Depressed gf

Everytime my gf has bad grades / something goes wrong, she gets super depressed for about a week or two. Normally this doesn't bother me (much). But I do find it very immature to get so depressed over a bad grade.
Last week it happened again along with an interview that she didn't get the job for. It's been a week since she is down and canceling every chance we get to see each other, and when we do, she doesn't want to be touched, doesn't want to talk, or anything so it's not really a good time. This time though, she is going over the top, last night I sent her a meaningful text telling her I love her and I feel lucky to have met her and be with her and this is the answer I got (pic related).
What the fuck am I supposed to do about this?
She starts thinking so low about herself and saying shit like this. I know she is way better than she thinks she is but it is impossible for her to realize that.

>inb4 leave her
I do not want to leave her, I love her. When she is not in this state of mind it is actually really enjoyable and it's a great relationship.

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> But I do find it very immature to get so depressed over a bad grade.

Okay, you can start by learning how depression works.

Be more supportive. Talk to her. Tell her her worth isnt defined by grades or whatever, encourage her to improve, let her know YOU are concerned and you want her to succeed. Ask her about the source of her depression, how she feels, what would make her feel better.

just fuckin talk to her

Hello friend. I understand what you are saying, but keep in mind I've already tried that before. This is not the first time it has happened. Every time I try to reassure her that she is an amazing person and smart. She just discards anything I say and only believes that she sucks at everything, no matter how many time I tell her or how hard I try. For example, that first picture I sent. The message before that was min and I was telling her how good she is and how lucky I feel to know her and well... she replies like she did in the picture.
At this point I don't know what to do. Talking doesn't work and I don't want to break up.
Do I just sit it down and wait until she becomes happy again in two or three weeks?

give her empathy and compassion you fucking cunt

have you tried listening to her and not telling her how she should feel or think?

...

Fucking this

I would love to listen to her and what is making her feel that way, actually I want her to talk to me but she never wants to talk because she starts crying. I tell her what it's okay to cry, but she still doesn't want to talk about anything related to her feelings. It's like she closes herself off to any kind of help to punish herself, if that makes sense.
I have never told her that she should feel happy or anything of the sort. I've told her that she is worth more than she thinks and that she is an amazing person.

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How the fuck do you want me to give her empathy when all she does is
>Don't worry baby it's just a grade, you'll do better next time
>No that is what you said last time, I am stupid and suck at everything
>You are not stupid at all
>Yes I am you deserve someone better

Please tell me what I need to say. Nothing works. She barely talks when she is in this state and it scares me now even more because of what she said in the first pic. Like fuck man. I just want to help her feel better and feel better about herself but I don't know how. nothing seems to work

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Had someone like this but she was pretty suicidal, best thing you can do is be really supportive, try seeking some type of Therapy for her depression, don't get angry at her,good luck I hope you guys do well.

it's totally useless any kind of compliment u give to her. just give ur presence and support. show her that she can talk with u whenever she wants and feel comfy for that.
don't blame yourself for that, and learn how depression works.

do not wear yourself out. besides you getting tired will make her feel worse by seeing you frustrated.
You chose to stay with someone who is neuropathic.
learn how it works !! or u will become one too

Jesus christ too many women on this board

I didn't know my boyfriend posted on this board. :(

>You shouldn't feel lucky because you could have someone much better

Exactly. Fuck this type of behaviour. Reply back with

>you know what, you're absolutely right. I should be with someone who isn't an emotional rollercoaster

But you won't.

She'll either stop talking like that or you'll pursue other women worth your time

This isnt empathy. You cant tell someone with depression to cheer up, you cant tell someone with anxiety to calm down.

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This is the only acceptable answer. You're not an emotional tampon for your significant other. If a parent died or some other traumatic experience happened, by all means bring the empathy. But she treats you like shit because her own failures cause her to have massive mood swings. Fuck that bro.

