I can't get a husband

I can't get a husband

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Sorry for how short first post was. Phone wasn't working and I was getting tired of trying to post same thing

Are you fixated on a husband? What is it about the notion of husband? I mean, in terms of relationships, healthy marriage is pretty much the apex of relationships, relatively rare, requires a bunch of insight, emotional intelligence, agency and so on from BOTH partners. Unless you just want a husband. I'm sure that is easy if you are prepared to accept people without two brain cells to rub together.

>I want to get married, have a baby, get a face a tattoo, join a cult, smoke meth habitually...
>Sure baby, whatever you say..

Well I cant even get a boyfriend anymore. I'm 25 and I feel like people are either interested in me, but I'm not interested in them. By this I mean they care about me, but there's just no sexual connection. If I'm with someone and the sex is great, then they usually don't care about me.

How do I find someone that I have a connection with and also can make love with where it feels like we're making love, not just going through the steps.

I'm totally giving up

I don't know how to help you with the 'going through the steps' - 'making love' thing. I've found that in any relationship past the initial furious and exciting period sex becomes quite routine. This is absolutely fine. Regular routine sex is better than no sex at all and there is something nice about it being so low effort and relaxed. Like you've literally got to schedule it in once you've been together a while otherwise it won't happen very often. Making love, this is also a relatively rare occurrence. Like once in a while we'll have really intense sex, but most of the time we just want to meet each others needs in an efficient way, without being disrespectful, but what else should we strive for?

I can imagine a difficult period for people wanting to get married at 25. All the young and dumb people who want to marry young are married and making it work or failing to make it work and all the people who aren't falling for marriage before they've some life experience are probably waiting a bit longer and are reaching maybe peak cynicism.

I got married young (21) and divorced at 26. I've no interest in getting married again and that isn't likely to change at all or until I want children which is likely to be mid to late 30's.

I don't know why people have this binary thinking where they think that good sex cannot exist without a connection. Like people can only be good at one thing or something. Maybe people who are good at sex have had a lot of practice and aren't into relationships? Maybe people who you have good connections with scare you and as a result you cannot fully relax around them in order to have good sex? I don't know, but it isn't an either or thing. Except in your experience I guess?

If you guys can't answer where does anyone else have suggestions to where I could go to talk about this

I'm fine with sex being routine after a while I know that's to be expected, but the initial first time should at least be romantic.

Yeah That just seems to be how all men are these days ages 25-30. Men are just like cracking a code now that I'm a bit older and I just can't figure it out.

I don't want to have a husband just to have one. I want to be with someone I care about and that also makes me wet

Like where are all the men wanting a serious relationship and not just hookups? I feel like the world is just full of these tools

so....

Like I said it is a difficult age. College is over. People are passing the 'house share' days. People are either going to be in a relationship or focused on something like a career. When you are time short you tend to try and compartmentalise your social activities so you must be able to understand and relate to people who just want to meet to fuck and then move on once their needs are met. If this isn't what you want stop doing it because you'll just get (like you sound already) pissed off and jaded by it. Like I said, people are likely peak cynicism at 25.

Within your social circle you must have your eye on some people who are eventually going to exit relationships or become ready for relationships. That is generally how it goes. You have low key shit with a bunch of people and then you make a move when you know somebody good comes back on the market.

If you've got enough good friends they should be sending decent people your way. It is great when friends of friends get together. Sad because you don't get a influx of new extended friends to network with your usual group, but cool because it makes things super neat and tidy and easy when friends date friends.

If you've not got a social group or good friends like this then this is a problem in itself that should be addressed partially before you get all upset at not being able to find a husband. The ever popular self work. This is why earlier I said successful marriages are like the apex of relationships, you've got to have agency for it to work out. You can't both be like - we are desperate and needy birds with broken wings please complete me and love me forever because nobody else does. That codependence bites.

Fuk it. This is just an anonymous board. I might as well just say how I feel.

It's like the other women I work with talk about their husbands and kids and I just feel miserable. I come home to no one every night. No one to sleep next to. No yummy cock to lick under the covers at night before work. It Feels so lonely. I just can't take it anymore.

Every man I've ever had feelings for isn't ready for a relationship. There is the problem. And damn it, it just makes me want them more and they know it, those tricky bastards.

Have you considered older men? Like early to late 30s.

So you are bored, miserable, lonely and slightly jealous due to competitive people bragging at work. Presumably you don't have a lot going on in your life outside of work for this to bother you that much and work takes up a great deal of your energy because you go home each night without the motivation to do much more than sit and get pissed off by it.

Dude, guys will manipulate your feelings in order to get what you want. People do this irrespective of gender. Some people are just fucking assholes who just want what they want and will push buttons to get at it.

Don't try and trade sex for company and then get upset when that is all you got. You seem astute enough to understand that is what is happening here.

