So when I was young, I got bullied and socially isolated. Nothing too bad physically, but emotionally it was damning. This was back when I was 9-15 years old. I was suicidal since like 10ish. But I thought, if I kill myself "they" win so I didn't, and eventually became very ambitious and competitive.
The thing is no matter how much I achieve, I still feel suicidal, and haunted. I feel this black pit in my soul, its awful.
I was wondering, will getting revenge help? I've tried a lot of things but never real revenge. I always thought "the best revenge is to live a good life", but now I realize that's not quite working. My character feels like its been permanently corrupted, I feel like I'm a broken-in horse or something and I will never be free and feral again. How do I undo this. Maybe actual revenge will work? I'm not sure how I would find people that did me wrong, but would getting my vengeance on them help? Or would it just make me feel worse? I feel like the more I deny the evil part of me the more it grows.
People have been writing for hundreds of years about how it doesn't. You don't even know how you'd reach your bullies. This whole post reeks of pathetic. Talk to a therapist, don't ask spergs on Jow Forums if you should live out your retarded revenge fantasy.
Daniel Stewart
No, we live in a society that makes revenge Impossible, that's the whole point behind having a police force, what's worse is that the act of revenge is considered worse than the initial perjury by the judicial system That's why if you truly get fucked by someone you will either carry that weight forever or have to spend a fortune in therapy while whoever fucked you gets to live his life completely unaffected
Matthew Barnes
No. And here's why.
Most of this shit is bred from misery when you sieve it down to its tiny bits. It's not like they're inherently evil or shitty people; usually it just trails back through history in some grand, time-irreverent version of he-said-she-said. Someone fucks up. Someone fucks someone up. And eventually, it becomes a game of passing it down. That, my friend, is the fun thing about trauma. It doesn't usually really burn until, as an adult, you comprehend it fully. Hence the old trope: be cool, get married, suddenly be uncool. It's a time tested tale to the point of being a literary device. Midlife crises fall into this too, most likely. So where's that leave revenge? Somewhere knowingly between kicking someone while they're down and becoming the very thing you despised in (that reflection of) humanity. It's basically the ultimate hypocrisy you can give yourself, most forms of revenge are legitimately crimes and to top it all off, most of these end up with people realizing all too late that this doesn't do anything or prove anything. As aforementioned, it's really just kicking someone while they're down. That's usually why people do wrong, it's almost exclusively rooted in misery when you break everything down.
And that's what revenge is, the action of a miserable person. So why would committing it somehow just.... Result in happiness? Didn't seem to work for the people you want revenge against, if I had my guess.
Grayson Russell
That's a bias tho, the truth is revenge works but it's bad for society since society is opression by nature and the people who rule rule through violence Did revenge work during the French revolution? Of anything revenge gets things done, we are a really passive people, passive not peaceful we would rather feel sorry for ourselves and constantly obsess about how we got hurt than take control The best revenge is having a good life? Please the person who fucked you won't care nor nottice, what you want is to get even because you know people fucked with you and got away
Matthew Hill
Revenge isn't about proving a point Revenge isnt about being happy Revenge doesn't take into account the feelings and circumstances of the person you want to take revenge on
Isaiah Torres
Using the femto pic is fitting nice. It depends mate, but think of all the resources you must allocate and time you use trying to find these gents from the past, who might not even be still alive you never know? Revenge is a fantasy, that's why it feels better to think about than to actually pursue it. Carry that weight struggler.
Jacob Morales
Then it's not about to satisfy anything in you because you're that numb to feeling anyhow You might be hard as fuck on the internet but having no experience myself, I'm not sure I'd want to give jail a spin.
Most people who 'deserve revenge' live as they die, ruled by their demons and regrets. It's not exactly as much as a person can be. That's why they say the best revenge is living a good life. They're the ones who live in the past 24/7 so leave them there to be goddam miserable. Why the need to join them?
Samuel Clark
the only "revenge" is to succeed in spite of them. its called karma. just keep doing what your doing because time heals all wounds its just the smallest cuts hurt us the most.
you need some expert help not some random strangers from a message board. >>GOOD LUCK trying to get back to the real you.
It's about violence You experienced violence and now you are a victim and you are going to keep being a victim until you inflict violence back to someone else If you can't understand that then you never experienced any real violence It can shatter your whole world and it can be so traumatic you never feel safe And it gives you this poison you have inside forever that taints every single thing you touch
Bentley Rodriguez
Yes it works. But sometimes you need to wait because it's better to seek revenge when they aren't expecting ut.
Kevin Johnson
OP here.
Firstly, plenty of ways to get away with revenge, like hiring a hitman on the dark web. I have money. So lets not argue about the how part of revenge.
