Is it a red flag if your girlfriend wants to go out to the bar with her friends, with or without you?

Is it a red flag if your girlfriend wants to go out to the bar with her friends, with or without you?

Also, where do you draw the line in regard to male friends?

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How often does it happen?

Why would it be a redflag? It's just the bar.

As for male friends, I guess it is concerning if they text alot about personal stuff, if they have no sense of personal space around each other... shit like that idk

There's a lot of "depends" in there, not really a single rule for all situations

If you trust your woman, let her do her thing.
Draw the line if there is any hint of romantic interest, but make sure you keep clear communication.

Also make sure those male friends know you're an absolute nutcase who will brain them with a pavement slab if they try to kiss your woman.

Enjoy the evening for yourself. Do something productive like leanring a new language, preparing a new meal you've wanted to try out or go hang with friends and/or do something creative!

Alternatively, cling to your woman's hands like an insecure twat and count down until the oversaturation of attention causes her to walk away from you.

Sometimes she'll go a week or two without going out, but sometimes she'll want to go to the bar or go dancing at a local gay-centric bar 2 or 3 times a week.
thanks 4 the perspective
What kind of circumstances would affect your view?

My ex started going to bars pretty regularly before she broke up with me.

I think its a redflag because nothing good comes from the bar and a woman who wants to spend her time there obviously has something going on.

He's right too. You just have to accept it and let her make her own decisions because if you don't they will resent you and start romanticizing people who don't care about them like you do.

>What kind of circumstances would affect your view
I'm very confident in myself so I don't mind if she gets drunk touchy with people, but if they get drunk touchy back I intervene. She can go out with guys without me, but I appreciate it if there's at least one other girlfriend there. I need to know one of the guys personally, but this is never an issue because we been together 6 years. There has to be a plan for a ride home, and only home. Once these criteria are met, I'm fine with it.

> Confident
> 6 years together
> So many criteria

One of these things just doesn't belong here!

Seems like you don't trust her because of all these criteria. The fact you let her get touchy but not other people means you KNOW she'll let something happen.

Or maybe it's because I know that she doesn't want people hanging all over her
Just a thought
Please let me know if any of those are ridiculous
If anything those are for her, not me

Two things might, will, and shall grate on her. Keep in mind women can leave a man emotionally and mentally looooong before we even notice it.

> Requiring she has to go with someone you know too (in order to keep tabs on her)
> Requiring her to have a plan to come home afterwards (thus making afterparties at a friend's house impossible)

Those criteria are quite reasonable you absolute nutcase!

I wanna say if she respected you, you she would do stuff to make you comfortable without you nagging her. but of course you could be overbearing too.

Oh okay I can clarify on that. By someone I know, I mean that she can't go out with total strange men that I've never met - that's pretty standard for married women. And she can go to a friend's place afterwards, but we're at the age where we don't do drunk sleepovers. Also if your woman WANTS to go out with guys before you've met them first, or wants to go over a guys house after a bar, she doesn't want to be with you

I don't have to nag her or even mention it, they're just kinda unspoken rules in any established relationship

>make sure those male friends know you're an absolute nutcase who will brain them with a pavement slab if they try to kiss your woman.
based

I let my girlfriend go out with her mostly female friends (and their boyfriends) without me. They think I'm super cool for "allowing it", as if you can actually control what another human is going to do. Then again, she doesn't have really any male friends, and it's never okay for them to hang out 1 on 1. She also doesn't text or chat anyone who could possibly be a potential competition to me anyway.

What it comes down to is if you trust her. I trust my girl 100%, we're getting married, I was her first, we've been together for years. She wouldn't dream of throwing that away, I know this because I know her very well and I trust her. I've also told her cheating is a deal breaker, if it ever happens she's gone, regardless of how long we're together.

Also, if your girl has cheated even once in her entire life, she will certainly cheat again. Once a cheater always a cheater, normal people just wouldn't consider it. But if they've done it that shows they lack empathy for others and are inclined to do it again, it's not if but when. Mark my words.

You shouldn't draw the line.
I'm married to a straight girl, and all of my friends are straight girls. I interact with them all on a regular basis.
You should never try to limit other areas of your partner's life. She will value you infinitely more if you're cool and understanding.
That isn't the same as not caring. If she isn't spending as much time with you as you'd like, or if she's going out more often than you can, talk to her about it. Maybe try to make plans with her first so she doesn't feel the need to go out so often

Man I'm telling you. You NEVER know what a girl is feeling especially if they love you. They will date you for years giving you no sign that they're losing love JUST because they know it would hurt you.

Not him but that's something that ebbs and flows over the course of a relationship, i wouldn't expect a girl to be madly in love with me forever. You slowly realize each others flaws and make it work. After a while a relationship takes on a pragmatic aspect

You're absolutely right. I've never gotten to that spot then, I suppose. I've gotten to the point where you both know you're better off together and girls still leave.

go there and spy on her
sit somewhere in the back and hide behind a menu or something
or maybe ask someone else to do this for you
she might not be doing anything weird at these occasions
but if you ask her, you'll seem like a pussy. so better to not ask, and just spy on her instead. in the worst case where you get busted, she'll still appreciate your effort

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Be an insecure beta, throw a fit and demand she choose bwtween you and her friends. That should work ! Good lick robot

I wish I believed girls were this sane anymore

Nah. That just probably means she actually has a life outside of you. Which is a good and healthy thing.

>Also, where do you draw the line in regard to male friends?

A little harmless flirtings alright (I’m a flirty guy myself with female friends. I flirt not because it’s anything sexual, but because with some friends, that’s just the way we’ve always interacted and how we give each other “pick me ups” and boost one another sometimes). When it comes down to it though, it’s about respect and knowing where to draw the line.

If I can see he’s got respect for me, and I can see that she does too. It’s all good.

But if not, and she’s dead set on hanging around him, that’s not something I feel like I should have to deal with and it lowers the value of the relationship in my eyes.

On that same token, hold the same standards for myself and own female friends. Consequently, because that’s always been apparent in my actions, my girlfriend is pretty damn close with some of my female friends too.

So here's some science behind why your girl wants to go out with her friends. It may or may not apply.

Women in men operate on a cycle of hormones called the follicular and leudial phases. For the sake of simplicity I'll call it the fuck phase and the bitch phase. Ever notice your girl is really horny and bitchy, and then like a light switch she's really demure and emotional? Thats her going through her hormones which activate before and after her period and they totally influence her mood and intentions.

>Fuck phase
*Delivers an increase of estrogen
*About 8 days before period
*Really horny and looking to get fucked or trade up If she's dating.
*Bitchy and complaining if she's not satisfied with her man.
*Looks to be dominated a high testosterone alpha

>Bitch phase
*Begins with her period until her follicular phase starts
*Overly emotional and attached
*Likes talking and needs emotional support.
*Looks for a guy to take care of and pamper her (pay for shit)
*Not really horny in general.


Now in the follicular phase is when women usually doll up and want to go out to the club to "dance" which is code for meet guys trade up and find an alpha to fuck.

When a girl gets like this she responds best to dominance, arrogance and high test behavior. Telling her "No bitch you're not going out to the club" might seem possessive, but it's what she's looking for.

So how do you deal with this? Well you're dating, learn when your girls period is and if she wants to go out to the club a week before it starts you know to turn on your asshole switch and fuck her. It's not about trust, or having boundaries, it's about understanding why girls do the dumb shit they do and how to deal with it. They're literally programed by their hormones. Take this info and do what you will.