Heavy workload led to breakup - help

Got dumped 2 months ago because bf felt too pressured at work. Came home more silent everytime. My efforts and care ended up putting him under more pressure. Broke up because he had no time for himself, so he had no time for us. However, he still had feelings and is now acting all insensitive and logical in order to detach himself quickly. Longest relationship for the both of us (1 and a half year, 7 months living together), first time I got told I love you by anyone. According to him, I was his biggest love so far.

What should I do to get him back ? Isn't giving him space and time just going to make me lose him for good ?

(also, I have a 3-page-long green text version on word, if anyone want details).

I'm still in love and I hurt everyday, SOS

Attached: 1486440298942.jpg (1920x1080, 1.18M)

Also, he wants us to turn our love to a friendship, and want me to move on as quickly as possible because he feels so guilty making me suffer... He said "You deserve someone that can give and care in return, which I'm not capable of. I love you so I'm setting you free, and I want you to find someone better than me."

He either sounds depressed, or he's using this as an excuse to end a relationship he wasn't truly happy with. This could be due to him meeting somebody else, or just growing bored with the increasing pressure of living with somebody or working a lot.

People go through stressful and busy periods often throughout their lives, and most people manage this alongside a relationship. It's about understanding and compromise, and I would assume if he used this reason to jump shit immediately without trying to make it work, there's probably something else going on too.

The fact he wants to be friends with you just confirms the above. If I couldn't be with somebody I was truly in love with due to work commitments, I definitely wouldn't want them to remain in my life as a friend, as it would be a constant reminder of what I had sacrificed for a career. The guilt he's feeling also suggests there's far more to it than he's letting on.

My advice would be not to focus on getting back together, but on recovering from what was obviously a very important relationship to you. Any attempt at coercing him back into a relationship will likely backfire anyway, and I honestly don't believe you'll be able to convince him regardless.

If you focus on recovery and your own well being, then he's still around in a years time when his job has settled a bit, you could potentially give it another go. Don't count on this though.

Thank you very much. To clarify a bit, he did say it was hard for him to move on. I asked him to tell me clearly if he didn't love me anymore, and he said "I honestly have no idea. We should try to go separate paths".

He's faithful and honest, that I'm sure of. He told me he never cheated, never met another guy, and that he had been really happy with the quasi-totality of our relationship.

Our relationship had been difficult for the past 3 months leading to the breakup, silence increased, and so did my efforts.

I wanted to just stay friends with him so he could remember how nice it was to simply have me around. I was hoping he'd miss me after some time.

Thank you so much still.

>23,French,Gay
>Flashback two years ago, october 2016, got my heart severely broken by a failed semi-relationship
>Got on Tinder and met this cute and shy 30 yo guy, dark hair, small, with a beard. His name is N.
>Start seeing each other more and more and eventually start dating
>He’s adorable, enjoys underground music events, vidya, food, and is as lazy as I am on Sundays
>He works as a freelance events supervisor (he works on fashion shows, cons, etc…, gives guidances to technicians on site, makes sure the organisation is flawless), and his schedule is quite erratic and heavy : sometimes he’d work 14 hours a day, 10 days in a row, then have a week long break, then leave again for some other event in some town far away
>I’m a student so I don’t move around often
>When he’s back in town, he usually needs 1 or 2 days of hibernation to wind down, during which he practically never leaves his bed.
>His job is incredibly stressful, and he tells me he enjoys how I make him feel relaxed. All his friends worry about his health, and would like for him to find a more balanced lifestyle.
>Also, he’s not much of a talker, and often sits silently, observing his surroundings. He’s very clever, but has trouble expressing what he feels. I quickly noticed how I usually held most of the conversation.
>Sometimes, his silences make me anxious. We sorted that out nicely over the months, but still, sometimes situations arise where he won’t understand correctly something I said, get hurt and stay silent/leave, and it’s impossible for me to make him state what he’s got in mind. We also sorted this out though.

>Flashforward to 6months in the relationship
>He tells me his ex boyfriend dumped him because he was too silent, and didn’t give enough attention/affection.
>He usually never blends with my friends, and stays on the side, silently.
>At this point, I don’t feel as infatuated as I was in my previous relationship, am still sometimes thinking about my ex. I’m starting to worry it might all turn into a shipwreck
>I go to Vietnam for a month in July with some friends. Distance creates desire, and I can’t wait to see N again.
>Return to France
>I get told « I love you » for the first time in my life. I say « I don’t know what love is, I just know I don’t want to lose you. So I guess I love you too ». We’re in love and I don’t have doubts anymore.
>My last flatsharing ended before I went to Vietnam so I try to find a flat to live on my own
> He tells me to do the research from his flat, and I end up moving in three months later (End of October) because it’s more convenient for me
> August to December are the best months of my life : we make plans, buy stuff for the flat, go to gigs and restaurants together, he starts to get along with my friends
>Life is good, but he goes away for work more often and for longer periods than he previously did. His breaks become shorter and shorter, and he always comes back more tired than the last time.
> He only comes back once every two week during four days only, two of which he spends sleeping and being more silent than usual.
> I make some freetime in my schedule, and try to be as present for him as possible, to optimise our time together : offer him some gifts, plan a ski trip, go dining in some fancy restaurants, go to the movies…
>Unfortunately, his work schedule becomes more and more dense in 2018, and he starts working on bigger events, with greater responsabilities (Dior, Lacoste), and, as such, bearing more stress.

