Who... am I, or does it actually matter?
For years now I've searched high and low for a definitive me. Am I strong? Am I clever? Am I weak? Am I retarded? Am I an underachiever or just an overthinker? Am I supposed to have only one trait that defines me, or can I deal with multiple?
The only thing I can seem to agree on is that every time I do any myers-briggs personality test, I end up as ISTP-T.
But otherwise my mind changes nearly daily. I guess it depends on if I feel happy or sad or lazy or energetic?
I don't know me. I don't know what I like, who I like. I don't know if I'm utterly incapable, or if I am decent. I don't know if I can learn or if I'm just unwilling to.
I don't know who to be, who to become. It changes all the time. One week I want to be a more honest and friendly person, the next I literally steal (small things, like candy) with zero regards.
I still don't know myself. And every single waking hour every day, it terrifies me.
Who... am I, or does it actually matter?
>does it actually matter?
Nah I don't think so. Let's say you had that information perfectly laid out in front of you for you to know, what would change?
Get to know others. That way you get to know yourself better.
user, who you are is defined by what you do, not how you think.
I get bored easily. I am impatient for things I want (a rarity), but extraordinarily patient if I don't care what happens. I lie about myself to others to seem normal, I lie to myself that I'll try next time.
I'm lazy, won't do much without good reason to, and it has to benefit me somehow. At the same time, at work, I am a yes-man that does anything requested of me without questioning it.
I get angry. I get angry that I don't know what to do, how to act, who to be. I get angry when I lose, I blame everything else on my misfortune (generally though this only happens in videogames).
I disappoint myself, and I genuinely believe that I disappoint everyone around me despite my mentors constantly telling me that I'm doing good.
I don't bother to live, but something in me is hellbent on making sure I survive. I sometimes have thoughts about death but never the will to kill myself. It's like I hate life but I want to live.
My work requires me to be social, but I thoroughly honestly do not enjoy a second of being around people. I'm a different person at work out of necessity.
Speaking of games, it's all I have. It's my only hobby, I've tried anything I could want and only gaming is still with me. The next interesting game is what keeps me from absolute madness. I have no desire to go outside more than necessary (groceries).
Defining myself has become an obsession in games. If I feel that I am a thieving cunt one week, I aim to play only stealthy, thieving, backstabbing bastard characters exclusively.
If I feel strong, if I exercise, I switch over to playing strong characters exclusively. At that point they are me. I don't self insert by appearance, but by traits. If my real life traits change, I lose interest in the character I play, and will often start over completely.
>does it actually matter
>am i strong?
yes and yes
based imaginedragons poster
Interesting, you sound like me when I was depressed.
May I ask what do you believe to be the meaning of life?
To be enjoyed. Because it's all we have, and it's short.
I need to be the me I want to be before I can begin enjoying life.
Do you think there's a purpose to life? Are we here for a reason?
I'm too unintelligent to answer that. It's too hard for someone inexperienced and stupid like me to answer.
So nah and nah.
I'm remarkably similar to this, however I'm not able to put it to words like you can. It's most likely a mental disorder seeing as we most likely have entirely different lives yet I feel so similarly to you.
Good answer, very humble.
What do you believe to be the most powerful force in the universe?
I think I'm only able to word it because I've whined for years about my first world problems.
I'm an insufferable goon that has everything but I'm still depressed. I have my own cozy place, I have a job, good income, I own every game platform including VR and any game I want to play on all of them. I have a family that helps me whenever I want, a brother that plays with me even when I feel and act like a cunt.
I have nothing material to ask for, to want. I work to earn money just in case, but most of it is going into savings for nothing.
I don't have friends, but I don't know if I want any again. I'm broken, I don't deserve friends, and people deserve better than to have me being pesty and cringy near them.
Not sure. A black hole or a meteor will destroy us all one day, but long after I'm gone. My answer won't matter then.
The most powerful force in the universe (and beyond as it is the creator) is energy, energy is literally God, it's unable to be created or destroyed, it has power over all things (for example energy defies gravity, yet is also gravity at the same time) and it is everywhere and in everything. The universe was created through love, energy was given and infinity was created. Meaning we are here because of love, the meaning of life is not to take but rather to give. If you want to find meaning in your life I suggest love.
I emptied my love about 4 years ago. I was bitter before then, I've been done since.
I'm not talking about love in a romantic sense, I'm talking about giving, love is suffering for another's benefit, it seems counter-intuitive but that is under the assumption that suffering is the opposite of happiness.
Then you could say that I love my job. I constantly make a fool of myself and/or do the work noone else is up for, and I don't expect or even want their gratitude.
That doesn't mean that I like or enjoy my job though.
Or do I get you wrong?
Think about it, how many people in first world countries are depressed despite having all material need to be met?
I don't think it's that you love your job, it's that you love money.
I don't care particularily much about money. Money aside, I'd still work because I have to. Everyone tells me that I have to. I tell myself that I have to. If I don't go to work, I'll probably rot away in my bed.
Well if you were doing it for free I would say it's a form of love, I don't know if it would bring you happiness, it really depends on what you do, if you make a luxury, I don't think that will bring any happiness because if anything luxury is a curse but if you were a farmer or something, gave food to the town for free, I think that would really be fulfilling.
I don't think the love would be towards work if you did it for free, more towards yourself and the people telling you that.
Yo negro. If your a chick. #whatever dun care bitches need family, stability, etc and even then still nag themselves. If your a dude self is found through action. Hike the death valley, live on a mountain alone in Montana for a month. Teach yourself calculus and clep out of it at a college level. Do shit. Risk, love, loss, etc. Shape your values via action. The rest of the shit just falls into place.
Happiness is somewhat relative, relative to "rotting away in bed" working is more fulfilling.
Risks can kill me.
I'm not sure what more I can say. I'm sorry for being unhelpful.
A thing I just now came to think of, is that the only thing that really makes me feel emotions anymore is good music. Despite this, I don't listen to music often... stupidly, I actually habitually just stare at my computer with no sounds at all. I don't know why I do that.
Music makes me feel an undescribable kind of joy sometimes. I wanted to dabble with making it many years ago, before I decided that I am creatively bankrupt. I will never again attempt any form of creating because I decided that I'm uncreative, unwilling, unmotivated, too lazy, too impatient, too self-deprecating. It's how I generally feel anyway.
The fact is that I always wanted to learn to draw or make music. But since I'm absolutely, zealously convinced that I have zero ability or potential for it, I can't even make myself attempt to begin.
No need to apologize user, it was a good conversation and I hope you'll consider it, something like volunteering at a soup kitchen or an orphanage or even just giving your jacket to a homeless person who doesn't have one.
I think you should try to get back into it, you can regain creativity, every child has it, you had it once too, I think a lot of people have lost creativity because they spend all day on the computer or the TV where instead of imagining a Tyranasaurousrex and velociraptors battling it out, we watch Jurassic Park. Besides you don't need to be creative to draw well or play music well, you just need discipline. God bless.
I THINK THE REAL YOU IS BEYOND LABELS, AND CAN ONLY BE EXPERIENCED BY YOURSELF.
what
If you spend all your time trying to define a wave, you'll die before you get the chance to ride it.