Hello Jow Forums, I have a question I'm sure you might get a bunch but I'd just like some help.
I have a close friend that I'm very attracted to on multiple levels. I've known her for like a year and a half, known her well for almost a year. We spend lots of time together, 3 times a week on average I see her. When she moved to an apartment, she intentionally chose an apartment that would be close to me and my roommate because she likes hanging out with us so much. I asked her out like back in September and she said no. We moved on, we're better friends now than we were then. Trouble is I'm still hopelessly infatuated. I don't orbit her or do anything weird, I keep it to myself and just stay friends.
In my actions, I've given up on her. I understand that women generally don't suddenly become attracted to someone years after knowing them so I know it's not gonna work out. I even have been seeing someone else for about a month who I like. I had hoped that dating would make my feelings for this girl go away, but they aren't. I feel guilty that I've got such strong feelings for her while I'm trying to date this other girl, and I feel guilty for harboring these strong feelings for her for this long despite us just being friends. Almost everything I do to improve myself, in the back of my mind I think "maybe she'll like me now" even though I know that's not how it works.
Advice I've gotten before is to just not be her friend. That's not an option for me. We are close and I'm not willing to do that to myself or to her. Is there any other option available to me? Do I just need to prepare myself for living with these feelings and trying to ignore them? I hate being so attracted to someone that I see all the time like this.
Realize that she sees you only as a friend and nothing more and let bygones be bygones. You shouldn't let a girl stay on your mind like that and consume you if the feeling isn't reciprocated. Once you realize that she will be more likely to find some random guy she passed by on the street more attractive than you, who she have known for over a year, you will move on.
Hudson Roberts
Did you ever talk about it with her? Btw I’m in a similar situation and it really hurts.
Dylan Cruz
Logically I'm there. My heart isn't following along though, these feelings keep rising up and getting me down. It isn't affecting my mood as much as it used to, but the feelings are still there and the stupid little "what if" thoughts
No, and I really feel like I shouldn't, just because I think it would negatively affect our friendship and I don't want that. There's really nothing that she can do so I don't think she needs to know. We never discussed the fact that I asked her out and she probably assumes I'm over it by now
Elijah Mitchell
All I can say is that I am a girl who feels like you do about a friend, and acts like your friend with him.
Carson Watson
I really did think she had a thing for me, which was the main reason that I asked her out in the first place, but she said she'd rather stay friends, so I complied. She's really a genuinely great friend, and sometimes her behavior really makes me think she's got something for me, but in the end I'm pretty sure she's just very comfortable around me.
This he part of why I'm having a little trouble getting over her, I'm having to ignore behavior that seems to be indicating attraction when I know it's not
Elijah James
Cut contact slowly but surely or find a new bitch
Austin Hughes
SOMe would say you're friend zoned. That's not true. Women can't be friends with guys. The reality is actually much worse. You are 'brother zoned'. She views you as a brother figure. Would you ever have sex with and date your sibling? Of course you wouldn't. So she is never going to date you. You just need to accept your relationship with her right now and realize it will NEVER change.
Jason Wilson
I'm not after a quick fuck so I'm not looking for a "new bitch", and as I stated in the OP she's my friend so I'm not cutting contact. Also as I already stated in the OP I'm already currently seeing someone.
Leo Rivera
>Women can't be friends with guys
Almost every person I consider to be a friend is a woman
Thomas Cooper
My advice to you would be to stay 'friendly' with her but just start seeing her less. Whether you realize it or not she is siphoning your energy and having a negative impact on your mental state. You have your own life to lead, opportunities to pursue, self to cultivate. I think she is getting in the way of that. Everything you do for yourself should BE for yourself, not someone else. If after you do something your thoughts are 'maybe she'll like me now', then that is an enormous red flag and shows just how much of a stranglehold she has on you. Food for thought. But I would just start communicating with her less and seeing her less, it will be much better in the long run. Friends really aren't that important and really come about by pursuing similar interests . It sounds like she gets more out of your friendship than you do with her. Start living for and loving yourself and everything will get better much quicker
Why not letting her know? Not that she'll fall for you then, but she IS your friend, no? Tell her you fear for their friendship. She might hook you up with something to help you cope. It's not like someone will ever get pissed knowing someone cares for you.
Just try not to get weird with it. Tell her straight up you know she's not into you in that way, that'll ease her up.
Robert Thompson
You realize that in the remote case she is into you, you would look not available and that’s why she could be acting as if you were just friends?
Tyler Cooper
I asked her out before and she said no back in September, I started dating only very recently
If you're suggesting she changed her mind, that is possible but I know I can't just wait around for that to happen. I took her response of "let's be friends" at face value and am acting as such
Maybe. I just don't see the benefit, and only see negatives. She wouldn't get pissed, but it would cause her to act differently towards me, consciously or not.
Jaxson Price
Your choice, I just feel that sincerity always is best.
Lincoln Clark
He's already been sincere, and look where that got him. You have an unrealistic view of women and what they do/want
Cooper Smith
Move on. Find a new girlfriend. You are nothing to this girl, although, curiously, once you start showing up with a new girlfriend in tow you may suddenly become attractive to her again.
This is the way women are. They do not like men that need them. It is hard to accept, but try moving on and see if what I am telling you doesn't come to pass.
Michael Martin
>If you're suggesting she changed her mind, that is possible but I know I can't just wait around for that to happen. I took her response of "let's be friends" at face value and am acting as such
Don't just take it at face value, take it as gospel. Women do not like guys who present no challenge to them. Once you have been put into the friend zone, you stay in the friend zone, unless you can figure out a way to escape. Dating other girls may help move you out. But maybe not. In any case, you have lost this girl. Which is why you never want to become friends with a woman you really want a relationship with.
Brayden Phillips
There's a difference between sincerity and telling everyone everything you feel. If she asked me point blank if I was attracted to her I would tell her the truth, but there's no reason to just open up to her randomly, at least in my mind.
>Which is why you never want to become friends with a woman you really want a relationship with Yeah, I know this to be true, unfortunately I fell for her months and months after I met her. Just the way my shitty brain seems to work. Everyone I've ever been majorly attracted to, it's happened long after I met them and became friends.
