25 and over general advice thread

Sounds a little too good to be true.

27

Things have been overall pretty up. I’ve been getting Jow Forums at the gym, and i just started going for night runs (I recommend this for everyone. It’s so peaceful running at night). I’m working toward my future career which is good. I have a great girlfriend right now, however... our relationship will likely end soon which sucks.. it’s going to be extremely painful

Got any advice for finding a good therapist? Or for doing therapy properly so it has a real impact?

I think I will take this advice and go for a night run now. I kept putting it off all day and almost gave up but the idea of a peaceful little night jog seems nice.

I don't understand what is the fantastical part of this statement?
Do the cookie cutter blonde soccer moms with rich providers have really thick skin?

Dude you should. I’ve been having anxiety issues the past week that’s been fucking me up. I decided on Tuesday to go on a run. I went out and jogged through my neighborhood at 11pm. It was dark, quiet, and so peaceful. it was so nice that even tho my legs were sore, I ran last night too. It was genuinely enjoyable

I went to cognitive behavioral therapy. It helped with changing your mentality and acknowledging fallacies on your thought process.
This may or may not work for everyone because there is a chance you might be suffering from chemical imbalances and that would require a psychiatrist. I live in NYC so I have a lot of options when choosing a therapist that accepts my insurance. Look local online for any social workers who can offer counseling.

Post how your jog was when you’re done

to add to what the other user said. If you’re employed, your employer might be a member of the Employee Assistance Program (EAP) which provides free therapy services. It’s confidential and you can choose whatever therapist you want. You’re employer pays the bill

>It’s confidential
man I find that real fucking hard to believe, especially if you mention you don't feel like you want to be alive much longer

I have access to an EAP but have avoided it precisely because of that, plus the kinds of problems listed on the website is typical normie shit:
financial woes, marital issues, alcohol shit, etc.

you don’t speak with your employer for EAP. You go through whatever company is sponsoring it. My company uses Live Well Work Well. I’ve used them. I never had to communicate anything with my employer. I contacted that company which is a third party, they sent me a referral and I took it to a clinic of my choice

ukranian brides will save the white race. marrige to a yukie bride is like 20% more successful than marrying a western girl.

Truth

yeah, and I'm CONVINCED that that entire trail lights up to your employer
if you're on their insurance and it gets billed, you really think they're not going to see all your shrink visits? They're the ones paying for it
even if you pay cash it has to go through billing of your plan before you get an EOB

That’s not how it works.

They entered into an agreement with EAP. payment into EAP has already been paid by your employer. the money is already sitting there for people to use. It’s not like you go, and your employer gets a charge saying “user went to a therapist”.

Also, have you never been to therapy before? You’ve be quiet surprised. I was very anxious before I started going. I thought It would be weird sitting in a waiting room with crazies. But boy was I surprised. Do you know who I saw? Regular people. Grown normal looking men and women. Dressed normally. Acted normally. Just looked like any regular people you’d see at work or anywhere else. They had things bothering them and wanted help.

All I'm saying is if the EAP gets your name and what you're looking for, I see nothing saying they can't report it right back to the employer

I have never been to therapy but I assume it's like any other doctor where you start out by describing the issue and like I said I don't even know how.

>Do you know who I saw? Regular people. Grown normal looking men and women. Dressed normally. Acted normally. Just looked like any regular people you’d see at work or anywhere else. They had things bothering them and wanted help.
Exactly like I said, they're there for real problems with their spouses and substance abuses and crippling debt. I'm there because I hate girls and don't want to go outside.

>I have never been to therapy but I assume it's like any other doctor where you start out by describing the issue and like I said I don't even know how.

You don’t have to jump right in it and tell them what’s bothering you. When I went, I did it in sections, and as I felt comfortable.

>Exactly like I said, they're there for real problems with their spouses and substance abuses and crippling debt. I'm there because I hate girls and don't want to go outside.

You don’t know this. Who knows what they are there for. I was there for crippling anxiety.

Yah it ended up being quite nice, thanks for the inspiration user.

Would say it was worth it, weather was basically perfect for jogging.

