Flirting leads to the wrong people liking me

So I guess I'm pretty naturally flirtatious. It's not really me trying to flirt, it's just me acting normal. But I'm pretty good looking and have my shit together, so I seem to naturally attract sweet, nice, chubby girls, since I'm not always trying to fuck.

The problem is here, I'm just not into them. I'm kinda shallow. My confidence also tends to waver around girls I'm attracted to, so I always end up with a bunch of girls who are really nice chasing after me, but never anyone I actually like.

Then I have to shut these girls down and they don't seem to get it because it seemed like I was flirting, and I feel terrible, because they're good people.

Do I just restrict myself to talking to girls I'm attracted to, even if I'm not as confident/flirtatious around them?

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maybe quit being a shallow sexist jerk and you MIGHT get laid

It's not getting laid I'm concerned about. I can make getting laid happen. But I don't want to have sex with some girl I'm not attracted to. And I don't want to lead anyone on.

Just fuck those plain chicks for experience. Maybe they have hot friends.

Or just don't bother. Your choice.

>So I guess I'm pretty naturally flirtatious.

this is me sometimes and it can really cause complications ,especially during university
where you are around a lot of girls

>Do I just restrict myself to talking to girls I'm attracted to, even if I'm not as confident/flirtatious around them?

try to figure out what makes you interaction with those girls flirtatious ,exact things and gestures you do or things you say , then do less those things and control it

Maybe you could get to know one of these girls. I've been in a relationship with a girl I didn't find physically attractive and frankly it was the best relationship I had.

She was just a really nice person and I properly fell for her. I didn't fancy her to begin with but once you realize you like them then their looks start to be attractive just because you associate their physicality with the love you have for them.

The only reason it didn't work out was because of the distance.

Fucking a girl that really likes you and then trying to fuck/date her friend is a losing battle. I've done it.

Yeah, I guess trying to figure it out is important. But I'm in marketing and just naturally am used to being the center of attention in the room, remembering people's names, having engaging conversation, that kind of thing. All I can think of doing otherwise is just sitting in a corner and keeping to myself.

I tried dating a girl "for her personality" a couple of years back and it ended up failing miserably, and I broke her heart. I thought "she's cute enough, I can learn to love this," and realized that her sweet, nurturing style was just grating. Our conversations were nice, but I got bored, and I struggled to want to have sex. I tried nofap and everything, but my mind kept going back to my gorgeous coworker and such.

Like, I want to "give these girls a chance," but I know I'm eventually going to feel like I'm missing out on better.

Well if you feel you can do better then yeah you'll probably not be happy.

Can you actually do better though?

I figure if a bunch of girls are all interested in me and telling me how good looking I am and how well I have it... yes? I also have a great job, house, car, varied friends... and I've been with some gorgeous girls in my time.

Even regardless of "doing better," I've always felt like you're supposed to be head over heels at some point for someone if you're actually going to commit to them. It's not like buying a used car and looking for the right deal.

Stop flirting with shitty people and stop being a fucking attention whore.

We're in identical situations OP, just replace "nice chubby girls" to "everyone"
My advice? Just get a partner, or even make up having one, and enjoy the attention.

Shut up fatty

Being head over heels for someone before knowing them really is just a crush.

I mean they could possibly work out but I don't think 'love at first sight' lasts, you'll be complaining a few years from now that the spark has gone.

I think you're just not in the mindset for a relationship is all, just don't indulge this girls for now and just hope they're still available later.

It's not really "love at first sight" that I'm talking about, but something more than a begrudging "well I guess this person is nice enough so let's go out." It feels like doing a disservice to that person. Like a period of excitement, a desire to see them, rather than a business relationship of sorts.

Well in that case it sounds almost like you're taking it out on the girls who like you because your confidence wanes around girls you find attractive.

At the end of the day, being with a girl you feel comfortable with is far better than anything.

user you're probably not as attractive as you think, and those "chubbies" are actually in your league, not below it. If you were truly as attractive as you claim to be, you would have some good looking girls on you. You're just delusional and uglier than you thought

Lust is not love. You shpuld never base a serious relatiinship on lust. Love is when you've been together for 2+ years aand still want to be with them in particular. There is no "head over heels", that's just dumb temporary lust

Bit harsh, but this.

