So I've been in an LDR with my current boyfriend for a year and a half now. He's my first love, I lost my virginty to him. We visit every month or so. We wanted to get married and be together forever.
Despite me loving him more than the world, things have been far from perfect lately. We argue a lot, and when we don't argue we just don't talk. it's very boring. He's not tlkative at all, and when he tries it's so forced. Not a person to think of romantic things either. And the distance just makes it absolutely awful, every time he leaves I feel like he dies. Every month.
I don't think I want to spend the rest of my life with him, it's too early to settle down at 19, or at least I'd like to experience other things beforehand. I've never had a 'proper' irl relationship, I'd really like to try.
A few months back I met somebody irl. We hit it off really well from the start. We've got great chemistry and such and we're both very attracted to each other. I didn't like that so many many times I tried to push him away, I was very mean to him, only showed affection around my boyfriend, etc. He refused to let go.
Any time I'd like to go out he does, he always lights up when he sees me. Makes me food, showers me with flowers, and swears up and down that he loves me more than life itself.
I'd really like to experience something with him, I'm tired of LDR, and this is something I've never really had before, somebody dote over me so much. I guess it's nice.
What really bothers me is he can't keep his promises at all. He can't control himself whatsoever. He promised me to never kiss me while I'm in a relationship and he did, when I was most vulnerable and felt awful he lashed out on me (because of his own problems but whatever). He's too social and too good at manipulating people and I'm afraid I guess.
I'm guessing he's just been deprived of affection. I'm the first to really give it to him.
I don't really know what to do.
inb4 op is an underaged whore
So I've been in an LDR with my current boyfriend for a year and a half now. He's my first love...
...
Everyone thinks they're going to be with their SO forever at 19. Ditch your boyfriend and have a real relationship. Not with this other guy, but with a different guy. Neither are good for you.
so you do think hes manipulating me?
"underage" is irrelevant, you're just a whore.
Look, it’s that silly twink. Maybe he can tell us how to suck cock better.
He’s just being him.
Stop playing silly games and find a real bf.
Fuck off loser, sick off seeing your pathetic ass round here.
yep, thanks for your great edgy contribution as a 13 year old
sorry user i dont really understand. being him?
if it doesnt work out with him in nt scared of leaving him even if he tries to kill himself. hes suicidal asf.
>He promised me to never kiss me while I'm in a relationship and he did
this is the only reason I thought you should stay away, but I also think you should ditch your LDR, trust me, when you find someone compatible you'll be happy that you left. You still are so young, you can find s good guy anywhere
When will you admit you are gay?
Yea, he's very manipulative. He has no respect for anybody, not for me nor for our couple. He lies a lot and always has excuses for everything. It's very infuriating.
How do I find new people?
This guy is absolute trashcan he's like a poison in my veins I doubt he will let me go
post tits or gtfo
He isnt trying to manipulate you, he is just a terrible person on his own.
Fuck off with holding yourself hostage with his suicide. Fuck that noise.
I agree. It's just hard. I'm not a social person so I don't go out much, I don't really get treated nice like this very often. I know he's a trash person but it's very hard to rid myself of him.
...
...
Maybe instead you should fucking talk to your LDR about how rough it’s been for you and figure out what you can do to fix it Vs
>oh he’s not talking to me I better dump him and start fucking Chad right away!
Fucking roastie whore put some work into your relationship.
Women are not like this. better they fucking cry to some other man, who eventually will find way how to fuck her and dump her soon.
And then she will try to get back to original partner with even bigger tears.
Women are pathetic creatures, at least 99% of them.
haha you sound just like my cunt cheating ex
youre basically letting both manipulate you right now, cut both out your life and go out and make friends and meet people and shit
who hurt you jesus christ you sad bastard
fuck off, not the same person you're replying to but I agree with him 135%, women are cunts and 99% of them need to be burned alive. Even that's too good for them, the ungrateful whores need to be put through the same agony as us, isolated and left to rot.
also OP youre a whore, you don't deserve either of those men, kys.