Gay orgy?

25, finishing my degree up this year, way later than average i know but fuck it, it's better than not having one. Definitely dicked around a lot partying in my earlier 20s which delayed my school success but I'm getting my life on track, got Jow Forums worked on social gains, dating a lot of women and am building a sizeable portfolio so I might not even have to work after I graduate. Planning to move across the country in a year or two to start my 'adult' life for lack of better words. Overall I'm really excited, it's never too late guys 25-29 isn't that old it's all about attitude.

29, parent of 2 (boy and a girl), getting ready to starting "university" in the fall (technically it's through one of the state universities but the course work is done at local community campus). The prospect of having my bachelor's by the time I'm 31 and having a career opposed to floating from job to job aimlessly. I'm still a fuck up but I can offer whatever advice I can give.

I have legitimately concidered this several times in the past.

I am a 30 year old male who has worked as a cook for the last 11 years and I want out. What should I do for a new career? Don't say something generic like "just do what you enjoy" because I cooking was the only thing I enjoyed and doing it for a living has killed any enjoyment it ever gave me. Preferably something that will have me both sitting and moving around throught the day.

I'm 25 and just barely starting to take school seriously. Been going since I was 19, and I'll be extremely lucky if I graduate by 28 lol.

My advice would be to try to do something out-of-the-box. I've been working on a story for a video game since like 2007. It's just one of those things that has been in the back of my mind for forever, and just a few months ago it dawned on me that I should try to make my game a reality. I don't have much in terms of sprites and animations at the moment, but I'm looking at a September release.

>Overall I'm really excited, it's never too late guys 25-29 isn't that old it's all about attitude.
But you have a foundation to work from.

How do I find what to do?

I've never liked or wanted to work, it doesn't interest me at all. A career is the least interesting thing in the universe to me, I just don't care or want one.

I feel similar. What things do interest you?

I'm going to graduate when I'm 27 because I started college late, going to turn 26 in a couple of months. Main friend is moving away in the near future too.

I don't really get how people put themselves out there. I look at meetup and the only clubs that interested me are dead anyways, and online dating has been a shit show. People often suggest meeting women in college, but that's a non option with my major. I mean, I get certain obvious improvements like graduate asap, or to improve my health but I'm totally lost on the social and dating front.

If you're still in uni, don't you have like societies and clubs?

not him, but wouldn’t it be very annoying to be 27 and in a club with mostly 18-20 year olds?

I'm going to a satellite campus, so its pretty small. I tried joining one relevant to my major but they're dead in the water since all of the leadership had graduated at once apparently. Past that its mostly a bunch of other shit revolving around identity and I'm not exactly going to hold my breath for one about straight white dudes. That's why I've been focusing on other resources like meetup.

Very little anymore.

Art, film, music.

So what kind of things do you like to do in your free time?

You can handle your self. It's very rare that someone actually needs medication. Although there is definitely something to pyshcology, it's still a puesdo science.

Just keep things simple. Don't use mind altering substances and get your finances in order.

So nothing then.
Do you seriously think there are people on this planet that dont have an interest in art, film, and music?

Read, watch movies, gym, play guitar, go to musuems, art galleries, watch ballet, sometimes watch football, a video game very now and then

Oh ok. Well I wasn't really going anywhere with this just was curious because I'm looking for some new hobbies

Yeah, but other than that I really have no idea.

I mean, in your late 20s most people already have an established social circle which gets smaller as the years go by.

Wew, I just joined this 25+ club recently.
Life is tough, although I feel I make it tougher on myself.

I'm on a quest to find a gf.
>working out at home
>got a nice new haitcut
>trying to GET how to flirt and spike
The other day two cuties were smiling at me, and I would like to pursue one of them, even though she is a store clerk, but my gut tells me it wasn't just niceness, so I'll give it a shot.

I rarely meet new people or go to parties, so I'm trying to increase my social circle by chatting it up with people off the street, and will try to look up social gatherings. But finding these events (especially ones which aren't super lame) is difficult.

I hope I make it, bros.
I really want to be able to love someone. I want to have dates and do all the lovey dovey shit.

