My girlfriend has absolutely no sex drive. It doesn't interest her. She can go months without getting wet. Almost pure.
Her health is fine and she is taking no medication. We visited a doctor who only found a slight vitamin D and iron deficit (she is vegetarian).
She has no known psychological issues. Her stress factor is low, since I take care for her and she has no financial responsibilities.
She does not know what turns her on and sees sex as something "dirty and filthy". She is not catholic. It is just not her thing.
Before you recommend breaking up: I sadly admit that I have been with this woman for 11 years and this subject has been avoided for the most part. We spent the first 6 years in a long distance relationship where we barely saw each other. We're living together for 5 years now. I can count the amount of time we had sex with 2 hands. She knows it is an issue, but does know what causes it.
A few things to rule out
1) She is not asexual, since she does find arousal in written fiction. As you can imagine, this really hurts me.
2) I know for a fact that she is not cheating and except for the above part, is not looking at any explicit porn. She is a total wallflower.
3) She is not in for the money. Everything else is perfect and we both support and effort into the relationship. Separation is not a solution for me, otherwise I would've done that much sooner.
4) I don't want to find a mistress. Cheating is a big no in my book, but she knows that I don't want to live like a monk for the rest of my life either.
I know this is territory where men and women alike have tried to find answer to. But has anybody ever been in a situation where they could turn around such a sex life and tried a method that worked on low libido people? I'm starting to lose hope.
>no known psychological issues >vegetarian >wont even PRETEND she enjoys sex like every other woman out there before marriage happens >long distance relationship for SIX FUCKING YEARS
Why would she bother with sex when it is obvious you wont ever leave her? The sole fact you were capable to pull 6 years LDR means you never considered sex as important. So what changed? Get pic related. As close as you get to sex.
The standard advice is to make her eat meat and saturated fats. Body cant make hormones without real fats in your diet. Also putting her on / off / different hormonal anticonception can do the trick.
Yeah, sounds like you don't rev her engine. Also, >LDR >I know she is not cheating >she is a total wallflower
You know, when *I* was growing up we had this tiny, eentsy-teensy saying about people, life, and the topic of corruption in general. "It is the Devil's greatest art to convince us he does not exist." Not tryna gaslight but if you're after solutions, you need to be open to all possibilities. If she's getting it elsewhere that'd explain why you're not on tap.
Oliver Cooper
We’re not miracle workers
You’ve already shut down the best advice we could ever give.
Adam Perry
You could ask Chad what he does to get her going. He has lots of first hand experience with her likes.
Samuel Parker
Are you absolutely sure it's not a psychological thing? The fact that she >sees sex as something "dirty and filthy" is concerning. Also what arouses her from books that she somehow can't get from you?
Jaxon Peterson
Is she on the pill? Some women go on it for reasons other than birth control (prevention of painful periods, hormone regulation, etc.) and it can completely kill sex drives in certain types of women. Also, I thought asexuality meant lack of physical attraction... if she's aroused by writing, it's not the same as her wanting to fuck living/breathing people. Although I'm not an expert on Tumblr-tier identity bullcrap so I could be wrong.
Brody Scott
She's not reading random smut. Just some romance novel with heavily implied scenes and she lets her imagination do the rest. I asked her plenty of times if there is something on my end and she keeps insisting that everything is fine as it is - which is obviously not true.
No pill, no medication. No alternative birth control either. If anything, we're using condoms. Don't get me wrong on the asexuality part. That's a term that has been around before all the tumblerinas bitching about it. It's just describing the complete lack of any sexual desires. She has no such thing as a special snowflake (sexual) identity.
> I know for a fact that she is not cheating and except for the above part, is not looking at any explicit porn. She is a total wallflower. This means nothing. Her being a wall flower is not mutually exclusive to watching porn. Now if you said you secretly track her browser history or something fine, but wallflower means nothing. I also agree with other anons. You aren't sexy to her, that's why she doesn't want to have sex with you. Women get horny just like men do. It's part of the reason we still exist. Everything we do is reared towards eventual children. Honestly most of what you posted sounds like she's cheating. You said she gets horny to literature, what does she do with that feeling. There's no way she just sits around horny and waits for it to go away.
Brandon Rodriguez
I still feel very bad about this, but I tracked her entire browser history over 2 months with openDNS/umbrella that confirms it.
Obviously I'm totally lost and I really don't know what some next logical steps should be. Should I confront her again? If so, how? Is there something that should (or not) be mentioned?
I really don't want to destroy a good thing, but as you can see from the replies in this thread, I'm sick of feeling (and looking) like a lolcow too.
