So I’m a guy, and I really want a toy for anal exploration. I would order one online but I live with my family and I don’t know if I could get to the package first or what I would say to throw off suspicion. The thing is, there is a sex shop in a town 20 miles from where I live. I can’t walk there and back of course but biking that wouldn’t be too hard right?
I remembered we had some bikes in the barn from the old house owners so I went to check them out. They are pretty bad but one(pic related) I got working. I filled up the tires and I’m gonna check it tomorrow and have a test ride around my town. It’s an allegedly awful bike that had a 26 dollar sticker on it from goodwill. A Jeep Comanche Tsi to be exact.
Do you think it would be dumb to try to ride this thing to the next town, but some stuff and ride home? I could hide the stuff and get it when it’s clear. I’m afraid of the bike falling apart, or not having the energy to ride it for an hour or two there and back. I run everyday and lift weights but the bike is really heavy. Thoughts?
kindly ask your parents and rest of the family to treat you like the adult you presumably are, and to not open your mail and packages you receive in the mail.
if they do casually ask what it is you got in the mail just say some computer stuff or whatever
if you're worried about them just seeing the package and it being written ANAL ANNIE'S BOIPUCCI BUTTPLUGS as the return address then don't worry about it because any sort of competent adult toy store will have their business name listed as something generic like "Thompson industries" on the package.
Ian Green
also don't put stuff in your ass unless they're suppositories, the human ass isn't meant for sex stuff
Jonathan Perez
This. Ask them to respect your privacy. Tell them you ordered some clothes, a poster, etc. That being said, if you really want to bike into town, by all means go for it. Definitely test drive it though.
Tyler Carter
what the fuck is anal explorarion bro? You make it sound as if you need spelunking equipment.
Leo Campbell
Be careful about alergic reactions, they can be very violent when it comes to anal, sorry m8 just letting you know.
Eli Perez
>anal exploration >can't buy anything cucumber is the way to go then.
Luke Gomez
>Jeep >Comanche >Bike As the owner of a 1989 Jeep Comanche, what the fuck is this?
Yeah that would be best but if they are just pleasantly curious wondering what book I got or something it seems suspicious to say “it’s private”. I was thinking about ordering a bunch of art supplies at the same time to have some believable excuse. I just rode it down to the grocery store. The tires were maybe a little more flat than earlier and the gears switched kind of clunky. If I put too much pressure down on a pedal at high gear it skips a bit with more clunkyness. It’s not too assuring but I made it there and back, maybe 3 quarters of a mile between my house and that. But I feel so close to the elusive p gasm.
Elijah Baker
It is a failure of a bike. It shouldn’t exist but I have one. It will be the galley of my odyssey.
Logan Gutierrez
Get a freaking P.O. box in your name , Christ fucking degenerates man
Isaac Harris
The place is 15.2 miles, if I can average like 10 miles an hour, I should be able to do it in two hours. Is that hard to do on a bike. Ride for two hours? I’d have to do it back to back as well.
Blake Bennett
Just use your finger?
Brody Hernandez
Fucking Uber to a nearby block or the adult store directly. If Uber is unavailable taxi, I doubt destroying your ass checks riding that distance on a shitty bike isn’t gonna Make you want to stick Jamal’s jackhammer didlo Mandingo edition up your ass when ya get there and home
Angel Davis
Competent adult toy distributors will use discrete shipping. It will arrive in a brown anonymous box with a return address to "ShipCorp LLC" and be billed as such. If they ask what you ordered just lie about it being hobby related or whatever. Alternatively get a PO box and ignore the hassle.
If your family is physically invasive about your mail then you shouldn't be buying something like this in the first place though. Otherwise you're just being nervous for nothing.
Jaxon Lee
Is*
Jason Jenkins
You must make the journey, ride the bike I think you deserve to have your resolve tested It's like Skyrim. It dosen't matter how long your voyage takes, but your prostate will remain painfully unstimulated until you finish it...
Chase Torres
Don't you have a car OP? Are you even old enough to be posting here?
Angel Hill
I’m 22 and I don’t have a license. I come from a weird family but I guess it is my fault. I would ask some friends if I could drive around with them, but my closest friends car doesn’t even have breaks haha. He uses the emergency break very lightly to slow down. That’s not a bad idea. I’ll have to check rates and see if they will come through my town. I’m really anxious too though so ridding in some strangers car would be frightening. Plus I’d have to get another Uber back home. I could have a backpack to hide the stuff when I got it so I don’t have a bag that says adult entertainment on it. I don’t order very often. The last thing I ordered was running shoes. They saw the package first. I told them what it was but after I got the shoes they expected to see them of course. If I say I got a book they would want to see, same with art supplies. I don’t think they are being invasive they are just making conversation.
Do I need to sign a bunch of shit to get a P.O. box? I don’t have a job or a credit card. I usually buy disposable ones at a gas station. It is the most adventurous way for sure. All of the hard riding will make the payoff much sweeter.
