Holy fuck. Just... holy fuck... I don't know how to process this. I've had heart breaks before; that's for sure. But this one is hitting me harder than all of them combined. Hell, I think the heartbreak from my dad's suicide might be lighter in comparison (or at least the two feel too different to put on the same plate).
I've honestly been crying for over a week over this. I thought this was only a meme. I thought the whole bullshit about women were just memes, misconceptions, misinterpretations of how an entire demographic, and so on. I really thought this shit were only the wails and whines of crybaby manchildren. But now I don't know want to believe.
This breakup, and her reasoning for it (ESPECIALLY her reason) has felt like being repeatedly smacked in the stomach with a bat by a professional baseballer. It makes me nauseous, my skin starts to feel like ice, my sweat cold and decrepit, my limbs shakey and so light I can barely use them, and everything about me feels is disorientation, and nothing else.
I really don't know what's true anymore. I thought this thing about women did not exist at all, and were just popular fallacies. But now my whole world, and my entire perception of it, have cindered. It just turned into balls of cinder, flames, and ash. I'm having trouble making sense of everything; not just women. I'm having trouble trusting, and understanding, them. And when I try to think about it, and her reasoning behind this breakup, it all becomes so distressing that I literally begin to feel dizzy, the room starts spinning out of a control, and I have to either lay down or sit as not to fall.
I have no idea how to make sense of this; I really don't. I don't even know if it can make sense. I don't know even know women can ever be made sense of. Simply put, nothing is logical anymore. Red is yellow. Up is down. Two-plus-two equals fish. The entire universe has ceased comprehension. And my trust in people, not just women, has pretty much drowned....