Autist here. Why do normies think I owe them eye contact and facial expressions just for existing? Its not a matter of making the body language, its that I've never been comfortable with the process of showing emotions towards people or being affected by other people's emotions. This is why I kept a pokerface at all times since I was 5 years old, and even as an adult with self awareness, my brain won't let me display emotions toward other people. I feel the full range of emotions but only internally about myself.
And it only frustrates people more if I do make eye contact and they see my expressionless eyes and face because I don't feel any emotions towards other people, like it would be less harmful to just avoid looking at people to hide my apathy. Moreover, why do people in public try to do some kind of smile-nod gesture at me and expect me to reciprocate? It feels invasive, confrontational and even disrespectful- like being honked at when you're waiting for safe clearance.
Not showing non verbal cues is the social equivalent of going into a coma in normiespeak if you get what I mean. They don't really think you need to owe them anything, at most they are just concerned/worried their voice didn't reach you in a meaningful way. Also probably they're thinking "what wrong with this guy?" Just imagine a guy who doesn't blink his eyes ever, you know? It's like that feeling. Have you tried therapy and shit? For like teaching you to get used to social cues?
Jackson Evans
you mistakenly assume normies dictate social mores instead of existing within them.
so, no, it's not their fault that they think you're weird for avoiding eye contact and generally being difficult to get along with.
Liam Wood
The whole nod-smile thing is just a matter of courtesy, especially with people you know and spend time with everyday but don't really have the time for them. You are just going full autismo mode and thinking of it as if it was some kind of assault on your person which it isn't. Unless it's some stranger on the street then it's your choice if you want to reciprocate.
Also the whole poker face is just VERY odd and weird, like the first user said "imagine someone not blinking their eyes ever" is the equivalent of not showing any kind of emotion ever. They don't owe you anything but then again they don't have to like it or feel comfortable around such a person. I would not
Therapy didn't help. I just don't have the capacity to freely show and receive other people's emotions. And I don't want to be that vulnerable, as awkward as it is, I prefer being able to not automatically emote towards people and to not instantly empathize with others' emotional expressions.
It started when I was around 5, and I noticed how other kids' eyes and faces would react to others' without any hesitation, and also how my parents and teachers could tell if I felt angry, sad, horny, scared, etc. just looking at my face. So I trained myself to poker face, to create my own emotional bumble where I don't have to broadcast my emotions, or be involuntarily manipulated by other people's emotions.
I posted some threads last month and one user suggested that I just have to realize that the world isn't as scary as I'd assumed as a child, and I can just let go, look people in the eyes and let my mirror neurons do their job. This makes perfect sense, but I can't for 2 reasons. Firstly, as I already stated, I don't want to be so vulnerable that I have no control over this- like I don't want to feel sad if someone makes a sad face at me, nor do I want to display my disgust/contempt/discomfort towards certain people I have to talk to. And secondly, even if I did just let go and try to be normal, all the years in which I trained myself to turn it off is a hardened reflex. Like if someone smiles at me, my reflex is to feel nervous and pokerface, even if I'd like to smile back. And the meat of the issue is I'd want to be selective- like if a cute female or a friend smile at me I'd like to reciprocate their body language, but if like a street beggar or stranger on the bus accosts me, I don't want display or receive any emotional information. And with people like cashiers and waters I want to be able to fake normalcy, while at the same time, not really empathizing. Does this mean I want to become a sociopath?
Are you sure you're autistic and not just withdrawn and defensive?
Jackson Nelson
This and only this. The majority should never concern themselves with the minority's weird hangups. Rather than ask why normal people are repulsed by you, you should reflect on your lot in life. You will never understand them. They will never understand you. So operate within the circles that get you. Leave alone those who do not understand you. It's unfair to normal people to have to suffer through your bullshit. They're on the correct side of society and politeness. You're a genetic fuckup. Own that and and deal with your own kind.
Thomas Fisher
Nigga you are over analyzing too much
You are going to feel sad, happy, excited, stressed out, angry and everything in between during your life.
It is not about not showing your emotions at all but not to let them overcome you when you actually do feel them. Think of it as a little kid who gets overly excited when he is happy or starts bawling his eyes out when he is sad.
You are not a robot, you do feel these things so just keep them in check as a normal adult would. Not shutting them down completely
You realize that everyone is manipulated by emotions to a certain extent? You realize that everyone is gives up a little sense of security and steps out of their comfort zones to interact with others? It's kind of the reason to have conversations, to empathize and understand other people. How do you feel when someone tells you something? If you are happy, show happiness. You are angry, show anger. You are a little angry, show a little anger. You don't have mirror someone 100%. >Does this mean I want to become a sociopath? No, it just means you need more practice. Socializing is a skill. It just so happens you have come into the game with a disadvantage. But don't let that disadvantage become an excuse to stop socializing.
Easton Russell
Yes autism spectrum was the opinion of 3 therapists, and my thought processes and physical movements are also autistic.
I'm also a very sensitive person, so it is easy for me to feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable when people make eye contact and facial expressions at me intently/expectedly.
