3 weeks ago my girlfriend breaks up with me on the grounds that her parents are close to a divorce (they are) and that she wants to focus more on school in order to secure her future and please her parents. I'll admit I wasn't supportive. Far from it. It was probably the most shameful moment of my life when I blew up on her for simply trying to better myself. We're better now and remain friends, but I'm still haunted by my behavior.
So, we're done. Fine. But here's the thing, she's just start dating a friend who she had been friendzoned while with me, it started up last week. The fucking kicker? Her parents hate him (her parents being admittedly stuck-up Asian doctor types while this new guy is a good-natured but vaguely white trashy marine with a HS education only) and just yesterday she skipped a class for him. College btw.
Are you hypocritical or just weak-willed, E? Or did you dump me for him? And I'm not about to confront you just yet 'cause of the shit in your life and you don't need me on your back again but it's really fucking with me.
Either way, I've lost respect for you for that. Though I can hardly claim the moral high ground.
I don't want her back. I'm just pissed at her decision. Like it really makes me lose faith in her as a friend
Bentley Ward
OP again. Neglected to mention that we were together for about 7 months. So things were pretty serious.
Christian Evans
You sound jealous as fuck. Here's how i got there:
1. you're upset she didn't give you the real reason for the break up 2. so you hate the other guy 3. and you seek validation for your hate - for example mentioning her parents' opinion.
If she did break up with you because of him or because of other things doesn't matter anymore. You can't rewind time. Focus on what you're gonna do next and don't drown yourself in this - she's not worth that time anyway. Take a hint from what you've done wrong and remember that for a girl break up is a process, they don't decide it over night, they evaluate for quite some time if they should stay with you.
As far as you know she didn't cheat on you or anything like that. IMO it can go only two ways:
1. you ignore her and distance yourself at least until you feel less strong emotions about her 2. or you forgive her and become a friend for real.
Jason Clark
You see, that's what I'm worried about. Jealousy. I'm worried about my own bias clouding my vision. But I don't know, I'm just seeking closure and I guess I feel lied to because in my eyes the justification doesn't reflect the reality. And that's what's fucking with me. I think.
Fuck, maybe I am just jealous. I really love that goddamn girl.
I don't know, everything just feels cloudy to me and I try to check myself and shrug off my feelings to try and be that good friend, but I don't know.
I'm just confused and kind of in pain and I'm seeking answers, if not from her than from some internet strangers who could know better than me.
Joseph Davis
Focus all that energy on betering yourself instead off stalking her relations and this spiral of jealousy. Workout, buy some good looking clothes, lose weight etc.
Luke Cox
Oh Jesus, I didn't think this constitutes stalking. She told me all this, after all. And the new guy isn't a mutual friend but he's something of an acquaintance. Like I've hung out with him before.
I shouldn't dwell, you're right. And I'm trying my best to check myself but from what some of you guys are saying I'm worried I'm bit more out of control than I first thought.
Juan Allen
Cut any and all contact with her
Jacob Gutierrez
At that point I’d just cut off ties to make it stop. You’re hurting too much for no good reason, no friend is worth this.
Camden Jenkins
I second them. From your reaction OP it is clear that the break up hit you harder than you're willing to admit to yourself.
Cutting contact is the only healthy and responsible thing to do now. And if she asks you about that - just give her the truth.
Tyler Green
I guess you guys are right. I dunno, I'm scared I guess. Even though we were only together as a couple for 7 months we've been really close friends since we were fucking 11 (both 19 now). I can't see my life without her, friend or no.
Maybe I just need some time to let go.
Camden Phillips
Break it off. Don’t let yourself suffer like this. Come back to her if you really want to once your emotions are less charged.
Jaxon Johnson
>Comments Pretty lame. >theories She's your ex. Whatever is going on in her head is not your problem anymore and is irrelevant to what you must do with your life. >questions? What in your head makes you think that confronting some girl about some shit that is none of your business is a good idea? Any action you take that isn't moving on is a complete waste of time.
Kevin Campbell
Like I said, we’ve been friends for a long, long time. She says she can’t picture life without me and I can’t either. So I kept her around. I just need closure to her motivations.
Fuck. Maybe I should just leave. Even if she wants to stay friends I can’t take that nagging feeling of knowing she’s with somebody else.
I need to chill out.
