Today I returned a wallet to one guy. He gave me some money and I shook his hand. Why am I depressed then? I know some of you are going to jump at me for using that word but I feel this pressure from all sides and all I can think about is that moment. I can't concentrate on anything and I feel like I felt when I had my episodes.
These episodes were periods of my life where I was really sad. All I wanted to do is sleep, cry and nothing was fun. I was too lazy to do anything and I couldn't concentrate. Please explain my feelings to me. I think I can do the rest.
The difference is that I don't want to cry now. I am just really frustrated.
Nolan Parker
What in the fuck has the wallet story to do with your sadness? Did you hit your head and mixed some shit up?!
Hunter Clark
The wallet caused this episode. I get really frustrated and depressed while thinking about it. And I can't control the thinking. I can see it all the memory is vivid both audio and visuals.
I've done pretty good for about month now, I even started to be more social. People are nicer in this hot weather so I became less defensive and people could approach me. But then the wallet thing happened
Lincoln Allen
>anime poster >depression Psychologist. Cardio sport. Vitamine D and B supplements. Sunbathing.
Dylan Walker
I actually work out every single day As I said here I am just surprised the wallet thing gave me an episode and I still don't know why.
Most of my previous episodes were because I had nothing. But I already dealt with that.
Brody Garcia
Have you figured out what you want from your life yet?
I honestly don't know enough about your life to advise. But maybe, if you're isolated, the wallet episode was a brief moment of human contact.
Wyatt Powell
Still makes no sense at all. You are legit broken. Except that it is all in your head. Suffer for real once. Pain and fear and poof depression gone in favor to fix the true problems.
Sissy weak faggot. Bohooo guess what i was "depressed" for half a year. I got over it. No therapy no meds nothing. Just get over it you weakass trash. I did it anyone can. Because I was true and utter human waste.
Robert Smith
You are disappointed that you have some ethics and good behavior when some part says you should be a thief and scum? You would beat yourself up over that too. You have a poor self image. Improve it by following Joseph Campbell's advice - build a myth and live inside of it. Be a Jedi, A questing paladin, a druid, whatever in your imagination. It gives you a structure to view the world and your place in it. be the hero of your own story instead of some shmoe.
Hunter Clark
You got that one right. But I haven't spilled my spaghetty I acted 8/10 on social scale. >Still makes no sense at all That's why I am here > Just get over it That's what I am trying to do Rambo
yeah, you don't have to spill your spaghetti for an experience to be memorable. try this. rather than think "this is a taste of what I could have had if I wasn't so (fill in the blank) to ever have this", maybe realize that you did make a social connection, simply by being yourself.
Hunter Robinson
Isn't this some kind of Cognitive dissonance? I did something I never expected to do now my whole reality is going down(I am exaggerating ofc.)
Samuel King
Being a functioning human is being rambo for you? Pathetic. I am not much better. Still doing shit because I dont want to be a useless sad fleshbag.
Develop and nuture your body and mind. Work out, learn stuff and get the fuck out of your comfort zone. Latter is on my to do list.
Jayden Reed
Even the sad are functioning user. I work out every single day. I do meditation every single day. And I do electrical engineering. I can buy the stuff I want and I eat homemade meals every single day. What else do I need to not get emotionally obliterated from doing something "nice" ? I don't mind when people scream at me. I can even get over people throwing stuff because of me. But when somebody thanks me and gives me money I get depressed.
Lol wut? Be an asshole. Try it and see what happens. Also you seem waaay to forgiving. Damn i kept trolling and insulting you and you still reply in a civil manner.
Thats actually interesting
Carson Perry
It could be cognitive dissonance. It could be fear of authentic relationships, fear of failure, fear of warmth, it could be some ingrained / habitual self-esteem (cognitive dissonance), it could be your loneliness speaking.
Any of these would fit with the info you've posted, but unfortunately I would need much more info to make a solid determination. It could be something else entirely.