Leave her. She needs a psychiatrist, not a boyfriend. You're going to fuck around and make the age old mistake of driving yourself crazy trying to fix your broken girlfriend, immaturely thinking that "love" is all you need to sustain a relationship and eventually waking up 5 years from now realizing you've wasted all those previous years of your life because you didn't have the spine to make the right choice.

Has she ever gotten psychiatric help or counseling, OP? Is she diagnosed with anything?

I'm who you replied to.

I should also add that I've experienced this with my ex. It doesn't go away, this is how she operates. Mine also had BPD, yah I learned a lot from that 'relationship', guess it's a good thing I got that shit out of the way early.

Few words of advice that I try to live by. If she is in her mid to late 20s and still has a bad relationship with her parents its an automatic abort. Don't need that kind of immature bullshit in my life.

if she needs to cry then let her cry and be there to comfort her, and by comfort her i dont mean tell her how she should think. Just hug her and tell her you will help however she needs

Don't do that.

t. guy who wasted 8 years of his life hugging and comforting a psychotic depressive who eventually had a complete nervous breakdown and left him to have a baby with some shit-stain who lives in a broken down RV.

You dumb niggas ain't listening to what he is saying. His girl just wants to feel bad and then makes him feel bad. She doesn't want help or comfort, she probably enjoys being that manipulative and having that power over him.

Run for your life dude, a single girl isn't worth that amount of trouble and heartache.

>His girl just wants to feel bad and then makes him feel bad. She doesn't want help or comfort, she probably enjoys being that manipulative and having that power over him.
That's a little presumptuous. I don't know if you've ever met a horribly depressed person before but this behavior is pretty par for the course. There really is no need to project some vindictive agenda into her behavior when there is no proof of it. Chances are she's just super broken and depressed and needs a therapist, not a boyfriend.

>His girl just wants to feel bad
>depression and mental illness is a choice

no dumb dumb

I'll have to keep this in mind. 20 when I met her and 22 when I got the chop. She has a terrible relationship with her dad and constantly seeks approval with her mom.

What are some other bad relationship traits with her/other women's parents I can look out for?

Again dumb ass niggas, she ain't depressed. Just manipulative and bipolar. Probably does need to be on meds and see a fucking shrink. The boyfriend needs to run very far away.

>What are some other bad relationship traits with her/other women's parents I can look out for?
You really have to stop trying to be her boyfriend and her therapist, dude. Its going to end disastrously. She needs professional help and you can't give that to her.

That's the biggest marker i've found. I had a very good relationship with a girl and she loved her parents. Just didn't work out in the attraction department.

>Again dumb ass niggas, she ain't depressed. Just manipulative and bipolar.
You have no logical basis for making that claim. You know nothing about nor are you qualified to diagnose anybody with anything. Fuck off the internet and go to sleep, kid. Your retarded opinions are not needed at this time.

She only gets "depressed" when negative shit happens. That ain't depression, you know it isn't, stop being a white knight and help the man who is here looking for help. Fucking bitch ass nigga.

You're sure doing a lot of projecting and assuming. What was her name, user? You obviously have some axe to grind and it definitely isn't with OP's girlfriend.

Can you explain how someone who isn't a doctor trying to diagnose someone they've never met over the internet and sperging out on anybody who disagrees with them is helping OP? I'm very curious.

>Can you explain how someone who isn't a doctor trying to diagnose someone they've never met

That sounds exactly what you two white knights are doing.

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I'm that guy that said drop her ass, not op.

Good point. But you're saying if off rip she has a bad relationship with her parents it's an auto drop?

That is what I am trying to do right now. Making sure that she knows I am still here but damn it gets hard. Thanks for the advice.

Please woman help me out. I know this sounds really selfish but open my mind and let me understand yout behavior so I can understand my gf's feelings/thoughts.

