How To Get My Wife To Let Me Sleep With Other People

This. OP is trying to defend his wife by touting out that asexual diagnosis (assuming it's a proper diagnosis) without understanding the possibility that he might've been conned. Women do not just become asexual at age 30 or whatever age you two are. You're either asexual in adolescence and for the rest of your life thereafter, or there is some duplicitous behavior going on. In a situation like yours, it's very easy for an asexual or sociopathic woman to have conned you, by pretending to be some chaste Christian. It's the perfect cover.

Honestly, judging by OP's hostile responses, it seems that he doesn't want to come to grips with the fact that he's been conned, and that two, we're not going to suggest he live some double life/open marriage.

Sorry, you fell into asexual trap: she never loved sex with and had it only to lure you in and cement the deal with baby. Here are few ways out:

A. Anticonception. Many hormonal based birth controls have a very common side effect: it kills women libido. Make her stop taking it, change brand, change type.

B. It is too early after birth. Breastfeeding, diapers, stress, lack of sleep, shitton of baby hormones, it all puts gusband into lower priority in female brain. Average husbands reports 6 to 12 months of no sex after birth. Patience.

C. You are terrible at sex. Do you think she ever had orgasm? Some women fake it all their lives. Do you do foreplay? Massages? Lick her pussy? Mutual masturbation? Toys like vibrators? Does she ever enhoyed sex, or had it only because it was expected of her?

D. She consider sex as taboo and sin. In short, she is too pure. Corrupt her. Start with holding her hand bellow covers at bed. Very slowly seduce your wife. Tell her she looks sexy. Smile at her. Give her messages which doesnt end in sex. Encourage her to wear sexy clothes both outside and kinky in bedroom. Learn how to give proper feet message. Ask her if she ever masturbated. Turn off lights and cuddle the shit out of her. Make her relaxed, horny and act like sex doesnt exists while you make her wiggle in bed. Make it look like innocent fun play.

E. Get pic related and make her watch. Or to chaught you "by mistake" while you fuck it. Make her jealous of a toy.

F. Get her really jealous. Stop seeking sex from her, dont give her too much attention. And after work sometimes dont go straight home. Go to cinema, walk in park, simply bring irregurality to your life. When she asks you where have you been, brush her off. Maybe she will start using sex as a tool to keep you home.

G. Never beg for sex. Maybe you just cant seduce your own wife. Tried to simply grope her in the kitchen, tell her you are super horny and then bent her over table? Maybe she is into rape.

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Many women become asexual after children.
Pregnancy and having a child change the makeup of a person completely sometimes.

Talking out of your ass man. Someone with a regular sex drive isn't going to mysteriously never want sex just because they had a baby. Their sex drive might change temporarily, during pregnancy and shortly after child birth, due simply to hormone fluctuations, but to say a person's sex drive "changes completely" after a baby is nonsense.

The fact that OP mentions that she just laid there like a fish in missionary for the few times she had sex, leads me to believe that she was always asexual. That or she doesn't feel attracted to him. There's controversy over whether or not someone can become asexual. At the time of covering this topic in a human sexuality course, the prevailing theory was asexuality is like sexual orientation -- static and not causal. It's true that many women become less interested in sex with advancing age and pregnancies, but it's not normal to go to zero.

Anyway all of this is pointless. Not here to theorize about the science of asexuality. OP has had good opinions suggesting he leave his wife if he cares to live a happy and fulfilling life.

hoo boy, we've got a lot to unpack her
>My wife has turned asexual since we had a kid, but she knows I still have a normal drive.
dropping ultimatums like "I don't have sex anymore" is incredibly unhealthy.
>She is however a super christian and has huge hangups (sex was only ever her on bottom missionary only).
First, this has nothing to do with anything other than you just trying to character assassinate your wife. Second, For everything you claim about wanting connection and satisfaction, why did you marry her in the first place if the sex was problematic?
>How do I get my needs fulfilled now?
By working with your wife to figure out a solution
>How do I bring this up to her without her turning into a huge blubbering mess and threatening divorce?
with your human words. Obviously don't frame it in the sense that you want to sleep with other women, bring up that it's incredibly unhealthy for her to just decide that sex if off the table now, and if she's going to stick to that then you need to establish ways for you to continue fulfilling your sexual needs
>She's my best friend, I don't want a divorce, and we have an awesome kid together, but I'm getting so tired of beating off into the fucking SINK at WORK just so I can focus and get rid of my blue balls.
Where the fuck do you work? How do you even hold down a job when you're pulling shit like that. Also your wife clearly isn't your best friend considering how quickly you're willing to cheat on her.
>I want the warmth and connection sex gives, but if my wife refuses sex, is it divorce or nothing?
pretty much yeah, unless you can work through the problem like an adult
My advice would be to stop larping and let people with actual problems post on this board, It's pretty clear you've never been married and probably still a virgin.
On the flip side if this is all true take a weekend and evaluate how fucking retarded you are to marry someone completely incompatible with yourself

I hate the fact that I seem to require my partner to be totally into me and totally want to have sex and enjoy sex in order to enjoy sex and feel like I'm getting my sexual needs met. Otherwise I'd rather go without.

My partner makes it seem like a chore they perform once or twice a week even though they tell me otherwise constantly. Because I need to feel that way to enjoy sex I can see they are getting conditioned into performing exactly how I would want them to in order to get off rapidly and then the second I do I see whatever it was drop from them immediately. It is pretty heart breaking.