God damn the amount of incels in this thread...
>inb4 "hurr durr whiteknight fag"
LDR bf sounds like he doesn't really care, if he really was interested we would put in the work, drop his ass, he might try to guilt you back into a relationship, say that he'll change, but he won't, people don't change.
The nearby guy sounds like a nice guy/orbiter who's trying to manipulate you into dropping your bf to date him, so he doesn't sound like a winner either. I suppose you COULD try hanging around with him after dropping your bf but don't get invested into anything serious with him, and the first time something big comes up drop him and you'll have a legitimate excuse for cutting off contact. Let him stew in his own problems and low self esteem, that's his problem, not yours, and don't let him guilt you into coming back to him (he'll probably threaten to kill himself, don't take the bait).
go for the real guy not the pen pal you lost your virginity to
Okay so I think you're making a mistake by ditching your LDR guy before even trying to understand what's wrong with the relationship. If you start breaking up as soon as things stop being all rainbows and butterflies you will never do anything long term.
Ditching him on the basis that you don't want to settle down at 19 is stupid too, what's the point of having other experiences for their own sake? Try to fix what you have at hand. I honestly hated the women who ran from me as soon as the relationship went through a low phase and I can tell you they are all unhappy or with beta cucks right now because they're incapable of facing adversity.
It seems like you two may be just bored. Try to organize something next time he visits, or make him do that. Either way try to talk to him about what's going on, you owe this to the relationship.
The second guy seems very clingy, I don't know why you like him so much. Stop acting on impulse when it comes to serious shit and other people. Decide first and foremost what you want to do with the first relationship, then after that is taken care of think of this new guy and what to do with him.
It's always comfortable to act on impulse but if you don't want to have regrets and having people lash out at you you need to sprinkle some common sense on top. Good luck.
No, you're not a white knight. A lot of people are super butt hurt for whatever reason. Thanks for advice
How about not dismissing replies that are not convenient for you?
LDR's don't work in most cases because to form an actual real relationship based on anything more than just looks, you need to be able to see your gf/bf and be able to read the emotions they're expressing which is next to impossible through and electronic device.
If you still feel like you prefer to meet people online for whatever reason, then meet them there and move it into meat space as soon as is safe to do so. Just my two cents.
No i just didn't get to it yet (:
It's just a bit more complicated than that. We've tried to fix it but he only really wants to when I tell him I'm leaving or I'm sick of it, he relaxes when I don't. He told me he thought we would be together forever so he didn't try hard.. Not the best.
I'm giving him a chance but I don't know what feelings I've got left for him to be honest
>He told me he thought we would be together forever so he didn't try hard.. Not the best.
Wow he's actually a retard. Ditch him ASAP
It's amazing how ofter the ones, who least are supposed to, are giving out shots.
It never ends to amaze me how corrupt this world is.
I don't understand.
I've been in a very similar situation before, except I was the boyfriend.
First things first. Be honest with your boyfriend and tell him everything.
Second. Stop living this double life immediately. It will hurt your boyfriend and yourself.
My advice is to break up already. My ex-girlfriend forced herself to be with me by pushing guys she felt attracted away. Then this one guy came and she couldn't help herself anymore. In the end, all she did was to delay the inevitable.
About the guy you met irl: don't be afraid to be alone for a while. It fucking sucks, but at the same time you will have time to analise and thing about the kind of man you want.
In case you end up in a relationship with the IRL guy, embrace the reality that your LDR ex will hate him, even if he says otherwise.
Good luck.
>LDR
Dump him already
Nah, I don't. Before we started dating I swore to myself no ldrs but I loved him a lot so I was like hwy not give it a shot. Stupid.