Michael Ramirez
see if she wants to try viagra, it supposedly makes chicks pretty horny
Jayden Nelson
I'm going to give you this medicine straight user because you need it. >destroy a good thing Its not a good thing user. She's getting everything she needs while youre suffering. Most people wouldn't put up with this. I am guessing you are because you know it will be a while before you can replace her if you broke up, which is fine I get it. But you have to recognize you are not happy, and she is fine with you being that way. And honestly, part of the reason she is fine with it is because she's knows you won't leave. The fact that you had a 6 year long distance relationship with her tells her all she needs to know. Even my usual advice that fixes sexless relationships prob won't work here because it sounds like you never had regular sex in the first place.
Here's the only solution I can think of. You talk to her about it and tell her the no sex thing is getting to be a deal breaker. You love her but you are a man with needs. Tell her you want to be able to have sex with other women. She may cry or whatever but stand firm. She's been okay with your suffering for all these years, she should be able to understand your needs. This doubles as a way to see if she all the sudden develops a sex drive and tries to fuck other dudes. If her libido is as low as she says it is she shouldn't be trying to have open relationships also. If she is, it will tell you everything you need to know.
Oh she does have a sex drive, but you don’t do it for her
Hudson White
OP is a cuck. Women pull this shit on guys they know they have by the balls.
Liam Flores
>My girlfriend has absolutely no sex drive. It doesn't interest her. She can go months without getting wet. Almost pure. >Her health is fine and she is taking no medication. We visited a doctor who only found a slight vitamin D and iron deficit (she is vegetarian). >She has no known psychological issues. Her stress factor is low, since I take care for her and she has no financial responsibilities. >She does not know what turns her on and sees sex as something "dirty and filthy". She is not catholic. It is just not her thing.
You do not have a girlfriend, you have a 'wife'.
Seriously though this is really common and the old stereotype of men nagging their wives for sex is based on the fact many women do become disinterested in sex.
There is no treatment... seriously if it existed I would of found it by now for my own wife. I do find a change of routine like holidays and special occasions involving leisure travel often result in a temporary lift but nearly always falls back to almost non-existent.
Joseph Taylor
Forgot to mention, if she doesn't agree just dump her. Any offer she gives at that point will be temporary or a stall tactic. Don't fall for it. Honestly once you dump her she might come back and try to fuck you. But don't give her that gf title again until the sex is regular.
Carter Thomas
I'm fully aware that I need to make some radical decisions, that's why I'm here. Your post really hurts to read but I know you're saying the right things.
>Even my usual advice that fixes sexless relationships prob won't work here because it sounds like you never had regular sex in the first place Point in case. However, what would your usual advice be?
Jace Edwards
/cont. I tried everything I could think of, every bit of advice I could get and nothing worked. Our life is otherwise fine and we still have a very close and loving marriage.
>Tell her you want to be able to have sex with other women. She may cry or whatever but stand firm. She's been okay with your suffering for all these years, she should be able to understand your needs
I actually did this. I stood firm and she relented but it tore her apart emotionally and destroyed any enjoyment when together. There was always an elephant in the room that we couldn't talk about although we could see it.
So I gave up that idea and she was grateful, thankful and life went back to normal and included a few weeks of re-invigorated fucking. But it didn't last.
So I started hooking up on the side and been doing so for a long time now. I am extremely careful not to damage the status quo and it's working out well. There's lots of women available in compatible situations.
Easton Wilson
Homo Sapiens Sapiens aren’t a monogamous race. Libido in females drops dramatically after 4 years with one partner.
You know that sober feeling all men get after having sex? That brief icky realizing that you’re a gross monkey that just sat there furiously humping another monkey to combine your sexual fluids and genetic maps?
That’s sorta how women feel after they “win” the relationship.
You shouldn’t give women ultimatums. They show that you’ve already lost control over her.
Thomas Perry
>That brief icky realizing that you’re a gross monkey that just sat there furiously humping another monkey to combine your sexual fluids and genetic maps?
No... I've never experienced that. But I have many times sat there after sex and thought how amazing it was and maybe a little weird how it came to be.
Ayden Rodriguez
Usually guys sex starts starts getting kind of routine and girls aren't into it as much. Which leads to guys asking for it. As you know power corrupts and women being in control of the sex in a relationship leads to bad things. The way to turn that around is to stop asking for sex. Fap if you have to, cheat behind her back, just stop asking or seeming interested at all. She will definitely notice. And when she does she will start offering again just to test the waters. I would even deny her the first time she tries to initiate, just to get her mind right that she doesn't have that power over you any more. Once the balanced is restored you should be getting more sex. A woman that thinks her sexual value is at risk/low is a woman that's more eager to please.