My point is be careful what you wish for. Getting your needs met highlights (for me) an impersonal, detached and transactional nature inherent in my (maybe ok, maybe shitty?) long term relationship.

I mean, I get my ass rimmed for as long as I want before she switches to gagging herself on my dick and rubbing the spit, tears and slime spit on her tits and puss. Great. Until I come and then she wipes off and goes back to reading a book without a word.

Marriage is about compromise. Sex is a vital part of marriage. If she is Christian she will know that a husband and wife become one and that sex is between a husband and wife and she has to give herself to you just as you must give yourself to her. Talk to your pastor. Talk to a counselor. Talk to a professional.

She's not asexual, she's just not attracted to you.

>Having a wife effectively enforce a life of celibacy on you
factually wrong
while I agree with you on >sex is an essential pleasure and outlet for relief of stress, and indeed, for bonding with your partner
the part before that is just not truem the rest you said is pretty solid though

How is that wrong? If a spouse doesn't want to fulfill traditional duties and bonds that come with matrimony, then how is that not effectively nullifying the marriage -- which is what celibacy is? A partnership without a physical intimate relationship, is just a platonic relationship, not a real marriage. Physical relations is the act by which one expresses romantic love for their partner. If you don't have that, then why call it a marriage? Sounds like OP just wants to have a "platonic wife" and get his rocks off elsewhere.

Anyway, I'm convinced now, especially with the radio silence from him, that he's a troll. That or he's a coward because he left after we bruised his ego.

>If you had taken the time to actually read my post, her sex drive stopped after having a child. Her being a super christian had nothing to do with it. Thanks though.
Honestly? Fuck the others in the thread. She is your wife and you obviously love her so don't try to pressure her into sex like or immediatly divorce her or deprive her of attention like . Nothing in your repsonses hinted to her holding sex against you or you even bringing it up as an issue.

Pregnancy and child birth mess with women in so many ways and more often than not lessen their sexual urges. If she loves you as much as you love her (which I'm sure she does) tell her the issues you are having and ask for couples therapy. A professional will be able to help you sort out your relationship and you can see where it goes from there.

Remember that communication is key.

Start going to the gym, the bar with friends and start trying for a promotion.

You'll never talk her into fucking you.

Literally about to say this, that was some sound advice user.

well, what he said was that having a wife generally means a life of celibacy, which just isn't true
having a wife like that means that, yes, but not generally getting married, you're probably right on the trolling though

So much advice given to a married man, and most comes from childless and partnerless hobos, what a show

Listen to this closely, I need you to confront your wife about this.

There is no such thing as asexuality, it is a new phenomena on a scale for which humans couldn't have spontaneously mutated.
Either your wife does not want to have sex with you, or there is something wrong with her.

My guess is that she has a low estrogen level since she has never liked sex much, or perhaps has cancer in her pituitary gland, either way she needs blood work done.
Your general practitioner would be able to refer you to someone who will be more specialized

Trust me user, this could change your life.

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Where is your advice user?

>there is no such thing as asexuality

I'm 21 and have never experienced sexual attraction in my life. Sorry to disappoint.

All good except f and g op

Did you even read the post? She's had Christian guilt morality issues her whole life

Then this is a psychological issue. It doesn't rule out a physiological cause completely.

You have either experienced sexual trauma at some point in your life or there is something physically wrong with you (some issues can actually be deadly). Either way seeing a professional will improve your life.

If that's the case then she needs to hear the Christian teachings that sex is for marriage and a wife and husband are to give their bodies to each other. I've heard my pastor talk about how the average for married couples in their 30s is 2 to 3 times a week.

Right, but if she is that devout then surely she would have heard religious authorities preach that for a long time. If my hypothesis is correct then there is something OP isn't telling us about his wife's sexual history, or perhaps something that she isn't telling him.

>That isn't how it works. When you are asexual you don't desire sex, or want it. It's not that she's holding it over my head.
that doesnt matter in the eyes of christianity. part of it is a belief that you have duties to your spouse, regardless of whether or not you want to

im not saying force/coerce her, im saying that you fucking around on the side is just as contradictory to her as her not fucking you. personally i think coercing her into fucking you like this is a pretty shitty move but whatever

>sex is for marriage and a wife and husband are to give their bodies to each other for the first time
you forgot a key part there.
either way, I don't actually agree with that, if you crave sex (like I and many others do) you don't have to get married, being in a committed relationship with someone is good enough as far as not being a degenerate in the eyes of god.

as for op, either divorce her and leave her if she is not meeting your sexual needs or come to some sort of agreement with her to let you fuck women on the side.
problem is separating lust and love if you do decide to fuck other women with her consent, you might very well end up divorcing her.

>super christian
>asexual
Tell her you want more kids. Breed her until she literally tells you, that you don't want more kids
Problem solved

Everyone here keeps talking about what her problem is, but how about you op?

Did you get fatter?

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>She is however a super christian and has huge hangups (sex was only ever her on bottom missionary only)
You knew what you were getting into before you married her or put a kid in her.

>How do I get my needs fulfilled now?
Communicate.
But consider that she is struggling with losing her identity (she is now "mummy"), consider that she just squeezed a kid out of her, consider that she has needs too and consider that she will feel pretty shit raising your kid while you're asking to fuck other people.

How long ago was the kid born?

Has she always been super Christian? Was the sex missionary before, and 'awesome'? If not, when was the sex awesome?