Long story made short: >bf doesn't provide any emotional support whatsoever >every time I'm feeling down about anything, he either turns it into an argument or basically tells me to suck it up in nicer terms >I'm starting to get very emotionally worn down, between our personal life together, full time school and full time work in a management role >tried to talk to him about it and he basically says that he shouldn't have to make me feel better because I'm an adult >even though he has broke down crying before and I consoled him for hours after >unsure what to do now.
More info on us: >him 21 and me 23 >together 3 years in May >have lived togehter most of our relationship
Why do people put up with asshole partners? If he's not right for you, then find someone who is. You're both very young, don't feel obligated to stay with anyone.
Carter Brooks
Communicate exactly what you're feeling and if it isn't reciprocated and you're still feeling unsupported (or even disrespected it sounds like)... it's time to rethink your situation.
Your needs come first and they aren't being met. You don't deserve to be treated less than because you need support.
Legit, my friend. It sucks especially after being together for so long but I promise if you leave it won't be the end of the world.
John Miller
Hahahaha probably because you've become annoying as fuck OP. My ex used to do this shit ALL of the time, but all she'd ever do is bitch about things and never accept answers/think of solutions. It's like all women ever want to do is complain about shit but not do anything about it. So your "emotional support" isn't found in him because he's tired of hearing your shit. Just talk to your dumb female friends about your problems and stop creating unnecessary drama between you two.
Henry Cooper
OP men deal with their emotions in different ways and if a guy hasn't ever had to play the role for a woman before, it's not immediately apparent that all you really want is someone to listen and commiserate with you.
Him telling you to suck it up is what he has been told all his life. His dad told him to suck it up, his friends tell him to suck it up, he tells it to himself when there's no one else around to do it for him. If you want him to do something other than regurgitate the advice that has worked well enough for him in his whole life then you will need to actually open your mouth and tell him what you want.
Angel Jackson
This isn't okay at all. He's an emotionally stunted boy. Thank you so much for being the bigger person and helping him when he wouldn't help you, but it really is time to move on, darling. You did your part, you attempted to communicate, but it's clearly not working out and if he's 23 and still acting like this then you need to leave. How easily can you seperate your lives?
William Nelson
Amen
Thomas Bailey
My boyfriend used to be like that cause past trauma and stuff but he developed out of it over the course of the last two years now he wants to just hold me and stuff when i'm sad. I have a problem that he won't accept emotional support when he's having stressful situations because it doesn't fix anything really and it makes me kinda sad because the things he gets sad about are things completely out of both of our control
Adrian Edwards
>pigeonholing people into gender roles Everyone is different, fuck off.
Bentley Bailey
Women don't respect men who give them emotional support. You would eventually just see your BF as being too feminine, so why are you asking for something you're going to end up hating?
Luke Moore
If what you say is true and you think hours makes the difference between what you are forgetting to tell us and what you actually do then you should remember that eventually when you have the mode of mind to properly ingest what he is saying, bc we do not work on emotions for you we work on emotions for ourselves and almost as if robotically switch to happy over painstaking gestures and a lot of work that seems to reward us instead of receiving gratitude as its own reward from inside of us, the only thing you have to worry about is that he needs you to be entirely honest with him about how you feel so he can work towards that so that any sense of gratification that isnt as immediate as an orgasm to a nap means that you have the largest share of the responsibilities to keeping yourself fit and happy when he can only suggest to you what he knows you think *he* needs when you help him out with things that are troubling him. So what I mean by this then is that unless you have it in you to change your mind eventually and not just rack up a whole bunch of options and then settle in on the idea that you can eventually be right, and do so on the spot, guy mr mcgee heffenweiser there isnt going to have a clue what you need because hes never been able to register, meaning have, the thought that you could ever need him to make you feel better unless you happen to have told him you feel better which probably and usually, since you are female, takes a lot of time and is usually pushed back by the sense that you have more pressing issues like the thought that you need to push back rewards of his the moment the whim hits you. Hes a man. Not a boy. But similarly hes been living with you now or you with him and that means that the solutions are based in the environment. Naturally you should discuss this with him on terms like this but with less technical garbage because this is a tough solution to interact over without reasoning plausibility and your source of the infornation.
Christopher Moore
>equality Enjoy.
Jackson Morgan
The anecdotal evidence that I have gathered throughout my life on 95% of the men I have met suggests that, in terms of how we deal with our emotions, men aren't that different from one another.
Ryan Barnes
Depends on what it is.
I tell my girlfriend to deal with her own problems fairly frequently, because she's constantly, and I mean CONSTANTLY getting worked up and stressed out over completely insignificant things, and that in term stresses me the fuck out.
Every single day I wake up, I get problems thrown at me before I even get so much as a, "Good morning". She complains that I don't spend enough time with her, but she's always stressed out of her gourd, bitching at somebody on the phone about something, or otherwise in a terrible mood.