I've told him everything. He doesn't let me break it off with him. I've told him all there is but it's like he refuses to acknowledge what's happening. Denial is the first stage of grief I guess. He thought we would be together forever and so did I and he's saying hell still try to be together and move here later and it's a bit :/ he doesn't seem to understand that a breakup is not the end of the world
Im not afraid at all of breaking it off withb the other guy. I'm very good with dealing with loss. He may be a scumbag but experience is important and maybe we can both be happy for a few months.
Also, dilemma. I'm going on holiday with my ldr boyfriend for two months during summer. Tickets are booked and all. Which is a bit annoying. I'll feel really guilty about canceling but I will feel guilty during the two months as well. I think that's another topic to start a thread about, it's mainly that keeping me back
The lady doth protest too much and it's annoying as fuck to read. Just admit that you're attracted to this guy BECAUSE he treats you like shit instead of pretending you don't. Everyone can see through your bullshit.
EVERYONE here knows that even if you ditch this guy and find another guy IRL to break your bf's heart with you'll just cheat on him with this guy. You know it deep down, so just come to terms with it.
Well, shit. I know how that feels. Still, it's better to break up (even if he doesn't "let" you to). Just clarify that you'll keep being his friend then give him some space.
I treat him like shit though to make him fuck off. I am super mean to him every time. He sets his pride aside every time I push him away and he runs to me anytime I do want to hang out and cooks for me and surprises me with roses and is happy to do anything I would like with him. I'm the one that treats him like shit to push him away but he insists. read a bit before you talk shit butt hurt user
So what do I do with the holiday? Can I just leave him like that before it? I just doubt I will feel anything but guilt.
It sounds like you need to move on. First loves rarely work out in the long term
Yea, I don't think he realizes that. He refuses to accept breaking up.
Your relationship sounds very similar to the one I have with my ex, kek.
In fact, I just blocked her today because the bitch pissed me off with her mood changes. I don't even know what she was mad about when I just wanted to meet up again and before today, she said yes when I asked if she wanted us to try again.
>I'm guessing he's just been deprived of affection. I'm the first to really give it to him.
Look here is the problem with you. You overthink way too fucking much. The dude is mad in love with you and probably see's you as the one. If you really feel attracted to him like you say you do why do you keep pushing the poor bastard away? Bexause you dont want him to get close to you? Then why do you still hang out with him? See you make no sense and deep down you really like him and want to be with him the problem is that you feel guilty for doing so since you have been together with your ldr bf for so long.
Protip: Break up with your bf at least let him know whats up and be with the other dude.
>Inb4 the other dude is manipulating me hurr durr
You are the one fucking up with his mind you keep denying the guy yet you still hang out with him as you were a couple. Stop leading him on if you dont feel that way.
Maybe you should just split with both of them they dont deserve a bitch like you.
Thanks for your albeit slightly rude advice user (: you are right. We don't hang out as a couple, we hang out as friends, I just act like I care is what I meant. At times it's excessive. I did tell my current bf what's up but he's in denial.
>denial
How about the fact he doesn't really care? Don't you see what's going on? He puts 0 effort to make you feel loved that's why you are looking elsewhere on the side in the first place. What's the point pushing it if the other person is so indifferent about it? Now switch roles and imagine how the other guy feels
I feel bad for the other guy, bless his heart. He is just misunderstood and this feelings are probably new to him that's why he acts so obsessed. You should probably break all contacts with him and let the guy move on.
How about just being honest with your feelings and to the people around you.
But being honest makes things hurt :(
He does care he's just... Oblivious. I suspect he has some kind of sociopathyor or whatever with how little he cares for anything. But he does care.
Oh no buddy he's dated at least fifteen girls and is extremely social. He's not new to relationships at all.
>he's dated at least fifteen girls
and you believe that shit? a guy who dated this many girls wouldn't clinch so much to someone who keeps pushing him away all the time.
lol the one in denial is you
Not being honest is just going to make things worse. You alone can put an end to this silly thing.
Btw so what is it that you want? Because in the OP you were fed up with ldr and wanted to try things out with this guy and yet you keep bashing the other guy like he means nothing to you.
