How do I overcome soul crushing loneliness in college?

How do I overcome soul crushing loneliness in college?

Growing up, I had a pretty good relationship with my family, always sat down for dinner every night, etc. Even though I was unpopular, bullied, and at times friendless, I never felt that isolated in high school and my mental well being was mostly okay.

When I went away for college the first time (900 miles away), I struggled to make friends. The guys in my dorm were pricks and I couldn't really connect with anyone in my major. That school was a total train wreck for me, and I quit going there after two years because I failed class after class after class after class.

I switched to a community college near home and started living with my parents again in early 2016 and there was very clear improvement from day one. I got my GPA high enough after three semesters and transferred to a school in my home state last fall. I was incredibly optimistic, but as soon as I got there, my life started falling apart once again.

After maybe a month or so there, I realized I wasn't making any friends and never really did much outside of class. I've been way too nervous to go into professors' office hours, and my classmates seem to brush me off when I try to socialize with them.

It got bad enough that last semester I couldn't focus on school stuff anymore, started falling way behind, missing a ton of class, and eventually went completely off the radar and got a medical withdrawal from my classes. If my mental health were okay, I'd have made straight A's.

How the hell do I fix this? I've been seeing a therapist since December but obviously haven't been improving, but it's entirely possible we're just focusing on the wrong things during therapy. My parents are forcing me to see a psychiatrist but I don't feel comfortable with medication.

Keep in mind, I have some extreme trust issues with other young people after some terrible experiences in high school and my old college.

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What have you tried so far to make friends?

1. What sorts of things are you interested in?
2. What sorts of people might be interested in these things? Cast your net wide - people who like anime might also like foreign films, etc
3. Where would such people be likely to hang out?
4. Go there

Here's the rub, I know a lot of what I need to do to make friends, I'm just TERRIBLE at following through with it.

I tried interacting with classmates (which is important because my major is fairly difficult and the classes are designed so you have to collaborate to succeed), but most seem to brush me off and avoid me. It's hard to tell how real that is, though, because I've had a lot of bad experiences with people and I've been trained to assume the worst (I have MASSIVE trust problems).

I also have made lists of clubs to go to, but I usually will go once or twice and just stop for some reason. I also end up chickening out a lot of the time. IDK why I'm so bad at following through with this.

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If you need support, try therapy. Nothing wrong with asking for help.

Did you read my OP? I've been seeing a therapist since December but I don't feel like I've been helped at all. My parents want me to try meds but I'm not comfortable with that.

I run multiple clubs at uni, being president of one and socail sec of another.

No matter how weird you are, no matter what your like at home or at uni, if you get around the club and kinda just follow everyone else your more than welcome.

We had a kid join last year, he had like 30 friends on facebook and only uploaded anime pics litterally my stereotypical Jow Forums adv browser with social issues type, but the second he fuckig got around it and chugged the beer bong (apparently his first drink) he was just another one of us.

Try a new one. You won't do it alone.

And if you need meds, take them. Just don't do it because you parents want you to. Find a second opinion from a proffesional.

For therapy, I can't really tell if the problem is with my therapist, with what we've been focusing on, or that therapy itself just isn't enough. I've been confused about my gender identity (I know, this isn't /lgbt/) for some time now and it has been causing me a lot of distress since around Christmas and I didn't bring it up until April.

For the meds, my therapist brought up the same concern. Half of why I'm taking them is so my parents know I seriously do care about my mental health and academic performance and that I'm not just playing aroud, but I honestly don't feel safe with them. I had a terrible experience with Concerta as a kid and now I'm terrified of any psychiatric meds, even beyond stimulants.

Seeing stories like that makes me really optimistic. I think part of the problem is that I think too negatively about social things. I've had so many bad experiences that I don't really have any expectations from people.

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>For therapy, I can't really tell if the problem is with my therapist, with what we've been focusing on, or that therapy itself just isn't enough

You should be allowed to try other proffesionals to make sure, man. You are an adult, ask for what you want.

Same with the meds. Ask for a second opinion, go to other doctors and double check.

>Same with the meds. Ask for a second opinion, go to other doctors and double check.
Part of my thing is I don't really want an official diagnosis/label. It might be irresponsible, but I want this as detached from my identity as possible.

>Part of my thing is I don't really want an official diagnosis/label.

Wait a fucking second, then what kind of meds are you taking? Don't self diagnose/self medicate, dude, that's dangerous as fuck.

I'm not self medicating at all, I might have been unclear.

At age 10, I was officially diagnosed with ADHD (by a neurologist, not a psychiatrist) and I was put on Concerta (a stimulant) which made whatever problems I already had MUCH worse. I didn't really notice that at first because I was a pre-teen. In my freshman year of HS, I was incredibly depressed and I temporarily quit taking them in the summer after my freshman year. After a few days of withdrawal, I felt fantastic. I ended up quitting them altogether during the spring break of my sophomore year. Almost immediately, everyone saw an improvement in my mood and personality. I was a lot happier and more social. In fact, my grades actually IMPROVED after I quit taking that crap. I haven't gotten a second opinion but it's really obvious now that I never had ADHD in the first place.