Carter Walker
>She says she can’t picture life without me and I can’t either. Too fucking bad. You're broken up. Its over. She isn't going to be in your life for years to come and you know it. The dog is dead. Stop letting it stink up the house and go bury it. >I just need closure to her motivations. Don't kid yourself, OP. The "closure" meme is pure bullshit. There is no closure. You need to grow up and realize that sometimes in life shitty things happen and you'll never get an explanation. You're going to have to be emotionally mature enough to overcome these things despite the fact that you haven't received a full explanation for why they happened. That isn't reality, OP. Having her explain why isn't going to make you feel any better. Waiting for closure is just a lame excuse people make up to justify not letting go and moving on. >Even if she wants to stay friends I can’t take that nagging feeling of knowing she’s with somebody else. You're not friends. Both of you have just known each other for so long that you're afraid to make a clean break. Your "friendship" is held together by dependence, OP. The only reason you both haven't completely moved on from each other is fear. Move. The. Fuck. On. The sooner you start doing this the better.
Nolan Roberts
Guess I just gotta man up then, huh?
I'll readily admit that I'm scared as fuck. I've been through breakups before, but never with this much baggage. Never going so far back with them.
Is there anything I can do to swallow that pill of leaving her more easily?
Ayden Williams
sup fgt. nothing abnormal or unacceptable or unexpected about your reaction and you're not stalking her. allowing what matters to you to completely steamroll over those closest to you is shitty. only thing arguably worse is flat out discounting and neglecting your own needs and desires. don't worry so much about avoiding the former that you start slipping into doing the latter.
tell her what's on your mind. listen to whatever she's got to say in return. these things can turn messy quick but ideally: you accept whatever her reasoning is and she then accepts whatever your subsequent decision is and you two carry on from there however you're gonna carry on and that's that. accusatory, passive aggressive, hostile, and/or pleading make for more messy. straightforward, candid, matter of fact, and/or sincere make for less messy. if you'd rather skip all that and don't want to talk it out, that's fine too.
distance and distraction will be your friends here i'd imagine.
>t. the suck a shotgun asshole from your first thread
Aiden Allen
Well no shit! It's you! As you can see, I can't catch a goddamn break.
Distance and distraction is what I'm working on, I'm doing my best to not dwell since it'll just amp me up and piss me off and that does no good for anybody.
I wanna talk to her about it soon. But I'm worried she's gonna blow up if I do -- she's not crazy or anything but the stressors with her parents fighting has definitely shortened her fuse. You remember how I fucked it up, and the absolute worst case, mind-numbingly terrifying scenario is that one of us gets mad for some reason or another and things get even worse. Maybe I'll rehearse some. But, of course, can't think too hard on it 'cause knowing myself I'll get freaked out and overthink.
Wonder if the Korean-hating dude with the broken English is gonna roll up now lol
Noah Stewart
>Guess I just gotta man up then, huh? Yup >I'll readily admit that I'm scared as fuck. Its alright dude, we've all been there. You just need to stop coming up with excuses to not move on and apply yourself. This is a change in your life that you need to accept. >Is there anything I can do to swallow that pill of leaving her more easily? Yes, absolutely no contact. You have to learn how to live and deal with your emotions on your own without running to her and using her as a crutch.
Levi Taylor
I think I get her motivations. She's turning 20 soon, and, I'm assuming she wants to marry. She doesn't want to marry without having experience with other dudes. She wants to break up soon enough and come back to you. Don't take her back. Ghost her.
Luke Jenkins
>since it'll just amp me up and piss me off and that does no good for anybody. ehh..time and a place for everything. but i agree, that wouldn't serve you well here right now. maybe after you two speak if you find yourself depressed and need motivation to get up and get moving again.
if she blows up, she blows up. how you approach it and how you lead the conversation can go a long way toward mitigating that. can't be helped sometimes though.
>don't overthink it spot on. your mindset is in the right place. it'll be fine. even if it's shit during, it'll be fine eventually, so it'll be fine.
Elijah Moore
Maybe I'll just stop talking to her for now, nothing more, nothing less. Just go quiet. Maybe forever like you want. Maybe for a bit until my head's totally clear.
And if she comes to me?
Maybe. I mean, it doesn't sound like her. She's certainly no goody two-shoes choir girl or anything but it's expressly clear she ultimately wants the white-picket lifestyle. Young, too. She's told me she wants to be married by 26 or 27. Really messes me up when I think about that, especially when she talks to me about going on dates with the new guy and how romantic he is. Gives me a pit in my stomach. I get that dropping feeling whenever I hear his name.
I dunno if she'll come back to me, and I dunno what I'd do if she does. The upstanding part of me would turn her down, but my inner emotional bitch, provided I still hold feelings, would take her back in a heartbeat. And I don't know which would win.