Girl can you start making sense.
Ataraxia
>internet girl
>internet relationship
>totally making out with doods eye are ell
>all replies are denials of solutions
gimme a B...
gimme an 8
cuz this is gr8
8/8 easy street, m8
I will never understand LARPing.
He hasn't dated anybody for a few years. He had his prime time before. He's a bit older than me
I guess I'm just spooked off of getting hurt. I am bashing on this guy because I already see the problems we might have but then what do I have to lose right?
How would he hurt you if you say he is so dotting to you? What problems can you predict with him?
>prime time before
How much older is the fucker? Sounds like he cluld be your suggar daddy.
Because he literally cannot control his dick. Like the other day despite saying he would never kiss me while I'm with my boyfriend he did kiss me, like he swore he never goes after girls in relationships but he went after me, he sexts others I think, I've just. Seen signs that aren't the best, even if he swears he won't ever and just does it now because lonely.
Also the fact that everything becomes a pity competition and whoever wins the pity competition is the one in the right.
He does have some good fun qualities in him so let's see where it goes I guess.
I hope he "can't control himself" and beats the shit out of you one day, dumb thot
>cannot control his dick
It was just a kiss, stop overblowing it.
>he sexts others I think
You have no evidence for that
>Also the fact that everything becomes a pity competition and whoever wins the pity competition is the one in the right.
Elaborate
>He does have some good fun qualities in him so let's see where it goes I guess.
If you see your bf as more fitting then what's the point on dating a guy you obviously don't trust nor like. You just appreciate his attention and care. You dont even care about who he is and you keep makibg up stuff. Not to mention you are making a big story over a kiss. Kinda laughable.
Actually get out of this thread edgy cunt it's the second time today
It's more about the fact that it was really the one thing I asked of him. The one promise he swore he would keep.
He just. He just pities himself a lot, plays the victim often. Is offended by a lot of things so you can't really say things straight.. Even though I do anyway because I'm that sort of person. So far he's managed to get very upset a few times
I don't know user that's why I'm confused. I do like some parts of him, maybe I've just got to focus more on the positives
My bf may be better for me but God is he far and so one dimensional.
Thsnks for your advice user I appreciate it
I'm 27 and had to break up with my GF of 3 years after 1 year of LD. She moved 10 hour drive away for work (both professionals) because of her work in mining. It was the most painful thing ever for both of us. Seeing each other every 3-6 weeks, paying 600 for plane tickets or wasting 2 days driving. I tried getting a job near her for the entire year but the reality is there was no demand for other engineers since the only place in her town was the mine.
About 8 months in we had a huge argument due to the resentment and distance. Skype and calls were boring and there was no more romance no matter how much effort was put in. It's simply impossible to be in a romantic relationship if you can see and hold each. After 4 more months I broke it off with her so we could both move on with our lives. I thought I was going to marry her but that's just the way life goes.
It's been 5 months and I started dating and have met another really great girl thats 23 and also just graduated as an engineer.
I guess Im trying to say that if you do break up that life does move on and you will find somebody else that is amazing.
I wish I had broken up sooner because the amount of stress and heartache I went through for an entire year really did a number on me mentally. I gave up all my hobbies and spend all my time at home just waiting to see her again and applying for jobs. It was so shit.
Now with the new girl I can go hiking and camping and go on dates which is something I love to do. The best part of a relationship is going out and experiencing life together.
Thank you user. Really, thank you. I'm just struggling so hard with the decision and hurt. It's easier said than done, leaving behind so many memories and such. I know it will get better its just.. Hard.
Say user what do you think I should do? My ldr and I have tickets for two months together for summer but honestly I just feel like it will be awful pretending to be in love and feeling so guilty for him. Alright his crying about the relationship ending and his insane clinginess.. It's so hard to deal with.
I don't want to mess up his summer or throw away his money, should I stick it out till then?
The reason why you are probably so harsh against that guy is because you care and want to actually get close to him but like you said you are afraid of getting hurt and getting your trust broken again.
