DEAR Jow Forums

DEAR Jow Forums,

This is a follow-up of a thread that I posted a couple of days ago asking about a woman...and what happened after I told her I had a crush on her. Greentexted for simplicity.
>Co-worker
>I'm 29, she's apparently mid to late-50s
>She's apparently shy, doesn't look me in the eyes when speaking
>Super sweet, though
>Still had 3 long conversations with her at work
>Have crush on her
>Tell her this, and tell her to say she doesn't feel the same so I can get over it
>Smiles, says I caught her off guard, doesn't know what to say (but I told her what to say...), but smiles and says we'll talk about it later

Well, I followed up a couple of days later, and again asked her to tell me she doesn't feel the same. She kept avoiding saying so, saying "it's not her" to say that, although I told her it's alright because I'll get over it in one or two weeks tops. With some more prodding she said, instead of saying she doesn't feel the same, "Okay, I said it".

I told her it's not the same, and kept prodding, but she had to go to her work area and we parted ways. I caught up with her again at the end of the day, telling her she knew what I wanted her to say. She continued to avoid saying she didn't feel the same about me, and that I would get over it. I kept prodding some more, again re-iterating that it wouldn't hurt for long, and that I would get over it after she told me she didn't feel the same.

She said that I hadn't really asked her a question, which I acknowledged was the case, and just told her to tell me she didn't feel the same way about me. So she finally caved and told me she didn't have a crush on me, and I thanked her and left. No hard feelings, I didn't want her to feel the same (although a part of me did...)

Fast forward to a couple of days later. I guess I kind of made it appear that I was mad at her for something she did at work (too long to explain), and she literally texted me a run-on sentence of ungodly proportions. (Continued).

Attached: because-it-can-fly-i-wish-i-was-like-that-3189571.png (500x536, 133K)

It was literally about 800 words long explaining why she did what she did. I didn't respond at all because the text response would have been longer and I don't like making long texts, and it was over the weekend so I didn't see her until Monday.

So when I saw her on Monday and got her attention, she didn't smile like she usually does when she's greeted, but looked kind of pissed. I explained that I wasn't mad at her, and understood her explanation, etc. and she seemed fine again.

Fast forward again to a couple more days later (keep in mind that I'm not at all being awkward or anything about her telling me she doesn't have a crush on me), and I text her to help her out with something that I feel could be a problem for her in the future. We text back and forth some long texts about it and the situation surrounding it (work-related).

Then, even though it had been nearly two weeks since I had gotten her response of not having a crush on me, she texts out of the blue in reference to it, telling me that she appreciates me being fair with her/looking out for her, and that she really didn't want to tell me what I had made her say (referring to that day where I insisted she tell me she didn't feel the same about me), but that honestly she didn't know how she felt about me and couldn't tell me one way or the other because she didn't know me well enough, and that I had caught her off guard...

Why would she say this? I made it clear that I would help her as long as she did the right thing regardless of how she felt about me, so why would she tell me all that?

Sincerely,
user

Because /R9GAY/ isn't being helpful...

Also, I could be wrong about the level of male attention she receives, but she's definitely not your typical-looking older lady...she's what most would call a GILF, and I've heard as much from several co-workers. She looks VERY good for her age. Hell, I'd say she looks better than most of the women I've seen, period.

And again, the reason I told her to say what I told her to say wasn't because I have low self-esteem, I just can't do relationships for a completely unrelated reason. For that reason, crushing over her or starting a relationship would be pointless, because I know it would end in misery for all parties involved. There's a long story for why that's the case, but there you have it.

>i like you
>tell me you don't like me
>tell me you don't like me
>tell me you don't like me
>tell me you don't like me
>tell me you don't like me

you sound incredibly annoying, i'm surprised she didn't react more negatively

Sounds like she is thinking about it.
Let her think awhile and wait for her response.

Attached: Autism.jpg (473x631, 64K)

Ha, good point. But I don't get why it would be so hard to tell me that if I'm asking her to...she was reluctant to say that because she's too nice.
There's not really a response to wait for, because a question was never asked. She just told me yesterday this whole thing about how she didn't want to say what I told her to say, and a part of me suspected as much when she said it because it didn't sound sincere.

agreed. wtf OP?

Well, shit, that's why I posted it on /R9GAY/ initially! It's the main board I frequent! What did you expect?

But in all seriousness, didn't you read WHY I asked her to say that? I already know I could never do a relationship, I would just end up hurting people, and if I did manage to gain lucidity and take control of my paranoia I would just use that brief moment of lucidity to push the girl away to stop hurting her...
I mean, shit, I get a lot of female attention, but am still a KHHV at 29 for a reason...

I suggest finding another job.
Run away from this embarrassment before something bad happens.

