Sexual past and lack of

So we see allot of threads about sexual pasts and how people aren't damaged good.

I'm a virgin male in my 20's, and I won't let what someone did in the past affect any type of relationship will might have AS long as they accept me for my status and lust for me regardless.

With that in mind, I began wondering if someone with a ton of experience would even feel attraction for me. She might have experimented over the years and knows her own turn ons. I didn't have those experiences. Would she be open to having them with me?

My biggest fear in this scenario is ending up with someone who values me not for romantic interest, but rather because she's entering "that part of her life" to settle down.

Is this a reasonable fear?

For the record, if she was a virgin too, I don't think that changes anything.

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>My biggest fear in this scenario is ending up with someone who values me not for romantic interest, but rather because she's entering "that part of her life" to settle down.
You'd deserve it for not having a spine.

first of, you're a virgin
your perspective is of a virgin

then you can't predict/expect something from a person
get a life, fuck some girls and learn

Why don't I have a spine?

If I suspected as much, I would not accept the relationship

Fuck girls I'm not into?

>I won't declare actions wrong but I'm afraid of their consequences

Don't reply to him. He is mentally unhinged and will attack everyone around him until he gets banned.

give me (You)s you prick

You won't know until after, a while after.
>For the record, if she was a virgin too, I don't think that changes anything.
For the record, it does to a extent. You have the right to worry and should. Fiancé and me were both virgins until shortly after I turned twenty, he eight months older. Waiting for the right person is fine as long as you're actually try to find them, there out there you just have to wade through the garbage. I think
1. You stop virtue signaling.
2. You don't need a virgin but it would probably be better.
3. You don't want a slut, there a reason they've been through so many guys.
4. If you're not trying, try.

I included that face that her being a virgin wouldn't change anything because I know that these women still have a chance of being fucked in the head. Im of persian background and have family members who promptly married and divorced girls who, although pure in the relationship department, had princess complexes and did not understand the dynamics of a mature relationship. They also did not give enough attention to the sex life.

If the "slut" wasn't a dumb girl, had a mature evaluation of relationships and WAS capable of loving me both sexually and romantically, I wouldn't mind spending time with her.

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>My biggest fear in this scenario is ending up with someone who values me not for romantic interest, but rather because she's entering "that part of her life" to settle down.

We (almost) all eventually have a period in our lives where our priorities change and we start to want different things in our life. It’s called growing up and becoming responsible.

So your fear over people wanting to “settle down, while somewhat grounded in reality (because that’s a natural part of growing up and older), is also over-inflated meme talk that’s not as big a deal as you seem to think it is. I mean it is, but at some point (probably not now) you’re going to realize that if you’ve got your own shit handled, whatever the fuck anyone else is doing shouldn’t really phase you because the only thing that matters is that you’re where you should be in your own life.

Attraction is different from satisfaction. No way of knowing til you were with her. Some people have patience to walk you through and discover new things with you, some don’t.

But in my experience, the people who don’t, you won’t have any real potential or future with, and the ones who do, those are the ones you can grow together with.

When you’re with someone you truly get along with and are in to, growing, learning, teaching, and just over all sharing things with one another are some of the most fun parts of the relationship.

additionally:
>first of, you're a virgin
>your perspective is of a virgin

This user has a bit of a point. As someone who was a virgin til his mid 20s (waiting for the “right one” til o figured out... why?) who dated multiple late in life virgin girls...

As a late in life virgin, there’s a certain amount of paranoia and almost mythological superstition that virgins have towards the unknown awkward subject known as “Sex”... and that shit completely goes away once you get used to it.

Virgins care way more about virginity than non-virgins do.

She'll talk to you.

Especially as you get a little older and you understand what you want a little better, you just tell people how you want to get fucked and what turns you on.

I had 2 partners, and while I still have a lot to try and explore with my boyfriend, I also have a rough idea of what gets me off and am not scared of mentioning it or guiding him towards what I want. He's much more experienced than me and he does the same.He's still very open to what I want.
If you have exploring to do, I don't think most girls would mind to try to explore with you. I personally wouldn't.

>Virgins care more about virginity than non-virgins do

I completely agree with this statement and appreciate your response

I wish there was just a way to turn off the nagging voice in my head telling me I'm not capable of companionship when I see everyone around doing at a younger age.

I try to keep busy with hobbies and personal fitness as well as trying to stay social to remind myself I'm no different from others.

Out of curiosity, how did you lose your vcard? Did you feel connected to her in the moment or just dgaf'ed?

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>You'd deserve it for not having a spine.
seconding this

>get a life, fuck some girls and learn
First off, you're a normie.
Your persepctive is of a normie.
Then you can't predict/expect how hard it is for a virgin to do what you suggested.
Anyway, OP is probably fucked, it's pointless to even try once you're a virgin in your 20s.

I’ve got some massive 9 post long recounting it (and dealing with depression/anxiety, and my firsts, etc) but it’s on a laptop somewhere else atm.

TL;DR of it though: Met a girl, thought she was the one, got my heart broken, but felt almost released because I finally 100% put myself out there to someone without holding back.

Threw myself in to the dating world, first girl I met was pretty in to me... I figure.. whatever.. why not...

Was pretty fucking shit to be honest.. like soul crushingly so. I felt fucking empty and vapid as fuck. It just reaffirmed what I already knew that: yeah, I’m not the type to sleep around wantonly.