> I stood firm and she relented but it tore her apart emotionally and destroyed any enjoyment when together. There was always an elephant in the room that we couldn't talk about although we could see it. You need to explain this better. Honestly you make it sound like you actually were getting decent sex for a while. I'm going to shed light on the situation with my current understanding. Her fucking you more was a result of her not "having" you. When women don't have you they chase you. Which means trying to please you more. When you relented you let her know she has you again. AKA She controls you mentally. Remember whether she's outgoing or a wallflower all women are the same basic animal, especially when it comes to long term relationships. And this is one of the behaviors that can be predicted easily. > They show that you’ve already lost control over her. He has lost control. From the way he describes it, it's worse than anything I've ever heard of. And it's not about an ultimatum. You are right, ultimatums, don't usually work in a guys favor. But he shouldnt approach this as an ultimatum. It's letting her know the current situation and how completely unhappy he is.
John Taylor
Not him but usually in a long term relationship someone gets bored of sex with the same person all the time. I'm guessing you haven't because you have never had regular sex. We truly are not supposed to be lifelong monogamous animals. Hopefully and hopefully not, someday youll realize what that's like.
Camden White
>and she has no financial responsibilities. Instead of pampering a grown ass woman, how about you tell her to get a job and get moving?. If she can't even enjoy sex she's probably not the most proactive person in her day to day life . Stop being a simp and move on if nothing changes, If you come on this board for support you better be open to change things around.
If you are flesh and blood you have a sex drive. The only mission for your DNA is to survive and replicate, google it. There may be some kind of subconscious blockage towards sex. Look into julienhimself.com/self-help/ or The Completion Method by Teal Swan. Then if you two can get past it. Learn how to give her an incredible sexual experience. Tantra X by Lawrence Lanoff is great for this, its an online program that really helps you give them an incredible experience. My personal fav are JulienHimself and Tantra X.
Grayson Price
This.
Parker Baker
what garbage advice. OP you should be seeking the help of a sex counsellor. Nothing but bitter virgins in this thread.
Caleb Nelson
>I don't have any advice, or any reason why this guys advice is bad, but his advice makes me uncomfortable so you should go somewhere else If you don't have any valid help or experience to share you should prob just lurk.
Chase Jones
absolutely this, you made her realize she can leech of your money without doing anything in return. of course she took it, then played innocent to make you believe the same lie
Jason Allen
It wasn't about me giving advice, but rather the fact that your "answer" to his problems was toxic and overall idiotic. Breaking a relationship because of lolnosex.jpg is stupid. You're in a relationship for a lot more reasons than that, that much is obvious, but you're also implying that his gf is sort of thriving on his suffering (because of their "financial arrangement" that OP should never have mentioned because it just attracts that kind of replies). She probably feels as bad as the OP, for not being able to provide him a regular sex life, like any girlfriend would. She probably talks to her friends and compare how freaky she is to not being able to enjoy an activity everybody enjoys. OP's problem isn't simple but there's another person in the equation who has feelings too and telling them to lol breakup isn't going to 1) make them happy 2) make them better persons. I don't get how you came to the conclusion that his girlfriend doesn't care about their sex problem, it's really plain heartless and mean to assume that. Have some empathy for the girl too.
>"men have needs boohoohoo"
fun fact: everyone has needs.
OP if you're still reading this, you should go to a sex counsellor, they're used to that kind of problems. I hope the best for you and your gf.
>You're in a relationship for a lot more reasons than that Just because there are more reasons doesn't mean this one should be ignored. If a man comes here obviously suffering because his situation it shouldn't be ignored. > thriving on his suffering How is she not? If they were both unhappy they would come up with a solution together. But it's just him and she doesn't care enough to try and remedy the situation. >Probably feels bad That means absolutely nothing. If there's an abusive husband beating on a girl and then saying after that he feels bad, should it be ignored? No. It should be addressed or you assume he doesn't really care. Same situation. Feeling bad doesn't mean you care or aren't doing damage. >other persons feelings. She's feels bad. Again her feeling bad means nothing if she isn't doing anything about it. This isn't a compromise if she's okay with the result and he isn't. He's losing and she doesn't care. Now let's discuss what he stands to gain if he leaves, he gets to have a relationship with someone that actually cares and will give him a sex life. Why shouldn't he?
How do you know she's not looking for an answer or a remedy too? How can you even assume that?
>she doesn't care hooo boy, you sure do know a lot about their relationship to once again be so sure of what you're saying.