Girls aim upwards, don't confuse yourself thinking that because you're attractive enough for some girls to hit on you, that means you're a playa.

I mean you're gonna be more attractive than most people on Jow Forums but that's still a real fucking low bar.

I have, and have had very attractive girls on me. I know this is Jow Forums, but let’s at least pretend for a minute. I know I have value.

You may have had attractive girls on you, but that's clearly not a regular occurrence and sadly for you it's women who dictate the market.

Is it not slightly possible those attractive girls weren't actually out of your league and they felt the same about you the same way you feel about this nice girls you're putting in the friend zone?

Sure, it’s possible, but I see no value in settling. So it’s kind of a moot point. The constant assumption here though is that all dudes are hunched over mouth breathers.

No one is saying that about you or anyone else. It's just at the end of the day, for every one 'attractive' girl shows you a bit of attention 10 'chubbies' are basically begging you to be with them, then you have to accept that on average your 'league' is probably going to be with one of those 10 rather than the 1 who could take or leave you.

Don't listen to this fag. Confidence + showing interest> good looks (unless you're slayer status).

I

>My confidence also tends to waver around girls I'm attracted to
Seems to me this is a critical point in the system. If you can change this, then your problem will be solved. With basically every social paradigm, there are resources out there to help you upskill. Have you looked into working on this?

>Having standards -> "sexist"
>Immediately invoking sexual politics
You are the reason men don't take women's opinions seriously

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Look geezers, if he doesn't feel comfortable around girls he is finding attractive then he isn't truly beliving himself to be their type.

He's only harming himself by not going with a girl that he feels comfortable with and that likes him.

You'd have to be a 15 year old to blow that shit off for the popular girl at school because she spoke to you once.

>Do I just restrict myself to talking to girls I'm attracted to, even if I'm not as confident/flirtatious around them?
You should focus on girls you're interested in that are also interested in you (after you figure that out). I'm not attracted to fatties either, its repulsive, that's why I never wasted time on them. Don't flirt with anyone you're not interested in but you can still talk if you want. Any attention you give them (from my perspective as a girl) will make them think you like them. So its just something you're going to have to learn, don't be rude unless they are dense but don't waste your time on people you don't like.

So chubby girls wouldn’t be into me if I were more attractive? I don’t get the logic.

Yep. This is an issue. If I were casual and comfortable around all girls, it’d have huge benefits. I just don’t bother asking them out because there’s consequences, I guess? Like I’d rather be worshipped by a bunch of girls than take the risk that I’m gonna get shot down.

Comfortable with doesn’t mean interested in though. It’s like an old dirty comfortable couch. It might be great to lay on and watch a show, but it’s falling apart and I shouldn’t have my clean house ruined by it.

>Like I’d rather be worshipped by a bunch of girls than take the risk that I’m gonna get shot down.

Yeap, that's the psychological issue that's the root of the situation.

I think the clear solution for you is to look into seduction/game. You have very typical confidence issues, which most guys have, which can only be broken by proving to yourself that you can do it.
You're already attractive, and not an autist. I don't think it'll take much for you to do it.


I recommend the resources Models by Mark Manson, and The Natural by RSDMax.
In general, I recommend looking into 'natural game' (not the product, but the school of thought) as opposed to 'pickup artist game'.

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Quit being so beta, OP. You're an ugly chick magnet because you're not putting yourself out there enough. You don't really need to be that attractive as a guy to get a 10/10 gf. As long as you're interesting, and assertive. Meaning you always know what you want, and are willing to go the extra mile to get it.

>not realizing guys who get laid the most get rejected the most

You gotta lose to win. I fucked 12 girls last year and got rejected more times than I could count.

It's a numbers game. Even if you're a 10/10 you're going to get rejected by at least 50% of the girls you approach. So some nights you may hit the clubs and get rejected 5 times before getting lucky.

Stop being so afraid of getting rejected you beta pussy faggot.

But getting rejected hurts me a lot.
Worst part is that the more I get rejected, the more thirsty I look to other women. That's bad.

I get it.

This wasn’t OP.

I’m not necessarily afraid of rejection, but afraid of wasting my time and emotional energy just to have a girl I’m into not feel the same way. I won’t be crying into a pillow for months or lose my self esteem, but wondering why I let so much time go where I could have been doing something more fulfilling.