That's ok. What do you do in your free time?

Hmm

I’m 27 too and i only have a few friends. The only way I’ve met women is from traveling internationally.

Meeting women in the USA is hard

29

Honestly I'm getting tired of threatening and attempting suicide. Hearing people tell me that killing myself would hurt others has guilted me into half-assing every attempt.

I want an easy way out user. I've never done hard drugs, or slept around before, but people assure me that it won't help.

Advice for anyone 25+

Unless you have a partner or a family at this point, there really is nothing out there for you. Being a stepping stone to a younger, more motivated generation that will inevitably supplant me, fills me with despair. What do I do?

>Unless you have a partner or a family at this point, there really is nothing out there for you.

Why do you say this? You just need to
Challenge yourself.

age 27

I just want to stop negative emotions and thoughts that occupy my mind at night, there's no way I can't get a good nights sleep at weekdays, it's unbearable. I need help, I don't want to live my last years suffering depression, anxiety, frustration. I want to break free from mental anguish for good

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Where do you even get the drive to say motivated. Like , my mind is just bogged down with negativity. How can i challenge myself when I can't even bring myself to a "can-do" mindset???

Lad. Go for night runs.

It helped me and another user here. It’s very relaxing to go running at night. When it’s dark, quiet, and peaceful. Running is also physically and mentally
Healthy.

you need to start making changes. Here’s the key.

Start with ONE thing at a time. Once you start that first task. You’ll feel better, and it will encourage you to progress.

I started by going to the gym a year ago. I really didn’t want to go. I made myself go once. Felt good afterward. I felt like I actually used my time wisely and got something out of it. So I kept going. Just this week, I decided to go for a night run. And it was actually really nice. I felt good knowing I did cardio and did something healthy and relaxing. I also got a good nights sleep as a result.

You just have to start with simple things first. There is a book written by a military commander that I’ve seem the book is about making your bed in the morning. The concept is “it’s a simple task. But if you complete this task. You feel like you accomplished something. Which will lead you to completely your next task” it actually is true

>Being a stepping stone to a younger, more motivated generation that will inevitably supplant me, fills me with despair.
Become better than them. I know it's easier said than done, but you can have more experience and knowledge. It is ridiculous how incompetent are so many people out there, they only function to fill out a quota of work, and never go beyond that. They don't read, they don't think, they are cogs in a machine.

And the truly talented individuals, those who were born with an advantage in life and took expensive classes with the best professors, and we're recommended to work in a high position of a big company, are in the elite, so I doubt an average folk will ever directly compete against them.

>Unless you have a partner or a family at this point, there really is nothing out there for you
It's the opposite. Married people with kids are literally chained for life. All their free time and money will be absorbed by their family.
You are free, you have time, you have a chance to do whatever you want.

So don't throw yourself and everyone else into this defeatist bag of mediocrity.

Damn, thanks user. I've never really heard it said this way. I greatly appreciate it.

>What the fuck do we do now?
Nothing to do. Just watch life pass you by.

If you were born just five years later...

29 here, pushing 30

Mortgaging an apartment, the bank owns my kei car, soon to mortgage a summer cabin in the woods (if all goes well)

I have LOADS of cash every month. I bought a cheap apartment in a small train-over town 15 minutes away from my job. I almost never buy clothes, I shower at work, I eat out once a month or less. Keep my expenses down.

That's my tip for you guys, keep those expenses down so you can save money for big things that will make you happy (like the deposit for a brand new econobox or a cabin in the woods)

Also, used cars are a meme. I would have saved several thousands of Euros every year if I had just financed a new car instead of gambling on the rust-heaps I kept buying.
A wise and trained /o/utist might save money and learn valuable skills, but I put on a replacement exhaust badly and it kept falling off whenever I hit a bumpy patch of road. Not to mention oil drippings EVERYWHERE. And another car blowing the head gasket in the middle of an intersection in the middle of rush hour traffic in Winter!

Also get a pet. A mammal of course. Fish and bird people haven't evolved properly and always end up as fucked-up individuals due to their attunement to +100 mil old species.

