How can i make sure that my partner can distinguish between fantasy and reality?

How can i make sure that my partner can distinguish between fantasy and reality?
He always asks me about my sexual fantasies, but so far i haven‘t really opened up about them because i fear that he can‘t separate them from real life. Meaning that he might think that in some deep dark hidden corner of myself i would want to act on them, which is absolutely not the case.
What do?

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Tell him sexual fantasies you want to do

This is something that takes a long time to really learn about your partner. I've been with my wife for 6 years and we're still discovering weird sexual things about each other.

If your fantasies are things you can roleplay with your bf, it's probably fine to tell him about them straight up. If they are about you with other people, many people, or anything that he just can't be part of, it might be better to let it rest until you're more comfortable with each other.

It's definitely good to learn these things about each other if possible. Imagine that there's something you fantasize about that can't be acted out, but your bf really likes it too, and can think of some way to access it together.

It might be easier to talk about this if we had a little better idea of what kind of fantasies you're keeping.

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Communication is a little tricky when it comes to something like that to say the least. It's understandable that your partner would be curious and would not be able to distinguish at first. Finding an equivalent that they can relate to might be a good way to establish that division between fantasy and actual desire. Something along the lines of daydreaming compared to actual intent. Some people daydream about doing some kind of action hero movie type stunt. Such as fantasizing about jumping out of an airplane, landing in a speeding convertible and fighting somebody on a motorcycle with a sword. They usually do not have the training, equipment, resources, physical strength or mental nerve to actually pull that off in real life, but it is fun to day dream. That's obviously a bit of an exaggeration to illustrate my point, but i think it's relevant. That might help a little in explaining why fantasy and actual desire are two different things and by taking small steps and gauging if they understand that, you might end up in a better position of understanding then when you started.

That‘s part of the issue. I‘ve shared fantasies before and he wanted to make it into a roleplay. Which i don‘t. I don‘t want to act on them and i don‘t want to incorporate them into our sex life. The most i can imagine is sharing them with him as i have them, let‘s say whilst masturbating in front of him. Even if they are possible to roleplay, that‘s not what i want. They are fantasies for a reason and they differ greatly from stuff i think would be neat to try out irl.
I don‘t know how i can help him understand the difference.

He has shared his sexual „fantasies“ with me before and i think he genuinely doesn‘t know there‘s a difference. He thinks sexual fantasies is a synonym for „what do you want to try out“. For me it‘s like daydreams where i‘m free to think up sexual scenarios that turn me on but that are like watching a movie or so. I have no desire to take part in it. I just consume them for my enjoyment.

Well, they are different every time. That‘s also a reason why it‘s not translatable to real life. If it was a „i always wanted to get tied up and fucked in a public place“ kind of deal, that would be different. But in my head i imagine stories like some innocent virgin girl who gets sacrificed for some weird religious sex ritual involving a lot of old and perverted priests. For example. Actually a lot of my fantasies involve rituals.

I just think that it would be neat to share, since we‘re very honest with each other otherwise, too. It feels like this is a side if me he would never get to see if we can‘t figure out how he can distinguish between my fantasies and my sexual wishes.
And even if they are weird, they belong to me, so it would just be fair to let him in.

That was helpful, thanks. Maybe i need to first test the terrain and see if he is able to easily distinguis between „plans for the future“ and „impossible but fun daydreaming“. Which i guess he‘s able to do.

I like when my gf calls me a sandnigger in bed and slaps me.

Bet your thing isn't as bad as mine.

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Based on the way OP is being evasive and says they'd never want to do it irl, it's probably a mega taboo that sounds hot in their head because of brain fuckery (can't help it, can't blame OP) but the logical part of their mind knows irl it would be disgusting/horrifying/impractical/impossible.

e.g.: necrophilia, pedophilia, shitting, any sort of death fetishism like vore, anything impractical or life ruining like amputation/bone snapping/public shaming, etc

>I don‘t want to act on them and i don‘t want to incorporate them into our sex life
Then keep your mouth shut!

This isn‘t about „things i would like to try when we have sex but are too embarassed to ask for“. He specifically asked about my fantasies. Ans to me, those are the „sexual daydreams“ i come up with when i‘m horny. Often they don‘t even include me. I‘m just watching them, so to say.

Also, you‘re just into humiliation. Very common. I don‘t think that‘s bad. Unless your gf has an issue with it, obviously.