Absolutely terrible at managing her emotions. Does not exactly excite me to be in her presence.
If THIS is the type of shit you're pulling, then I fully understand him essentially telling you to fuck off and deal with it yourself. If it's larger shit, then fine, support would be appropriate.
It's fucking exhausting to have to listen to women's angry stories all day. The worst part is, they usually create these damn situations themselves. I can always immediately offer 3-5 suggestions on how the entire thing could've been avoided, but they'd rather have drama.
Angel Perry
>It's fucking exhausting to have to listen to women's angry stories all day. The worst part is, they usually create these damn situations themselves. I can always immediately offer 3-5 suggestions on how the entire thing could've been avoided, but they'd rather have drama.
Exacerbated by the fact that they can't tell a story in anything resembling a concise manner.
Your male friend wants emotional support? He lays out the detail and you offer your best solution. If there's no solution then you tell him "that sucks" and that's all you have to do.
Robert Price
Maybe there's some miscommunication and he thinks he's helping, maybe it's just a poor attempt at encouragement.
I've had this in my relationship before, when my girlfriend had a hard day and vented to me, I would respond by agreeing with how awful her day was and name-call her asshole colleagues. At first that came across as not helping at all and only made things worse, but by now we understand each other better and it works. I had to learn the difference between venting and looking for a practical solution to a problem too, such things come from both sides.
Talk about it to him, be frank but not aggressive. And don't believe things like 'If he really cared, he would know already' and 'If you have to tell him to make him realise and change, that's just as bad as him not changing it all'. Those are the words of sadistic and bitter home-wreckers.
James James
So um... what reason do you have to NOT break up at this point?
Believe someone when they show you who they are the first time.
Nathan Ross
You have no idea what you are talking about.
Jordan Walker
I take it you are talking about the last part of my post and that you're the kind of person who likes to ruin lives by telling the vulnerable such things.
If that's not what you are and you have a problem with another part of that post, go ahead and explain.
Jayden Reyes
bullshit, just cause he operates one way doesnt mean he is unable to empathize with others.. (or that he cant try, at least)
Brandon Taylor
I'm consistently amazed at how this board is readdit lite
Chase Martinez
As a guy I can tell you
1) guys don’t do feelings discusssions, we do solutions. You will have far more success with him if you ask for advice and potential solutions.
2) remember he didn’t sign on to be your mother or psychologist. There’s a differences between showing weakness and being a pill
3) don’t pile everything on him, stick to one thing and focus on that... like I said discuss solutions not feelings.
Austin Peterson
It doesn't say that at all. It says that if you want someone else to behave differently you should talk to them about it and not just expect it of them.
Gavin Barnes
Get yourself a guy that wants you. By that I mean a guy willing to do anything for you. You can still keep your bf but the other guy or guys can fill in the voids of your relationship with him. I've known of guys that can be all but all of them are taken already so you have to deal with whats left.
My fiancee is organized and focused, a great role model for success and likely good genes for our future children however I feel sometimes in a prison with a long list of do's and don'ts that apply to both of us. I have an incredible male friend that is the exact opposite of my fiancee, who is capricious and you never know what he'll do or say and when I'm with him I feel free to do anything. He listens to me and acts immediately to and it lifts my spirit. No way I could marry him but god is he fun. My fiancee knows nothing of my friend, he wouldn't understand, and he would judge him and me.
Oliver Sanders
>My fiancee knows nothing of my friend, he wouldn't understand, and he would judge him and me. I hope you lose both of them, you skank.
Adam Ramirez
That will never happen. My fiancee loves me and wants me and my friend doesn't want to marry and have a family but float through life. He's fine with us getting together occasionally and not possessive at all.
Cooper Mitchell
>bragging about your backup dick on Jow Forums We all know why you have your male "friend".
Brayden Thompson
Where in my comment did you see anything about my sex life? Thats right you didn't, not with my fiancee nor with my friend.
Ryan Torres
Oh, your poor fiancee just wouldn't understand the dynamic of being emotionally cucked! >he would judge him and me. And that'd be very fair. What are you scared of?
Brody Jones
>implying girls care about sex life when trapping men i bet you will try to find excuses for why you have to hide your backup from your current
Michael Kelly
My fiancee never relaxes, even participating in some sport becomes work, not relaxation. He has a high tolerance for stress so never gets rattled or emotional, he's a rock. On the other hand he would give you the shirt from his back, never gets angry or petty or sad.
My friend is like grabbing a tiger by its tail and and when I'm with him anything goes and I do not feel guilty or ashamed.
My fiancee doesn't understand anyone that isn't disciplined and moderate in their behavior both publicly and privately. Like one time he corrected me because I laughed a little at a little boy running around at a funeral.
Ayden Diaz
I didn't trap anyone, both approached me and both appeal to me and intend to keep both. Well, keep my fiancee since I never know with my friend, always expecting when I text him I'm free for an evening he's left town or something.
