I'm going to tell my friend that I love her. I don't expect anything good to come of it, I'm 99% sure she'll reject me. I realize it's going to destroy the friendship. I can't keep just being friends, it's driven me into deep depression and really made my life hell this past year. I need to stop seeing her, but she deserves an explanation before I do. We're pretty good friends and have had some great times together.
How do I do this guys? I'm a shy semi-autist if that wasn't implicit. I actually tried before but wasn't clear enough, unfortunately my cohort says things like "I love you" to their friends all the damn time. Is something like "I'm in love with you, I have been for a while. I don't think I can keep just being friends. I'm sorry, I hope you understand. Goodbye" good enough? That sounds pretty fucking autistic now that I've written it down but if try something longer or less prepared I'll probably sperg out or not go through with it. And I need to go through with it, I can't keep living like this.
Also, if you have advice for how to keep my composure during it, I'd appreciate it. Just writing this post has sent my heart racing and I'm not even going to be doing it for another week or so.
Please don't spill your spaghetti and admit your eternal undying love to her via some giant speech. I'd advise being direct with her but not over the top. Be confident in yourself and your feelings. However you need to be prepared for the rejection as these situations do not have a high success rate. I've been rejected by my friend and it hurt like nothing has hurt before but I healed and we're still very good friends to this day.
I'm rooting for you, op. Good luck.
Asher Kelly
Try to think rationally here. Has she shown any interest in you as anything more than a friend? How long have you known her? Is she dating someone right now? Does she talk to you about other guys she's interested in? How close of friends are you? What's the nature of your current relationship with her?
Liam Wilson
Waitwaitwait. Who are you? If you are who you think you are, I love you too.
Kayden Gomez
Thank you user. I'm not expecting success, but at some point being outright rejected is better than the uncertainty.
>Has she shown any interest in you as anything more than a friend? Maybe years ago, but not recently >How long have you known her? Well? Three years. >Is she dating someone right now? Not that I'm aware of >Does she talk to you about other guys she's interested in? Not directly to me, but a while ago I was with her and some of her (female) friends and she was talking about this guy who was her "sorta boyfriend". She seemed pretty into him then but that was months ago and I don't think they're still involved. >How close of friends are you? It's hard for me to judge because I don't have a lot of friends. I'd say we're pretty close though. If I'm being completely honest she's probably my best friend. >What's the nature of your current relationship with her? We're friends. We do friend things like watch movies and have campfires and go hiking. I talk to her about books and give her recommendations. She talks to me about music and gives me recommendations.
I don't think she posts on Jow Forums user. But to humor you, my first and last name both have seven letters (if you spell my first name correctly, which you often don't). I have an unusual last name, and so do you.
Adrian Wilson
>Being outright rejected is better I completely agree. Knowing for certain let's you move on. Even if you don't expect it don't let that sap your confidence
Jeremiah Martinez
Ad said don't go full autismo telling her she's the love of her life and you would throw yourself off a cliff if she asked you. I had the same situation and I confronted her just two days ago. I was pretty drunk and I told her I like her and I wasn't able to act as a friend anymore. She was pretty shocked but we talked it out. It hurts a lot cos we live in the same housing and we work together. Everyone I see her is like being stabbed in the back but it's better this way than trying to hide your feelings. You are doing the right thing but don't make it a drama. Be strong and time will tell. You'll feel better.
Thank you for answering my questions. I like to have a healthy context before I give advice. As to your question I can't tell you whether to tell her or not to, but I will say you should reject the attitude that if she isn't into you it will ruin your friendship. It won't unless one of you is immature. I would say if you're going to tell her,
1. Do it face to face 2. Don't declare your love for her like a romcom. Just tell her you have feelings and ask her out on a date 3. If she says no, don't take it personal. Don't stop being a friend to her. Realize you have a crush, it might sting to be rejected a bit but if you're really her friend you will get over it. She may even say no but start thinking about it and be into you down the line. It's modern cultural wisdom that being friends means the relationship is over if someone develops feelings but it doesn't have to be like that
Jason Ross
For emotionally mature people a romantic rejection doesn't mean the friendship has to end. Unfortunately there are very few of those around this board.
Adam Sanchez
Thank you for your advice user. Unfortunately I feel I am pretty immature, and honestly think she's somewhat immature too. In regards to > Realize you have a crush, it might sting to be rejected a bit but if you're really her friend you will get over it. Unfortunately it's more than normal crush, I'm really pretty obsessed. It's unhealthy and I'm going to need to time to try to get over it. But yes, I hope that maybe in half a year we can go back to being friends. Because I do really like her as a friend.
This.
Juan Davis
user, don't do this....
Josiah Taylor
user, I was head over heels in love with one of my friends. When I finally told her how I felt she rejected me (as nicely as she could which, looking back, appreciate her for) but it was the most brutal soul crushing pain I've ever felt. She instead had started dating one of our mutual friends instead.
