I know a girl who suffers from depression and she writes me sometimes unnecessary shit about it. I usually write her back and try to cheer her up a little, and asked her to meet somewhere to talk about it. But she refuses everytime i want to try to meet somewhere. I myself suffered through it for 6 years and I am now in a state were i can say that i am pretty happy now with my life (got job, income, friends etc.)
Dont get me wrong, I'm not an orbiter or someone who needs a mentally ill girlfriend. The reason why i still help her is that my cousin killed himself because no one else helped him with his shitty life. I kind of regret that i saw what he went through but never expected him to kill himself. I was totally wrong. I dont want to go through this again and now I'm asking myself how i can help her a little. Im not a doctor, but someone with experience. She already visits doctors and some psychiatrist, but they keep her giving drugs and she is still very unhappy with her life. Sadly, she refuses to meet everytime i tell her. Last time I planned with her to go on a coffee to talk and chill, but she refused again and pissed me off. So after that I was asking myself if this is worth my time. Maybe I'm just stupid and naive. So how do you help a person like this? We know eachother for very long btw.
You can't un-depress a depressed person, but you can certainly be there for them.
Dominic White
I'm aware of this. Unfortunately its true, but i cant tell her to be happy again or some shit you heard 10000 times. I'm really out of ideas.
Isaiah Anderson
Honestly they don’t really need the answer, they just need support.
Ethan Wilson
It depends on the individual some are easier to break through than others. It really depends how deeply affected she is with her depression. What I'm saying is, if she's depressed because she has some financial issues it's probably going to be easier to help her than if her problems stem from her childhood and followed her all the way to adulthood.
I knew a couple of guys that had problems with their families one of them never told me when we were in high school until we got out. The first one was pretty stubborn and just refused to do anything in school, a lot of people including teachers thought he was a lost cause but I'm pretty sure his family was kind of broken since he had step siblings and things like that and I guess he didn't get along with them. The other guy's problem was a lot more complicated because in addition to having family problems this guy lacked the support from his family to develop his confidence in social situations. He said his family was disgusting and filled with people that were some of the worst he ever encountered in his life going as far as wishing he was never born because he was a male. When he was young his mother was deeply affected by her own family and was used as they saw fit she never went against their wishes and by doing all of this she neglected her son in the process casting him out of his own place in his home. To make matters worse the people he was surrounded with were losers and the poor guy was discouraged from socializing outside from home. Fast forward he faced bullying, expectations from his parents to do well despite not raising him well enough to do that well and you can imagine the damage this did to him when things gradually worsened with his family. Now he says he doesn't want any of them anywhere near him.
Do you know what is affecting this person, you might understand the severity of her situation if you did. If it's that bad you might want to recommend her to see a shrink.
Andrew Myers
Interesting story, thanks for sharing. >Do you know what is affecting this person, you might understand the severity of her situation if you did. If it's that bad you might want to recommend her to see a shrink. As I can tell, she feels useless as a person, because she got unemployed since months because her boss was an asshole. Also, sometimes she tells me that she feels very sad suddenly and she always looks at her past's mistakes. Also cut contacts with her family I heard. I tell her to forget it, because its past and no one gives a shit anymore and she should focus on present, but she cant stop thinking bout it. She also used to smoke weed a lot, but stopped when i told her to stop and try something healthier. >If it's that bad you might want to recommend her to see a shrink i dont understand that one sentences, sorry, not native speaker.
Oliver Long
I also think she should focus on the present, all we can do from the past is learn from it and move on. Dwelling on the past will not do her any good. Making new friends takes time and the guy I knew is doing that, he feels liberated and happy that he is doing what he thinks he should have done many years ago.
Seeing a shrink basically means to seek professional help, therapy can help your friend. Oftentimes people need the right words to help them see life in a different manner.
I want to thank you personally for what you're trying to do for this person and I know helping people like that is not easy. I wish you luck with that.
Cameron Clark
>Seeing a shrink basically means to seek professional help, therapy can help your friend Well, yeah she told me already she is going to doctors and to a therapy but it doesnt really help here sadly. >Oftentimes people need the right words to help them see life in a different manner. This is something were i am very careful not to say something stupid and obvious, like everyone says. And i will keep helping her to fix her life, step by step. >I want to thank you personally for what you're trying to do for this person and I know helping people like that is not easy. I wish you luck with that. To be honest, I sometimes felt a very unpleasent feel about that all. But I know it's the right thing to do, and i love making people happy. Thank you for your time user to help me too, it really brought me very forward now.
Robert James
That's understandable and don't overwork yourself tying to fix someone else, in the end they also have to be willing to help themselves in the process and the only way some of their feelings will improve is with time.
I'm sure your friend will find more opportunities to prove her worth in the future if she has a positive outlook and attitude, in the end this is a challenge for her to overcome herself.
Eli Diaz
>I'm not an orbiter t. orbiter
Carter Taylor
Thats how i fixed myself, very true. Thanks again for all your effort
Hudson Morales
would a girl ever help a guy with depression
FUCK NO
so yes it's very stupid
John Sanders
Well if the girl happens to be a sibling or family member, she probably would.
However, I do think some women out there would do that for a guy.
John Murphy
could you tell me why? why is helping a person you know for years, even if its a girl a no-go for you?
Jack Sanchez
Not that user, but people are not always honest. Are you sure she gave up smoking? What if the reason she does not want to meet you is that she stinks of weed from 100m. What if she does not want to go out because this whole story about depression is just a way to keep you in orbit? Being depressed is one thing, making up shit to avoid meeting a friend is just that – shit.
