As far back as I can remember, I always had a problem with control. I wanted things to be done my way, otherwise it was the highway. That's not to say that I could not cooperate, as I knew when to keep my mouth shut (ie at school, you follow the guidelines, no matter how stupid). But as time goes on, I feel as if this is turning from a bad habit to a serious problem. See, I'm all alone at this point; tv-shows and booze are my only company. I go to Uni, I study, I lift at my "home gym" a bit, and that's it. But the more I remain alone, the more... angry, I'm becoming. Talking to myself, hitting myself, randomly getting up and pretending to choke my pillow... I cannot handle different POVs. The thought of people out there, doing something I dissagree with, makes me sick. I've started believing that humanity is rotten, easily manipulated, selfish, materialistic and vile.
To make you understand, I always had a problem with "mixing"; food, toys, clothes, whatever; everything had to be precisely seperate and ordered. So you can see where I'm going with this... I'm turning into Jow Forums, but unironically. I want EVERYTHING to be under my control; if they're not, I start sperging out when I'm alone. I'm having all these thoughts and daydreams and I don't like myself. I'm constantly angry, and basically dysfunctional. I'm afraid of what I'll become if things can on going like this. I mean, thinking about strangling that jerk is normal, but walking into the bus and daydreaming about smashing the faggot punk's head in, or seeing a BMWF couple and fantasizing about lynching the guy, then impaling the gal with a traffic sign, is not normal. Right?
>start sperging out when i’m alone >when i’m alone
this is because you are a coward, and you certainly do not feel superior to society at large, quite the opposite in fact, you feel so inferior that you can’t stand to be alone with yourself, the untermensch.
Hunter Ward
The point is, stop caring what anyone else does, if it’s not bothering you directly, it’s none of your business and you should focus on being the best person you can be, needing to control everything around you only betrays your latent insecurity and inferiority complex.
Alternatively, if everything I’ve said is wrong so far, and you actually do feel like you’re so much better than everyone, then take over and get control of everything, if it’s as easy as you say it is.
Logan Perez
I don't like the idea of saying to another person that I daydream about killing people. I've done it on small scales, but I'm afraid of what I'll do when it grows larger. I look around me, and nobody has any ambition; they want cozy, 9-to-5 jobs, or they want to be researchers, or just "rich", but nobody wants to "change" anything. Not in any way that matters. The only ones who do are the lefties with their parades and off-days; which is ridiculous and minuscule on its impact. No, I don't think so. There's a guy in my Lab, who loses control and starts sperging out whenever the results are not to his liking. He humiliates himself because he cannot handle it; I can. I can use authority over others when in close proximity, always could. But you are right that I cannot live with myself; I can't even bring myself to look in the mirror depending on the day.
Caleb Reyes
>I don't like the idea...killing people Literally exactly what a therapist is for. You're supposed to tell them these things so they can make you better mentally without actually killing someone. They have confidentiality with whatever you say, and daydreaming about killing someone isn't a crime anywau
Jackson King
>The point is, stop caring what anyone else does, Easy to say it, hard to go through with it. >if it’s not bothering you directly, it’s none of your business I can't accept that though. I know it's wrong, but I cannot accept it. >and you should focus on being the best person you can be, I'm doing this already; it's the only thing I have. >needing to control everything around you only betrays your latent insecurity and inferiority complex. Well, yeah. >Alternatively, if everything I’ve said is wrong so far, and you actually do feel like you’re so much better than everyone, I don't think so; it's just a way i can cope with my feelings of inferiority. >then take over and get control of everything, if it’s as easy as you say it is. I never said it was easy; in fact, it's very hard and unachievable. Which is one more reason why I cannot deal with this; the course of everything is out of my hands, and best case scenario, I'll only manage to make a dent in the current narrative.
Jeremiah Long
I don't want to be dosed up in pills and treated like an outcast; I won't have that. And it's not like I'll turn into a serial killer; I don't hate people, not really. Just certain ones; and I'm smart to enough to know killing randoms isn't changing anything. You need power to truly turn things around.
Wyatt Rivera
A good therapist won't get you on any medication. And if you're sure you don't actually want to kill someone then try self improvement instead (go through Jow Forums archives and find /sig/ threads). Also, if you hate "certain people" try exposure therapy and go up and try to strike a conversation with them. If, for example, you start talking to an interracial couple, chances are by the time you're done talking to them you'll forget they're even interracial.
