Sup

bump

Probably not
Bad power dynamic and if she found you toxic once there's a good chance she'll find it again
I'm guessing your timeframe is weeks or months; if this were over years it might be more palatable but I think you're barking up a dead tree son

There, how's that?

You're better off without her

In what ways have you been changing? What actions have you been taking that proves as such? How long have you been changing? Do you have people helping you change, like therapists, sponsors, support groups, etc? Do you have a plan for when your familiar dynamic would come back, and how to prevent that?

i stop beeing negative about anything, try to make her laugh and that, i also stop beeing needy and clingy, showing her im fighting for her and our future (better job)

almost zero support at the moment

yes i do have plan, i mean , avoid beeing clingy and needy, im avoid talking about love at the moment to not press her

well we broke around 20 days ago but we were fighting until 5 days ago. i think she is regaining intrest in me, there was a moment that we were talking about sucess in work and she said if i want to be by her side i need more sucess than her.
my job is shitty honestly.
she is not a gold digger but she wants stability in life (she wants to be mother too)

What have you been actively doing to avoid negativity? What resources are you using outside of just forcing what you imagine you should be? Do you have books you've been reading on the subject? Are you keeping a recovery journal? What do you do when you slip? It isn't easy to change yourself. It takes a lot of dedication and effort. It's a lifelong thing.
How long have you been doing this? I would say at least a year of active recovery its necessary before changes can be trusted.

actively? talk with her in a positive way
i didnt mention but its a long distance relationship, she last time tought i was going to give up on flight to go there meet her, but this time i will organize everything to go there

im not using no resource at the moment, i did some quick google searches on how to recover her but i need to check about negativity
i dont have a recovery journal but i tend to re read everyday our chats to see what i were doing wrong

well when i slip i apologize her.

well, im really changing for a week +/-, i know its soon but im very anxious. she hate when i get anxious. now i just wait for her texts and reply and wait like i used to do.

she other day talked about designing an house, i gave her the hint about us living together, i said "would be cool if you let me live with you", she said "yes" but then she said "you need to design your house". i dont know if she was trying to test me or see what i would say, i said "yes i will do that"

A week. And you're even still talking to her. And it sounds like you think that this is just about how you act with her, rather than a complete rehaul of how you look at life.
It's only been a week. And you really think you've changed enough? This kind of offends me. You really think it's this easy? That you'll get results that quick?

i did try to avoid contact, she texts me sometimes, and we talk like friends
im going to start give her more space to see if she regains intrest, but im not like ignoring her like i should do. im afraid that by ignoring her that could destroy even more, and maybe she would think i gave up, but i dont want to give up honestly.

i know its been a week and i know its small time, but honesty, the last time we broke were only for hours or even 2 or 3 days. we broke on 15 of april and we fought for a time.

i know its not easy, i do know. im just getting too anxious

bumpy

I'm in the same boat as you right now user
She refuses to admit she still loves me but gets jealous as fuck when other women talk to me and then will tell me she doesn't want to date me but we're literally going on a day long date this Tuesday,
I'm getting to the point where I'm going to cut her out of my life completely because this whole scenario is fucking with me mentally and losing me sleep. My advice to you is pursue her if you feel you have a shot but give up and move on if you feel you dont

i dumped my ex because she was being toxic. my advice to you is to leave her the hell alone.

yes i think i can have a shot. she said she would think / give me a chance if i changed for better and she wants me to show it.
the other day she admited that she still love but is not like before. it had go down.
i think i will pursue her and not give up. but i was wondering if i need to be more patient, give her time, minimal contact and that

i can leave her alone as in a time for her thinking and to miss me, but for sure i want her back and i think she is the one

Leave her alone
Let her come to you
If you ABSOLUTELY feel the need to talk to her don't show her that you're miserable or her pussy will dry up so fucking fast

Why? This is kind of rhetorical, I just think I need to be confronted with the sad truth so that it will inspire me to never fucking do it again

If you want her back you CANNOT show weakness to her because it will kill those chances. If she is miserable and she comes to you it is ok to tell her you are too but do not be the first to say so

