I was incredibly infatuated with this girl and I asked for out back in November but she rejected me.
I'm not really infatuated with her anyway, but I have this strange intense feeling of hatred for her. I'm not sure how it developed or where it came from to be honest.
Because of this I still think of her from time to time even though I blocked her on social media and it's really annoying.
Has anyone ever been in a similar situation and how long until it wears off? When I meet someone new will that get rid of it?
>how long until it wears off? Never. Not really. It'll fade with time, but it'll always be there to remind you.
Jace Richardson
Why do you hate her just because she rejected you? It's not a betrayal or breakup or anything. For your future mental health, you should learn to not take such things so hard.
I'd usually say such infatuations are forgotten. At least for me, after a couple years any such thoughts go away, and only after a few months it shouldn't be a big deal besides making you salty if you think about it. But if you felt really emotionally attached, maybe it will take longer.
But if you were involved with someone for a long time, etc, it can really take longer than a lifetime for some people to get over their past relationships. So it really all depends.
William Diaz
There might be something wrong with me because I've never even had a crush on someone. I've never felt any strong feelings for anybody other than lust. Makes me wonder if I'm even capable. Then again, judging by the amount of people who fucked over by this kind of shit, I'm probably better off.
Jose Hughes
I had a similar feeling, I started hating a girl after she rejected me, but I knew she did nothing wrong so I began hating myself for feeling this.
Grayson Gutierrez
Literally in the same situation OP, I felt angry and full of hatred, but after giving it some thought I realized a few things. First of all, why would you ever hate her? She is her own person after all, with her own needs and likes. She's probably pretty cool too if you ended up liking her so much. Second of all, think of what you did wrong. At the end of the day, what could you have done different to maybe win her over? Were you inexperienced, did you do or say some things that you shouldn't have? Instead of thinking "why doesn't she like me", think about "how could I better myself so that I can score with the next great girl I meet". And last but not least, remember it is not the end of the world. You never know who you might meet next. Don't dwell on her for long, look towards the future.
You may be obsessed with the idea of her. If your personality changes you won't want the same exact thing you did. I've had a crush on the same girl from kindergarten to 2 years after college. I'm not who I was then and although I have fond memories of when we used to hang out, I'm completely over her.
You either grow out of it after constant growth, introspection, and ultimately realizing that she wasn't that big of a deal. Or you can find someone else to develop feels for.
Both are valid IMO; but to me, it seems like you feel this way because your mind is stuck in this fact, because nothing else has changed in your life, so all you do is linger over this rejection out of boredom and frustration.
Robert Thompson
You will meet people that you will always love. And others you think you will always love, but end up not loving them. Time will only tell.
Give it time. And if that doesn't help, avoid her and focus on something else.
Juan Green
Do women ever love so deeply, men that they can never have?
Anthony Smith
a lot of times people use hatred as a tool to deal with rejection. that's why you see so many "nice guys" turn hostile after being turned down
truth is, you don't hate her, you hate that she rejected you and so to deal with that you turn your affection into hatred in order to skip the part where you cry about it
so go cry about it. you'll feel better and learn something about yourself, hopefully.
It's so weird how some women you don't forget about even if they're the same as ones you do.
Ian Rodriguez
unless i'm the exception that proves the rule, yes
Luis Perry
I felt like that about a girl. Not really hate, but more of frustration. I think I was annoyed by her hesitancy and how easily she would switch boyfriends (not really that often, but just easily). Kinda like "if you don't really care that much who it's with then why not with me?". I think I'm still frustrated. Now we hit the gym together and I'm wondering what's the fucking point of this relationship. I wonder if she isn't friends with me to get some male attention.
Samuel Hughes
Really? Women don't seem to talk about it at all. Why are men so quick to talk about it while women seem to not?
Ryan Rivera
I've been told that women value friendship more than a bf.
I'm not sure how or why as most men consider a gf to be a friend+.
That and/or women are just liars and though they enjoy you filling the loneliness of their life, they do not want to fuck you.
Easton Long
Does it help to get rejected or am I just hurting myself by never letting her know? Things are pretty good between us and I will probably never see her again after this summer so I don't want to make things awkward in the end for no reason.
Christian Long
>I'm not sure how or why as most men consider a gf to be a friend+. Maybe because for men gf is kinda like a friend that you can have sex with but for women bf is kinda like a friend that expects sex from you? That tied with the fact that women can freely choose from the candidates. I don't know if that sounds right.