>Fish and bird people haven't evolved properly and always end up as fucked-up individuals due to their attunement to +100 mil old species.

I'm pretty sure most of us are fucked-up already.

Funny that I have also read about how buying new cars is a meme. But repairs and gas expenses are my biggest fears about buying a car in the first place. And at least a new car would ease the former worry.

And at the same time, I have read about people who say owning a home is a meme, which I think is a terrible line of thinking, so everything should be taken with a grain of salt.

But good for you user.
Going out genuinely makes me happy though, so I would have a difficult time giving up on that. But I do keep up with a strict budget, and I always save more than I waste, so at least I got that.

Turning 27 at the end of the month and will likely take my life soon thereafter. I've done all sorts of cool shit (was in the Navy, taught in Taiwan, etc.) but the harder I try to not be lonely, the lonelier I feel. I'm sure my family will miss me but they'll be alright in time.

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I'm pretty fucked up as well, been here since '06, that doesn't mean you cannot make concious decisions to advance your life. Like planning and doing good at work so you will get raises/be promoted so you can use capital to further your interests (mine is permaculture)

I get 23 km/l on my new car. Very happy on the gas. No maintnance bills for the next two years due to service contract, Car cost 200 euros a month + 50 in taxes and full insurance.

Owning is so much better than renting. At least here in Northern Europe where you can finance 30 years at 2%. But you need to keep your eye out or else even a basic and shitty tiny apartment will cost over 100.000 euros (I paid 35.000)

mortgaging a house is a pretty big meme
who cares what your return will have been by leveraging a mortgage, you paid $50000 to the bank just because they filed some paperwork

Are there any femanons over 25 here? I'd like to hear your perspectives.

(I know you femanons have a 25+ thread at the other chan)

Their perspective on what? 30 year old femanon here.

Pineapple on pizza
Y/N?

I don't know, I'd just like to see where the social outcasts of the opposite sex are in their lives post-25.

Never tried it, but my guess would be no.

I'm not really an outcast. I have a good job, friends and I'm in a long term relationship. I've travelled all I want to, I'm about to buy a house. I'm literally just waiting to get married and have a baby.

Life is good but I feel like I'm counting down the days until I can do serious adult stuff, which can be quite depressing.

>I'm not really an outcast. I have a good job, friends and I'm in a long term relationship.
Well, I guess you don't quite fit the criteria.

But that being said, what do you see here? Do you think we're stuck?

Not at all. Obviously I can't speak for everybody as I don't know you all personally, but people reach adulthood at different times.

I know people who met their partners in their early twenties and are now married, and I know others who met their life partner in their late twenties and early thirties, who are just as happy.

It's the same thing regarding your careers - not everybody is fortunate enough to be in the right place at the right time when they're young. It takes some people a little bit longer.

Your life is a journey. Although you might feel like you're at a huge disadvantage because you're not at the same stage as your peers, the truth is that everybody is shitting it. Most people are worried they're not good enough, that they're running behind, like they're never going to get where they want to be. The only thing I can recommend is to remember that most people feel just as worried as you do, regardless of how they seem on the outside.

Set yourself clear life goals and slowly work towards them. If it doesn't happen in a reasonable amount of time, change your tactics.

I don't know, this is all rambling bullshit. Sorry user. What I'm saying is that you're probably all really cool guys and just because you haven't ticked off boxes at the same speed as other people, that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you.

25 year old female, hitting 26 early June. Went to a psychologist last week, suspected of having 'spergs by my therapist. Does it even matter if I get fully diagnosed or am I a lost cause? I feel like at that age where nothing can be really done anymore. My parents never took me to a psychologist when I was a kid cause they believed I'm a perfectly normal girl despite getting bullied in school/during summer camps every single day and having no friends.

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I think girls can just about get away with a touch of the spergs.

>The only thing I can recommend is to remember that most people feel just as worried as you do, regardless of how they seem on the outside.
This is incredibly true, but so easy to forget when you see that lovey dovey couple, or some acquaintance bragging about their dreamy vacation.
But in the end society has conditioned us to be this way, we only ever show the good, and desperately hide the nuances.