Aiden Allen
If she doesn't want help quit trying to help her. That just makes it worse. Treat her like a normal person who doesn't have depression. Invite her to a museum or movie or something with your friends, just to include her and get her out of the house. Eventually she'll confide if she wants.
Dylan Price
>Are you sure she gave up smoking? What if the reason she does not want to meet you is that she stinks of weed from 100m. Could be, i dont really care, it was just a tip from me and she told me she quit and now she feels better after doing that, i dont know, im not her parent and i have no interests to find that out. >What if she does not want to go out because this whole story about depression is just a way to keep you in orbit? As i said, i have no interests on her with relationships etc. >Being depressed is one thing, making up shit to avoid meeting a friend is just that – shit. Thats something i was thinking about very long and i was also thinking about just cutting contacts with her, but my cousin died because i underestimated everything and in the end, he killed himself, because no one helped him. I regret this very much. She is like that since over an year, and i think its something serious. I try it sometimes, thanks mate.
Parker James
Sounds like me :(
Jayden Harris
Hope it gets better for u buddy
Jayden Torres
It's frustrating but you just have to keep listening. She would probably be heartbroken if you gave up on her even if she sounds like a broken record with you. You can make it clear however that she isn't letting you help her appropriately by dodging meetups and being evasive.
Jacob Morgan
Cont. From what my own psychologist tells me, the best thing you can do is push her to move onto new things. If she's dwelling on her past she's likely not going out and having new experiences because she's fearful of making mistakes. This is something that my shrink hasn't really pushed through to me so I can't really tell you how to make her move on and act on her fears, but that's what it is.
Wyatt Miller
user, as someone who had the same motivations as you after losing a friend to suicide, I can tell you this is rightly not worth it.
Jayden King
Can you tell me why?
Matthew Lewis
You can't. They can only help themselves.
Also it gets a bit tricky.. sometimes there's an affirmation addiction. So if someone has depression the worst thing they can do is complain and vent a lot. A little bit is fine, but venting a lot basically trains like a skill being negative and hating everything.
Also, if you're patting then on the back and making them feel better, they may actually start just chasing that affirmation. It's all very subconscious she isn't meticulously planning to get you to tell her she's wonderful.
But no. With depression is get off your ass, sort your life, find some shit to do, check in with a doctor to make sure it's not chemical, and build something for yourself.
And literally every one of those things are something inly you can do You used to be able to tell people this, but thanks to words on pictures on Facebook, now saying "hey do something about it" is the wrong thing to say.
Benjamin Brooks
I understand you're not explicitly saying "lol just get a job" but it sounds an awful lot like "lol just get a job".
Which isn't as easy or straightforward to do these days, at least not here in Europe. If "doing something about it" were easy, people would just need to take meds to get back on track
Ryan Mitchell
You should try to help, but if this just don`t work- end this, fill your life with greater people, not with always dark, poisoned, depressed homies. People like this drag you down.
You know that toy that will nod its head up and down using battery/solar? One of the best is to do that to the person you're trying to help, being in their side in non-judgemental ways to listen, nod in agreeable manner when they said shit that make sense, agree but tell a parable/story to made them realize/think when they don't make any sense, more listening.
Often times, that person you're trying to help could only be helped by their own self. They often too broken to take the step forward even when they knew the answer themselves all the time. If they don't know the answer yet, you can't just spoon-fed and tell them how-to, they have to come into the conclusion themselves with you act like that nodding toy mentioned above. Trying to change them could end badly with them denying reality and sink further into their broken shell.
Tyler Reyes
Sure
>Met girl at convention >Open about her suicide intentions >Force myself into the situation >Bend over backwards to make her happy >Ends up wanting to date me >Fall for her >Find out she has a LDR already >Eventually win the war and we're still together >Suicide comes up from time to time still >I'm less happy in general >Trapped
Benjamin Cook
>Ends up wanting to date me >Fall for her >Find out she has a LDR already Wow that's pretty shitty and manipulative.
Evan Long
As i said, i have no interests on her, so your story has no meaning to me at all.
Aaron Lewis
This, all this except for the chemical imbalance exception part, Im supposed to have chronic depression, was diagnosed with that and being bipolar. Didn't accept meds. Had to get a job, got off my ass, the diagnosis was 10 years back, the job was kinda forced on me, family business to keep the house, I have not been depressed for 5 years now, I was depressed long before the diagnosis, also stable moods for a long time, I could say it's been 7 years but ive only reliably stayed away from self destructive thoughts for 5. Your friend needs to get off her ass. Your cousin had his own journey, it's not your responsibility. Just have fun, if you hear from them share your passions and ignore their complaints. There is a line from a book written by the author of fight club, in another one of his books, about people locked in a cinema or something, read it a really long while back but it helped when I was feeling like shit, it goes something like " eventually you bitch so much about your life that you grow bored of that and need to try something new". I'm botching it. But basically be happy, share that, don't reaffirm whining. I didn't get out of depression by clutching onto people, it's actually when they weren't around that I got to some serious thinking and got out of it. Solitude is a great medicine for getting an idea of who you want to be and going for it. Now I've got my dream job, game dev, and good relations with close friends and family. People might have been there for your cousin, your absence most likely had nothing to do with it. I attempted suicide a few times, when I had people around catering to my shit and sitting on my ass.
Joshua Reed
fuck off
Nicholas Morris
Meds don't do shit. They need to think about it. Having a listener that's willing to listen to their complaints does NOT help. You are making it worse if anything.
Zachary Turner
>lol I was depressed but then I read an inspirational quote in fight club and everything went away Good to know it worked for you
Blake Evans
It took years, that's just some shit that echoed in my mind at the time. Go have your dumbass drama and motivate them to complain. I kinda hope she kills herself and you learn something.