You don't know how many times I've been tempted to say something of the sort, but I do not want to hurt her. I want her happiness. My plan is for her to stop being depressed and then call her out on her bullshit when she is in her right mind. Maybe try to make her understand how childish she is. If that doesn't work I guess it would be game over.

No she hasn't gone to any mental health professional. She is however taking birth control pills every day which I suspect might be one of the causes of her depression outbreaks. I will sit down and talk with her, when she calms down, about stopping birth control. I think/hope it will help in the future. I would rather use condom than see her depressed every few weeks.

For whoever was talking with this guy, he is right. When she isn't like shit, she is a very nice and enjoyable person to be with.

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You're absolutely retarded. You just got called out on your bullshit and now all you can do is throw around buzzwords like white knight and hope that it distracts from how utterly unintelligent you are.

Thanks to everyone that is replying and giving advice and even those who are arguing, it brings a lot of insight.
I will now go to sleep but please keep the thread bumping and I'll check it tomorrow morning. I really want to find the best way to deal with this without pulling out the karate chop on her.

So far this is the plan I got:
>For the remainder time of her temporary depressed state of mind I will act as supportive as I can. No backslashing her or anything of the sort.
>When she goes back to normal, I will have a talk with her and tell her to stop taking birth control since it may be the cause of her extreme negative mood.
>I will explain to her how she has been acting (childish, immaturely) if she asks for a reason, otherwise I will keep those details to myself.
>If it continues even after being off the pill I will call her out on the bullshit and see where it goes from there.

Thoughts on the plan?
Here is some more info for you to think with:
>We are both 20
>I am in uni
>She starts uni this year (already accepted)
>We both have pretty good relationships with out parents other her dad which no one in the family likes because he is very negative (I wonder where does genes went)

Keep the thread bumping

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>She is however taking birth control pills every day which I suspect might be one of the causes of her depression outbreaks. I will sit down and talk with her, when she calms down, about stopping birth control
>My plan is for her to stop being depressed and then call her out on her bullshit when she is in her right mind. Maybe try to make her understand how childish she is.
For the love of fucking god STOP. You are not a fucking doctor. You're not a trained professional. At this point I'm just as worried about you as her because you're suggesting some absolutely idiotic ideas, dude. First your plan is for her to just wait until she's not depressed and then attack her for the shit she said and did when she was depressed and hope that it somehow magically cures her depression and makes her realize how "childish" her crippling depression was? Your next plan is to try to convince her to go off of her medication because you've somehow got it into your pea brain that you know enough about depression and birth control to convince her to make medical decisions you know literally nothing about? You're an absolute moron, dude. Leave this girl, quick. You're only going to do more damage.

>I will have a talk with her and tell her to stop taking birth control since it may be the cause of her extreme negative mood.
Please don't do this. You're not a doctor.

>whaaaa OP doesn't understand depression
>Whaaa OP your so bad, try talking to her

You fucking mongs are insufferable.

Legit shit OP, your girlfriend is being a cunt and isn't going to wake up on her own about it. You shouldn't be sacrificing your mental health for her, but you love her so you have to make this work.

So how do you do it?

Fix her. Next time she is either hapoy and non depressive, or horribly depressive explain to her that you are tired of this shit and tired of how she treats herself. And that TOGETHER, you are going to change that.

Then work at it. She gets a bad grade? Break it down with her on what to do differently next time. She starts being bitchy about being not good, undermine that shit and discuss why the fuck she thinks that, etc.

Drag her bitch ass into the fucking sunlight.

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kys

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I'd tell you to hang yourself if you knew had to tie a knot

>I'd tell you to hang yourself if you knew had to tie a knot
Hilarious. But seriously, take a nap on some train tracks. You're a piece of shit.

Original. How's it feel to be alone NEETY boy?

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>But you're saying if off rip she has a bad relationship with her parents it's an auto drop?

