Too Late to Live Worthwhile

What do you do when you realize it’s too late to try putting your life back together but you don’t want to hurt people you know by committing suicide?
I was supposed to graduate at 21 I’m still a sophomore at 22 due in no small part to circumstances beyond my control.

I was diagnosed with depression but the same body that diagnosed me also kicked me out of school, lied to me, forfeit my scholarship, and worsened my depression while making me vehemently opposed to ever opening up to counseling again. My friends have all graduated and some are married and house shopping as of a year ago, while I am only now climbing out of a year of NEETdom. I realized I wouldn’t graduate until I was nearly 25 and I’d literally never get married, so I just don’t see much point to being alive anymore after failing at every objective of possibly having a happy life.

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22 is fucking nothing.
I struggled with mental health issues until I was 25, when I entered therapy and picked up a job. Later at 26 picked up another degree. 28 now and happy with my choice, managed to land an okay job, have a gf.

Don't give up.

It’s not too late. There are people who are in their 30s and 40s who turn their life around

Look around you. At least 30% of the undergrads in your university (wherever it is) are older than you. College isn't just for 18 year olds any more, and many of them screwed up so badly when younger that they didn't even start uni until your age.

The one thing you have more of than anything else in this world right now is Time. Whether you graduate at 21 or 15 will matter practically nil in the long run

Maybe a trade is better suited for you. Seems like even if you got a degree you would be hard pressed to sell yourself enough to get a job. It’s much easier to install a toilet or rewire a garage and charge them $5000 to take your time and not break a sweat.

22? Try 28. You're still very young. I am too I suppose. We'll make it. We just have to make those first steps. They're usually the hardest. Once you start and build some forward momentum, you'll be working towards success.

Thanks for the responses anons. I have looked into a trade but my family would give me shit over it as well. I am/was an engineering student and just feel ancient. I guess being exposed to prodigy preteens online hasn't helped with my since of scale for accomplishments per age

Take at least 100 micrograms of LSD-25 or equivalent dosage of psilocybin.
It will cure your depression.

Hahahaha OP here at 22 thinks he's done, like other anons here have said think about how they feel when they're significantly older than you and still trying to turn their lives around. It will be a little easier for you at your age, don't get stuck now a lot of people do that and when they wake up years later it gets harder.

Not OP here. Thanks for your replies anons. I feel like I'm in a similar situation. Your replies helped.

I thought hallucinogens were bad news if you and anxiety issues?

Yeah it's just tough seeing everyone already starting to settle.

>MY LIFE IS OVER
you're 22, fucking drama queen. stop threatening suicide and get your shit together. it's your responsibility.

if your therapist or whatever told people you were threatening suicide, then they did the right thing.

one aspect of psychological disorder is disordered behavior, something you seem to not be considering. you just trust your perspective like you're einstein and think that you're totally justified in threatening the world with your suicide.

You don't need hallucinogens, you can just meditate. Plus what's the depression coming from? Sounds like you think you're stuck, do little things to start getting yourself unstuck in your rut. Clean your room, everyday, keep yourself tidy. When so much is in disarray around you it's near impossible to progress.

>if your therapist or whatever told people you were threatening suicide, then they did the right thing.
I wasn't threatening suicide at the time, though. I'd been clear that at the time I didn't want to and the presence of the thought itself unsettled me enough to try to go get some help for my anxiety because I thought having virtually no socialization was negatively affecting my mood. What they told my parents (I wasn't 18 when I started college so they went over my head) is that I said I was going to commit suicide that night and there was nothing they could do to stop me. They also said the university had a medical leave so I'd be able to keep my scholarship, but they were lying to get my parents to agree to ejecting me.

Here, in this very thread, you threatened suicide and expressed absolute hopelessness.

Much of our society is convoluted bullshit. It might actually be easier for a bold person to throw their arms up and say, "Ahhh! I wanna kill myself!" than to participate within the standard guidelines. But actions have consequences, and suicide is not something to be taken lightly.