Andrew Anderson
>And if you're sure you don't actually want to kill someone I don't want to kill random people user; I just want certain people to just... cease to exist. On a global scale. >then try self improvement instead (go through Jow Forums archives and find /sig/ threads). I've been doing sports, martial arts and going to the gym my whole life; they change nothing. >Also, if you hate "certain people" try exposure therapy and go up and try to strike a conversation with them. I'm not an American user; I've never even seen a non-white person. >If, for example, you start talking to an interracial couple, chances are by the time you're done talking to them you'll forget they're even interracial. This wouldn't work, because I'm not the type of "hater" you're thinking about. I'm not the guy who'll look at the non-white the wrong way, refuse to talk, anything like that. I'll treat them as I'd treat any other white person. But deep down inside, I hate them. I'll spend the whole time thinking to myself how much I'd like to see their kind eradicated. The black guy I'd imagine hanged, and the coalburner raped to death. I wouldn't act on it, but I'd think about it.
Liam Gomez
"Hurrr durr you're a wacis" fucking retard.
Jaxson Gray
Hi T. You're wrong.
Luke White
>Hi T. You're wrong. But my name's not Tony user...
Samuel Gomez
I don't give a fuck
Isaiah Clark
I always do what I have to do. Think about who you're dealing with.
David Gray
I don't care if it's 5 or 10 years down the road
Jackson Perez
How are you Spying on my phone? Does my ex have something to do with this? She's the only person that I could possibly think of the is responsible for this.
Matthew Ward
Self improvement isn't just physical user; even with martial arts there's much more mental improvements anyone can make, including you. Also, the only way to cure being a control freak is therapy. I don't even think therapists have the ability to even prescribe medicine, and if they do it's limited to antidepressants. You don't have to say you want to kill them, you can simply say you get very mad deep down when x happens he is actually racist, but i never implied that in the first place. and besides, nothing wrong with being racist as long as it doesn't leak into his social life
Nicholas Brown
Leave me alone.
Jordan Hernandez
You don't seem to understand what I just told you
Jason Watson
Elaborate?
Josiah Butler
Are... are (you) okay user? >Self improvement isn't just physical user; even with martial arts there's much more mental improvements anyone can make, including you. I tried those meditations and new age bullshit; I downloaded like, half a Terra on Occult stuff back in the day. They did nothing. >Also, the only way to cure being a control freak is therapy. I don't even think therapists have the ability to even prescribe medicine, and if they do it's limited to antidepressants. You don't have to say you want to kill them, you can simply say you get very mad deep down when x happens Thing is, I don't want to change, not really. I don't want to go back to saying ;who cares". I don't want one day to wake up, and have my daughter dating a black guy. I don't want the slightest possibility to exist where everything I built, ends up in the hands of some non-white. I'd rather burn down everything I achieve, commit complete and total "suicide", than allow that to happen.
Leo Hughes
This guy is not me (OP).
Levi Myers
If you don't want to change, with all due respect, why did you make this thread? Sounds like you're less of a control freak and more just a traditional man. Maybe a little narcissism but nothing to worry about. I can assure you, travel back 80 years and every single dad you know would kill themselves before letting their daughter marry a black.
Daniel Garcia
>If you don't want to change, with all due respect, why did you make this thread? To vent. To see if I'm truly sick or just a bit edgy. Get some opinions, in general. I would /like/ to change, but I don't /want/ to. More precisely, I think if I could turn back time and prevent myself from ever feeling this way, I reckon I'd be a happier man, but now that I am who I am, I don't want to regress. >Sounds like you're less of a control freak and more just a traditional man. Maybe a little narcissism but nothing to worry about. I can assure you, travel back 80 years and every single dad you know would kill themselves before letting their daughter marry a black. But it's not about just *my* daughter/son. I don't want /anyone/ to do those things. I cannot stand the idea that, right now, someone is doing something, that I don't agree with. As for my daughter, specifically, if I ever have one, the moment she coalburned she'd be disowned. I'm not the guy who'd place house arrest, extremely strict rules, all that jazz, because all they do is lead the kid to rebel. I'd inform them, and then they'd be free to make their choices. If she turned into a race-traitor slut, she'd just... stop existing for me.
