time that you don't have time for.
Hey, I don't see it like that. But point taken.
only problem is we just initiated like 3 or 4 small projects, so I think it's kind of hard not being a dick about it.
like practice this, play that, do this
Are they for school or work? If so, be professional. If not, just get too busy. You don't want to be dealing with her on a friends basis if you're that into her and can't handle it.
Really, it's just a matter of being busy. Don't feel badly about it. The girl doesn't want you wasting your time on her either.
It doesn't matter what you see it like. You'd be doing something you know is inappropriate for the sole purpose of giving yourself this arbitrary "closure". You'd be acquiring this "closure" at her expense. She already told you she was in a relationship so bringing up your feelings for her is basically telling her "Hey, I know you told me you're in a relationship but I'm going to ignore that and spill my feelings on you anyways because my closure is more important". All of this occurs, of course, while the obvious choice exists to just respect her relationship, leave her alone and deal with your unresolved feelings on your own without dragging anyone else into it.
>You'd be doing something you know is inappropriate
I don't though. I think clarity can be a very good thing. But I get what you're saying, and if laying it onto her is a bad thing to do then I get that. I think you got the wrong impression of me.
Hey thanks, I think this is on point.
>Hey thanks, I think this is on point.
Glad to help. Believe me, I've been in your position plenty of times when I was younger. It's never easy, and "confessing" for closure was always a bad move. I did it plenty of times. I only ever felt better about a crush once I learned to just move on.
>I don't though. I think clarity can be a very good thing.
Ok, but you're misunderstanding the part where this clarity is only for you. She's already told you that she is about to be married but you'd be making a conscious choice to ignore her wishes and the sanctity of her relationship to have an inappropriate romantic conversation with a nearly married woman for the sake of your clarity. Its troubling me that you're not understanding this.
>I think you got the wrong impression of me.
This doesn't have anything to do with my impression of you. This is the reality of the situation. You know she's in a relationship but you don't care because you somehow think that getting the closure and clarity you want from her is more important than respecting her boundaries. Its good that you're not planning on going through with this but it isn't good that you struggle so much with this concept.
No that's the thing. I don't really care for me, I actually meant closure for her, like why I would just up and go. If you read the other conversation here you might see what I mean.
Why I struggle with the concept might be why I'm here asking for advice.
Anyway, thanks for your input on the matter.
I appreciate it.
>I actually meant closure for her, like why I would just up and go.
Oh. Jeez.
Yeah OP, don't mindfuck yourself like that. You're just a guy, probably not even that close a friend. She's not gonna be that hurt over you flaking out. You just got busy.
Seriously, it is REALLY cringey when someone goes through a long spiel at you to explain why they can't hang out with you anymore out of the blue.
I think I get where you're coming from OP - you don't want to disappear without an explanation. Laying your feelings on her/confessing makes it sounds like you're putting pressure on her and making things awkward, but personally I don't think it'd be inappropriate to be honest and say "this has been fun but honestly I was looking for something different/more. Best of luck to you and your fiance in the future though!" or something with that sort of meaning.
>I don't think it'd be inappropriate to be honest and say "this has been fun but honestly I was looking for something different/more. Best of luck to you and your fiance in the future though!" or something with that sort of meaning.
See, I can kinda see this as being okay, but I think it's a bit meh myself because it has some finality to it. It's not quite as bridge-burney as some other stuff people suggest, but I think it kinda forecloses becoming friends in a year or two after you find someone else to focus on.
But I'm not quite as dead set against this as I am OP's original suggestion.
You have a fair point. Also if I were her I might be a little taken aback that OP suddenly didn't want anything to do with me because he was only after the V.
Maybe just telling her that other shit has come up and your priorities need to shift so now isn't the best time to work on things with her (if you were seriously planning stuff rather than just throwing out ideas without commitment) is the best way to keep your options open if you don't want to burn bridges
Not OP but in a similar situation.
Have a coworker that I've liked for a year or so and started moving into friendlier territory when she hit me with "I'm going to see my bf now".
Guess that I should call it quits at this point? How awkward till it be going back to work and seeing her every day after that?