Joshua Thompson
honestly Uber isn't that bad its just small talk and generally 4-5 star drivers understand social queues and posture so if you don't actively engage in conversation or seem uncomfortable they will shut up or just turn radio up, but I take back everything I said about that, honestly just take the seat off your bike and just lube it up and ride it hard to the store, once you arrive you at least popped your butt cherry and you will know once you arrived whether you actually want to spend the money on it or not.
Joshua Thomas
forgot to add also if uber or taxi doesn't sit right with you you can always use public transit to at least close a lot of the distance needed to bike that far
Brayden Hughes
Small talk is really hard for a dropout neet. I have more hobbies than I can count on my fingers, but I pretty much have to lie about everything with strangers. I can hardly stand getting my hair cut.
I’m pretty sure I would die of a hideous infection if I did that. This bike has been sitting in dust for atleast 7 years.
Juan Evans
I would kill for a bus stop in my town. I have dreams where there is one next to the dollar general in my 3000 population interstate stop town. I grew up a bit in England and I’ve never gotten over the wonderful infrastructure.
Jayden Perry
see thats the beauty of uber and public transport just stare at your phone, there is no pressure to make small chat, because no one ever really does, uber's main demographic is 20something college students and young professionals who are so inwardly focused that the need for a partition between driver and rider is null. Side note you most likely will never see the driver again so why not just fucking wing it and say your gonna go get some butt stuff, your gonna have to talk to staff once your in the adult store anyway.
James Cooper
lack of public transport is brutal, sorry op, but if you don't have public transport in your town I doubt uber will be available, your best bet would be to ride share with either a family member to close the gap of distance as much as possible or ask a neighbor thats what I did when i lived in a small town with no license,
Joseph Barnes
>Do I need to sign a bunch of shit to get a P.O. box? Not really. You sign an application form and need a few forms of ID. Uni cards work, so do voting cards.
Camden Scott
How do I pay them? They surely don’t just let you have stuff sent for free.
Justin Thompson
The post office accepts goats as legal tender iirc. Seriously OP
Logan Edwards
My family wouldn’t just drop me off in another town without knowing what I was going for. My mom doesn’t do shit for anybody so it would be down to my dad. Everyone is afraid of asking him anything because of his explosive temper. If I asked to be take to the library or something and picked up later he would just say he’s busy or yell at me for not doing some thing. I got the app to look into it and you have to pay with a card or PayPal. I could get one of these but how do I know if they will even pick me up from my town?
So far the options are
A. > order online and risk getting caught B. >. Get a P.O. box. I’m not sure if I have what you need to do this. I have all the proof of residence and stuff, but no credit card. C. >Uber. I’d have to deal with strangers, lose a bit of my funds on the ride, and I’d need to know if they can pick me up from where I live. D. >ride like a maniac for 4 hours on a 30 dollar bike for 30 miles.
A is the easiest but most risky
B and C require a bit of extra work to be able to pull of if they are possible
D is also really risky but if the bike holds I bet I can do it. It also requires the least extra difficulty. Just one long ride.
Tyler Cooper
Just go to request a ride in Uber app they will give you price estimates, most likely will be sub 20$ there and back if you live in that bumfuck of a town you also can have the package sent to a friend or neighbors house then just bring it home in a backpack
Matthew Davis
So I’m looking into it. A P.O. box might be the best option. I can but one with cash for six months, but can you send a package from amazon or other websites to a po box? I imagine they would just hold the box for me and I go pick it up right?
Zachary Phillips
It will be 50 freaking dollars for a 20 minute ride. I’ll end up spending more on just the ride there than the fucking dildo or whatever. In most other cases this would be the best bet but for this particular instance one Uber is a no go. Thanks for helping me reduce options though.
Julian Hall
That’s expensive as fuck, unfortunately op your best bet is either riding bike or having it sent to friends house. P.O box sounds fine but I don’t know much about usuage of them to give advice
Isaac Carter
I think I’m gonna ride the bike around for an hour tomorrow to see how the tires do and how fatigued I get. Like I said I am pretty fit and am used to being pushed physically, but we all have a limit. I have no idea if it will be hard or easy as pie.
If the bike seems too sketch I’ll go with the P.O. box route. I can set up most of it online and rent one for 3 months for 15 bucks if I get the smallest one. Then I’ll just have to walk in one day and pick up my shit and forget about the box. Hopefully mail doesn’t actually get sent to it. I don’t want to have to go check my box every few days for no reason. Apparently if they get filled up constantly you can be fined.
Lincoln Rogers
The postal office as far as I know doesn't required credit cards, cash is good. Really OP come on
Mason Cox
Ah, if you mean purchasing stuff online because no card, sorry. Get a debit card, most banks have free accounts that will let you do e-commerce.
Ethan Harris
Get a post office box. Have your buttplunger mailed there.
Hunter Bell
I can get a disposable card no problem. Setting up the box might be a bit of work but still no problem. I do have questions though.
1 will mail automatically be sent there? If I do it this way I’ll probably on go once after the box gets there and just let the time run out. I don’t want to have to go there everyday to check for mail.
2 can I send a bigger package than my po box to said box. I’m not getting some massive girth song by any means but it will probably exceed the size of the cheapest P.O. box. They will just hold it for me to pick up when the office is open right?
