Is it possible to have a healthy romantic relationship with people with BPD?

Correct

I heard people with BPD hit their girlfriends when they bite their nipples.

Yes it's possible but it is a FUCK TON of work for both parties. I have BPD but I am active in my recovery so I take medication and participate in several therapies while having a core therapist. I have to use the tools I gain from therapy in real life.

If she isn't actively trying to get better it's going to be a total fucking shit show.

Wat?

Never tolerate violence.

Unless it's consensual.

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>had
monkaS what happened

That's where it's at.
I've researched a plenty. I've explained. Outlined. Planned. Supported. She's read ...some things.... But ultimately takes very little responsibility. Only recently on antidepressants.

Thank you for sharing that user.
Fully aware of said FUCK TON of work.
Might I ask what type of medication you're taking?
I am aware of how helpful DBT is and have attempted to engage her in such, but her efforts aren't consistent and often disregarded. More therapy is needed absolutely, but it's damn bloody expensive and she's remotely far from consistent when it cones to going to appointments.

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No. It's like trying to get a drink with a raging alcoholic; it's not going to end well.

>t. dated TWO borderlines in my early 20s

I was convinced my ex girlfriend had BPD, she practically wanted to get married for two months and then gaslit me by being a ruthless dick to me until I had to break up with her.
BUT she’s dating a new guy, they moved in with each other 2 months in and they’ve been going strong for 6 months now taking vacations and shit. Maybe I was wrong about diagnosing her.

NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY
NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY
NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY

You have already positioned yourself as her caretaker, dude you are so fucked you need to get out and cut your losses. Like holy shit she isn't even trying to get help and you're doing all the work and in some way you've accepted this all as normal.

Notice how you ignored all the people giving you actual advice and replied to the one person who might enable you (disregarding their advice too actually, re: work for both parties).

You need to get out and probably get yourself into therapy preemptively. I am speaking from my own experience and from having run a support group for BPD loved ones and survivors. You are setting yourself up for catastrophe and trauma.

Honestly, like all relationship things: it depends on the person. It’s gonna be a lot of work, and you’ll have to deal with a lot, but it can work out. It fully depends on the other person - there are some people that are just too far gone or that can’t handle a relationship fully to go alongside their disorder, and there are people how make it work and have pretty healthy relationships with the aid of medication and help from peers & therapy.

People with BPD often bounce to other partners like nothing happened. They have a way of being charming (look up mirroring and love bombing) and some people are more resistant to it than others but there is always someone who is codependent enough to let them walk all over their lives, at least for a while.

The sad part is if you watch long enough you see them repeat the pattern over and over again and realize that you've moved on long ago and they'll never escape.

TRUE
AGREED
I KNOWN

Sjest trying... But not enough. Definitely hasn't taken full responsibility for her own behavior.

Haven't ignored anyone. Responding to everyone except that user above, not in the know.

I truly appreciate everyone's input. This isn't a subject most people discuss. So thank you all for your input.

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Honestly. Started this thread looking for confirmation on my decision to simply cash out. Was wondering if there was any hope, is all.

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I'm the dude who posted the cheerio comment.

Dead on. They emulate love rather than genuinely experience it. Which is why they move very quickly. Mine told me she loved me within the first week or 2 of barely knowing her, and then marriage, kids, and housing came up not too long after.

>The sad part is if you watch long enough you see them repeat the pattern over and over again and realize that you've moved on long ago and they'll never escape.

Op if you don't listen to any advice here at least listen to this. Fucking print it out if you have to. It's a never ending cycle, which in turn makes you feel somewhat sad thus makes your male 'save a hoe' instincts kick in.

BPDs are parasites.

not impossible

just extremely unlikely.

My friends Dad had BPD, he used to beat the shit out of his wife then disappear for 3weeks at a time. He would go from angry to crying at the drop of a hat. They eventually got divorced despite being super right wing Christians.

DBT is fucking phenomenal. The "creator" of DBT Marsha Linehan also has BPD. It has given me more tools than any other type of therapy. CBT worked alright but not like DBT.