Tried again with her later, same shit. It actually sort of created a metal block that lasted a few years where I couldn’t cum through sex because I figured.. well.. I don’t really enjoy it so I may as well focus on the girl so at least she does..

My next experience was actually with my best friend... but she’s gay... and she’s kind of the selfish kind in bed so every time we’d hook up it’d reinforce the above. It didn’t feel as empty as with my first, because I at least liked her, but it still felt lacking.

Wasn’t until my third experience (probably a year after that) with a one night stand where I first truly enjoyed sex. She was a friend of a friend who was only in town for the weekend. We ended up talking, having a good time drinking and getting to know one and be attracted to one another—Not just physically, but on a mental level too. One thing lead to another, and we just sort of rolled with it. Spent the entire time laughing, making dumb jokes, and just smiling. Woke up the next morning with a literal grin on my face.

Having experience the gambit. Sex is just sex. It’s not magical, it’s not world shattering, it is what it is. What makes it anything more or less, is all the other things around it.

Thanks for your story. I guess I need to stop caring whether the girl is completely right for me and just go for it.

Speak for yourself. I find it easy to talk/flirt with girls and had some actually take me on dates/pay for me. Unfortunately, nothing more came of it.

Getting Jow Forums helps alot with your confidence and attractiveness, btw.

You seem sweet, anonette. I'm glad your bf gets to experiment with you. I hope to find some as optimistic soon

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>I guess I need to stop caring whether the girl is completely right for me and just go for it.

So here’s one of the things you learn as you get older: Reality is as you know perceive it is entirely relative.

What you believe is true about yourself now, is not necessarily true later.
What you believe is right for you, does not necessarily reflect what actually is.
Who you’ll want today, is not necessarily what you’ll want tomorrow.

And since every thing you perceive is relative, making strong assertions based on presumptions is unstable at best. Maybe today those presumptions of what you think could be seem rock solid, but tomorrow... who knows...

The thing about presumptions is they’re built on what are effectively guesses... maybe guesses based on conjectures grounded in your own beliefs... but those are still not real life experiences.

So when your beliefs or perceptions change... *poof* all the grounding beneath those guess based presumptions vanish..and all the understandings of the world that you’ve built upon those presumptions go down with it.

And when that happens.. i can tell you first hand that it can be shocking as fuck...

Actual first hand experiences on the other hand... for better or worse, those never go away. Even if your perceptions or viewpoint changes, those experiences still happened and are part of who you are. All that will happen is that maybe your interpretation of them will change a little, but you can still use that new interpretation to build toward your new understanding of reality. You at least have a new starting point and... if your experiences are diverse and well grounded enough... maybe when that change in perception occurs, you’ll be grounded enough that instead of collapsing, instead of even stumbling, you wont even miss a beat and just can take things in full stride.

>Unfortunately, nothing more came of it.

Datings one hell of a grind. It’s a numbers game.

>What you believe is right for you, does not necessarily reflect what is.

Stop shaking the foundations of my world, user.

I want to believe that I know myself well. Maybe that doesn't translate to when I visualize my future partner. I always behave more attractive when I'm not trying to get with someone. Just bite the bullet, and see where my endeavors go?

>It's a numbers game.

:(

That feels very cold. Yet holds truth.

I think too much

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Yup. But just because I called it a grind, doesn’t mean you gotta just clench your teeth and white knuckle through it. In fact, going in with that mentality will probably do more harm than good.

Go in with an open mind just there to take things as they come, and to find some amusement from it.

Don’t bias yourself. Don’t pre-write what you think you’ll get, before you even start. Because the. You’ll yourself in a frame of mind where you’ll only ever see the negative first.

Don’t get me wrong, the positive will still be there, but you probably won’t it until years later when you shift the way you look at life and start to look back (as someone who beat depression, i DEFINITELY know this to be true) and even then, it *does* influence your actions in the moment and changes the breadth of what you can experience.

Some of my best moments were literally just decidin to do something I normally never would, because I just had a whim or I flipped a coin, and then went in with an open mind, only to discover, holy shit, that was awesome.

Even my first sexual experience, the one that felt soul crushingly empty and devoid of meaning, That was a lesson, and a story to pass on. And it was also the first step in unleashing all my inhibitions. After that I started dating because I gave zero fucks about sex. I went out purely just to meet random people and see what was there. Sex became something women had to earn from *me* not I from them—and I was pretty successful for it.

Even from my shittiest experienes. I gained. And it was because of my mentality of always taking something from everything, not matter how great or how bad. (Keep in mind. A few years before that I was suicidal. I built myself up to that. So it’s not like anyone else really can say they don’t have it in them. It’s there. It’s just about your mindset and the beileifs you currently have—which can always be changed)

It is a numbers game, but that sounds much colder than it is. All you do is talk to a few people with a open mind, and see whether you click or not. If you don't no harm done.
It's also not really a grind - if you want to lets say bone a new attractive and interesting girl every month, you have to talk to maybe three new women a week and one will work out.
So it's not a massive grind, and its still fun or at least interesting even if things go nowhere.

I consider myself pretty confident but have recently been stalled career wise. I was in a depression hole a year ago and drinking till drunk 2-3 times a week. After engaging in pursuits that challenge me and putting myself in new situations, I've slowly regained confidence and self esteem.

I will keep your advice to enjoy every moment at heart.

When I frame it as having fun, my outlooks are much better. The people I'm with seem to enjoy it more, too.

I've been more forward with my intentions with people and feel content with either answer they give me. I try not to beat myself up over things I should have done differently

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