My most comforting thought is that i will kill myself soon

I know this will be fruitless because I've studied it enough, but I'll try anyways
Do you think, that MAYBE, if you really were delusional, you wouldn't know it because you're, well, delusional?

I was delusional but they used that against me for things that really were true and are life threatening they said my brain disease was a delusion and then proceeded to say I was autistic when the disease altered my behavior

If you're 16 don't spend your time on Jow Forums. Go to school kid

He isn't 16, he's an user who was locked away for a year with no phone or computer because he tried to kill himself
He has severe autism and very possibly schizophrenia

instead of "treatment" maybe i should have just been burned in liquid fuels, think of it this way it would have been cheaper, require less thought and my suffering would have ended years ago

on Friday i should get the results to my last cognitive assessment, how could i be so stupid why did i let my evil doctors do the testing, i should have done it with a different psychologist so i could get an unbiased report.

I could do a whole case study on you based on your threads, a genuine thank you from me to see what it's like inside your thoughts

my thoughts are clear like a vacuum, while others thoughts are more thick and viscous like excrement
-OP

what is your impression about my inside thoughts, i'm guessing your a psychologist?

I'm not a psychologist, I'm an engineer. My wife is a nurse. I helped her with studying for her courses, and I learned a lot of surface knowledge about mental health. I've also soent many years in nursing homes, gotten to know the elderly as friends and watch many of their minds deteriorate day by day. The mind is fascinating, especially its ability to adapt. When it's missing information, it will plug its own holes, for example
>the lights are on in that house - that means that there are people inside
You can't see or literally know that there is anybody inside unless you see them for yoursdlf, but your mind makes the connection and fills in the information to give you context.
It does similar things when someone experiences trauma - when there are multiple holes at once, the mind can creative an entire new narrative exclusive to that person and be totally detached from reality.

This means that you can be crazy (meaning your perception, interpretation and memory may not be physically consistent witb reality) and you would have no way of knowing because your mind created a new reality for you that makes logical sense based off of the holes it filled

the reports are not false

reality is a lie and truth is perspective but there is an objectively agreed upon illusion you have lost access to

I am truly genuinely sorry user. I pray you will find your own inner peace.

Can I know your name? Or at least something to call you by? I have a feeling we're going to be talking a lot if you keep posting here

my name is jon
i can see why i am seen as crazy, the truth is i don't know anything, or remember anything either,
this leads to irrational decisions, however all this only makes me more certain about my brain illness,

Military personnel wouldn't allow anyone not even a non verbal autist to discover that the world is indeed flat.

I know the man's signature by now ffs

Thanks jon, it's been nice chatting with you

Baldwin?
Dude can I have your autograpgh?

you dont becauseis not jon, it's me

I too had suffered brain damage. To this day I really don't talk to anyone at all and most people would consider me autistic. I'm 30 now but I was suicidal at 20. For little to no reason at all I told myself I wanted to just get good at one thing, not something useless, but good at one thing. I picked up Math literally just because it was something I had done before, something alot of people say is difficult, and because I was suicidal and something entertaining like video games would just innevitably lead me to wanting to kill myself since my skills at that would be useless. I thought I was wasting my time for the first couple months but for some reason I stuck to it. I went from only having a C in Pre-Cal as my only experience to becoming a Cryptographer. I thought it was mundane before, now I love it. I an actually say that for the first time in my entire life I am actually doing something that 1. I'm good at and 2. That I enjoy. Enough reason to not kill myself. I'm working on being more social, it's hard when your as old as I am but the cool thing is is that everyone I work with knows that I don't talk that much but they know I'm good at my job and they think I'm really smart. I don't know, it's a nice feeling and I don't live an unhappy life. I come on here because it's easier to ""socialize"" on here. Just find something, it could be anything, it doesn't even matter because I just picked the most random shit ever and you'll eventually develop an interest for it.

user you're right the world won't change until the system of desire collapses, it can't really get better, at least as a system but you as an individual can, you've been graced with rejection from the system. I know it seems like suffering but that is only because you desire to be a part of the system, to be 'normal' but you're not normal, no one is but everyone tries to be, embrace what makes you yourself. The meaning of life is to love user, that's why you and I are alive because our mother gave birth to us, respectively. Look towards God user, blessed are the persecuted.

>drinking Listerine
Perhaps this is the real reason for OP's brain damage?

Jow Forums is the best. People sharing stuff. Instead of pretending to be a sjw or shit, just tells him he is actually insane and his plan of killing himself makes sense. l0le

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I don’t have to kill myself euthanasia is an option in my state I am writing it in my advanced directive