Depends, but it certainly is a thing that would be consciously on my mind until I figure out why the relationship is so bad. But its almost never a good sign, how bad it is just amplifies the older they get into their 20s. She is 25, still lives at home, complains about how her father treats her etc. Massive sign.

OP please ignore these fucking massive faggots. You even said when she has nothing negative happening she is a joy to be around. She is manipulating you. Call her on it. Either way you're young and bad relationships like that can seriously effect you the rest of your life.

Hmm. Mine never complained about her relationship with her dad but made it very obvious that they didn't get along. Also she lived with them, and had a kid. I hit the crazy bitch lotto!

I do remember one of the first videos she showed me was a vid of her dad congratulating her on graduating high school. I thought it was super sad but never said anything about it.

>No she hasn't gone to any mental health professional. She is however taking birth control pills every day which I suspect might be one of the causes of her depression outbreaks. I will sit down and talk with her, when she calms down, about stopping birth control. I think/hope it will help in the future. I would rather use condom than see her depressed every few weeks.

She needs to go to a mental health professional. You are not medically knowledgeable to encourage what might "help" with depression. Period.

Don't blame GF OP, depression is real shit. As others have said, she needs to see a therapist and maybe her doctor to see if she can try a different birth control method. Gently encourage this but leave it in the hands of professionals.

Femanon here.

Let me tell you how drugs and birth control can be a bad mix from someone who had the same issue before. Women and myself don’t always react the right way after birth control. Our horomones react differently after a change to our body like said birth control. One type I was on (pill form) made me into a complete depressive mood. So much it made me suidcidal. So I talked to my gyno about it and decided to switch to a new form (nuvaring). It was hard but it was a COMPLETE change. Mood boost, bad moments didn’t feel as bad, no more panic attacks. Things are much better. My suggestion OP is that you talk with her about talking to her doctor about her mood switch. Say you’ll go with her to the doctors if she needs it. Don’t push it though, it’s her body.

From my bf’s side, I feel so bad he had to deal with it when I was in this manic pill state. The best thing he could do would be a simple cuddle during my panic attack. No words, no answers, just being there. It takes some time, but there’s issues.

Look up PMDD issues as well. Depression is a bitch because of it.

*there’s hope

Whoops

Chill out my niggas. She isn't taking birth control for any medical reasons. She is just takes it so we can do it raw. And yes, I am no doctor, but I do know that birth control can cause mood change and mood swings on women. If this is what it's making her have this extreme negative mood every time she gets a bad grade or some minor shit like that then I would rather give up the raw sex and see her happy. And no I will not "attack" her. Just have a talk with her because this is getting out of hand.
Like I said before, she does not suffer from depression. Every summer or every moment where nothing bad happens to her, she is a very lovable person but the moment something negative happens she just dips down. It's like she can't handle bad things, that is why I say it's immature.

I don't believe she is manipulating me at all. This has to do with her going in depression dips every time something bad happens.

Thanks I will probably do this. In the mean time I will just stay there supportive.
The thing I am most scared about is her getting ideas of leaving me because "I deserve someone much better". She doesn't understand I love her for who she is and not because of grades.
>She didn't say I love you yesterday
She was probably tired, right?

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I'm like identical to you gf in that, AMA

My girlfriend used to be like this OP, although not nearly as bad as yours. If I was you I'd say "why do you send messages like this? Do you truly feel this way? I just want to help you because I love you but it drains me and makes my life hard because you won't let me help you". When my gf did it I got pissed off because I thought she just gives up easily or did it as a form of manipulation or to get attention.

School is not hard in non-technical fields. If she’s failing history or whatever then she’s just a fuck up who causes her own problems.

It’s the same for work. There is literally no reason to be a fuck up at Wendy’s or as the cashier at the thrift store.

People are disgusting.

Same. I'm on mood-elevators (Lamictal) and when I was on the pill, the combination would just make me fucking crazy; now that I have an implant (Mirena) it was extremely rough in the first few months where my body was adjusting. Every few months or so things will flare up (meaning my mood will just be all over the place, like how I was on the pill) ... Think PMS x 1000.

