Too weak to change

that’s a little better but still negative fortune telling. how do you know you can’t handle the problems, until you succeed or die trying?

I guess 400lbs is not the worse thing to possibly be, but you sound discontent with it. Are you discontent enough to TRY HARDER, or just discontent enough to post on Jow Forums about it?

I know something has to give. Instead of that something being your self esteem shattering, how about cracking down on some of your bad habits?

you can do so many things. why are you choosing bad habits and self pity?

Because I die trying
I get horrible anxiety and I can't think straight and I make horrible mistakes and fuck myself over because I'm overwhelmed by stress
Dude I get stomach cramps and I shit half a litter of blood and then I feel fine, sometimes I feel like vomiting all day or I can't stop burping and my burps reek of rotten egg, I get so constipated I can't shit for weeks and then I get dhiarrea
I don't have a self esteem, I ingore my problems because they are painful and I have been doing it for so long I can't stop, I'm completely alone most of the time and I don't have anyone to keep me in check so every awful thing I do becomes the new normal and I can't be around other people because it makes me confront everything bad about me and it's horrible, I feel like a monster
I have hundreds of things I could do but everything that involves being around people causes me too much anxiety and anything I try to do alone I end up dropping because I'm irresponsible and I don't have commitments and time blends in together when I'm locked in the same room all week
I never realized how much issolation myself hurt me and how much I needed other people, this is what happens

what about going out of your room and encountering others for a few hours a week? maybe that person could be a doctor. that’s 5% of your time, to address the things you know need addressing.

what if you were in the exact same predicament but not shitting blood? or in the exact same predicament but not 400lbs? these are readily attainable goals.

I go to this class, which is pretty much the only thing I do and I suck at it and last week I really fucking sucked at it and it was terrible, I went home early and I kept thinking how bad I am and how much I deserve to be miserable and I deserve pain for being so awful.
Thing is it's a good class and I care about what I'm learning and if it wasn't because how bad I am I would love going there
And that's pretty much everything. I suck and I can't not be aware of how much I suck when I'm confronted with it in a situation and it gives me pain and it gives me anxiety and I can't take it. If only I wasn't so bad at everything, if only I haven't wasted the last five years of my life doing nothing or my entire life avoiding people then I could go out and do these things, it's not my weight holding me back, I'm only fat because I stress eat anyways.
That feeling of I'm doing exactly what I want to do but I can't enjoy it because how bad I am, how am I supposed to deal with that? I can't be good at anything if every step is more painful than the previous one but until I actually have something that gives me any sense of worth at all I won't stop feeling like this

If you're too weak for a big change make smaller changes. Don't start something you're unwilling to finish or maintain.

Can't commit to a ketogenic diet? Try removing only sugar from your diet.

Won't buy a gym membership? Take three 30 minute walks every week.

Can't get a date? Clean yourself and your surroundings(bedroom, house, apartment, whatever) for 20 minutes every day.

Weakness is relative.

Tbf all the substitutions you suggested are pretty big lifestyle changes in themselves lol

your health is in dire straits. you just said so. in fact, that’s my only advice for now, to go to a doctor or initiate something that will eventually result in you seeing a doctor.

I understand you see, and most people would probably see, your eating problem as emotionally based. you feel really anxious and low self esteem in many aspects of your life, and it’s really pervasive. I understand.

is right. you can’t tackle whatever grand philosophical problem is causing you to be this way. all you can do is start more good things in your life, like seeing a doctor and getting a counselor or a mentor, and hope they pay off.

there’s two sides to every coin, right? every aspect of you or your life that is gross or bad makes it all the more beautiful and good when you finally set out to change it.

unless you want to stay with these problems.

>Selecting food instead of stuffing your face
>90 minutes out of 10,080 minutes every week
>Taking a shower

If those are big lifestyle changes you're fucked.

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Honestly, I’d get some kind of operation to control hunger. This is just my amateur opinion. You could lose 200lbs that way, versus whatever is going on now.

My medical insurance covers the surgery and I even went to a team and talked to them but I kept having nightmares every night about it, the tought of having a surgery that changes my body forever at 25 (23 at the time) is terrifying it's like well if I didn't give up before this is the time because if I need a surgery in order to fix this basic thing I shouldn't be Alive at all

Haha this sounds i like my ex

what if you just did what was right instead of rationalizing reasons not to? at least admit to yourself "i'm doing what's wrong in this moment". we all do things that are wrong.

getting the surgery is an option and simply dieting is an option, but you choose to do neither. you buy whatever thing it is and eat it at whatever schedule that is causing you to be obese.

At this point you have such an issue with eating that it's not statistically likely you will naturally lose it, but I'm not going to write the possibility off.

when, if ever, will you start doing the right thing by yourself?

You should be scared of the negative consequences of the easy route failing you, physical and psychologically. You have to diet and be disciplined for those to stick otherwise you risk even worse medical complication.

Who's expectations are you trying to meet, comparing what a 25 should and shouldn't do? How about you look inward and decide what your Being calls for? Establish boundaries for yourself, for others, for living.

Do you live an honest life or muddy the waters? Are you honest with yourself?

What do you believe about suffering in the world? Is it necessary to suffer greatly in life or can these hazards be mitigated?

You're clearly not happy with your current path, but what has pulled you into it? Do you live the way you do for comfort, pity, or is it purely bad luck?

Progress is rarely, if ever, free. How about you get your shit together? Not just right now, or for a week; every damn day.

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I don't think I'm capable of doing it by myself, I had a therapist who told me I'm basically an addict and j agree, not just an addict to food tho. I was supposed to go to this weight loss team but they told me I was sent there by mistake since they treat teenagers with anorexia so now I have to go back to my insurance place and see if they can find somewhere else for me to go, I'm not expecting much tho.

why do you have any expectations of them fixing your internal problem?

>too weak to change

It's ok, some people fail.

Just go out of the highstreet and look at some of the messes people are in.

I really tough of this, truth is I'm extremely afraid of suffering so I go to extremes to avoid inmediately pain, I had a really big really awful depression and even tho I survived it if I ever went to that place again I would inmediately kill myself, I was in so much pain every waking moment that I guess I just gave up after that because I can't imagine anything worse and I'm afraid of triggering it again
I'm extremely critical of everything and I'm extremely critical of myself the most, I feel like I have this debt to life that gets bigger and the bigger it gets the most I have to make up for.
I would say I was in this path from the start and I never did anything to avoid ending

Honestly I just expect them to send me somewhere that also refuses to treat me and that's a good month wasted at best

I'm no better than anyone begging in the streets so anything negative I can think about them is also true for me

In the time since this comment you could have taken that walk. Your denial fools nobody, not even yourself because you made this thread. Be willing to consider what you're reading instead of deflecting and waiting.

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Being hard on yourself is not the same as being honest with yourself.