I am a performing classical musician/soloist and composer, and I am considering quitting music.
A few months ago I sold out a concert in my city for the first time. I couldn't believe it, every seat in the place was filled up, and they were absolutely stoked over my compositions. After the concert, I was so exhausted from practicing to prepare for it, I haven't even bothered to practice or do anything musically. I figured I would take a week or two off to recharge my batteries, but now it has been 2 months and I have not even picked up my instrument more than twice during that time.
I have a lot of potential for the future if I continue. I have made a lot of connections with famous people, and I could probably travel to other countries and perform my compositions if I keep working hard on it, the path is in front of me.
Despite this, I have absolutely no drive to continue. Honestly, I am sick of music and the arts. Preparing for a concert takes so much work and effort, by the time it's over you're nearly ready to pass out from the stress. I will also most likely never get to the point that I can make enough money to support a family doing this, I will always have to work other jobs like I do now no matter what. I feel like I am working towards nothing except getting some temporary praise from audiences here and there.
But there's also a part of me that doesn't want to give it up because I feel like it is a part of me. I have worked my entire life towards this, and walking away now would be so weird. I feel like I would be nobody without it. I will have to start from scratch and channel my energy into something else.
I dropped clarinet at age 20 for the same reasons. I felt burned out and resentful, even though people told me I had great potential. I could have gone to college to study it but I gave it up instead. I listened to the voice that said 'you'll never be great. there's too much competition, you have too many hangups and weaknesses to be great. it's too stressful. it's not worth it.'
that was eight years ago, and on the one hand I'm grateful to have had the opportunity to do other things, but I also wonder about where it could have led, and what I missed out on. it was the one thing I can say I was truly good at in my life, and had natural ability and talent in.
if I were you, I'd continue performing and revisit your situation in six months.
I don't mean spend six months trying to decide whether to quit or not!
I mean, spend six months giving it all you've got, like you have been doing. commit to it, put the doubt from your mind for now, and see what happens. if in six months you still desperately want to give it up, then maybe you should. otherwise, it may just be a phase you're going through after a tough start to the year.
Christopher Hernandez
That's a big thing to just throw away. You might want to work on ways to mitigate your stress so you don't get burned out. Like make sure you set aside time every day to relax, and especially take it easy after concerts. But if you really feel that the classical world is not for you then there's no shame in leaving it.
Luke Lee
You're faced with a choice to either find a way to make enough money from music to make it your only job or to stop doing it because it doesn't pay enough.
Julian Roberts
I'm also a composer and I am not necessarily considering quitting music, rather I am re-evaluating what I want out of the concert world. I have made music outside of that world for longer, and I am honestly much more interested in making music that walks the line in between both worlds if there is such a thing.
I have recently been dealt a blow to my ego however, and I don't know how to continue. Do you have some sort of way of establishing contact senpai? You're not going to get much help here.
Jaxson Wilson
>I have recently been dealt a blow to my ego however, and I don't know how to continue What do you mean?
>Do you have some sort of way of establishing contact? Ehhh I have like IG and stuff like that?
James Richardson
I should probably give it more time
But for the last two months I have not even picked up my instrument, and I have actually started playing video games for the first time in 10 years and started lifting weights too
It has been comfy and relaxing as fuck. I keep thinking "Oh man okay I gotta start practicing again and get another concert booked, also gotta go finish recording this album" and I go to pick up my instrument, play for like 1 minute, then put it down again
I don't know what's going on, it's weird
A part of me just wants to let go. I want to be content with just going to work, making money, working out. maybe going for a hike, making a few nice friends, and finding a wife.
But I am obsessed with "doing something great with my life!", but I sort of want to stop try to "do something great". I just want to do something mediocre and die, because doing "something great" can end up being a fruitless venture.
tldr; I want to stop wanting to do something with my life and just be mediocre and die
Brandon Russell
>I will also most likely never get to the point that I can make enough money to support a family doing this, I will always have to work other jobs like I do now no matter what. One of my favorite musicians was a house painter the whole time he made music. Now he has a son and runs a company that creates album art. If you want to make music, make music. If you don't, don't. But don't make excuses like >I will always have to work other jobs like I do now no matter what.
Adam Torres
If you don't like it and you can't run a family off it, stop. If it can be a fulltime job don't stop unless you have better options
Lincoln Russell
take a break from your usual carreer focused musical exploits and find new ways to have fun with your instrument without having to care if it will sell and what other people might think of it. at least you'll keep in shape for when you return to your usual doings
Unless we get more details, it seems that you were seeking validation for most of your career. There may have been a point in time in which you enjoyed it, but that is clearly not the case right now. See if you can separate the association of validation and enjoyment for playing your instrument by playing only when you want to play, instead of an obligation or necessity. Even better, maybe find a new instrument and see if you truly enjoy music, or you enjoy validation for a particular instrument. Music has defined your life, but now it is everything. see if you can separate it into pleasure music and career music and see what happens.