I believe you do regret many aspects of your life, and that you probably do think about dying quite often, but I don't believe that this behavior is going to bring you the type of success you really want. I mean, is what happened with school not an example of that?

This is years after the fact, after they’d already lied. I did not at the time, and my mental health only worsened after dealing with them.

I think actions speak louder than words and you're not taking responsibility for the state of things.

I understand shit hit the fan in a way that was outside of your control, but that doesn't change the fact that all of us need to grow and adapt.

The way you are conducting yourself just is not the way.

Absolutely nothing about graduating at 25 necessitates that you won't get married, and the idea that suicide is called for as a reaction is preposterous.

It’s not exclusively the college fiasco but it extends the scope of my being a failure in all other aspects of life

As you get older you grow used to yourself and learn to accept what you have. Depression comes and goes but every depression bout you survive makes you stronger.

>22
lel get a spine, kid

I'm graduating at 27. You're retarded.

Trust me, I know how you are feeling right now. I'm also on Jow Forums, after all. I too acted just like you are right now and it wasted even more of my life.

Accept the feedback. It seems like other people also think you're being overly dramatic. The irony is that you're being dramatic about a situation which drama caused.

then start doing something you can improve on, for instance playing an instrument, drawing, whatever
it'll take some time but if you work hard enough then you'll become better at said activity and it'll make you feel useful

I felt similar to you in grad school. I spent almost as long on my master's degree as I did on my bachelors. All my friends finished 2 or 3 years before I did, and moved away or got jobs. I couldn't get my fucking thesis done, and it was due to my own inadequacy. Meanwhile my performance at work was suffering and I was about to lose my job (and I did, eventually). Every day was a struggle. I was mulling over suicide. I would think about it for hours on end. I felt like my friends would be okay without me if I slowly dialed down my relationships and lost contact with them.

What kept me back was knowing that no matter what steps I took my family would never recover, and having a feeling deep down that my friends really did care about me and I was fooling myself to think otherwise.

To head this off I rekindled my relationships with friends, especially an old friend who had moved away. He was someone I could trust to talk about these feelings. Telling him about it flew in the face of the lie I'd been telling myself, that I could slowly lose contact with people and they wouldn't be hurt by my death. He told me about a similarly dark point in his life and how he got through it.

I did graduate eventually. I got a new job. That was the worst period of my life—literal years of suffering. It took me a long time to dig myself out of that hole. But I'm okay now.

You will be too.

I’ve been drawing daily for a while now. That’s a multi-year scale to get good though.

Thanks user.

you mind if I ask what your job is?

I'm curious as well.

20s in young in any company. Getting married in your 20s in not normal in the developed world and is going out of fashion in the third world.

Is there anything you can advise to get through the time until graduation? OP is still gonna be in school for another few years after all.

Early twenties is nothing.

I'm 24 and I hit my personal rock bottom earlier this year after spending a year and a half slowly ruining my own life. I start therapy next week for my severe anxiety and depression, I started a full time job two months ago, I have a good chance of getting a better one at the end of the year with more pay, and I'm now starting to go out and rebuild a social life again.

The age you graduate doesn't matter. Graduating at all doesn't matter. Nor does you finding someone to marry.

From everything you've said it seems like all you're doing is looking to the future for your happiness. Why the fuck are you looking there for it? Find it today and every day, go look for it. Give it a few years and you probably won't give a shit about 80% of the things you currently think matter. You give your own meaning to your life, and you can do whatever the fuck you want if you put your mind to it. It is NEVER too late to realise this and 'get your life together'.

>I thought hallucinogens were bad news if you and anxiety issues?
Not if you take moderate doses, are in a good headspace, and are with sensible people in a good environment. I've taken LSD twice, the first time was the most interesting and fun experience of my life and made me realise how powerful the human brain is. The second time I took a stronger dose and it was mixed and quite challenging at times. I have a phobia of spiders and for a while I wound myself up so that I saw my gf's facial features become 'spiderlike'. Also, time stopped working. Don't be an idiot like me and take a small dose and you'll have an absolutely wonderful experience that lets you watch your brain play with the world.