Uhm, ok. He was the one asking me. And why should i not share my fantasies just because i don‘t want to act on them?

You‘re aware about the many guys who watch trap or cuck porn but wouldn‘t really want to act on it because they are neither gay nor do they want to ruin their relationship, right? It‘s just a concept that get‘s them horny.

Exactly.

Common themes are warching him fuck other girls, zoophilia, extreme pain (electrocution, weird insertions like nettles, ants, nailing body parts to stuff...), humiliation, deformation (freaks or mutilation), forcing people to do stuff they don‘t want,.... I DEFINITELY would never want to experience either of those irl, ever. It‘s probably just the taboo of it that makes me horny.

Then I think if you don't want to actually do it there's little point in telling him about it.

I think some things just aren't worth bringing up if there if it's not beneficent to you, like I'd never tell me gf about the yaoi shota porn I sometimes read.

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And why don‘t you tell her?
As i said, i‘m very honest with him in every other aspect. It feels weird that he doesn‘t know this about me. I like the idea of him knowing me in and out.
I get that it might be a good idea to keep silent about it, since it bears the risk of him being disgusted or threatened by my fantasies. That‘s exactly why i need to know how to know exactly that he won‘t mistake my fantasies for ideas i want to incorporate into my life.

You guys think you're bad, I've fantasied about my gfs dad raping me, you think I've ever tell anyone about that?!

I can sympathize with you OP, honestly, I have some pretty intense submissive fantasies myself. It might sate his curiosity if you can give him something kind of entry-level in the vein of one of those fantasies though. Like tell him you're interested in trying a collar or demeaning language.

If even that's 2spooky4u (can't blame you), maybe just tell him you aren't sure what you like and would be open to some experimentation? Then you could test the waters but back out for good if you decided you for sure never want any of that again.

Fortunately for me in addition to my SUPER FUCKED UP stuff I have a much more reasonable (by comparison!) fetish for lactation so if I get hassled too much I'll let on about that and enjoy boob sucking.

Don't really want to look like a gay pedophile into brother incest thank you she'd never look at me the same even if she never say it.

Damn

That‘s specific, yeah. But rape fantasies are rather normal, user. And i don‘t think it‘s that weird that the person you‘ve chosen is your gf‘s dad since he would be one of the most taboo persons, so it‘s the most exciting variation.

>we're still discovering weird sexual things about each other
so true. i've been married for eight years and i just recently found out that my wife has always wanted to try anal. i've fantasized about it for years and never knew.

just sit down and have a talk with your partner, op. or maybe do it in a therapy session if you feel more comfortable with that.

See, that‘s exactly my problem. I don‘t know you, but i guess goven the opportunity you wouldn‘t want to fuck your little baby brother for real. It‘s a fantasy and that‘s probably all there is to it. But like me, you‘re afraid that people won‘t be able to keep you and your fantasies appart. You‘re not gay. Nor are you incestuous or pedophile. You‘re you and you have FANTASIES about those things. That‘s like saying you‘re a millionaire because you fantasize about having a yacht and a villa in italy... it‘s just irrational to merge those two realities.

But contrary to me, you would like to actually incorporate those fetishes into your sex life. Which is it‘s own kind of spooky, i agree.

You‘d be surprised at how many girls warm up to taking on dominant roles in bed...

You're completely right but normies will never understand so you never tell them.

I only tell people things like this online so I can get feel a sense of relief I can never feel in person.

I guarantee the moment you tell him these things he'll inevitably want to act on them.
Especially if they aren't illegal like my gay incest thing.

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Well, my hope is that he has equally weird fetishes he could share with me. I once accidentially saw his browser history and he had been watching a lot of porn that he probably thinks would shock the shit out if me if i knew. He was watching granny, loli, furry and trap porn. So maybe he would feel relieved to share that? Or would it just be embarassing and unnecessary? I mean, those are all fetishes we can never convincingly incorporate into our sex life, either. And i‘m pretty sure he wouldn‘t want to actually fuck a little girl.

I mean you never know, he could always try to get you to call him oniichan and wear little girl clothes or something and I'm sure that would be pretty uncomfortable.

Meh, if it gets him off, then i‘d be down to do that. But it‘ll never actually feel right, just weird and forced. After all, i‘m not a tiny preschool girl but a grown ass woman. It would never work 100%.