Thanks user. It brightens me up to think there are others with this outlook of life.

I can see the advantages and disadvantages of both being diagnosed, and just moving on. Aspergers is so commonly diagnosed nowadays that I can't help but feel it has become a meme diagnosis for any person who isn't quite normal.

And there are loads of reasons for this - a lack of socialisation, your parents being weird, a genuine issue with development, too much time on the Internet when you should have been around other people...the list goes on.

If you feel a diagnosis will help you explain your behaviours, it might be useful. It could also open up potential treatments or ways to improve your life, as well as help others to understand you. Only you know what is best for you, but even if you do go with a diagnosis, there is nothing wrong with that.

>Set yourself clear life goals and slowly work towards them. If it doesn't happen in a reasonable amount of time, change your tactics.

Clear goals are the most important thing. If you don't know where you're going, then you're already there.

28

Just discovered my girlfriend of 5 years in an amateur porn video uploaded recently

I'm not really sure how to proceed

Give advice to a debt free 20 year old on what not to do to end up like you all

Break up with the slut

link

Thank you user, I'm glad I could brighten you up. And yes you're right, it is hard to maintain a positive outlook when you're seeing the idea lifestyle everywhere around you.

It's one thing to be successful in later life or to get to where you want, but like a sizeable chunk of us are missing that crucial piece of socialisation in late adolescence, and I don't know if you can replace that no matter how Jow Forums or much money you earn.

Please go make your own troll thread.

>Went to a psychologist last week, suspected of having 'spergs by my therapist

So what? All this stuff is just made up. It's not like there's an actual thing called Asperger's in the same way that there are Zebras or mountains or oceans. It's just somebody's opinion. They can't even agree on what this stuff is. Then one year they say it's a disorder. A few years later, no, it's perfectly healthy and normal.

This is LITERALLY what the pychologists did with homosexuality. It was a mental disorder up until the the mid 1970s when they TOOK A VOTE and decided that, no, it's actually OK.

My point is don't get wrapped up in the label. You might act a little different than most people. OK. If it's a problem for you try to figure out the stuff you do wrong and do it more right. But DO NOT let anyone label you with some disorder and then start feeling like, well, now I'm fucked cause I'm an official weirdo. If you wait a few years everybody in the population will be so involved with their phones that they may take another vote and decide you're "normal" whatever that means.

>25 year old female, hitting 26 early June

And you're worried about being a lost cause? What does that mean? Does it mean you aren't married or that you are still a virgin or what?

Lots of people get bullied and picked on. Look, you need to understand that most human beings are mean, nasty, and vicious. They don't have much going for them and don't feel real good about themselves. So one way they make themselves feel good is find somebody who's more sensitive than them and pick on them.

It's called scapegoating. Just because you got scapegoated doesn't prove anything except you were a little less predatory than the wolves.

Look. You need to toughen up a bit too. You didn't get to go to a psychologist as a kid? You know what? You're probably better off. They would have filled your head full of psycho babble and you wouldnn't have been old enough to know any better.

I don't know what it is you want that you don't have, but I guarantee you a lot of other people don't have it yet either. Stop beating yourself up and wringing your hands. You have a lot of time to do whatever you want.

Many people grow to become ridiculously anti-social and self complacent.
Even those who had great teenage years, eventually settle for the daily grind, day in and day out.
Go to work, get home, watch Netflix or FB in the evening, maybe go somewhere with their SO in the weekend, repeat.
This way of life drains people's souls.

If you ever go through the effort to overcome this state, you will be above so many of your peers.

And if what you need is to build social skills, then do it. Even if you fail, whatever practice you can get is much better than not trying at all.
As long as you are not horribly traumatized from your past, your social skills are only rusty, and you can work around improving them.

My behavior went far beyond the simple "girly" shyness though. I was downright anti-social and didn't properly take care of my own hygene. Long story short I wasn't the most popular person around.