Also, taking the exemple of the man beating his wife is hardly comparable.The level of importance of such an act is definitely not the same, and if you think so, maybe you're the one who needs the counselling.
Nowhere did the OP said she was ok with that, you just jumped to the conclusion.
Simply, get your priorities in order. Think, can you find a girl like this that will please you and have sex with you? Would you dump this girl for more sex? If you want sex and she doesn't, simply tell her that she isn't right for you. She'll understand, it's the least she can do for you after you already tolerated and understood her (seemingly asexual) behavior. Also, how old are the you both?
Landon Smith
Simply, get your priorities in order. Think, can you find a girl like this that will please you and have sex with you? Would you dump this girl for more sex? If you want sex and she doesn't, simply tell her that she isn't right for you. She'll understand, it's the least she can do for you after you already tolerated and understood her (seemingly asexual) behavior. Also, how old are the both of you?
Chase Wright
> How can you even assume that? Because this isn't a problem that just appeared recently. They have hardly been having sex since its inception, 11 years. 11 years of her "feeling bad"with no resolution. > you sure do know a lot about their relationship to once again be so sure of what you're saying. The facts are there in plain view. He wants regular sex for 11 years and she doesn't help with a solution. Where is the caring. I'm sure she has to know how important it is to him otherwise she wouldn't "feel bad" Also this isn't a new problem. This sex less relationship thing happens all the time to men, and it's always the same story. > taking the exemple of the man beating his wife is hardly comparable.The level of importance of such an act is definitely not the same Except it is. Both claim to want to love their SO, both feel bad after, both repeat the same actions. One is emotional pain and the other physical. > Nowhere did the OP said she was ok with that, you just jumped to the conclusion. How do I not draw that conclusion. Theyve been barely having sex for 11 years. It's a big deal and happening for a long time. If she wasn't okay with it she would do something about it. Period. It doesn't help that he's staying with her. She knows he won't leave so that's just another reason to not care about correcting the situation.
Anthony Foster
>I support her financially and provide her with everything she needs but she won't even let me put my dick in her because she's not interested unless you're a cuck wtf are you doing m8?
Christian Johnson
The OP even told you they spent 6 years on a LDR so saying they spent eleven years not having sex, implying while living together, isn't really true.
>This sex less relationship thing happens all the time to men, and it's always the same story. Ah, here we are, women always deny men sex, is that right? What cunts, they obviously do not have needs and are happy just watching us beat our meat while we pay everything for them.
I was being ironic, but that's literally how you sound.
You can't argue with someone whose entire argument is "I can tell" or who's comparing a man beating his wife to a sexless relationship. There's no solid evidence to draw a conclusion, yet here you are. I'm not gonna argue with a retard for the sake of arguing, I'm done responding to you, it's just pointless.
>she does find arousal in written fiction. Then you two need to go down some dark places on the internet and find out what melts her taco. Head on over to /d/ with her.
Ian Smith
I've been with the same man for almost seven years and my libido is still twice his. Take your sitcom stereotypes and shove them up your ass. Of course women aren't going to be as openly and confidently sexual when we're drowned out by retards like you saying HURRR WIVES DUN LIKE SEX I SAW IT ON SEINFELDZ HURR DURR
Henry Flores
>implying while living together, isn't really true. The point of adding the 6 years was to recognize how long this guy has been a part of this relationship without regular sex. She knew right from the get go when they did start living tgether that she could keep this relationship going without it because it's already been going for so long like that. Which adds to the reasons why it doesn't matter to her. > I was being ironic, but that's literally how you sound. Thats how I sound TO YOU because you would rather makes stupid comments then try to comprehend an issue. There's no reason for a man who wants sex in the relationship to put up with no sex. > There's no solid evidence to draw a conclusion The conclusion I'm drawing is from 2 facts that he stated. He wants sex, and he's not getting it after talking to her about it. What else would you need? If he's not happy why should he participate? > not gonna argue, done responding And nothing of value was lost. You've barely been arguing anything anyway. Just calling me an idiot while insisting I'm wrong, but with no explanation on why I'm wrong.
If you can't explain why I'm wrong or why a guy should stay in a relationship without sex, then you aren't really making valid points.
You can be asexual and still experience arousal, OP.
Asexuality is about attraction. Anyone can be stimulated but I doubt she wants to fuck a book.
She just sounds like a low-sex drive person to me, though. You might just not be sexually compatible.
I'd have a serious talk about your needs and expectations, and ask her to be honest with the same information. You two might just want different things out of a relationship.