Our friendship survived just fine. Yours can too.
Isaac Hernandez
What ought I to do then user? Keep suffering in silence? I can't do that, I've been doing that for too long and it's caused these past months to be the worst of my life. Just disappear from her life out of the blue? That's not fair to her.
Christopher Jackson
The fact that it has grown into an obsession is troubling. What do you really know about her especially in a dating context? Do you have any other prospects? Is she the only girl you are close to? Maybe it isn't that you love her so much as you're desperate?
Anthony Hernandez
do not outright confess user, just tell her that you very fond of her and ask her if she'd like to go on a date or something, when she inevitably says no, tell her your going to need space and time to work through those feelings, and then distance yourself from her as long as you need.
Blake Martinez
>The fact that it has grown into an obsession is troubling I know, that's why I'm forcing the issue to be resolved once and for all. >What do you really know about her especially in a dating context? I don't know what these means. I know her pretty well, I'm not just some random guy she tangentially knows. >Is she the only girl you are close to? Assuming you mean platonic closeness, then no, a good half of my friends are girls. >Do you have any other prospects? >Maybe it isn't that you love her so much as you're desperate? If it was pure desperation I could have got a gf ages ago. I love her for who she is, not just because she's a woman I could hypothetically be with.
She already knows I'm "very fond of her" because I told her that using those exact words. Unfortunately she took it as an affirmation of our friendship, not an admission of further feelings. I need to settle this decisively.
Logan Roberts
Don't be retarded for fuck sake. Ask her on a date instead. I can promise you that you're a million times more likely to get a good result from simply asking her on a date than confessing love.
Justin Kelly
Several other anons have suggested this but I don't see how it could possibly work. From her perspective it would be her good friend, who up until this point hasn't show any interest (because I have no idea how to), asking her out. I thought girls hated shit like that. I also don't want to come off as having only been her friend in an attempt to get with her, because it's not true and her believing it was true would tarnish a lot of great memories.
Jaxson Sanders
If you have been hanging out with her for 3 years and aren't a complete sperg (from what you have written it doesn't seem like you are) its unlikely she would think you are only interested in one thing. . . Seriously, give it a shot. Don't give her some long explanation, just tell her you've started to notice feelings for her that are more than just friendly and would be interested in exploring that if the feeling is mutual.
At the end of the day the outcome would be the same as just dropping the friendship with an explanation. . . But you have the added possibility of being vindicated. You only live once!
Ryan Wright
I wrote out a big response to this but apparently it didn't send.
The just of it was, asking for a date is much less pressuring than the burden of unrequited love. I was asked out by a girl friend of mine who I'd known for 4 years who showed no interest but had apparently been harbouring feelings for all 4 years. Her love confession killed the chance at a relationship before it began. And it could've been good if she'd been more normal about it.
Connor Foster
This is sensible, but let provide some more context.
A week or so after I plan on talking to her, I'm going away for a bit over a month. Then if I'm accepted into a program I've applied to I'll be gone until December at the earliest. That's why I want to do this now, if I wait any longer it's just going to be hanging over my head for months.
Now, I'm enough of a sap to spring for some long-distance thing or a commitment to see each other when we're back together, but I can't imagine she'd be into it, especially in that short an initial timeframe.
So, the most sensible option would be to say nothing and wait, but it feels really fucking pathetic to be basing my actions over a hypothetical relationship I could have in a years time. And like I said, I don't want the thought of her haunting my life while I'm away. There's also her actions to consider, she could easily get a new job or something and move away, then I'd be really upset that I never told her.
In general I feel I need to recognize that this just isn't going to happen, at least not in the short term. And part of doing that is telling her how I feel, or else I'll always be asking "what if?".
>none of this sounds healthy user I know. I'm trying to be self aware while working with my feelings, it's hard.
Yeah that's terrible, good thing I'm not doing that.
Wyatt Wright
I was in the same position except both me and my friend were taken. But we would love on each other anyway. We'd told each other we'd loved each other once before, in a platonic(?) way at work, and he had no idea how already hard into him I was. Maybe he did though, I think we all know these things and just don't want to believe them. We hung out once alone together and because I knew he was leaving for a long time the next day, in an effort to get him off my mind I spilled it all. Got shot down because the way I went about it was so unlike me it felt ingenuine and forced, didn't feel better after. Tried to back up and save face but it's impossible, I didn't just listen to my heart. It's been weeks and I still think about how to tell him I need space even though we don't speak. The hardest part is the indifference, and you have to be indifferent to the outcome to get through it. It doesn't make sense, but, when does it?
Just be genuine even if you start to shake and sweat, you'll get through it. Also update how it went cause everyone loves a good affair.
Elijah Butler
True bro. Just be direct and dont do any speeches. Makes you look like youve been obsessing her. Just short and blunt. Thats what men are. Straight to the point. Im rooting for you mate.