Thomas Thomas
>Maybe I'll just stop talking to her for now, nothing more, nothing less Its not just not talking to her, OP, its learning to live without her. If you're not going to use the time away from her to work on yourself and actually get your head to a place where you're not desperately clinging to her for attention and validation anymore then cutting contact with her is just an empty gesture. >And if she comes to me? Don't. Block her. Tell her the "friendship" is over. You need to set up your boundaries. You need to be a grown up. The responsibility for you moving on is on you, not her. Its not her responsibility to stay away from you. Its your job to take care of yourself. End of story.
Lucas Gutierrez
Yeah. I hope so.
I think her ultimate motivation is peace. Even though she's a little tiger on the low, she's surprisingly non-confrontational in basically all things. Passive socially for the most part, if that makes any sense. I think all she wants more than anything right now is just some peace and quiet.
Maybe I was too turbulent for her at this point her life. New guy's best trait is being shockingly level-headed, knowing him. Like he's untiltable.
Her, on the other hand... At least at the moment...
Long story short, I'm worried she's really gonna get set off because she seems to want more than anything else the status quo. She just wants things to be normal. She wants me as her friend now and the new guy as her boyfriend and her parents at peace and her grades high.
In her usual self, she does her best to deflect anything that could even have the smallest inkling of causing tension. I'm worried that in her current state she'd see my... inquiry, as an attack.
And I'm worried about actually attacking by mistake. Guess I just need to find the right moment where we're both chilled out enough to just speak freely without guarding or an emotional charge or whatever.
Dominic Lee
You're running out of time, OP. She's noticing how much of a idiot and asshole you are compared to other dude. Give up, stop wasting your time.
Austin Cox
Ugh. I feel you. Everything you're saying makes sense but like, I still like her, y'know? She's a good person, romantically or no. Maybe the issue with this is that you kinda want me to plunge right out, where I'd much rather gradually drift away.
Provided I go through and just cut things with her, is "the plunge" you're recommending the only way out. Just gotta rip that shit off like a band-aid or something? Or could there be a more painless way to emancipation?
I sound like a coward. Guess I am one.
Oliver Williams
Running out of time for what? I don't want her back. I'm not pursuing her. I just wanna figure out why things went the way they did.
Aiden Jenkins
Yeah OP. Definitely. We can see from your comments how you don't love her. Dude, for real. Stop being a faggot and admit it. You still like her. That was left pretty clear. But, I understand your decision to move on. In which way, the best way you can go about ghosting her, is by telling her your decision (better off face-to-face so she doesn't misinterpret your tone) and slowly cutting her away from your life until you stop missing her.
Carson Jones
I think that's what I'm gonna do at this rate. Seems like a happy medium between disappearing and sticking around in suffering.
Jonathan Gutierrez
Block her and never talk to her again. It hurts. But what ain't meant to be ainnt meant to be.
Lincoln Phillips
Maybe.
Jordan Martinez
will these threads help me or will they let me suffer more ?
Brayden Wilson
That supposed to be a rhetorical question? Something to ask myself? Well I guess on the downside this keeps it all on my mind, but on the other hand I'm definitely lost.
Aaron Bailey
>looking at this from where i'm standing, i've been replaced >whether that was actually your intention is beside the point >you've got your reasons for doing it >i'd very much like to understand what they are >if you don't want to tell me, i understand >either way i need to get over us not being together anymore >trying to do that while going back to just being friends was a reasonable ask >trying to do so while you're also dating somebody else is rubbing salt in the wound if she protests or gets upset that you aren't wanting to be accommodating, simply tell her straight out that it's not fair to ask that of you.
after, hang out as friends whenever if you wish to do so. don't feel like you need to more than you can handle. don't fall into 'orbiter' status and hang around so much still that it's preventing you focusing on whatever you need to be doing to accomplish whatever your upcoming goals are.
Carson Rodriguez
>That supposed to be a rhetorical question? It was a question to myself when I saw this thread in the catalog. But I thought it could be also a good question for all of you >Something to ask myself? Yes. >Well I guess on the downside this keeps it all on my mind, but on the other hand I'm definitely lost. I'm currently doing better than expected, and I'm afraid of reading this thread will open up fresh wounds.
Andrew Lopez
Alright. This seems solid. I'm gonna try it next time we hang out.
Gotcha. Hope everything is cool with you, dude.
Adrian Martin
You got dumped, move on
Thomas Richardson
Right.
Cameron Rogers
who gives a fuck if she dumped you for him. doesnt really matter what her reasoning is. you got dumped, move along. whatever her reason is, you probably wont like it. find another chick, shes clearly stupid who doesnt make good choices.. its common among women.