Its no use trying to ponder when you stopped enjoying music. Youll come to the same realisation by trying out the music for fun in the now rather than squatting on it.
Mason Reed
Something doesn't have to be the way your earn a living to be a big part of your life. I suspect that you are just going through the musician's version of post-partum depression, but if you really do not want to concertize any more, do something else for a living and enjoy playing you music at home
Luis Myers
It sounds like a job. Sometimes even a good job is hard work and tiring. If you don't do this, what are you going to do to pay the bills? Is it going to be something you enjoy more? Probably not.
Julian Rogers
>what are you going to do to pay the bills? Is it going to be something you enjoy more? Probably not.
Right now I work a sales job to pay the bills on top of doing classical music and I still barely make ends meet
Nicholas Morris
Have you considered composing for films/television/commercials/videos? It pays better and it's a bit less stressful (sometimes) than trying to support yourself off of concerts & performances alone. A good composer has a lot of options, if you're not too stubborn to work in support of someone else's vision sometimes. You don't have to give one thing up entirely to do the other, you can do both. And it's actually a good way to get over "writer's block," to be given a specific assignment & deadline to produce something for an employer. It might not feel like "your thing" while you're doing it, but when it's done you'll grow as an artist by pushing yourself out of your usual style & creative comfort zone.
Blake Nelson
>See if you can separate the association of validation and enjoyment for playing your instrument
Hmm this is interesting, this could be the problem.
I truly love classical music, I think it is the height of western artistic achievement and all that. I feel like when I participate in it, I am doing something bigger than myself, like it's a divine religious experience or something
But at the same time, practicing is like a gigantic chore. Like going to the gym five days a week and doing stronglifts or something.
But I do ultimately want validation for doing classical music. I want people to hear/listen/buy my music and recognize what I am doing I suppose.
I would imagine most people want this in the arts. I don't know how this plays into me possibly giving it up though
Christopher Bell
>Have you considered composing for films/television/commercials/videos?
I think those positions are really hard to get, like only geniuses with connections do that stuff.
I have thought about composing for indie games though. Not sure how I would go about that, I don't even know what software they use for that but I would like to look into it and maybe message some indie game developers and see if they would wan to hire me or something
Carter Brooks
You're probably a much better musician than I am, but I recently started composing music for an ad agency and I was really surprised how quickly and easily it took off. My background is more in filmmaking, so I got the initial connection from a friend of mine who was editing one of their ads. I've literally just been doing this shit in my apartment with Logic Pro and a USB keyboard. If I can do it, you can do it better. I would have no idea how to put a concert together like you did
Cooper Green
Holy shit really?
Where do you even get started with something like that?
I'm actually not that great with computer software, or much of a tech-person really. But I'm sure I could figure it out.
Do you just apply to ad-agencies with a portfolio or something? How much do they pay you?
Colton Gutierrez
My friend had edited a few videos for them, they wanted original music for a new one, and they asked him if he knew anyone who made music. I'd already done a few scores for his short films & videos over the years, so he recommended me. The deadline was ridiculous and I wasn't sure if I could do it, but I actually pulled something off that I was reasonably happy with, and since then that production company has been asking me to score everything on their slate.
They're my first real client so I wasn't sure how much to charge. I asked for $250 per minute of music, and they said yes so quickly that it was pretty clear I could've asked for more. So it's not "get rich" money yet, but it's actually been covering my rent & bills entirely for the last 2 months. If it keeps up like this, or if I can add another client, I think I could actually quit my day job.
This one basically fell in my lap, so I honestly can't say how easy it'll be to start from scratch, I don't even know how easy it'll be for me to keep branching out and finding more work like this. But I was in a similar position to you, I'd gotten pretty bored of just making music for my own fulfillment, and I've actually really enjoyed the challenge of adapting my style to someone else's requests and hitting tough deadlines
I think the next step for me is to actually put together a website/portfolio with some of the work I've done for this client, and the short film scores I've done in the past, I'm hoping that will get me more exposure and more work.
Charles Flores
Yeah if you're open to it I would chat with you on IG. I'm a pretty unknown guy so I don't know if that's something you'd be open to
Aaron Howard
Don't give up, just take a break until you have a good idea
Jordan King
Well it sounds like you are already pretty accomplished in your field, why would you quit now?
If you quit, you will regret it, and something within you will rebel and never be content. Do you take private lessons? study privately? I have found that this keeps me practicing and working towards my own instrumental studies. working closely with someone on your craft usually keeps the fire burning, gives you something to strive for.
I wouldn't quit. I think God gave you a very special song in your heart and it sounds like it is received well by your peers. I think it's what you were made for. If you don't mind, could you link some of your music?