Also the important question is do you really believe that he loves you? I don't want to play devil's advocate but maybe the reason why he broke your promise and kissed you in the end is because he might be so attached to you that he wanted to show it to you in a bashful way.
>maybe I've just got to focus more on the positives
What are the positives that you can think of?
>should I stick it out till then?
Don't go just to play pretend lovers and even if he did spend money on it at least like that he will be able to move on quicker from this. Negativity can be good at times.
Firstly, you need to consider if you both have an "end date" to long distance. I made it through 16 months long distance with my gf of 4 years in university because we knew I would be coming home. Ironically that relationship ended because I moved after Uni for work..
But you need an end date or this stress will continue forever.
As for summer, I'm sure you would have a great time and rekindle your romance. However in the back of your mind you will be thinking about him leaving again and the same issues will resurface within 2-3 weeks when your apart.
I think you already know what you need to do. I know it is hard. When I broke up with her I had flown out with the intention of spending a week, however on the very first night I couldnt bear it and just broke it off. I had to spend the next 3 days with her because the airport was 2 hours away and I couldnt get an earlier flight. We cried all day for 3 days straight because we still loved each other but it logistically could not work. Lots of back and forth are we making the right decision.
You are still very young and have a lot of time and experiences ahead of you. You will find love again. I've found it three times in my life so far.
I think you should end it sooner than later and spare yourself the heartache. But I have a feeling you will spend the summer together. Just know that as soon as the illusion of the relationship goes away again these same feelings will resurface.
I really think you need to move on.
It's hard breaking up with people, especially for women. Hurting someone else in a profound way is never easy. Both of these guys do not seem like a good fit for you and, even if it's painful, you need to break it off. These red flags you get, especially with the manipulative guy, they're very real and you should not ignore them.
That's pretty much it, user. You hit the nail on the head.
Well, I don't know if he's just really lonely, that might be a contributing factor to his attachment, but he does go very far out of his way to show how he cares. His personality is another r matter altogether but I guess from what he's endured with me it goes way beyond just manipulating me. Don't think anybody else would stick around for what he does xd. His eyes sparkle when he looks at me.
He's funny and he's really social and talks very well with people and has a lot of courage to. He knows a lot about so much so its often very interesting to talk to him from how much he knows and stuff. He's ridiculously caring and cooks well and is romantic and does all these little cute things. I like it very much when he smiles. I don't know is that enough.
Take a decision right now. I've been in this situation where two people had broken up during the flight to a vacation so we had to spend two weeks comforting one of the two girls. The other was a sociopath so she went happily all about Barcelona with my also sociopath girlfriend, not giving a shit. But the hurt one was tormented throughout the whole vacation and I spent a very long time trying to cheer her up to no avail. It was absolutely a shit experience, it's better to get those tickets refunded now.
Thank you for the advice. I do think I should move on even if it's really hard, I think you're completely right. The feeling won't ever really go away. It's minimum three years until we can live together and even if we do, do I really want to tie myself to somebody already?
3 years is a long time especially at 19. Your personality is still developing and if you cannot share these stages in person together you will only grow further apart.
Try to stay positive and if you do break up I suggest going no contact and giving each other space to heal. You also don't need to rush into a new relationship.
Ah. But then again even if it goes sour I don't know I don't think I'll mind too much. I'm keeping my feelings at a distance to not get hurt so what's the harm
The problem is he is forcing me to stay in contact in a way. He refuses to cut off entirely, he wants to get back together later, he thinks we won't last with the other guy. It really hurts to hurt him because he's one of the only people out there who I truly care for. And there's pressure from the other guy to get with him.
Had a lot of sympathy up until you mentioned the other guy. What does your LDR partner know? Are you being open with him? Do you trust each other unconditionally? Do you talk about the things you wrote? Do you talk about your almost-infidelity?