But, I've been thinking about it more now. I think like is saying it all boils down to narcissism. Looking back I realize a part of why the bullying started in the first place was probably because of my own narcissism and my parents narcissism. There was a time we were playing, and they started doing some weird shit, and I started to cry and told my parents, and they got in serious, serious, trouble with their parents. That is probably why they hated me for like a fucking decade literally. Though they were sadistic fucks themselves. Pretty sure because their parents were fucking crazy and beat the fuck out of them. Cycle of misery. Their parents beat them, they tried some weird shit with me, they got in a shitton of trouble much worse than the weird stuff they tried with me probably, and this just made their misery even higher and for revenge they wanted me to be even more miserable. And now I'm fantasizing about hiring a hitman to kill them. It's all pretty ridiculous, and at its core narcissistic. Every hand off of misery is like saying "My feelings matter more than your feelings so I'm going to make you even more miserable than I am".
I think my narcissism is the real problem. I'm sad and suicidal because I think I deserve more, and refuse to be grateful instead. Narcissism is painful. I think it stems from a feeling of being in actual emotional pain for not being important. A narc NEEDS the attention/glory etc, unlike normal people who are just happy and grateful for typical stuff.
And at the end of the day my narcissism comes from my parents. Overprotective parents are truly the worst. They convince you, you matter too much. They deny the reality that your just another random person. Its so sickening. Why do parents put insane expectations on their children sigh...
Isaac Brooks
OP here just saw this. This is exactly how I feel.
But does revenge actually work? Maybe it will just fuel more narcissism? "Making me feel bad when I was 10, SHOULD COST YOU YOUR WHOLE LIFE", doesn't that seem super narcissistic. Or if I inflict violence on a random person, its just as narcissistic. I'm thinking if I do get revenge, it will completely solidify my narcissism. And maybe this narcissism will help propel me in my career like it does now, but I will still feel horrible. Better to be a mediocre fuck and happy in my own skin probably.
Brody Robinson
Did you do this yourself? Can you go into details about your personal experience? Did getting some kind of revenge actually help or perpetuate the poison? What was the before and after like in your life?
Benjamin Price
Yes, yes, I know. The power to kill, etc etc
It gets so much worse. There's so much worse. Things that can happen to the people close to you. Things you'll miss, lost in your quest for absolution. What is this, Harry Potter? If you prove yourself a violent person you'll only ever fall in with violent people. Nobody wants someone who solves their problems by harming people. And people tend to know; there's a difference between understanding violence (and its place in the world) and using it to exact your means. It's only about violence if you let it be. It can be about being stronger through suffering and being more than the victim of your past.
But what do I know.
Logan Mitchell
OP, to be completely honest, it sounds like you are stuck in the past. Now, that past may have sucked really bad, and you may be upset about that, and that's fine, but you don't move past it by getting "revenge" or by fixating on things that have already gone by. Now, if you have actual trauma or shit like that, you should go to a therapist and work through it so you can move on. Shit, in general it sounds like it would be really good for you to just go to a therapist/psychologist and have them help you sort out your feelings about all of this shit that has happened in the past. And the whole thing about the "black pit" in your soul, what do you mean by that? When you say a black pit, it makes me think of an absence of something. And that absence is something that is happening right now, not in the past. I think you need to think about what it is you want out of life, what you want to do, etc., and go towards that. And if you don't know what to do, maybe that's a sign you should think about what you value. Or maybe you should just follow a feeling you have and see if it works. That's all I can think of. I have felt like you felt in the past, though probably not as extreme, and i'm saying all this because I feel like it is the best advice i can give. and i went to therapy with a good psychologist and it was hard but ultimately i think i've turned out much the better for it.
good luck.
Sebastian Wright
I tried looking into therapy but its hard to find someone that fits. Most of them are either pill pushers or too nice. Paying someone to be nice to me is not what I need. There are good therapists out there though maybe if a friend recommends one I'll try them out.
I am paranoid about saying certain things with actual professionals, for example I can't tell a therapist ya I'm thinking about hiring a hitman for revenge because that's quite literally threatening someone and I would be thrown in jail.
I would say I feel very disconnected from people and as time goes on it just is getting worse. Mostly it feels like if a soul was a light orb thing mine has black deep dark tar like substance all over it.
Jason Ward
People who experience sexual abuse as children become pedophiles People who grow up in poverty become thieves and muggers sometimes stealing just because People who get abused by their families become drug addicts which is a form of violence too But I guess I'm just an edgy faggot who doesn't know anything and you should keep dismissing people who got fucked by violence, you managed fine so everyone else should too right? How bad can it really be?
Tyler Ortiz
...