Not to be a dick but she needs to man up with this illness. It can and WILL take control and be the downfall of everything good. It's awesome you've done your part but she needs to be accountable for everything.

You can be knowledgeable enough about something but when she's full tilt it will be rough on you mentally, emotionally and possibly physically.

Have you you discussed with her that she needs to be taking care of herself in order for the relationship to survive? Are you prepared at some point to step back from her and take care of YOU?

Seroquel, Lamotrigine, Rispiridone and Duloxetine.

...For now. The med game sucks because I've had to keep trying and trying to find meds that work right. It's a part of getting better so it's worth it. They'll change again because I feel like a few other meds might work better.

Has she been formerly diagnosed?

If it's the advice from me, with BPD, my initial reaction to anyone wanting to date someone with it is a solid no.

If the person isn't actively trying they will ruin you from the inside out.

And hence we find ourselves here. That's exactly how I feel. I am beyond and exasperated but I can't help but pity her. Feels bad man.

At the same time, I know my self worth and I think I've reached my limit.

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Woaw.

Thanks user.

Totally trying to avoid all that noise.

Thank you user.

I have.
I am.

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Thank you.

Honestly. Thank you.

Yes. And being sceptical at first, I started looking in to it by the third irrational fight. Didn't take long to see patterns emerging.

Just feels shitty. Like, I know nobody is born that way, it's not their fault they developed it. But ultimately, they must deal with it in order to live happier healthier lives.

You'll (myself included) will always pity our bpd crazy bitches. Just remember it's not your burden to carry. Hurt for a bit and then move on.

That does seem to be probably the only true good thing to come from dating bpd women, after it's over you should really have a true value on yourself and how you spend your time and what type of people you allow into it.

I'm not sure if your bpd chapter has ended or not, but it seems like they always do something every now and then to get your attention (text, call, snap, ect.)

Our god forsaken anniversary is coming up next month, I wonder how she'll inappropriately contact me...

There it is. It's a choice to get better and she's gonna make it or just continue to be the way she is.

This more than likely sucks, my friend, but if she goes untreated it will suck so much more for the future you. Sometimes it's easier said than done but put yourself first.

Thank you user.

This shit right here. This is quality advice. Listen to it.

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You're right.

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Thank you.

Thank you all.

/thread

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Goodnight user, may you one day find someone worth your time.

Good night user

I'm sure I will. I'm awesome.

And so are all of you.

Jesus Christ, no. Get the fuck out of that shit as soon as possible. The longer you wait the harder she'll carnival-fuck your life right in its tight quivering poop-squeezer.

And be prepared for the smear campaign. I had a poor understanding of what the fuck I was actually dealing with until I was already knee deep in the next round of literally the most selfish, vile, manipulative fuckery I've ever experienced outside of a comic book villain.

I went from being the best thing to happen in her life with even her family and friends mentioning how much less explosive her overall temperament had been (her friends were all ridiculously toxic and went along with my gf's delusions if it benefitted their goals) - to eventually hearing through word of mouth the horrible monster she was describing me as to ANYONE AND EVERYONE she could get to listen. She even tried to play it on my friends, which sure as fuck didn't work out for her.

There's so so so much that she did. Like fucking daily she would blow my mind with how shitty she could be no matter how much patience and forgiveness I had for her.

A year and a half of my life was wasted in a cluster fucked haze of her psycho-destructive reality distorting existence. She's fucked over every person in her life. Most walk away from her bullshit without even thinking twice about it, the people that stick around however (her friends) do so for very obvious, very poisonous reasons.

Anyhow don't tale my word for it. Go look at forums of people who've been with a girl with BPD. I wish I had before getting caught up in the whole thing. Instead I dealt with the unsettling realization that strangers on the internet were describing my relationship down to such specific details i felt like I bought it off a shelf.

Good luck.

I have BPD, my husband and I have been married for 8 years. I was a total POS at the beginning, but thats because I was used to ruining all my relationships and pushing everyone away. Idk what he saw in me, because I couldn't see anything worth staying around for in me. He made me realise I was loved, unconditionally loved for the first time ever. I made the decision to get help, because he was worth it. I learned coping mechanism, got therapy and medication. If she cares, she will try and put some effort on her front. Best of luck to you.