Right now the only medication I'm taking is finasteride, and that was after a dermatologist saw my hair was thinning and wrote a prescription. I don't want to go bald in my 20s, so I thought it was a good idea and worth the slight risk of sexual side effects (none of which have hit me).

I've been seeing just a therapist since December, and they can't make an official diagnosis. I'm seeing a psychiatrist on Thursday but I'm not sure I really want to do this because I don't want a diagnosis or a prescription but my parents tell me they don't think I have any other options.

I also don't fully believe in the "it's your genes and you'll be on pills for the rest of your life" stuff with mental health.I managed to fix my life before without taking this crap and ideally I don't want to ever use a mind altering substance. I don't even smoke weed because I personally don't want to change my brain chemistry.

OK, then you need to act like an adult and tell people what you want. You also needto see another proffesional if this one isnt' working out. At least you can then decide if therapy is for you or not. Maybe you just don't yell with that particular doctor.

Your family doesn't seem interested in working on this, they just want the easy fix of meds. But I can't reach over the screen and help you, dude. You need to stand up for yourself.

>then you need to act like an adult and tell people what you want
Trouble is, I'm not really sure if I'm right. I'm afraid of taking meds, but I'm not sure my fears are justified. I might be stopping myself from something that would be seriously beneficial to me.

>find a new therapist
This is the fourth one I've seen since leaving high school. Granted, this is the first private one I've seen. The others were college counselors and they were complete crap.

>The others were college counselors and they were complete crap.

Those don't count. Try with someone that has to dedicate a good portion of time to you, someone you actually pay for this shit.

>Trouble is, I'm not really sure if I'm right.

Welcome to being a fucking adult. Make your choice. Go, or don't go, to get diagnosed. Just remember it's your choice, not theirs.

It's too late to cancel the appointment. This is on my parents' dime (so is my education and everything else). I might just lie to the psych to avoid getting diagnosed. Or if I'm given a prescription, not take the meds.

I would try to make myself financially independent but it's not worth it right now while I'm still in school.

>I would try to make myself financially independent but it's not worth it right now while I'm still in school.

I'd say it is worth it, if it helps you get some control over your own life.

>It's too late to cancel the appointment.

I think it'd be better to stand up to them than to lie to the doctor, but it's up to you.

>I'd say it is worth it, if it helps you get some control over your own life.
It means I'd never finish my degree, though. So not worth it. If not that, it would take much MUCH longer. I'm already 23 and this will take AT LEAST two more years. Plus I want to go to grad school so I want to get this over and done with ASAP.

If you think living like this for... what, 4 years? 5 years until you finally finish studying? Well, as I said, up to you.

You are the one complaining about his life, so you should decide how bad it is.

take it from me, if you're a loser you'll always be a loser

there's no such thing as "starting over" in college

we missed out on essential childhood social development and can never make that up

Join some clubs that interest you. Go regularly. The whole point of them is to bring people together with something in common.

Imagine you are right. OP is already suffering, so whether he tries or not he will keep suffering.

But imagine you are wrong. Imagine he can change. Then if he gives up, he keeps suffering. If he tries, he could be happy.

In both scenarios if OP gives up, he suffers. Trying at least has a chance in mine. So giving up is the worst choice.

I wasn't this much of a loser in HS. I had a few friends (though it could have been much better) and was active in a few clubs and Scouts.

The problem is I keep chickening out on things like that and I don't know why. I have so little self control at this point.

>I have so little self control at this point.

Dude, I literally said that up there! Get your own job, your own money, stand up to your parents. Get some control over your life.

I don't see how that would fix anything. I have an otherwise good relationship with my parents. In fact, since I've been staying with them for the past few weeks, I've been a LOT less depressed. I'm 99% sure my problems are caused by loneliness, hence the original post. I'm not throwing out the baby with the bathwater.

Going financially independent would do more harm than good. I'd go into a ton of debt paying for my degree, school would take MUCH longer, I'd have a lot less free time, I wouldn't be able to pay for therapy.

I will strongly consider switching therapists, though. I'll also straight up tell the psychiatrist I'm not taking any meds.

The "cut off your parents and drop out of college" meme needs to die.

>The "cut off your parents and drop out of college" meme needs to die.

I didn't say that. I said you need to stand up to them. You were the one that said they pay for everything as if that meant your opinion didn't matter (here ) even though the appointment is for you.

Also, you have already dropped out of college, dude, when you decided to go back to your family. So I don't know where you get off saying I'm telling you to do that.

I know it's scary, but you need to be an adult. And money is clearly an issue for you. YOu need your own money.

> In fact, since I've been staying with them for the past few weeks, I've been a LOT less depressed.

You were in withdrawal, actually going for a recovery. But then you fell back unto your vice (mommy and daddy solving everything for you). You are basically relapsing. It fels good, but it doesn't do you any good.