Isaiah White
One more thing. No regrets bro. That'll kill you.
Matthew Hernandez
I seriously think women try really, really fucking hard to come out as the victim for literally everything. Like, this kind of shit always goes right over their fucking heads.
They aren't angry that you won't let them fuck you, they aren't angry that you won't go out with them, they are hurt because they were rejected by someone they had feelings for. When a guy asks you out and you turn him down, it hurts a whole fucking lot. Worse, when you like someone and can't be with them you are constantly reminded of that pain. And when you like someone a whole lot and have to see them with another person... well, that hurts a whole fucking lot too.
So the guy will distance himself from his source of pain. That source being the girl that rejected him. They are simply trying to stop hurting and need that distance.
You don't owe a man sex but at the same time... a man doesn't owe you friendship either. if you can't bear to lose someone like that then maybe, just maybe, consider them for a relationship. You want someone's undying devotion and loyalty without giving it yourself.
This is kind of not the point. All humans need connections, friendships. Men making and being friends with a woman for the purpose of one day hopefully getting to stick his body part inside her for his own pleasure is literally evil. It's deceitful. Normal people don't do this. Normal people and men with healthy mindsets about women don't befriend or talk to or pay attention to them for the sole purpose of getting their dick wet. Kindly off yourself.
Caleb Russell
Man who got rejected by a very close friend of his here. Contrary to your bias against women, the woman who rejected me actually cares about me as a friend and a human. She felt horrible about rejecting me and she knew exactly how badly I was hurt...but she had to be true to herself. She didn't owe me a relationship but she did owe me the truth which I greatly appreciated from her. We didn't talk very much for a couple weeks after but eventually had a couple heart to heart conversations that honestly strengthened my friendship with her even more.
Women don't go out to crush men's hearts. I know it's easy to think that they do but in reality it's not true. They are just as capable of empathy and kindness as any other good person in this world.
Call me a beta or a bitch if you'd like. I know I'm not. There's more women out there for me and I still have a great friend.
Owen Wood
No matter how you do, do it. It'll feel great to have done it regardless of outcome
Nolan Barnes
Telling somebody to kill themselves is literally evil. Kindly unplug your ethernet cable and drink some tea and think about what you said.
Maybe its possible that people view relationships in different ways depending on their circumstances and personality and a man without other prospects will fall for an attractive woman he is friends with 4/5 times. This doesn't make anyone evil, nor does this woman owe anybody sex. At the same time the man does not owe anybody companionship and you should try to understand why the man might not be able to continue friendship if it disturbs him emotionally.
This doesn't make anybody not worthy to walk the earth with you, holier-than-thou faggot.
Yup they do.. Just been out of one recently. Her point were. "the problem wasnt with me. It was you." "you know how that made me feel?" "you were this and that"
Brandon Nelson
Women live in danger of men on a constant basis. Men will literally kill women for not giving them sex. Or kill women for having sex with someone else. Or kill women because they had sex with her against her will and she tried to get justice. Or will try to degrade a woman because she wouldn't back down from proving him wrong. Or will try to degrade a woman because she wouldn't back down from proving another man wrong.
The problem isn't women.
Jace Brooks
passion + intimacy should be listed as slutbuddies rather than "romantic love"
Daniel Foster
women and virginal males are so fucking naïve lmao
James Ramirez
The only women who is a problem is you because you are in hysterics conflating forming a connection and then romantically pursueing and sociopathically persuading woman into murder traps.
OP here. I'd like it if you could refrain from derailing my thread. Also, thanks for all the advice so far! I don't really have anyone to talk to these things about, so I appreciate you anons helping out.
Easton Powell
You have been invaded by dem boys, they want your impression but it is cool for you. So get ready, i hope they don't take my fucking legs.
Landon Jenkins
Your whole point is based on the premise that men befriend woman for the sole purpose of fucking them. That is oftentimes not the case at all. When it comes down to it life isn't fair. It sucks to lose someone you thought was a forever friend and it sucks to have your feelings not returned (nobody is at fault for this. It just is what it is). The fact that women expect men to just suffer in silence instead of doing what's best for them is telling. Ive had women walk away from me in all contexts and i commend them for doing what's right for them. I wouldn't expect any of them to suffer just to make me happy. To distance yourself from someone who has strong unrequited feelings is an act of mercy
Mason Lewis
Not my point. Reread it and be enlightened. This isn't a right/wrong discussion.
Daniel Cook
>I'm in love with you, good start >I have been for a while. you probably should have taken care of this earlier. >I don't think I can keep just being friends. I'm sorry, I hope you understand. Goodbye this feels like you're holding the relationship hostage, like "plz accept me or i leave 5everz". instead, aim for something like you need time to yourself, but don't put a frame on it.
Jonathan Sullivan
thats true, you do realize women raise those men, right? women are part of the problem, like 50 percent of it.