Do any of those explanations ring true to you?
Landon Wilson
This is a cringier post than the OP
Jason Mitchell
The key is linking the event and feeling to the core thought. Was this someone you interact with on a regular basis?
Ayden Edwards
>Do any of those explanations ring true to you? every single one. It was foreigner May the God himself slaughter me if I lie to you now. I tried to be "evil" and I can't do it. I can tell people "mean" stuff. But I can't do genuinely evil stuff.
Benjamin Gray
Thanks
Love you!
Ryder Roberts
How'd he lose the wallet? What kind of person did he appear to be, and how much money did he give you?
Landon Allen
He left it on observatory spot (You can see the whole town from it) It was older guy. He seemed like a nice person, he wanted to invite me for a drink at first. He gave me 25$. How is this important?
>when somebody thanks me and gives me money I get depressed That's so fucking true. I also feel guilt when someone says that I did a good job or any other similar compliment. I feel like I don't deserve it.
You turned down the drink invitation - maybe that has something to do with it. You had a chance to make a new friend, and it's gone now.
Blake Flores
He was a lot older than me tho. Are you saying that I subconsciously wanted to be friend of an old man? My whole family already hates me user, only my mother talks to me and the funny thing is, I hate her the most.
Saying "thank you" is a big deal for me. I can't remember last time I said that from my heart. I don't appreciate things I get even though I pretend I do. I met my childhood friend today and his gf, we were just walking and talking for 3 hours. His birthday is today and I didn't even say "happy birthday man, wish you the best blablabla". They are so happy with each other it makes me jealous. I had a great time with them today, but when I left I was like "Oh, I lied again about so many things, can't believe I actually did it again." I lied that I deleted all my social media accounts, I lied that I miss those time in school when we were hanging out with a group of friends, I lied that I miss school and so many other things. Actually, things started to get better for me, but after todays meeting I feel like I want to die again. Initially I was planning to walk around the city alone, but as soon as left my apparentment and wanted to light a cig, they were like "Hey, user!" My first thought was not "Oh, I'm so happy that I met them, it's been such a long time since I saw them" but "Oh, not this shit again." God I fucking hate myself for this. I really gotta visit psychotherapist because it's not going really well for me.
Well, to do something "evil" you really gotta be mean to everyone around you. When someone asks you for help you should say something like "fuck off I don't give a shit bout what you're doing honestly" Something like that I guess. Don't try that, people will beat you to death for that or ignore you. You can trigger people by punching them in hand or back on purpose but pretending it wasn't on purpose. That's just fucking retarded, I wouldn't recommend you doing something like this, it'll get you a lot of trouble. Start boxing or some shit If you want to beat people and in your mind you'll think "oh you stupid motherfucking peace of shit, you deserve what you got, I'm evil ha-ha-ha" but that sounds like you are crazy and need therapy desu.
A friend is a friend. Just trying to see if you can dig deeper and realize anything about that event which would've produced that reaction.
Jackson Moore
Just did that. It was prolly my embarrassment I don't really want to go into details I am good now. Maybe I am not nice, I am just too lazy and being nice is easier than fighting for yourself.
And this is where I should have expected to land. It all comes back to my apathetic nature. And I am apathetic because there is nothing worth fighting for. tl;dr I am searching for life purpose again.
It seems like you're spinning your wheels a bit too much about this. Or maybe you are still learning how to process your own emotions.
Just be a good person, OP. It seems like you already are. If this dude invited you for drinks that's a positive sign. You were OK to decline that invitation, that's not a problem.
You seem like you spend a lot of time in your head. That's not a bad thing, but life happens out there, too. Who you think you are may have very little to do with how others perceive you - especially since you seem to think pretty lowly of yourself.
My advice? Put yourself out there a bit more. Get out a bit more. Do things that make you happy. You seem like a good person OP, but I think part of your unhappiness is due to you beating yourself up or something when you're alone.