Also try not to take too much from being victimised by assholes here. There is very little value in it even if it does seem like at least something of interest to talk about. You made a choice, you regret it, you are happy to explain how dumb it was, but you are the victim?

Are you able to be objective about what you want in a relationship? Wanting to get wet is great, but what makes you wet? Have you figured this stuff out?

Like I'm not fucking anybody without a job or a good reason as to why they don't have one, a structured life and routine (like they get up, do things, get dressed, groom themselves), they are not financially awful and unable to deal with the nice side of life due to constant self inflicted money drama, addictions or habits to the point where it negatively impacts upon their health, goals in other aspects of their life and especially others. Fuck I'm pretty much certain they've got to have a car these days, don't even get onto hobbies, interests, projects, education, books, talents and so on.

Otherwise they aren't going to turn me on and if for some weird reason they did, I wouldn't care because it would probably be because of some weird throwback to low self esteem where they've triggered something in me.

Have you tried not being a whore?

Yes I have dated older men already. That question is irrelevant. I actually prefer older men

This. As brash as it may sound, consider going the prudish way

Much in the way that women recognize a man who's just out to date for dating's sake-- that is, he's chasing his tail like a dog, he doesn't know what fulfillment it is that he wants, just that girls provide it.
This is the same for you, you've pushed yourself to a point where guys might be unsure if you're dating them, or dating the concept of them. It's not a healthy or sustainable basis for a relationship, and few decent people actually want an unfair power dynamic in a relationship.

Yes I don't have a lot going on outside of my life besides work because I am a manager. My life right now is work and I don't plan on changing that because I like being able to afford everything on my own.

>trade sex for company
You hit the nail on the head. That's pretty much what has been going on for a while now when I am dating. Sometimes I take a break from it and then go back when I find the urge to.

Yeah I know what I want in bed. That's not the issue and I know how to give etc

No, I totally get what you guys are saying and I have actually started to consider that. Starting off on a new foot I have been prudish with guys. I thought this would convey more sincerity

I'll date you OP. I'm 24 though.

Wow god damn. Come back to bitch when you're over 30. You haven't even begun to realize pain yet. I can't believe you're giving up so god damn early. Maybe that's why you can't get shit.

If I'm still single when I'm 40 I might as well kill myself

kek

It's literally because these people all got tricked by Disney's jew magic into thinking everyone deserves, or even gets a partner.
Top off with the fact that a lot of them are self-centered, childish and/or lazy and away you go, you basically have huge lumps of a generation creeping toward undateable.

I have reached out to 2 men I have had actual adult relationship feelings like I love you, you are amazing I don't want to imagine myself being with anyone else feelings, one of which I had slept with and the other was strictly a friend relationship.

The first one I had tried to tell them let's just give this another go, but they ghosted me and we broke up because he had feelings for his ec wasn't ready etc.

The other I am scared shitless to cross that border with them because they come out and said we can not talk if you are looking for more than a friendship from me etc. Obviously we are not talking

These are the two categories of men I fall in love with

Already said I'd date you.

I can't disagree with that

You're still trying..

Sounds like you have a bad case of too much expectations.

You expect to get swept off your feet and then the guy to stay - but the thing is, that's extremely rare. Guys who can swoon girls easily won't settle down, and guys who would prefer something deeper and long terms don't get a chance from you.

Even the biggest fires can start from a small, slow burning tinder.

I'd just like to say that I think the concept of you need to acquire a group of friends to find a mate so that you can later ignore that group of friends after you and your mate are together is stupid.

Because we all know that once people get together they end up ignoring everyone else.

It's like oh thanks for helping fulfil my life now I don't really have any purpose for you bye.

You're probably not that attractive if nobody is willing to lock it down. Are you being realistic and trying to date within your league?

Okay so HELP ME!
What should I do

Seriously
Please. I am listening

I've dated really attractive guys and also guys who are balding or really short or chubby

Yep, just right here waiting.

Get a reality check.

From what you've told us you're stuck in your dream land, waiting for your prince charming, stuck on guys with whom you feel already compatible with whle they don't, and expecting them to change.

My advice? Don't write off someone immediately if you don't feel that strong initial attraction right from the bat. Attraction can grow, but personalities rarely change.

However, don't stay if the attraction doesn't seem to come at all either - it'll just end up making you miserable.

>What should I do
Fuck off and never come back. Seriously.

May be ugly, may be just boring and bland. I fucked some pretty girls who were very boring and tedious to deal with. My guess is that irl OP looks and acts just as desperate as in this thread, and guys just don't want to deal with her waah where's my hubby hysterics.

OP post pics and let us see what we're working with... Are you a 5 trying to get with an 8? Give us something to work with..

Maybe try becoming a mail order bride? Successful marriage will surely come your way if you look for wealthy foreign men.

Only helpful advice I've gotten

End of thread