Is this the correct board to ask about psychology?
Are there any actual psychologist who post here?
Anyways, I'm a self-diagnosed Schizoid, was hoping someone knowledgeable could talk to me about this.
I was previously diagnosed as having social phobia and major depressive disorder, I am on Escitalopram (Lexapro) 20mg, but I believe my problems are much deeper.
I'm sure any psychologist would tell you to get professionally diagnosed. Without being able to talk to you and observe you, you'll just bicker back and forth over minute details until the psychologist tells you to see a shrink.
I have an appointment with a psychologist and a psychiatrist next month.
I'm not very good at talking to them though because I tend to not be completely honest, which is a problem.
Why not instead of trying to explain thing on the spot and risk lying/misleading the psych...
You try and sort out what’s disturbing you and write it down somewhere so you can immediately share your troubles with the psych and then go deeper right away without having to go through the same questions again.
>You try and sort out what’s disturbing you and write it down somewhere so you can immediately share your troubles with the psych
That's a good suggestion user, I will try this.
>social phobia
You're not schizoid, you're depressed and have social anxiety/phobia. If you were schizoid, you wouldn't be driven by your fear of rejection and the emotional pain it carries with it. You'd simply have no interest in socializing. It sounds like you're rationalizing your social failures and giving yourself an out with the schizoid self-diagnosis.
I'm schizotypal. I was diagnosed about a year and a half ago.
Go at your own pace, it won't make you a burdensome patient or a hassle. What do you mean by lacking honesty? Do you tell untruths, omit things, or tend to dance around a subject?
K, well not being honest would screw you over in an online conversation too. Better cancel that shrink appointment and save some money, it's useless if you're not open with them.
> "I tend to not be completely honest"
> lying to people who are working for YOU, whose job depends on YOUR honesty
Why? Are you afraid of the truth?
>K, well not being honest would screw you over in an online conversation too. Better cancel that shrink appointment and save some money, it's useless if you're not open with them.
It's easier to be honest while anonymous online, that's why I would like to talk on here about it and maybe gain some insight or advice before going.
>Do you tell untruths, omit things, or tend to dance around a subject?
I omit and dance around things that make me feel like a terrible person. It's extremely hard to admit acting in a way that I know is considered "bad".
>It sounds like you're rationalizing your social failures and giving yourself an out with the schizoid self-diagnosis.
Could be, but how the fuck do I deal with that?
I consider myself to be a good person, but I have, after a long time, come to realise that I am probably an asshole or at least come across as one, without realising it.
>Why? Are you afraid of the truth?
I put so much weight on people's opinion of me that I would rather lie and waste an expensive session than expose my deep self.
I should also mention that I had a full on schizophrenic uncle and mental disorders are common on my father's side.
They're there for your deep self. Whatever it is, they've heard worse. As long as you aren't attacking them or admitting to want to hurt someone, they aren't going to do anything.
Schizotypalfag again.
Getting an accurate diagnosis will help you understand how you might be coming across to others, and how to address that to appear friendlier. You shouldn't judge yourself for something you aren't choosing to do. Talking to neurotypical people is like another language for me. It takes an active effort to translate my thoughts in a way that makes sense to others. People have automatically assumed that I'm stupid, on drugs, or not paying attention. It hurts, it's allowed to hurt, but I should not and try not to judge myself or impede my happiness in life. Receiving a diagnosis helped with that, but you have to be honest and tell them things if you want an accurate and HELPFUL one. You may be schizoid and accidentally coming across as blunt or stoic, or "like a robot" - that one has been used against me as an insult - or you may be anxious and worrying about a problem that isn't there. Again, accuracy = helpful.
You should also understand that people are much more aware of neurological differences now than they were a few years ago. People have also assumed that I'm autistic; it's incorrect, but less harmful than "stupid."
Go at your own pace. A doctor's job isn't to judge you or make you feel bad.
>Could be, but how the fuck do I deal with that?
>I consider myself to be a good person, but I have, after a long time, come to realise that I am probably an asshole or at least come across as one, without realising it.
You're not a "bad" person. You're scared. Everybody makes mistakes, and other people like to punish us when we don't do what they want. But if you're beating yourself up for little mistakes you've made, or times you've upset people, it's probably because you're overly passive.