Man I fucked that one up big time then. But desu that's kind of fucked up, if you both miss each other then why the hell should it matter who says or shows it first. I get that it's not how it works irl, but if those are the rules of the game, I'd rather just not play (and be miserable and alone)

allright my man, i will wait
i talk normally and show her that im strong. in the beggining i was desperate and weak a lot and she even told me i needed to be a better man. im showing her im fine but since its a LDR, its hard to find a way to show her properly. maybe more distance and try to avoid normal friendship. need to think better my acts then. im still confused in terms of what i should do (way to recover her)

one of the problems is that she now wants me to be better. im getting better and showing her (i hope she is seeing it)

also i need to sit her down and have another talk with her about the trip. i do really wanna go there, also one of the reasons she left me was because i had an argument with my parents because they didnt want me to go there. she said i should had talk normal with them and i should showed her since the beggining that i was going to try and had a plan to go there. in the day we broke i bassicly vented about fighting my parents and she didnt understand that i am willing to go there.
bassicly im in europe and she is in asia.

bamp for more hints

girls ex or not never come right out and tell you what they want. they want you to come up with it on your own they all expect you to be a mind reader

but like a psychic i can see this as a disaster a mile away. instead what you do is forget about her. you can change till the sun comes home sure she notices but she aint gonna tell you shit.
>>what you're gonna do is cut all contact and keep her in the dark.
make her WANT you, make her CHASE you, make her feel like YOU are the prize. if you are unsure about anything dont do it. its that simple. stop acting like a fucking wet blanket. and if she truely loves you she will come back or you will find somebody new.

>a disaster
i want to prove you wrong buddy, i want to be capable of regaining her

btw for how long shall i keep silent? i was silent for 1 day and she texted me like 2 weeks ago, im going to try to be the most silent i can be

bumpsy

let's see....long distance, i.e. across the fucking planet, relationship...no contact with the actual girl...letting her drive the narrative with her fantasy laden bullshit about houses and kids....shitting himself over losing something he never actually had to begin with...how would any man, of any kind, be "anxious" about this sort of vapidly stupid relationship?

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you're right, but i wasnt at perfect state, im still fighting anxiety and depression over the years.
i know im not better without her. i really need her. i know she is the one, she is the special one. i have had lots of problems with other girls and i didnt give a fuck, but this one, i do really want her.

i think she is testing me. she send me couples images, i kinda did ignored it to make her see im capable of controling my emotions, she seems a bit upset because after that she didnt talk much

Stop acting like her little bitch and move on.

im not acting like that anymore
i dont want to give up on her

OP listen up

You have not changed one bit. You are still the "toxic" man you were before. Get with her again and you'll fall in the same shitty scheme over and over again.

Wanna change ? Stop talking to her. Tell her you need some time to think on your action or some bullshit like that and cut contact. Work on yourself, go work out, read books, the usual bullshit. If after 6 month you still want her, give her a call and set up some coffee or whatever.

Because if you actually get her back now, I can promise you it will break again, and then you'll lose her forever, because she won't believe in your bullshit change promises.

Now fuck off.

dude its an LDR distance. i needed to plan with her my trip there. i was planning go on september but i do also need to know if she can have vacations so we can spend the time together.
im not going to waste like 2K for just a coffee or a day only

im not beeing toxic anymore, im just in a urge to get her back and make her happy. life is to damn short. i lost family members this year, and i need to solve my life man

You definitely are still toxic, motherfucker its only been 20 days, do you really think you can completely change who you are in 20 days ?
Plus, it is a LDR. If you don't have a short term plan (>6 month) to get physically together I would consider your relation toasted.
Of course you're in a urge to get her back, you are ready to tell any kind of shit just so you can get one more night with her. I know that situation. You aren't solving your life with bullshit. You'll solve your life if you work on yourself, and it takes time and effort. And you absolutely cannot do that if you still talk to her.
She'll understand, trust me.

off course i didnt changed in completely in 20 days but im changing faster. how can you say that im beeing toxic now? im avoiding contact with her, even she today tested me.
no its not about one more night with her, its about having her for my entire life

But if you pick it up its sticky

im removing it and fixing myself
im way bettet than i was after the break

whatever....this autist is only interested in having us validate his stupidity....since he's not listening to any of the solid advice he's been given....

You seem to have the reading comprehension of a 5 year old on heroin so I'll reiterate slowly :
I know you are still toxic because you are still pretty much the same guy as 20 days ago. 20 days is a really short time to change, that is how I know you didn't. Try again in a few month. Think about yourself, about the relationship, what you did wrong, what you did right. Take it slowly. Write down your thoughts. Make a journal.
Do not rush her into a half assed relationship. That is how you will lose her forever. Let her breathe, let yourself breath. If you two are made for each other, you will be together again, don't worry about that.
Let it rest for a bit. Actually think about it, calmly. Meet other people, go outside.