>everyone is gives up a little sense of security and steps out of their comfort zones to interact with others? It's kind of the reason to have conversations, to empathize and understand other people. So what you're saying is that in order to feign normalcy I have to actually open myself up to feeling other people's emotions directly- empathizing with their body language automatically, and not just having an intellectual understanding of other people's subjective experience? I don't know if I can or want to do that. One thing I've realized recently is that neurotypicals lack this sense of self contained emotional feedback I possess, and as a result, they appear to me as very neurotic and vulnerable, whereas I am in control of my own emotions, I decide how to feel an no one else can penetrate that bubble. And this may actually be the less worse option for me- as I say, I'm very sensitive. Come to think of it there were a few times when I just let myself go, maybe it was after a meditation and I overcame the autism, and the result was me leering at and bedroom-eyeing attractive women on the street, and sneering/scowling at people who pissed my off, like a hobo staring at me before inevitably begging for money, and someone riding his bike on a narrow sidewalk towards me, which is illegal and there was plenty of room on the street).
Maybe I want to become a sociopath, since it will allow me to master my nonverbal communications- feign empathy when it serves me, genuinely empathize when I want to actually connect with people closely, or tune out and disregard other people when I don't care.
Then grow a thicker skin faggot, life ain't sunshine and rainbows all the time.
Learn to shrug off meaningless things like a hobo beggin for money or some guy riding his bike. I can tell you get very annoyed at minor things very quickly.
And if you are oh so sensitive as you say you are then work on that, work on controling your emotions.
Elijah Martinez
It's in writing now.
I fake the nod-and-smile and want to shower afterwards. I think that I mostly live life tired and angry, but overplay the social signaling too much. They all think I'm "nice" now. I've dug my own grave. Expectations are set.
James Rodriguez
Still the "hates smiling" user. Finished reading the thread.
I think we have different problems. All of my body language is constructed, much like verbal language. I don't have much in the way of native instincts for it.
You do have instincts for reacting, but you're violently suppressing them as a way to stay unaffected by others, right?
Julian Cruz
I wouldn’t trust anyone going full bert start. Dont do that.
Learn to love people not because you should, but because people deserve love.
OP here. I often find myself walking down the street daydreaming and smiling to myself, then suddenly a wild human appears walking towards me, I feel like a deer in the headlights and that is probably what my face looks like. Other times someone catches me off guard and smiles at me, my mirror neurons reciprocate and it feels like they emotionally raped me.
Luis Cruz
Practice smiling in the mirror, and fake it like the rest of us.
Just get a job and get used to being around people more. Not sure how severe yours is, but I have aspergers and I am getting better at faking normal people stuff. We are the minority and you can't expect people to always tread on eggshells around you, you whiny sjw.
Dominic Thompson
you arent an autist just a little shit who thinks hes better than the rest and seething with rage nobody acknowledges it, you are worse than the normals, hope everything goes horrible in your life you little self important shit
David Rodriguez
>Why do normies think I owe them eye contact and facial expressions just for existing? >why do people in public try to do some kind of smile-nod gesture at me and expect me to reciprocate? They're called micro-encouragements. By studying your body language they are determining whether you want to continue communicating. Nodding, making encouraging noises and maintaining eye contact is a positive indicator of open communication.
If you want a conversation to stop just walk away.
Ryan Taylor
No matter how much I do that, I'm not aware of my facial expression in real time unless I am actually looking in the mirror. I'd want to be able to fake normal body language when communicating with employees, but I don't want to smile at/back at any random strangers, I want to be less skittish around people but still remain un-affected and not emote without my own mental permission.
I had a retail job for 3.5 years, and it seemed that every other day, a customer or employee complained about my behvaior. But my boss covered for me since I was very efficient at output, and the non-emotional aspects of customer service. The autism didn't go away, in face it seems to have gotten only worse during that time. And indeed something I notice is that the more self awareness I develop the more sensitive I am. I used to just think "I don't know how to make facial expressions" and its something that could be learned. But as I've come to find out that it isn't even a matter of moving face muscles, but that normalcy is feeling emotions, expressing emotions, and being directly, unconsciously and automatically effected by other people's emotional expressions, a whole nonverbal, subtle, off the record process that happens in microseconds, the more it scares me to even look at people.
>We are the minority and you can't expect people to always tread on eggshells around you, you whiny sjw. No but I do expect autism to be accommodated as any other physical and mental disability. I want people to stop staring at me if I don't want to look at them, give me space if I don't want to brush against them, and communicate using only words if I don't want any exchanges of emotions. I want autism acceptance now!
I don't think I'm better than anyone else, I just don't compare myself to others and feel that other people's feelings are not my personal problem. Really, I just want to go about my business and leisure without being confronted by people expecting me to feel or show emotions towards them. I'm only self important in that my own subjective experience is being this brain and body, its not that I feel I'm too holier than thou to empathize with people, but my body won't let me.
I'm kind of in a similar boat. I was raised by and grew up around a bunch of emotionally manipulative people, so I've come to default a mentality of "do not openly display your emotions, wear a mask of vaguely irritated indifference instead so it's harder for people to turn your feelings against you." As you can imagine, it makes forming friendships difficult, and romantic relationships next to impossible.
Brody White
hey dude im like you but i thought of something funny there will be an alliance of autists but the thing is anyone can join because nobody wants to know anyone well enough to see if they should be able join
