My boyfriend rarely sleeps with me. Although he vehemently disagrees...

I wrote an email making clear, concise points about what I'm unhappy about, then asked if he could have a think and speak to me about it tonight. I have made it clear that this is the final discussion I'm going to try and have. He said he was happy to do this, so we will have to see what happens.

I really want to spend my life with this person and I am so hopeful about our future, but this is such an elephant in the room at the moment and no matter how great everything else is, it's always in the background casting a cloud over everything.

It causes so much underlying resentment as well, which I'm sure isn't very attractive for him but it's hard not to be upset. I've convinced myself it must be a physical attribute of mine and he cannot explain otherwise.

Proof men are just selfish idiot pigs incapable of real intimacy and connection. If you can't drop porn and fight off thoughts about other women sexually completely in order to improve things between your partner in bed then you aren't committed and don't deserve her.

Good luck user, just be honest and try to be open to what he says.

It's JUST a woman

Thank you.

I am super open, although it's really hard when I feel he's holding back. I don't want to play the blame game, I don't want him to feel bad either because he's a wonderful person and my best friend in the world.

I just want to stop feeling like I'm letting him down in some way, or I'm not good enough. The idea that he's sitting there thinking of ways to actively avoid me because he doesn't find me attractive, is actually harder to think about than if he was just honest about that. I hate the idea of him being unhappy.

We'll see what comes from tonight.

>lady incel
boy what a contribution to the discussion im so glad you came wow what an opinion ive never heard that one before please elucidate as to more of your opinions please so that we can benefit from your limitless wisdom.
>32
>dodging questions
I urge you to consider ulterior problems. You don't necessarily need to bring that up or say it to his face or whatever, but approach this knowing something else could be at work here and that your relationship may be suffering for something that's happening outside. I mean, surely that's obvious but...

I held onto my ex for almost a year longer than I wanted because it was impossible to bring up anything negative concerning us without a repetitive, overdramatic argument that she could never win. I'd rather get it up for someone I'm not attracted to than deal with the gradual madness it put me in.

We are actually very good at talking normally, and I am not the kind of person to burst into overly dramatic arguments. I think it would be more likely that he wouldn't want to hurt me or live with the long term consequences, rather than being scared of my immediate reaction. A good point though.

I have considered this - is there somebody else? Hung up in an ex? Etc etc. In all honesty, I cannot see how he'd be cheating or enamoured with another person because he doesn't really have time and is quite unsociable. Always a possibility though.

I suppose my avoidance was also so I wasn't the catalyst for her being hurt and sad (all of the time), which went on until her presence automatically put me in a bad mood. Considering his age, it could just be that his sex drive is considerably lower than the usual.

You see. It's going get up close and personal

Thanks for your response.

I'd be happy with this, I just need him to tell me rather than play around with this "there's nothing wrong" idea. When we do have sex, it's always him who initiates and we don't have any issues. It's always really nice, he looks at me and we have a good connection, it just doesn't happen very often.

The biggest problem we seem to have at the moment is that he will be disinterested, I will feel unwanted and be in a worse mood, he will react to this mood and not want to be around me, which I consider to be him avoiding me further, rinse and repeat.

If I can stop the cycle, we can try and fix it.

Don't want to make it seem like this is the case but my ex refused to sleep with me and made up excuses to get me out of the room... turns out he was in love with his friend the whole time (who friendzoned him) and he was only using me as a second opinion

Doesn't have to. My ex is crazy, unstable and still absolutely obsessed with me while I'm the sort with sudden explosive anger and unwilling to lie or pull punches only in control because my father already made all the mistakes I would've made and left a powerful example for me.

Huh?

No, thank you for your response, and I'm really sorry that happened to you user.

It is certainly a possibility but he has zero female friends. Funnily enough we were friends for 7 years prior to getting together. I did worry that this might have been a reason, but the sex was great and happened all the time until about a year ago. He still seems to love spending time with me, we have a lovely time together and are regularly arranging dates and so on. I'll keep this in mind though.

t. A Virgin

Only reason for this is he suspects you are cheating on him but doesn't have proof yet.

While women have no issue having sex with multiple men, men are turned off by it.

He has absolutely zero reason to think this. We live together, I'm extremely open with my phone and I only have one male friend who I've known since I was born, who I rarely speak to.

Believe me, he has zero concern that I am cheating on him.

What is the name of this semon demon?

Everyone's libido is different OP, and doesn't determine someone's attraction or love for their partner.

Concluding from the offset that something is terribly wrong is probably misguided considering your partner appears to be perfectly content. Him avoiding the issue or being difficult is probably because this is essentially uncontrollable for him.

I'm sure you've explained however that you feel like his sexual apathy makes you feel as though you've become unattractive to him which hurts you emotionally, which should switch a light in his head that he at the very least, needs to become more romantically aware.

The fact that he's struggling to change his behaviour indicates that he probably needs your help and guidance to find a way to fulfill you emotionally. You certainly need to stop falling into the pit-trap of insecurity as soon as something changes in your relationship, and he needs to work on being more affectionate and open. You both need to come to some mid-way point where you both understand and appreciate one another's feelings.