Owen Jenkins
So you are a control freak. All I can tell you is therapy. Nothing else will really help that doesn't have to do with medication
Nathaniel Howard
If your IQ is below 130, sort yourself out. If it's above it, and you have the knack for hard work, you could be the next Führer. Either way, of course, you need to find a way to channel your anger effectively while you work on yourself.
Isaiah Gray
I used to talk about it with my parents, but they're convinced it's just a phase. I joke about the ethnic cleansing, and they go between calling me a Nazi and agreeing with me... maybe it's some bipolar thing I inherited. >If your IQ is below 130, sort yourself out. Dunno how much it is. I could speak with complete sentences at Year one and carry conversations. Same as my mom and cousin. None of them did anything special with their lives. I also never used blocks or fingers to count; I did that mentally. Apart from that, the usual (straight A student). I'm at Physics now, and I'm finding things a bit tough, but I haven't gone to class or opened a book in two years, so there's that. I went to a psychologist when I was a kid, and all she did was charge my folks 300$ and tell me I'm "extremely smart but need to take care of my mental well being", which I shrugged off as her wanting to scam money. >If it's above it, and you have the knack for hard work, you could be the next Führer. But I have no connections; I'm a farmer's boy. Sometimes I think I'm cursed; I'm good enough at everything (like I said, 6'1" to 6'2", well built, good face and frame, smart enough, used to paint and play the piano), but I'm not perfect at anything, and it fucks me up. >Either way, of course, you need to find a way to channel your anger effectively while you work on yourself. I just drown it in booze and exercise.
Josiah Wilson
Parents aren't therapists user. Assuming your country isn't a shithole your therapist should understand your situation and be able to help you. Assuming also that you're in Europe, your healthcare should cover it. I say just try it, you have virtually nothing to lose.
James Fisher
Your challenge, right now, is to defeat the monster within you. Part of this is flowery mumbo-jumbo, I know, but if you find a way to beat into submission whatever it is that is the source of your constant anger (NOT the triggers for them in the real world), and to sculpt yourself into who you need to be, you'd have immense potential. The top priority for you is to discipline your mind, without changing what you believe. That is, train yourself to be a mental bedrock, unmoved by whatever people do, merely responding according to your beliefs on instinct. The next time you see something that would make your blood boil, or get a paranoid thought about how someone could cheat you, don't let those feelings of hatred come up. Think about it purely rationally, as in, "what steps are needed to deal with X", rather than "I fucking hate X". See that coalburner? Think to yourself "I know just how people like her would be dealt with", not "I want to impale her on a stick".
I also cannot emphasize enough that your paranoia, while sadly often right in this world, will be the end of you or anything you manage to create if you can't control it. Give people the benefit of the doubt, and only get angry/move against them if you have actual proof of a deception. Even then, deception sometimes has its purposes. Dealing with people always carries uncertainty, and expecting them to follow your plans or orders is setting yourself up for disaster. Try positioning yourself so that you can predict how the could hurt you instead, and have contingency plans for it. But again, don't be punitive or petty in beating people back.
Good luck, user.
Brayden Hernandez
It's not about the money; it's about the stigma. It's South Europe. We've got a friend who's a psychiatrist, and I honestly don't really want to go. >but if you find a way to beat into submission whatever it is that is the source of your constant anger (NOT the triggers for them in the real world), and to sculpt yourself into who you need to be, you'd have immense potential. All things considered, I don't consider myself anything special. But I have enough good qualities, that I feel as if it's my duty to try and act on them. >The next time you see something that would make your blood boil, or get a paranoid thought about how someone could cheat you, don't let those feelings of hatred come up. Think about it purely rationally, as in, "what steps are needed to deal with X", rather than "I fucking hate X". I try to; I don't let emotions get the better of me. >See that coalburner? Think to yourself "I know just how people like her would be dealt with", not "I want to impale her on a stick". Ideally I'd deport her to Central Africa, so that she can be raped to death, use the guy as workforce and the kid... send it to some African shithole too. >I also cannot emphasize enough that your paranoia, while sadly often right in this world, will be the end of you or anything you manage to create if you can't control it. Thing is, I don't believe people can change. My parents, and me, have given second, third and fourth chances, but everyone remains the same. I get what you're saying, but I don't think I can ever completely trust someone, not now. The sad thing is, I still long for that fairy-tale love, but I doubt there'll ever be a woman who'd follow my plans. I'm doomed to be alone, I think. >Good luck, user. Thanks user.
