Do I stay or leave

I just had a massive fight with my boyfriend and he left the house. We're housesitting for his mom at the moment and she has a really senile dog who needs lots of care.

I don't know if I should go home which means the dog would get scared and also not be let out to pee etc or if I should stay here to look after dog but also have to see my boyfriend when he gets back which I don't want to do

Also as an aside I feel real fucking sad. What happened was I was making a really high effort dinner for us, and then we were gonna watch a movie, and he decided he was going to go out to a party and leave me here to housesit, and then also decided he didn't really have time for the dinner much less the movie. So I was really cut because I was putting in all this effort, and he left anyway, and now I'm here, and just ate my dinner (it was good :)) but I also feel really sad. So anything to cheer me up would be cool

But mainly, would you stay or leave?

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Is this the first time you two have fought like this? If it is, perhaps he's depressed?

I don't think that has anything to do with it he was just all excited for this party which he thought was next week but turned out to be tonight

And he just up and left? Didn't invite you or say a word? Is this the first time he's done something like this?

You're not gonna get anyone better with your attitude, so you should just shut up and suck his cock.
freakin gay ppl...

Maybe he’s just an asshole? Why wouldn’t he bring you to the party? Why do you have to watch his mom’s dog while he goes out and has a good time? I like dogs, but fuck that noise. Go home and let him come home and clean up after the dog.

Well he did invite me but I have a work thing for my internship tomorrow morning so I really can't be going out considering it goes til like 2 am. It's all his friends anyway.
So then he said he'd go anyway and I was pretty disappointed but kinda cool about it and then when he said he couldn't watch the movie or have dinner I was pretty upset.

Ugh I'm just here with the dog and feel real bad for it. He's gonna be out for another like 6 hours at least so the dog would be so lonely if I left >:( and piss everywhere

This sounds like a big miscommunication and it's not worth leaving over. He went to a party, and you didn't tell him about the dinner until he was already over there. He thought you'd be bedding early because of your internship.

Nah he knew about the dinner, he just thought he'd have time to eat dinner and then go out. And I was like hmm I guess that's ok but then he didn't even have time for dinner so he had cereal and left. Like we're at his mom's so of course he knew I was making tea

> so of course he knew I was making tea
But that's not the same as
>Hon' I'm making a nice dinner for us, why don't you stay since I won't see you until the afternoon tomorrow?
Nobody should expect someone to just know what they're thinking. Sounds like miscommunication and not worth leaving over.

He was with me when I went to the fish market and picked out a really nice fish. I told him I'd made this particular fancy fish meal for myself and he asked me to make it for him sometime, and so I told him I would tonight.

Also when I say leave, I mean leave his mom's house where I'm just here by myself looking after the dog. I don't necessarily mean leave relationship

There are too many variables at play here.

Does he have a pattern of behavior that would indict his character of being an asshole? Or this is the first 'major' incident with him?

It's still unclear to me. Did you let him know in advance that you were planning on putting together a special--perhaps romantic--dinner for him, and then watch a movie after (code for sexy time)? If he knew that you basically had a date night planned for him, and he left, then he's a jerk -- I will agree. However, if it was spur the moment, then it's forgivable. Another variable. How important was his friends' party? Do they meet every week or just a couple times a year? If it's the latter, then again, it isn't shitty that chose to see his friends on the rare few occasions that they get together. You shouldn't view it like he chose them over you, unless he does see them at the time.

I mean, you're entitled to your feelings and it's hard striking a balance between maintaining friendships and keeping your partner happy. I think the fact that you're helping him housesit shows that you're very committed, at least up until the fight. Did he thank you for this?

Well, it's too complicated to give an up or down vote on leaving him or not.

I was gonna write something but hit all my points.
>I mean leave his mom's house where I'm just here by myself looking after the dog. I don't necessarily mean leave relationship
I don't think you should leave the mom's house. I think you should leave a note on the table saying you missed him last night and some fish is in the fridge. Then when you see him again tomorrow proper, suggest a date night proper and get him to cook, or you both cook together, or get him to pay for a dinner at a restaurant. But this is all said with the notion that you aren't always putting forth effort in the relationship. One of those variables, again.

Yeah that's true. Nah he sees his friends every day, they work together. He saw them literally earlier today. And I've brought up with him before that I feel he chooses them over me a bit much. There's some DJ performing at the party though so that's why he was so set on going.

I think it was definitely pretty obvious I was tryna have a romantic night. I didn't 100% spell it out, but he knew about the dinner and the movie and we'd bought a bath bomb because his mom has a nice bath.