Part of not caring what other people want, and taking charge, is not bending over backwards for other people. If people judge you, fuck 'em.
Easier said than done, of course. Being ostracized and judged is painful. But social grace is like a muscle. You need to keep putting yourself out there and exercising it.
It's also an ongoing process. First you'll be awkward and hate it. But you'll have a few good days. Eventually you'll get numb to the pain of being so awkward, and put up with it. Then you'll start learning to engage people. You'll suck in big groups, but become better and better one on one. Some people will fall for it and open up to you about personal stuff, which will make you uncomfortable. Just keep putting on a good face. It'll become really difficult when you try to get along with people you can't stand, or people who seem to hate you or be threatened by you. You'll beat yourself up for those experiences, then get over it and figure out how to deal with those people.
The most important book you'll ever read on socializing:
How to Win Friends and Influencing People by Dale Carnegie
(cliché but true - wasted my time on the other body language, charisma, etc. ones, and this is the only important one)
I also read too many dating books when I was stuck on a oneitis. The only good ones are Models by Mark Manson and The Manual by W. Anton.
Your post makes a lot of sense to me.
I never did judge myself, well I did a lot when I was younger, but I'm 26 now and thought that I was over the social problems.
But I had sort of an epiphany that my entire self image and social identity is completely internal and that I've been bulshitting myself for a long time.
A close "friend" (I honestly don't know who my true friends are anymore, if I ever had any, I now feel like they all just tolerated me out of pity or something) told me recently that the reason they never wanted to hang out with me is because I don't understand "social cues".
>How to Win Friends and Influencing People
Heard of it, will check it out on kindle.
What about that book "The subtle art of not giving a fuck"? Is it any relevant or helpful?
I haven't read it, but I have it, and I like Mark Manson. One of the two dating books I recommended in the above post is by the same guy.
Based Models, it's probably decent, but Manson can be a little hit and miss. Also, I could be wrong about this, but I think that book might actually be more about pioritizing what's important to you than anything social.
If you're interesting in prioritizing, the books I'd recommend are Essentialism by Greg McKeown, (at least watch his videos), So Good They Can't Ignore You by Cal Newport, Hardcore Zen by Brad Warner (zazen is actually about mental clarity and doing all this), and The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. Yes, I spent too much time on these kinds of books, I know.
But now we're getting pretty far away from the social stuff.
Well I think I place too much emphasis on being liked. Maybe I should stop caring about that and focus on my own happiness, but that is difficult because I do still crave that social acceptance, but maybe I will do better if I can let that go.
>(zazen is actually about mental clarity and doing all this)
While in university before I ever saw a psychologist or knew about my issues, I got hardcore into meditation and the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh on mindfulness and it was probably the most stable and happy I've been, but I eventually stopped when real life became too stressful and I've never been able to get back into that place.
You're never going to stop caring about being liked or approved of. It's one of our most basic instincts, because being abandoned by the tribe as a threat to our survival. You can get to the point where you care less. But the key thing is to figure out how to not let that care control you. You feel that tinge of pain from being judged, and then you go ahead and do what you were going to do anyway. You CHOOSE to not allow it to control how you act.
Acting in ways that are approval-seeking is inherently submissive. You're sending the signal to people that their opinion of you is more important than your opinion of you. In doing so, you're signaling them to not respect you.
Figure out what your expectations are for yourself, in behavior and action. Focus on living up to that. If someone else wants something different out of you, or gets upset at you because they have a different standard, fuck them. You live for you. And they'll respect you more for being true to yourself than they ever will for giving into what they want.
I think the thing is just making it a regular practice. I recommend seeking out a zen center near you, preferably a Soto one, and going at least every once in a while. But more importantly, just sitting zazen on your own at home with the correct posture and all that, even if it's just for 15 minutes. It's a way to get some mental clarity.
Also, if there's nothing zen around you, then there's always things like dzogchen (Tibetan vajrayana meditation), which may be different in some ways, but basically winds up with similar impacts.
You are right.
I guess the only way to get to that point is through long term therapy, which I have been recommended, but the catch is that it's pretty hard to actually go to the appointment due to social phobia, but I will try to commit this time.
Thank you guys for talking to me about this stuff.
Schizoid personality disorder, crippling lonliness in a crowd
That's not what schizoid personality disorder is.