>When he’s away, he only texts once every 2-3 days, and doesn’t start conversations.
>When he’s at home, he barely talks and shows no signs of happiness
>I try to reach out to him, try to act more caring while also leaving him his space. This creates bigger and bigger silences, away and at home.
>He’s shutting in and there’s nothing I can do about it. Also, I can’t complain about the silences because I just don’t want to pressure him to talk when he’s already under so much pressure because of his work.
>In February, he has to rent a flat in Paris because he has only two days off in the whole month and doesn’t plan to come back home. We see each other only 5 days over the whole month.
>At some point, he left a simple « I love you & good luck » text I sent him without answer for 4 days in a row, and I try to tell him I feel slightly ignored.
>He gets mad, tells me he’s under so much pressure at work already, and that he misses me being there to make him relaxed. Tensions arise.
>I go to meet him in Paris at the beginning of March for 3 days, during which we barely talk. We almost always walk 1 meter apart in the streets. There is a huge blank between us.
>Finally, we address the issue. He tells me he’s stressed at work and stressed at home because of me. He doesn’t find the time to wind down, and my efforts put him under pressure to reciprocate, which he cannot. He says he’s unhappy. I suggest we hold on until his workload gets lighter but he says it’s too unbearable for him. I say we should break up because I don’t want him to be unhappy, but he says it’s not a solution.

>Go back to home town, tell him on the phone that we should allow us some time to think of a solution and discuss it when he’ll get home ten days later
>He gets home, we spend the night cuddling, and the next morning, he breaks up.
>He feels my efforts put him under pressure to reciprocate, which he cannot. He cannot give me some time because he doesn’t find time for himself. He needs to be alone, says it’s been a difficult decision, but the pressure is too great. Also, I’m gonna move to Paris in September and he says this will make things impossible to work. He says he loves me, and for this reason, he wants me to be happier alone. I tell him I understand and I don’t blame him, that if it’s hurting us there is no point going on and we should just see in 6 months wether we miss each other or not. He agrees, and we break up.
>I move out, we see each other several times in the past two months
>He tells me he’d like to turn our love to a friendship, but understands if I’m not ready for this yet. He tells me his sexdrive is so low due to lack of sleep and stress that he doesn’t have any desire for me anymore. He tells me that I should find someone that will give me what I need, and often asks me if I succeeded to hook up with hot guys yet. When I ask him to « admit he doesn’t love me anymore » so I can move on, he says he’s got no idea. He says we should « try to go on separate paths ». He tells me it’s also hard for him, but that he won’t change his mind and doesn’t want a relationship at all for a loooong time.
> I tell him we should cut ties entirely because my desire makes a friendship impossible. He accepts it.

>We see each other several times this week at a music festival. First time, we act like strangers and exchange two sentences. It was awful. Second time, we’re drunk, and we agree the first time was awful. We then have a friendly chat, I tell him we’re cool now, and that I prefer behaving like friends rather than strangers. He’s happy for me, and for him. After some playful jokes and references to our past relationship drunk me tells drunk him that « I now know there’s better than you for me out there ». He didn’t answer and just asked his friend if he wanted to go back dancing. Third, fourth, fifth time, we just chat a bit, but we’re devouring each other with our eyes (french expression). We also text each other a bit, but that’s that.
>I can’t help but suffer when I see how insensitive he is. I just don’t understand how he can let me go so easily, when he admits he still has feelings. He told me « the definition of loving is letting go ». I rather think that if he loves me he should keep me.
>We both clearly enjoy talking together, seeing each other again, but he won’t offer to grab a drink or engage conversations by text.
>His best friend says he never talks about it, and that he’s always thinking rationnally about it all. He doesn’t listen to his heart, when I think I can clearly see he still misses me deep down.
>I’m still in love with him, I want to text him so badly. I want to be here for him as a friend so he doesn’t forget why he always liked (and still does like) spending time with me so much. I don’t know if I should move on. All his friends tell me that I should give him time and space because he’s so lost with what he wants at the moment. But I don’t want him to forget how in love we were and maybe still are.

Thanks for reading

wtf was I thinking, no one's gonna read all that