Daniel Wood
revenge is not much different from suicide
Benjamin Cook
Suicide is an act of violence, you must either have some deep hatred or feel truly hopeless to do something like that
Adrian Parker
Sorry that I came off as dismissive I'm not I just wanted more details.
Like did doing more violence actually make you feel better in the long run? Does getting revenge actually work? Did your life improve from it? I'm genuinely asking btw. Like legit, how did you get revenge and did it help? If it did maybe I should try it too.
Christopher Evans
yeah it may be hard to find a good therapist. i agree you don't want a pill pusher, but i disagree about the "nice" thing. ideally i think they should be polite, non-aggressive, etc., but not have any qualms about calling you out if you are not making sense, being illogical, or just general bullshit. in my opinion make sure they have an actual psychology degree if possible. definitely talk to friends you trust about recommendations.
i understand why you would be paranoid about that. i think you could work around it pretty easily by just saying something like "i feel really angry towards some people in the past, almost to the point where i wish i could hurt them, revenge..." or something to that effect. you know, non specific, hypothetical, you are thinking about it. and i think they would understand what you mean and that would be a good way to broach the subject. i certainly don't think you would get thrown in jail, you'd have to say something pretty retarded lol.
i also felt very disconnected from people and it got worse for a while. then i started justifying my isolation by thinking that everyone else was stupid, not worth being friends with, everyone else is an idiot, etc. but i'm much better about it now after therapy.
i think if you feel like your soul is covered in black tar then that's really how you feel about yourself. do you feel like you are a bad person? do you feel like a bad person for having these thoughts of revenge? please know that you aren't a bad person for thinking things like this. i don't think it is a good thought to have, or productive in helping things get better, but it doesn't make you a bad person
in your description, you said that your soul was like a light orb. so really, there is light inside, you just have to get to it. i think its important you didn't just say "my heart is a black hole" or something
Jeremiah Roberts
I often think I really am a bad person and that my outer niceness is a fake mask that I made up so that I could be popular etc. Basically manipulation. I don't know where the manipulation ends and the real me begins. I'm probably a bad person, or at least narcissistic as fuck.
I think if I gave up my narcissism I would literally lose my job. The job has a ton of responsibility, I literally matter more than most people do or whoever does the job matters anyway. But its just painful for me. There is a comfort and pleasantness of being mediocre that I can drifting further and further away from. And I also fear the repercussions of mattering more.
If I matter more than someone else, than my feelings also matter more than someone elses. If the president or elon musk or superman or some other "important" person can't do their job without fucking 8 year olds or something for example, then doesn't that mean we should sacrifice 8 year olds to them for the greater good?
What if I'm that bad. What if the things I need are that dark. Or maybe I should just quit and forsake responsibility. If I find peace I will probably be unable to do my job. I wish someone could just appear who can do my job better than me.
I feel like I'm at a crossroads. Double down on narcissism or find peace in mediocrity.... Both sides suck. If I double down on narcissism who knows what I'll do to the world. If I embrace mediocrity everyone would be disappointed, I would also probably lose my job, lose my parent's respect, who knows what else.
Julian Hughes
>This was back when I was 9-15 years old >I was wondering, will getting revenge help?
No. Nothing will take away those feelings that were deeply ingrained at an impressionable age. But at the same time the emotional 'trauma' of teenagers is transitory for normal well adjusted individuals.
Revenge is something that should only be contemplated when an act has resulted in irrecoverable physical loss and is motivated by the desire to do you harm.
Competing for love, prestige and power, and losing, are not things for which revenge is warranted. A deliberate sadistic act intended to damage your financial, physical or emotional well being is.
The difference is intent. Revenge is intentional so it must be used in answer to a similarly willful, deliberate act of harm.
Not something you'd inflict over teen angst.
Alexander Cox
Oh forgot to mention in the last comment that I have to go to sleep now, but I'll reply tomorrow.
Easton Bennett
My experience was not for prestige or some battle for power. It was pure maliciousness. My physical body was harmed and my emotional state was deliberately fucked with.
Matthew Adams
Right, that's why I suggested maybe not joining them But go for it, right?
And yes you are an edgy faggot, only an edgy faggot would butt heads on Jow Forums. Go ahead and indulge revenge if you want, don't say we didn't warn you. What are you, 22? 23? Why do you think you have such an all-inclusive view on things?
Revenge is not constructive. Violence is not constructive.
Austin Hughes
I'm 25 and you have no idea what I have been through And I won't take revenge because I can't, people fucked me and got away with it and now I live in complete issolation and I don't even go outside because I can't and I don't ask for help because I know it's useless and I don't expect people to give a shit because nobody ever did