You both raise some good points. I'll have to think long and hard if there is any point in continuing. My main problem currently is that I still struggle with friendships and have no romantic experience whatsoever. I got hit on by guys before (improved a lot since my school times in terms of looks) but I was too autistic/romantically suppressed to notice. Reading posts on this board actually taught me how guys who are interested in women act. Made for some painful realizations years after the fact... but I digress.

I feel I answered some of the things you're asking above.
>Does it mean you aren't married or that you are still a virgin or what?
Unmarried, virgin, never had a bf etc. aka the full incel package. If I was a man I'd probably be a Jow Forums regular and eventually sell my soul to a hooker.
>Look, you need to understand that most human beings are mean, nasty, and vicious. They don't have much going for them and don't feel real good about themselves. So one way they make themselves feel good is find somebody who's more sensitive than them and pick on them.
This is what people always say but... the fact is, all of the people who bullied me in school always were - and probably still are - more successful than me both socially and romantically. They have their own families, friends, relationships, sex... All things I never or only barely experienced. I'm thankful I don't have to interact with those people on daily basis anymore but it still sucks knowing that there is essentially no justice in this world at all. They got away with everything they did to me and are leading normal lives while I'm here bawwing my eyes out into pillow every night with no one except a bunch of anonymous strangers who'd listen to my problems.

I'm sorry user. I can't say I am even close to being diagnosed with a mental illnesses, but I can sympathize with your points about how so many people out there can look so happy and lead meaningful lives full of achievements, sex, love, fun and travelling. While we are only here, looking for comfort among strangers, pixels and data. To the point that it feels unfair.

But what can we do about it? If someone treated us like shit and made us feel less, the world is not gonna stop on its tracks and tell us how special and lovely we are.
We need to be strong, so we can pursue our own happiness. And clinging to all that pain and sorrow only makes us weaker.

If you want to be happy and feel better about yourself, you must be stronger, and take a step towards working on what you think will make you feel happy.

>your social skills are only rusty
Heh, *only* rusty?

Looking back the few friends I did make throughout my life seemed to have been by sheer accident. Add to the fact I don't think I have had a proper meaningful conversation with any women for years besides women who were effectively surrogate grandmothers/mother types.

You can maybe still bank on that "girly" shyness, if you've improved your looks/hygiene.

26 and feel I'm watching an alcohol addiction develop in slow motion. I was going back and forth for a year or two, got it under control when I started more seriously working out, but now I'm injured since two months and I'm having problems again.

I used to be able to say that at least it didn't interfere with my work, or my relationships, or I didn't drink at work, or not alone. But now none of those things is true anymore.

Also my work has a very present alcohol culture, making it worse. Every week at least one day people are going around offices and ask to join to a bar or something, which I almost never reject. Also my boss is an alcoholic and we all go to bars for any sort of group activity.

Idk how to get out of it really. My injury is getting better so soon I'll be back in the gym, but I'm really in a bad spot. I think this week I've woken up with a mild hangover every working day, just from drinking alone.

Has anyone ever escaped it?

>the white race

haha where are you coming from with this, the other guy said nothing about race wars

1. think about what you might enjoy doing as a career or just as some shit to pay the bills that isn't minimum wage

2. Study it/try it out

3. After 6 months if it's making you want to kill yourself, drop out and try the next thing on your list.

>The ones that we need to seek advice from are already gone, they've made it.
>what's left is the rest of us.
That's terrifying.

27 and my poor diet and lack of exercise has caught up with me. I've always been really skinny and had a pretty decent metabolism. I've never really thought about what to eat and just kinda ate whatever.
Now basically skinny fat and I'm so ashamed of it. I've never gone on a diet nor been to a gym in in my life. Any general tips for losing it?
I've started cycling and cut out sugar/soda but that's about it so far.

speak for yourself, I just turned 27, I've got a degree, a wife, my own car, and generally otherwise have my shit together.
I come to this shithole of a board to actually give advice but 95% of the posts are just whining.

>I come to this shithole of a board to actually give advice but 95% of the posts are just whining.
97% of it is teenagers whining.

They have easy to solve problems.

>I just turned 27, I've got a degree, a wife, my own car, and generally otherwise have my shit together.
But you weren't starting from ground-zero in your late 20s were you?