I'm posting on this board because I feel it's my only actual outlet.
Sunday I had plans with some friends in which I played a critical roll in anything happening, and I really didn't want to ditch since I myself have expressed my distaste for people who do so.
At some point throughout the day my mother, whom I am living with for a few months over summer break from college, snaps at me and a very long discussion proceeds. The actual contents of the discussion are honestly hardly necessary to recant here as they matter nothing to the actual. She felt unnapreciated because I had prior plans that day, in which I told her I did a large number of things just recently that I wouldn't have done if I hadn't deeply respected and loved her.
The actual reason I'm posting is because throughout all of it... I didn't understand her at all. Her reasoning, her logic and why was foreign to me. I didn't understand her emotional state at all. I didn't get why she'd be so distraught over a silly holiday, to the point of shouting at me or breaking a glass on the kitchen counter. I literally was incapable of empathy... and I broke down whenever I realized this, crying. I realized I did this a lot... just didn't understand other's feelings. Literally can't put myself in their shoes. I could extrapolate why someone would feel that way, but never, ever myself.
Is this a sign of depression? Looking back it's like I'm finally seeing myself again. I'm emotionally dead, incapable of empathy... what is this? I've repeatedly found myself actually saying the phrase 'it doesn't matter' to things I used to really care about, and to others whenever they're upset about something. I find escapism to be my only true source of actual joy these days, and I do feel that nothing really holds any value in the long run.
the op is so non-specific that it takes a ton of mental energy to grasp
Aaron Watson
I'm just wondering if it's healthy, being this emotionally disconnected from everyone. People I used to really understand and level with are total strangers to me now. I'm growing distant with the person I used to be and the interests I used to have.
no, it's not healthy. as for the argument with your mother, its really impossible to say whether you lacked empathy or she was being retarded because you didn't include details. you should make attempts to empathize with people more, a little at a time. all you have to do is think "how would i feel if i was them"
Luke Ortiz
oh. yeah, it's a lot easier to read now.
I don't know if your situation is unhealthy, but it's sad.
I can clearly understand why your mother was upset, though I'm not a mother and I'm also apathetic, so I can relate to you being numb.
I think the best thing to do in a situation like that would be to apologize. are you male?
Elijah Barnes
See that's the thing, is I guess what I'm getting at. I can get the basic flow of what they're experiencing, but I can never really get why. It always looks strange to me, like it's some foreign language I'm not grasping the finer syntax of.
While I can understand, I can never relate. I can grasp it at face value, I never actually empathize with them. I can't really imagine feeling that way, ever.
Matthew Price
I am male, yes. College student, pretty ok grades. Early twenties. Poor rust belt household.
Connor Butler
i have no idea if this is the case or not, but you could have aspergers or autism or whatevs if you really have an _inability_ to empathize
however, i am a normal guy and i realized at some point that i have pretty good intellectual empathy (thinking about how someone feels) but not very much actual emotional empathy (feeling what they are feeling). so i can think perfectly well how someone might feel but that doesn't mean i'm actually going to feel it, you know what i'm saying? and i'm pretty sure that would vary among different people
i can expand upon what i mean if you want
Christian Foster
the problem with being a male and depressed/apathetic is that you'll behave like a dickhead and then get gorilla defensive with anyone who tries to call you on it. it's just biologically what's going on in your brain.
if you can't return to emotional health atm, the best thing you can do is mitigate damage by acting in a way that's intelligent while you are calm. skipping out on your mother on mother's day is unintelligent.
Hunter Adams
Maybe you don't understand your mother because she's dealing with some of her own baggage? One of the hardest pills I had to swallow was that my mother had issues, which I never really thought about before because she was my support pillar.
Otherwise you might have some mental condition, but talk to a psychiatrist to be sure. For now, attempt mindful meditation and imagining yourself in another's shoes. This can help develop empathy.
Bentley Brown
lack of empathy can be a form of narcissism, or a form of disassociation.
If its the first, there will be other symptoms of generally devaluing everything else around you actively, placing your perspective in an elevated level in an objectively non-justifyable way.
if its the 2nd, you could be acting out an attempt to disassociate your own pain for some reason, and therefor its fucking with your sensibilities on what constitutes pain for others.
Ryan Fisher
Right now I'm just trying to ride out my time working over the summer at a steel manufacturing job (only real employment around here) and outside of that derive some enjoyment from being away from school.
That being said though, my work is dull, monotonous, there's a constant threat of being replaced and I don't really have any hard for it at all. I just run a press all day and occassionally used a table grinder.
As for stuff that might make me want to dissasociate... I mean, I switched majors lately, because I was failing one, and decided to go for something I was more suited do and liked more, but I knew my family would dissaprove of since it's nowhere near as much money.
Cameron Foster
i'm curious what you think about me.
basically a long time ago i got really depressed, felt really bad about myself, felt ashamed to be around people, isolated myself.
after a while, to justify my isolation, i started thinking i was better than everyone else, everyone else was stupid, not worth it, etc.
now i feel like i have pretty stunted empathy emotionally speaking
i can't remember feeling like this as a kid though i might have been generally somewhat aloof due to anxiety
what do you think about that? i realize the absurdity of asking for psychological analysis from user on Jow Forums
Luke Phillips
So your'e living in the game Night in the Woods. Is there anything you can do to remedy that?
Joseph Hernandez
Hah... not really. I'm too deep into college debt to do anything but ride out the rest of my time at uni and then maybe use my minor to get translation work, or teach English or the foreign language I'm minoring in. Or maybe become a land surveyor or statistician with my new major.
Nolan Thomas
so more stuff that the protagonist in Night in the Woods would do?
Levi Cook
well, i certaintly didn't post that using my psych degree I just happen to keep in my pocket, so keep that in mind.
I'm guessing you're not OP
>what do you think about that? >after a while, to justify my isolation, i started thinking i was better than everyone else, everyone else was stupid, not worth it, etc.
>now i feel like i have pretty stunted empathy emotionally speaking
I think we deal with trauma differently.
Both of my examples in my mind were emergent from some type of distress or trauma and the side effect of the chosen management tactic being used by that person. Your case has major commonalities with what i was talking about.
I had a similar episode that you describe in terms of loneliness. I dealt with it in a similar but more grounded way, fortunately. I ultimately just rationalised by isolation by understanding I had a minimum standard of people I was willing to associate with, and that this meant there would be consequences i'd have to deal with. The trap is that people go one step further to justify this thought line by placing themselves at the top of the pyramid so to speak, but I was around smart and successful people so it made it hard for me to rationalise in that way that I was somehow superior to them.
Benjamin Hall
Ok look I'm just some poor piece of rust belt flotsam trying to mentally come to terms with myself being fucked up... I don't know... what I'm going to do. I honestly see no point in doing much of anything since the end result is still roughly the same. I've just been retreating into ttrpg's and writing to find happiness to escape my shitty life and I'm becoming emotionally distant. But I see no other way.
Gabriel Walker
Do you like Regular Car Reviews? They have an online community and a podcast, as well as their YouTube channel where they host most of their c o n t e n t .
Thomas Miller
yes not op thank you for answering.
i don't think like that anymore but i still feel like fragments of that sort of thinking are still there.
hopefully just being aware of it is a good way to stay away from thinking like that
Lucas Harris
They're in their late thirties, English majors from Eastern Pennsylvania.
Pretty boned when it comes to fitting in with mainstream society, but they're cool guys and they meet likeminded people and have adventures.