Geezussss!

Thank you for sharing user. Means a lot to me.

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A happy ending?

Man must have ice water in hie veins. I find my patience being tested beyond limit to the point that I am ashamed of the way I too lose my cool.

I honestly started noticing my patterns and just told him to leave me alone and not take it personally. It was hard for him at first, he always thought he had done something wrong, but it's just me. When you realise you are the problem and your partner is a good man, you learn to appreciate them. I usually go to sleep when I start wanting to be a total bitch angry monster thing. I also play video games and eat edibles, so there is that.

Define healthy. It is possible to have a relationship. Having been married to a partner with BPD I'd say that it is unwise to get invested. If you can maintain strong boundaries and take exactly what you need from the relationship and still be ok with that and still consider it healthy? Sure why not. It can be pretty exciting to have somebody who is so intense try and keep you.

Problems begin when you try to do normal and you realise there are no rules any more.

I think so. For me, it’s that a) my boyfriend is extremely clear and reliable (autism) so I’m rarely surprised and feel deceived, b) he has A+ boundaries, c) I put in a ton of effort to keep myself as stable as I can, and d) we’re both sick of the kind of mutually abusive codepency that usually happens in relationships involving at least one borderline.

If my partner doesn’t want to hang out with me at all then he won’t. It wouldn’t matter if I beg, scream, cry, if he knows I’m suicidal or lonely or whatever. He won’t intervene forcibly in anything relating to my bodily autonomy either. I accept this because the only way our shit works is that I know I’m not a burden (he wouldn’t be in it if I was) and he doesn’t feel resentful about my shenanigans running him ragged. We love each other and things have been mostly good. We’ve been together five years.

My last relationship my boyfriend ended up beating the shit out of me at the bottom of a slippery slope of unwanted intervention-type stuff around me hurting myself, of all things. Just to show you how crazy it can get.

Holy fuck!

Thank you for the insight.

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The therapy for BPD is really based around containment.
Everybody involved in regular contact with a BPD individual communicates with each other and provides support to each other. A person with BPD might 'improve' somewhat during therapy but this is largely due to training family and friends to be more resilient and manage the BPD persons manipulative tactics.

It’s pretty easy for a normie to befriend and love someone with BPD. What’s next to impossible, from my experience, is for a BPD to forge anything more than tenuous, superficial relationships of any kind.

OP, I'm a clinical social worker.
I'd say it is easier to break up with a person with Bipolar, severe depression, or even PTSD than a borderline individual. I'd consider dating a person with a mood disorder. I wouldn't even be friends with a BPD individual.

It's next level shit. Prepare for
>false allegations of rape, child abuse, etc.
>threats and attempts to kill herself
>unhinged dangerous behavior such as driving into oncoming traffic to make a point during an argument

That was my understanding as well.

It's basically true, BPD is a disease you have to cure with kindness to others, you basically have to isolate every point of damage that a BPD person can attack; eventually, with nothing left to lash out at they'll be forced to sort of acclimatize to their new circumstances.

Oh god not this thread again.

Are you the guy who also has BPD and thinks it's a good idea for two sickies to date each other because they'll understand each other better? lol

If the person with BPD has gone through many years of Dialectical Behavior Therapy and has a good grip on their disorder, is introspective, and doesn't use their disorder as an excuse.

It's all about the pwBPD's ability to manage their disorder. You can't do anything to change them. They change themselves.

Thank you for your insight.

Um....

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Bump

>bumping that quickly
Stop that. This is a slow board. You shouldn't be bumping posts more than once an hour.

Were you just using my post to bring up the quick reply, or did you have something to comment on?
If you want me to expand, my ex had untreated BPD and was a shitshow, and I had a coworker/friend with well treated BPD and she was pretty sane.

>It's all about the pwBPD's ability to manage their disorder. You can't do anything to change them. They change themselves.
Bumping that