He didn't thank me for dogsitting he like didn't acknowledge that was the upshot of the situation. I kinda didn't realise it was just toward when he was leaving I was like "wait if you go it's just me here looking after the dog and I don't feel comfortable doing that" and he said I should have said something sooner

It's just hard because what I know will happen is he'll come back, and tomorrow I'll talk to him about how I felt and he'll literally say "wow you're right I just didn't think about it because I'm so oblivious!" and apologise. And that'll be it. Like it's so predictable and it kinda hurts because why doesn't he just not do the quite objectively bad thing and save all the hassle?

Yeah thanks I was considering leaving a note on the table as you've suggested but knowing my emotional ass I'd probably go into too much depth about why I'm sad and idk that doesn't seem like a great idea

>because why doesn't he just not do the quite objectively bad thing and save all the hassle?
But the problem is this can be 100% turned around on for this:
>I didn't 100% spell it out, but he knew about the dinner and the movie and we'd bought a bath bomb because his mom has a nice bath.
You're expecting him to know exactly how important last night was to you when you didn't 100% spell it out for him.

I didn't say the words "tonight is a romantic evening we will have fish and then watch a movie and then have a bath"
But I 90% spelled it out. I'm pretty bad at cooking so it isn't too often I cook, so he knew it was a big deal. I'd downloaded the movie. We have the bath bomb. I'd been talking about how excited I was for the evening all day. It was super super obvious what I thought was going on, I'm just admitting I didn't completely spell out every detail

>I'd been talking about how excited I was for the evening all day.
Then the ball's in your court about how to handle this. Bear in mind he thought the pahty was next week, he was super stoked about this DJ I imagine days in advance before this spur of the moment dinner idea when he was suddenly told the party was tonight. If he's been a good man to you in nearly every other situation, supports you, cares for you, I'd save give it a pass. But I don't know your relationship so maybe he's always an oblivious git and the straws are piling up. Hope it works out, user.

Yeah he's both he always cares for me, and is kind but is also always an oblivious git. So it's a tough one. Thanks for your help

Based on what you're telling us now, then I'm coming around to the proposition that you should leave (to make a point) and then have a firm talk with him in the coming days.

If I was your bf in that situation, then I would feel immense guilt at having, essentially, abandoned you in my parents house, just to shoot the shit with some friends that I can see some other time. I know that a DJ sounds fun, but it's deeply unsettling to me that he showed disregard for your feelings.

Like you said, although you didn't spell it out, it looks like you had a date night planned for him, and he walked away from it. I don't know. It's not something I would had done lightly. I, at least, would've twisted your arm into coming with me, so I'd be able to enjoy myself at the party, knowing that I didn't leave you alone, and still indulged myself on going to the party. Basically, he chose the most callous option, which was just leaving you.

The fact that he also didn't thank you for dog sitting leads me to believe that he really is just a jerk. And if you can see already that he'll come back tomorrow, and just apologize about the whole affair, then that's almost equally as troublesome as him having precipitated the whole fight to begin with. It's like he knows what he did was wrong, but he still expects for you to suck it up and just accept an apology. You have to wonder... will he do this all the time in your relationship?

If I were you, I'd reconsider this relationship. You need to have a talk with him, about his priorities, and whether or not you are among them in his life. You need to press him on whether he really thinks that flaking out on you is acceptable behavior. And don't just accept a sheepish response.

It's important to be compassionate and have a heart, but it's equally important to have a spine. Don't let your boyfriend treat you like a doormat. You deserve to be a top priority in his life, and if he won't give you that, then look for someone else.

Having read the entire thread... this is a pattern thing femanon.

As a dude, who has had to fucking be the sounding board til he eventualltually blessed and pushed his best friends girlfriend in to dumping him (i had his back for 10 years. But I knew he was treating her like shit, and after the jmpteeth time defending him, by that point I cared about her too and knew shit was toxic, and it was mostly on him, so I knew he needed to go for on of them to come out alright)

This is a pattern thing. If he’s treating you this dismissively all the time, tem that’s a major pattern tat needs to be looked at. If it’s only once in a while for special occasions, that’s a minor pattern that can be written off.

Honestly, as a dude, I try to be somewhat mindful of the patterns that I fall in to with y own GF. We’ve been dating enough years tat I *do* occasionally catch ,shelf taking her for granted, but I don’t beat myself up about it because I always try to make it up to her or to make sure she knows that she’s KNOWS a special woman in my life.

When a relationship gets long enough, there always am ebb and flow in it, and that’s natural. But what you have to watch out for is if those cycles are to long in any particular direction or if they reach to far and extreme.

Granted. If you’re 18 feel free to disregard ,y advice, because 18yeat olds tend to be clueless dumbasses so don’t really understand empathy (let alone sympathy).