That was what helped. Once I made it impossible to kill myself the way I'd planned, I dwelled on it less. I could focus on school better. After I displayed measurable academic progress, my boss agreed to give me a small amount of work (less than half time) even though he made it clear I could only do that a few more months and after that I'd be forced out completely. I still burned through my entire savings over the course of it but it was enough to keep from losing my apartment. Another friend helped me out by giving me about a month's worth of food.

I wish I had advice beyond that. Everything seemed impossible at the time. I still feel amazed that I made it out. "Suck it up" is how someone might describe it, but it wasn't like that at all, because I wasn't mentally or emotionally capable of sucking it up, any more than I was mentally or emotionally capable of getting it done in the first place.

But that's kind of my point: even though it seems impossible, even though you feel the worst you've ever felt, even though continuing feels like torture (on top of feeling like a waste of time that won't help anything), you can make it through if you keep at it. It was so hard. But it happened for me, even though I was such a failure.

>But that's kind of my point: even though it seems impossible, even though you feel the worst you've ever felt, even though continuing feels like torture (on top of feeling like a waste of time that won't help anything), you can make it through if you keep at it.
This is absolutely true.

I have deep self-esteem issues and spent most of my teenage and adult life believing I had no value or worth. I idealised all the time about being dead or ceasing to exist every time things got rough. I used to think how easy it would be to just be hit by a car and die or be involved in a freak accident and have everything just end. The only reason I can never plan or think about actually killing myself is because I know it would leave pain behind for others. That sounds like a positive thing, considering that I had some kind of net to fall on to stop me from doing it because I had some friends and my family, but even that fact means that when things do get hard and I want to be dead I feel hopelessly trapped because I have no choice but to suffer.

I can't even imagine how many times I've felt trapped or wanted to die, it's probably frightening. That feeling passes, though. And even though it can come back some time and things don't go well, when you take stock of your life and begin to figure out what positive actions you need to take to get yourself better, you'll be amazed at how easy things start to become and how insignificant your problems will turn out to be. Find people to talk to about your problems and share them. In doing so you might even end up helping someone else, because most people struggle or have struggled in life. Start going outdoors. Reconnect with friends and find new ones. Start exercising if you aren't already. Try and find a way to vent frustration and stress. There are so many things you can do to start getting your mind healthy again, and trust me when I say that they do work.

Thanks for your reply user. I can't begin to imagine how it must have felt like with the way you describe it. Hope you're doing ok now.

I am ok now. It's been nearly two years since then and those four years feel like just a bad memory. I'm doing great—honestly, the best I've ever been.

I understand. You, at least, have your 20s ahead of you. Don't give up just yet, especially if you are studying something that is in a high-need area with high paying potential.

I'm 27 in July. I spent 6 years working to get a teaching degree but was non-renewed at the end of my first year of teaching, which is basically a kiss of death regardless of whether you resign or take the non-renewal. The year itself was terrible, and I discovered a lot of awful truths about myself.

None of the districts I worked in as a sub called me in for interviews. I haven't had a single interview all season and have been working for dead-end substitute pay for over a year.

I'm stuck with a pointless English undergrad degree and a M.A. in something I can no longer work in. I don't feel passionate about anything other than education, not that I have any other options besides some 20-30K entry level piece of shit 8-5 job. All of my friends are getting promotions, buying places, and finding success, while I barely have anything saved compared to those around me and that's with the advantage (and stigma) of living with my folks.

It just sucks dick because I've been a wizard my entire life and thought the one thing that I'd be able to do would be to find my passion in a career and find success in that regard before others despite being tremendously behind or inferior in every other category of my life. It was literally the last thing that could possibly give my life some value. Now I'm behind in literally every conceivable way and know that even if I got a job I wouldn't deserve it because I'm one of the rare people out there who got fired just for being shit at his job and I'd still be far, far behind everyone else my age.