Tyler Kelly
iunno. we do in private to each other irl sometimes. online, i don't really know about anywhere else besides here, and here i think you and i both already know the answer
Landon Brown
yes it helps. yes yes yes, a thousand times yes. wondering is awful. it just eats at you and if you've no way to relieve it you're fugged
Jayden Torres
I don't know, it sure seems like a lot of girls say the friend zone doesn't exist. But if I talk to my sisters in private, they will admit a guy they really liked locked them down as a friend.
I don't know, it just seems odd. Men won't shut up about all the women that only want to be friends. While girls seem to hide it and only speak of it with a few select friends and relatives.
Is a it a shame thing? Are girls ashamed that the boy they liked best either never noticed them or only wanted to be buds?
Oliver Jones
we don't resent it like you guys do. it just makes us sad. same negative energy gets created, it just flows in the complete opposite direction. resentment simmers and there's pressure buildup that drives you to wanna talk about it for release. sadness just fucking sinks and crumbles and drags you down along with it.
>it sure seems like a lot of girls say the friend zone doesn't exist. yep. no surprise there. see above. resent something -> be more inclined to talk about it a lot.
Christian Green
That makes sense.
It is sad to think that much of this would be resolved if we would let teenage boys cry without being looked down upon. If they could just have a good sad when rejected, they might not have to use the go to male response of anger.
On the otherside, it would be good if we did not judge sad girls so harshly. If girls were allowed to not be upbeat and pretty 24/7.
Maybe then, young men and women could find more common ground when dealing with problems of love.
We're all so alike, but so alone because of the way we are condition as children. :(
Mason Carter
I'm male and I don't resent when being friendzoned, I'm simply sad. I guess that could also depend on the girl friendzoning. I think that a more plausible explanation would be that girls simply more often get to choose - at least that's how it's supposed to go.
Jason Nelson
It wears off when you realize that you're worth too much to waste your time, energy, thoughts on anyone who isn't 100% into you. You will learn that attraction is one of those things that you can't force. You can't manufacture it. If you're not feeling someone or they're not feeling you, it's best to leave it there and find someone who is because the best longest lasting relationships are those where there is a strong mutual attraction. It's easier to bear the hard times, the lulls, and the temptations when you're with someone you were really into from the start (and they you).
I've had girls that I really thought I could have had something with but they just weren't feeling it, or after getting to know them better I realized I just wasn't that into them. It was painful at the time to lose those relationships but as time progressed I realized it was the best thing for both of us. Why be angry? She was true to herself and didn't waste your time. If you truly care for her, you want her to be happy right? I know it hurts to be really into someone and not have their feelings returned but to hatred keeps you tied to them. Realize behind your anger is hurt, maybe a bruised ego. Let yourself feel that pain. Cry it out if you have to. Let your heart heal such that you can say, "You know what? It's okay if I'm alone for a while". You really need to be okay with being alone. Too many people look to a love relationship to fill the voids in their hearts, and honestly only God can do that. I live with the hope that one day I will meet a girl that strongly wants to be with me, and me with her and maybe it will be beautiful. Maybe it will never happen. Maybe I'll die before it does. Life is adventure man, and sometimes it's okay to adventure alone for a while. God bless
Jason Wilson
is this why women talk so much, because they're under constant emotional pressure?
I understand talking through problems, but for men to want to do that, things have to reach a pretty high level of crappiness. like if we can't solve it on our own, then we might decide to talk about it. but with women is it the other way around?
Jonathan Evans
I thought a bit about that, and I think it’s because males tend to want mostly romantic relationships from girls, while girls may just want to befriend a man, and then suddenly this guy they were having a great time with says he’s interested in you while you’re not. The relationship doesn’t have to end after the rejection but in any case there’s this awkward moment when the girl, that was only looking for friendship, is forced to make a person she enjoys sad. And, if things go wrong, she might even loose a person that she believed was her friend.
So, I guess, finding a man that just wants to be with you as a friend and nothing more must be a rare find for most women.
But that’s just an assumption.
Elijah Fisher
Well, most women are horrible friends. I think I've had 1 out of many that really put into the friendship what I put in. She's also the only 1 that survived giving me the friend speech.
And it's basic shot too. Like you drive but they never offer to drive. Or you're sick and they never check on you. Or they never pick up the check. Or help you move.