On the purely physical side of things, learn how to pleasure yourself without guilt or resentment both in his presence and out of it. It's harder than it sounds but is very valuable in relationships where sexual urges WILL fluctuate, fall out of sync and back in. If this seems impossible, then the very last option would be to break up, but do try to make it work.

I have the same issue with my GF.
Been together for 2 1/2 years and we have Sex only around every 3 months.
She claims that it hurts her (which could be) but I would be happy if we are just intimate with each other (oral or similar).
Otherwise the relationship is great and I often adress this topic as well.
We always come to the conclusion to fix it and tried multiple stuff but it always fails and then we stop again (for example the condoms were too small the last time).

Before we were together we were FWB and had Sex multiple times a week and a great sexual fit, however it has been declining since then. Since I was tired of constantly getting refused I told her I would stop initiating, and since then we hadnt had sex at all (since November).

We already tried different things (for example getting her of the Pill or setting specific goals) but nothing worked.

In my head I have an Ultimatum, I bought new (fitting) condoms some time ago and if we dont use atleast three of them until mid summer, I think I'll break it off with her even though otherwise everything goes great.

Not really advice seeking (but it never hurts) but just wanted to vent.

Thank you user, for your very thoughtful and sensible reply. You make several very good points, which I will definitely keep in mind.

My issue isn't with the amount of times we have sex, I have just noted a considerable drop, suggesting he had high libido which has now dropped. Whether this is a mental or physical cause, I'd like to try and know more.

If we went through the rest of our relationship having sex once a week or even a fortnight, I could handle this knowing that it was just his libido and nothing to do with me physically. As it stands, I cannot be sure of this because be won't confirm either way. He tells me he finds me ridiculously attractive but his actions suggest different.

Sorry to hear this user, it really does suck and I hope your efforts are fruitful.

I am on the pill because I don't like the idea of using condoms during sex, but I am having terrible side effects to the point where even my doctor has suggested I come off it. I don't want to do this (despite us rarely having sex) because I'm worried this will create even more of a reason to not sleep together.

So I'm actually causing more health issues for myself by staying on a pill I don't need to be on, because we don't fuck regularly enough to risk a pregnancy anyway.

Getting her of the pill did help in certain aspects (she gets wetter and for a short time we fucked more often) but this dropped quickly.

But ultimately it was the wrong decision, since we now cant do it "in the moment" due to having to have a condom on us the whole time.

She always promises me that it gets better and I think she tries (sometimes she wears Lingerie or she still shaves) but if she does we still dont have sex due to something else not beeing perfect (for example, to tired etc).
Writing this out makes me realize how bad this actually is and I think I will talk with her again this evening (not like the first time .. )

Perhaps he doesn't know why this has happened either? It seems to me that it's an uncomfortable area of discussion and he might be feeling highly sensitive about this. Whether he's withholding information or is too uncomfortable for introspection, it's unfortunately down to you to build an environment where he feels able to express his emotions. It's important to remember that a high sex drive with men is very strongly linked with ideas of virility and masculinity so he might be taking things badly or be feeling unattractive himself when confronted with his own levels of desire.

And again, sex will always be most frequent during the start of a relationship, and will usually find a comfortable balance with peaks and troughs occurring over time.

Are there any major stresses in his life? I would suggest that your demands for physicality may be creating an additional burden where he feels he has to put on an act to please you. This is rather antithetical to genuine sexual passion so may be another hurdle he has to overcome.

The best thing you can do is probably go to a relationship counselor to help discuss your feelings in a balanced environment. It sounds to me like you need your fears assuaged as much as he needs to be able to verbalise his perspective.

What about ex lovers, hope you haven't given him details of your tryst. That too is a major turn off

You are fantastic user, thank you for taking the time to reply :)

>What is the best thing to do?

You can call me if you weigh less than 140 lbs and are not butt ugly

>t. A Virgin

Whats funny is women wanting to talk about sex with other men on the internet and wonder why there is a problem with their sex life with their bf.

You better hope your bf never finds out how free you are with discussing your/his fucking performance or lack thereof with other men.

What the fuck is wrong with you insecure fucks?

It is his responsibility to be honest about whether he's attracted to you. It isn't your responsibility to weasel it out of him. All you can do is take him at face value.

>If we went through the rest of our relationship having sex once a week or even a fortnight, I could handle this knowing that it was just his libido and nothing to do with me physically.
If this really is true, that you can handle this amount of sex, then this really just comes down to you being insecure. He can't cure your insecurity, only you can.

And in the same way that he can't change you, you can't change him. You're focusing so much on trying to change the way he talks to you and change the way he behaves around you. Since you can't change him, then your options are this: Cope or leave. I hope you choose the former. Let yourself enjoy this relationship without second guessing it.

They're assuming that everyone else is emotionally stuck at sixteen like they are, so anyone they try to sleep with will run off and tell all the other girls during fifth period lunch and they'll never get a chance again, or something.

That doesn't address the FACT that OP is speaking to men about her sex life, and worse she is talking to these men about her bf's shortcomings. Tell me how that doesn't cross all kinds of boundaries?

Just because you are a good partner doesnt mean you have sex appeal.

He’s gay or you’re fat.