Girlfriend of 9 years wants to get married but I don’t want to. We both don’t want kids and frankly marriage seems like a huge risk to me.
What should I do? I’ve told her that I don’t really want to get married but she keeps bringing it up, so I’m guessing she either didn’t get it the first time or thinks she can change my mind.
Do you make more money than her?
A LOT more. Like 10x as much as she does.
I don't know what you want us to tell you. 9 years is a long time to spend with someone with incompatible life goals. I understand the risks of marriage and all that, but it's like damn she probably feels like she's given you a decade of her entire life and you're unwilling to commit to her after all that. I see this ending in pain for one or both of you.
To be completely honest I didn’t realize marriage was a big deal for her. We had talk about it in passing and it didn’t seem like something she wanted, but I’m guessing I just read it wrong.
I can see how she would feel that way though.
They have common law marriages where your from? Because if you have been together that long and have lived together for most of it you might already be fucked and don't know it op
marriage is about family imo. part of it is kids and part of it is in-laws. if you don't have kids, that's at least half of the reason to get married gone. if you and your gf aren't very family oriented, there's almost another half of the reason gone.
so did you ask her why she's interested in getting married?
oh, so this is a bait thread
"damn I hate women. they're gold diggers. MGTWO. MRA. raarara"
get a life, guys
Maybe sit her down and talk it through with her. Ask about her thoughts on marrying and makes yours clear as well
Nope, no common law marriage here.
She has said “because I don’t want all this to be gone in a moment”. Which I don’t really understand because it’s not like marriages don’t end all the time, and, frankly, I don’t lose half my stuff.
Nope, no MGTOW here, I love women, I just don’t want kids and don’t see the point in marriage.
If you want your posts to be taken seriously, don't do the whole "If I don't like something it's MGTOW/MRA" shaming thing. Maybe you'll get a couple "you go gurls" but you're otherwise wasting your time with shitposts
So either she pretty much has a horrible job or barely works and you have a good to super great job income wise. If you really don't want to get married, don't. If you really love this woman and believe she is the one you want to be with for the next few decades go see a good attorney with expertise in prenuptial agreements and divorces. Just have a meeting alone, without your woman and maybe decide from there.
And just curious, country and salary?
USA ~$300k (it varies)
>together for 9 years
>don't get married
You guys should've been married years ago
If you're not getting married now I don't know wen else you will
So your girl at least has some sort of gig then. How old is she? Cause you should at least tell her your decision on marriage before she gets too old to possibly get with someone else and have kids.
And you should absolutely see an attorney if at all considering marriage.
I mean, frankly I’d be fine never getting married. I don’t think it defines a relationship, so it’s not important to me, especially if you’re not having children.
She’s 32, I’m 30. And she hasn’t expressed a desire to have children, although maybe I’m misreading that too.
>I mean, frankly I’d be fine never getting married. I don’t think it defines a relationship, so it’s not important to me, especially if you’re not having children.
I mean if that's what you feel like you don't need to get married, it's just a bit odd to me you've been together that long and haven't gotten married
But you're saying that marriage is high risk, when it's actually more likely you'll end up separating if you don't get married, especially since she wants to get married.
>She has said “because I don’t want all this to be gone in a moment”. Which I don’t really understand because it’s not like marriages don’t end all the time, and, frankly, I don’t lose half my stuff.
You're not talking about leaving but stuff is more important to you than her, that's what it sounds like you're saying. Its been nine years, that's a long time so so I think propose then eventually a prenup if you still care about that then otherwise sounds like if it doesn't happen she might be gone in a moment.
And work on your communication, nine years and you didn't know this.
I guess my worry is that she will change her mind and leave me and then I’m out half my stuff. If I’m not getting children out of this (which I don’t want), then what’s the point?
And it’s not that I think she is a bad person or just wants my money.... but does anyone get married thinking they’ll get divorced? I don’t see a reason why I would be smarter than all those people.
She still has some a few good years left. I think you should give her a clear answer on the marriage thing. If that is something she really needs and you won't give it to her and she wants to leave an inability or difficulty having children will impact her in finding a spouse if that's what she decides. I know you think she doesn't want kids but that could be a possibility with someone else and you may have a big influence on that decision. She has been with you a long time and you make bank. 300k is like the top few percent of income earners.
Split up. 9 years is already way too long being with someone that has a fundamentally different idea of what they want their life to be. Remaining in a relationship with such a huge bridge between your priorities is unfair to both you and her. If you're not willing to risk marriage on someone you've been with for nearly a decade and she isn't willing to budge on marriage then you don't really have any business being together.
There's no point to marriage if you don't have children. Of course, you should have children.
you're probably common law married anyways
What is she to you, OP? Can you honestly say you love her, and not trust her enough to marry her? Clearly you are having doubts about her and there is no trust in the relationship. Probably it was destined to die out sooner or later.
Then talk prenup with her.
Option B hoss, she thinks-- all girls think-- that if enough effort is applied, you'll change.
Girls really don't understand 'not wanting something' when it's something they want. Quick to demand compromise.
This however. I was told during tax season that after a year of partnership you are classified as commonlaw.
Might be a local thing.
>This however. I was told during tax season that after a year of partnership you are classified as commonlaw.
Might be a local thing.
There are only couple of states that still have that...
Alabama (if created before January 1, 2017)
Colorado
District of Columbia
Georgia (if created before January 1, 1997)
Idaho (if created before January 1, 1996)
Iowa
Kansas
Montana
New Hampshire (for inheritance purposes only)
Ohio (if created before October 10, 1991)
Oklahoma
Pennsylvania (if created before January 1, 2005)
Rhode Island
South Carolina
Texas
Utah
If she leaves over not getting a contract that lets her take his stuff she is showing stuff is more important to her than him.
Drop her dude. She's trying to manipulate you into a messy divorce. I mean she has LITERALLY, not figuratively, nothing to lose by getting married. She gets to have her day in the sun at your expense, enjoy you providing for her while she keeps her eyes open for more exciting partners to dump you for. Marriage is literally an incentive to divorce.
It's a ploy. Don't do it.
Either get married or kick her to the curb.
If you dont she will do it for you.