LDRs work if there's an actual plan to move together, or at least a stromg ambition. LDR is a compromise between two people who love each other but are far apart. It's not supposed to be a long term arrangement.
Seems to me like you're already looking for ways out and fitting everything neatly into your preconceived idea.
That guy who kissed you(ber you out up a lot of resistance and told him off) - he clearly did not respect you and your relationship. He probably just wants to fuck you.
Don't do anything before you break up with your bf.
You shouldn't be in a relationship because you feel obligated to. Nobody can force contact, you really need no contact to heal. Even if it sucks you should tell him straight up why you will not be answering his calls, and then block him if he continues.
And I think the other guy is playing you and you should be aware that it likely will not turn into anything serious.
I the best thing you could do is leave the LTR, and be very suspect and careful about the other guy. If it helps you cope that's fine but do no disillusion yourself into thinking that is real love.
He is just naturally a shitty person, I was very similar at his age.
I remember when I was 19 I was very aggressive about what I wanted, very impulsive, I didn't really consider what my actions where until it was too late. Infact the fact your pushing him away is probably the reason he is pushing so hard to be with you. The cat and mouse chase is both self destructive and exhilarating. He will either grow up and move on and never see you again for both of your sakes or like the other user said his true nature will eat him alive and you can watch him slowly kill himself and do nothing to stop it.
You can ask for as many opinions as you want on here but in the end you wont find the answer here. You are the only one who truly knows what's going on so trust your own feelings and go for what you feel is right. Don't force yourself on any of the two and if none of them is okay being your friend then that means they never cared for who you were in the first place.You are still young and can easily find someone better.
>lonely
>yet he is very social
I don't think it's because of his loneliness. I think he just really cherishes you and I believe he is scared that you might disappear from his life maybe that's why he tries to spend as much time as possible with you.
Well overall he sounds like a good guy,I just don't understand the manipulation thing.
filter this faggot, improves board quality
Treating a person badly because you’re in a relationship and they’re relentlessly pursuing you is not as bad as relentlessly pursuing someone in a relationship, violating the boundaries of that relationship and then emotionally manipulating the person. You’d be stupid to have anything more than a fling with this guy.
I've been through the same shit as you.
I have been dating a guy in ldr for 5 years and even though I always thought he was just a bit shy and akward I realised that he actually didn't care that much about me and that the thing I thought was a relationship was more than just some sort of friendship/online fling. He would always just talk about sex non stop. Then I met my current bf and that's when I realised how a true relationship is with a lot of love and care.
absolutely based
people have been settling down at the age of 19 for thousands of years. it's only become abnormal in the past 50 years
This board is shit because most of the people on it are shit.
>youtoo
Yeah, sure, why not.
It's almost like waiting would have spared you the whole thing.
>whores
people used to settle down at 19 because they died at 39 and had 15 children. because life was about survival. nobody had the choice to settle down with somebody 2000+ miles away either.
I think my bf does care, hes just... Autismo. He talks abotu marriage a lot but he very much also wants sex a lot.
yea, like I mentioned I dont care if that relationship falls through. Im not letting myself get close to him emotionally. I'll try to watch out.
He basically knows everything but throws away his pride and refuses to let go. Of course Im open. We do trust each other unconditional. I was only almost infidel because of the other guy forcing himself on me, I dont think its fair for my currnt ldr to know. I guess im just nurturing him like a baby.
I wont do anything no i have way too much respect for my bf for that. Im not some whore. :(
maybe.
?
Jaded much?
Basically half of this board though
>He had his prime time before
Is he in his 30s?
He's 21. He was a big party boy until like 18 ish though where he got to live a lot. He hasn't dated since then
Are you shitting me? The guy is still in his prime years wtf. 15 relationships in 3 years? Yeah right, what a load of shit. Where are you guys from? Let me guess Usa?
Nah Europe. One of the more developed countries. By relationships he means hook ups as well. I doubt à lot of things but I don't doubt this. After his last ex he just.. Shut himself off