A lot of women have very shallow friendships. I would guess this is because mom's train their daughters to be nice and be friendly to everyone.
When you're everyone's friend, you are no one's friend.
Ian Foster
when it's justified the go to male response of anger is a powerful force for good in this world. always has been. >cry without being looked down upon while young this is what your parents are for. growing up, your friends primarily take on the role. once grown, it shifts mainly to your wife. at least that's how it's meant to be when dynamics are in balance. too much subversive dysfunctional influence pervading society has thrown everything off kilter.
>If girls were allowed to not be upbeat and pretty 24/7. we are though. that's actually one of the more prominent ways that things are lopsided. perhaps also the one thing we as a species haven't ever gotten quite right. not in this cycle anyway. women are allowed --and increasingly now even encouraged-- to get away with damn near anything. it used to be that we were openly regarded as basically on par with children. we're still not expected to be able to reliably show restraint nowadays but heaven fucking help you if you don't pay us respect commensurate with standards we don't live up to. >tell a boy he needs to suck it up and stop crying like a bitch because men aren't supposed to be sad >tell a girl she needs to stop complaining and fix her appearance because gloominess and frumpiness aren't ladylike consider how each scenario would likely play out.
men at their most pleasing are strong, steady, and resilient. women at theirs are upbeat, pretty, and supportive. you're dead right on the social conditioning thing. asking people to be pleased by that which goes against instinct is untenable. accepting that nobody's perfect should be reasonable but the more unfulfilled a person is, the harder it is for them to be understanding of others. everyone has need to receive attention, feel appreciated, and be respected. how many instead are wanting for a sense of purpose, feel continually neglected, and look upon their future with apathy?
Noah Torres
would you resent it if you'd been taken advantage of? if you were already invested? if you felt you'd been led on? disappointment and betrayal are worlds apart. our 'mating dance' where pursuit falls to the guys and selection falls to the girls is definitely a contributing factor. it may indeed be the biggest one; i just don't know.
how about if overinvested and you'd done so prematurely? throw some anger directed at yourself into the mix? approach also plays a role in some insurances. girls seldom seem inclined to develop substantial interest in a guy when no interaction has taken place whereas 'dating from a distance' tends to end up a comfort zone of sorts for a lot of guys.
or if you couldn't catch a break and it kept happening every time you tried? how much frustration building atop the disappointment could you withstand before turning bitter? perspective counts too: how well can each see things from the other's perspective? more importantly, how low on sympathy are you both running?
huh. i'll bet it is. well i guess maybe no, maybe it depends. do you mean talking through problems so much or talk so much just in general? >but with women is it the other way around? ...i think so? people advise guys "she doesn't want suggestions on how to fix it, she just wants you to listen" often enough that i figure there must be something to it. externally i can't make sense of it on its own, i've nothing internally to connect it to, and it doesn't cause me enough grief nor hold enough allure to have ever wanted to puzzle over it though. kind of at a loss here, sorry. i just don't think on this much. when looked at in this new light the pieces definitely do seem to fit so i suspect you're right.
Jack Myers
You'll convince yourself you're over them until you realize you aren't. "I loved too much and by such, and such, is happiness thrown away." - Kavanagh
Aiden Smith
at least 3 years
Tyler Phillips
> When I meet someone new will that get rid of it? Most definitely. I have been in a similar situation, I've been over her after maybe 3 months. But when I met a new chick, she completely occupied my mind like a nazi. I believe humans are just naturally cyclic. People come and go
Oliver Sanchez
Men and women are socialized very differently m8.
Levi Howard
Let me put a spin on the question: >dating girl >she asks to just be friends because I got clingy >haven't spoken to each other since that (almost 2 months) >still see each other 3x a week minimum >catch her staring a lot >looks away when I look back >I know she hasn't forgotten me, I haven't forgotten her
Do you guys think I should go and talk to her? If nothing more, just ask how she's been. Maybe ask her on a date.
Logan Phillips
This bullshit is happening to me as well, we haven't spoken or seen eachother in 3 weeks, she showed up at a house party I was a few days ago. Didn't pay attention to her but she obviously decided to sit next to me and force conversation, asked me about a party I was at and then told me about a party she was at while I was literally fucking looking in another direction and not paying her no mind. I just don't know anymore. I finally feel like I've overcome my depression and now it's like nothing has changed but it's her fucking my mind up instead. We got so close too. Fuck.