So just don't go after her, and turn her down if she goes after you. I seriously don't get this "I like you, so tell me you don't like me" bullshit.

So I guess to (try) to stop the "You're autistic, WTF?" posts (which are admittedly deserved, since I didn't offer an explanation for my behavior), here's a Cliff's Notes version of the reason.

My dad is a paranoid schizophrenic. I don't have that horrible mental illness, but I am paranoid as hell. My dad was, too. He has trust issues, treats my mom like shit, accuses her of infidelity, etc. EVEN NOW. She just takes it all like a saint (most of the time, sometimes she does lash out at him after being poked too much), and would never cheat on him anyways.

My dad put my mom and me and my siblings through a great deal of misery growing up. I see that paranoia and the trust issues in myself when I merely THINK about a woman I'm interested in. How much worse would it be if I was in a relationship? As I don't wish to hurt a loved one and any potential family that would result from the relationship, I choose to live a life of solitude. I don't want to be like my father.

I don't know, I'm not embarrassed...what's so embarrassing?
Refer to

>unironically telling a girl who is potentially old enough to be your mother that you have a crush on her, then immediately pester her to say she doesn't.
Holy Autism, with a capital A. Why didn't you just ask her to dinner like a normal person and then rail her when you take her home?

hey, nearly everyone has some emotional baggage. Just being on this forum is nearly guarantee of it.

Just - for the love of god - don't tell her that stupid line again.

ACK! Refer to

Yeah, that won't happen again. I promised her I wouldn't ask that of her again, and apologized for it, for what it's worth. It's just everything that she said after I thought it was all said and done makes me wonder how she really feels...she doesn't have anything to gain by digging that up and telling me she didn't want to say what I MADE her say (her words, although when she said that I was making her say something about her feelings, I responded with "then tell me how you feel", at which point she said what I wanted to hear...)

You aren't your father so stop referring to him as the potential cause of a failed "relationship"

Just ask someone else out that doesn't work with you.

I mean, even after my explanation of WHY I wouldn't want to start a relationship, she's just so sweet and stuff that MAYBE, just MAYBE, I may be able to entertain the thought of pushing through my paranoia and trying to think normally? I really wanted her to feel the same, but knew that wouldn't be a good response...but now I'm trying to figure out her intentions after she dredged up the (recent) past like that...

I know that, but paranoid schizophrenia has a strong genetic component and the paranoid class of personality disorder is also found at a greater prevalence among those with close relatives with paranoid schizophrenia...

I'm not blaming him, I couldn't choose my father anyways. It's just that the paranoid thoughts are so intrusive.

she knows what you want and you communicated it quite clearly. no point in opening it up with her again. you'd just be annoying. if she's interested, she'll let you know.

There are, of course, reasons why pursuing this relationship doesn't seem like a good idea, but hey that's not what you asked about.

I mean, like I said, since I felt like I pretty much already closed that chapter by telling her I wouldn't speak of it again if she just told me what I wanted to hear, I'm just wondering why she would pretty much open it up again by saying what she said...I didn't imply anything in the meantime. I just literally acted like nothing happened. I'm not the clingy, obsessive type. If someone tells me they don't feel the same about me, I let it go, and quickly.

Bump?

She's probably ugly and you probably are two. This whole post was incredibly cingey

I don't think so...

Okay, none of that means you have to be autistic about telling her to tell you she doesn't like you. Just don't date her, or even interact with her if you're that paranoid

You're actually autistic. After "you talked about it later" you should have said "well if you won't tell me off how about you let me take you on a date" and then taken her to a decent dinner to talk and see where it went from there.

That part I did because it would make it easier for me to get over her.
I wouldn't be surprised if I was found to have Asperger's...however, I was considering doing this, so I'm not completely autistic. It at least crossed my mind, the completely socially unaware wouldn't think to say this. But then, this part stopped me.

I stand by my original post

You're probably right, though. Oh well.

So you've reasoned with yourself that you'll never be able to have a relationship and that you shouldn't do so for other people's protection rather than yours.

Why'd you tell her in the first place that you had a crush on her? Clearly you're high-functioning enough that you're able to fit into work life, so some people must think you're actually a normal person. If you were carrying this deep secret that you're full autismo and not destined for a relationship then it seems pretty stupid to say things that could fool a would-be partner into thinking otherwise.

Obviously none of that is true though, what you actually thought is that you really like this woman and want to get with her and decided to take a step towards it. But then you got scared, freaked the fuck out and repeatedly made it clear that the onus was somehow on her to clear up your swathes of anxiety when she didn't ask to be mixed up in it nor does she know the extent of it, at least not in anything like the same depth as you do. I'm not sure why you're trying to pass any this off as reasonable behaviour on your part.

Because it would help me getting over her if she told me what I wanted to hear...I just really hate how crushes make me feel. They make me think illogically, and I hate that.