>Please tell me what I need to say. Nothing works.
>nothing seems to work
yep that's depression for you
>She barely talks when she is in this state and it scares me
>I just want
these don't matter. by these i mean you, your needs, your feelings, the state of your own mental health. she doesn't care right now. you're on your own. expecting a depressed person to give a fuck about you is like expecting water to run upwards.

Get rid of the pill, replace it with a (non hormonal) contraceptive coil. Best decision of my life. Living without any stress of forgetting the pill or else, no hormone, weight came back to normal, mood also.

This thread is pretty full, so im just going to throw this out there and hope OP sees it.

My gf was and still is exactly this. When we started dating it was to the extremes where she would try to break up with me because she felt like an anchor due to her insufficiency. I hung in there and after about 2 years of 60% depressed 40% happy she finally worked through it pretty well. It's now been 4 years im proposing in December.
What I mean by this OP is if you love love love her it's so worth. It's a real strain on your life, but it was so worth it to me. We even had an entire bad year where I was so tired of it and we constantly got into arguments that crippled me, but here I am now and I feel extremely confident and sound in my relationship because we've been through so much together that there's nobody else that matters.
Hang in there bud, but if you choose not to then know it's not your obligation.
There was just about nothing I could do to cheer her up. I know to never stop your loving comments even if they hurt when you get a negative response. Be spontaneous when she isn't sad, and be interesting to distract her from the demons.

Maybe it's not "hard" but it's not easy to memorise shitload of stuff. I was always good at maths and IT and decent in physics, but I suck at history

good for you, user
it's pretty rare these days for people who hold on to their bf/gf in tough period

What makes you have these thoughts? What am I supposed to do when my gf is in this state of mind?

What did you do while she was on the depression dips? Also how/what did you do when she wanted to break up just because she thought she wasn't good enough?

How do you deal with her when she is in her depressed state of mind? do you just act like you always do or do you change a bit?

Thanks to everyone for the replies, helps a lot

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When I try to do something over and over again and I don't understand it, I feel hopeless and irritated, which makes me want to die. I think that the best thing for me to stop it was being told that grades are not as important and being encouraged to go to sleep at some time so I would feel like I have to do that until then and then I would relax a little

lmao i think i relate to this girl, i fuckin HATE myself for a month, have a week of motivation, and then go back to hating myself and telling people to leave me and explaining why they should hate me. and then i hate myself moreso for doing it. its fun.

but if i were you OP, i wouldnt expect that to change. ever. just how some peoples heads are programmed to work. didnt read the whole thread so sorry if you mentioned it, but have you tried just taking her out and doing shit when she gets like that? just to take her mind off it? might be hard as students (assuming low money), but even just going for a walk would be a distraction for a while. choose somewhere that no one would see her if you can, like the woods, so theres no reason for thoughts like "fuck dude everyone around me knows im complete fucking garbage im so fucking sorry oh god".

maybe i shouldnt assume im anything like her, but ay. good luck op.

Start acting like a man and put your damn foot down fagget.

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It won't magically cure her depression, actually it would probably make her feel worse

God you people are hopeless.

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None of that is difficult. It just takes work. Not doing the work required is literally being a fuck up.

When my gf was in a depressive mood, I would do anything and everything to make sure she had no reason to get even more depressed. I would do small things, I never did big things while she was sad because it made her feel guilty and even worse. Kept positive and had my own feelings on the side. It led to a lot of bottling up on my side, but I found ways to get it out or accept it as part of my duty.

When she would try to break up with me, I would intensely passionate about how it's not the right thing to do, how much I love her, and how it would be even worse to me to break up.

That is the perfect reply. You tried your best being there but she is just too shut in. Be cold, and leave her if the opportunity rises.

You are destroying yourself for some cunt who can't handle a negative situation