I'm a 30 year old man who just got divorced from his wife of 11 years. How the fuck do I find new people, particularly romantic interests these days?
I have stable, well paying employment, though I am quite busy, and I'm kinda just realizing that without my wife, use less as she was, my life is completely empty.
You can find new people online or in person by volunteering and doing community service.
Tinder?
Well, that should be easy, I already do volunteer work for the local university.
Been working on my tinder game. Been about a week with no matches.
Spend time on your health (mental/physical), your immediate Family (Parents, Brothers, Sisters, Close Cousins), and get involved in local recreational activities and/or volunteering.
After 11 years, you've lost a great deal of who YOU are as you've built your life around another person and their needs/priorities. Find him.
This is your second chance to redefine how you want your future to be.
I don't know that an anonymous message board is going to give you the sustenance you need so consider a local Therapist to help you put your needs and wants together.
No sex with your Ex. So vital. Don't do it. It ended for a reason and you needed to respect that and yourself.
Tinder is an ego vacuum for vapid women and they only use it to seek validation from as many men as possible. I'd avoid using it if possible.
>t. 34
>divorce papers finally went through a few months back
You're at a good age user, you're experienced in life and girls find that attractive. Was in the same boat, Tinder is your friend but you'll have to work at getting your photos right and learning to use it, if you can afford it get the gold account its worth it. You'll make a tonne of mistakes at first and best advice i can give is turn off your mental filter and don't be needy. You're at that age where you need a wingman or two but your mates are probably not interested in going out to clubs for various reasons so try a meetup app where other people are meeting to do a variety of things, you'll be wanting to hit a city to get back into the swing of things. I went from imagining wanking in my room for the rest of my life to dating and laying a girl during the day and going out at night the same day and going back to a Uni dorm. There's slow days and quick ones and i've had two gf's this year. You'll find someone it's just getting into the places and timing.
Do a soul searching travel vacation. Such as going to Thailand for two weeks to chill on the beach, drink, and fuck hookers.
Are there any good dating sites? Not OP but I recently lost someone I had been with since high school (25 now) and it's really hard to fill the void left by someone who shared basically every defining moment of my teen/adult life so far. I don't even know how to try starting over
OP here. Thanks for the advice. To summarize, tinder can help, but tread with caution, and I need to really take time to find who I am without the woman that was my life. A vacation would help.
That all sound about right?
>Spend time on your immediate Family and get involved in local recreational activities and/or volunteering.
>Implying that if you just randomly take up skiing on a whim, it will net you close friends and is much different than any other social situation a person is normally put into on a regular basis like college or work or the fucking bus/subway/whatever. As if X outdoor hobby even requires prolonged association with anyone outside your family to any real level of depth. No. You just listen to the instructor if necessary, do the activity, and leave.
>Implying volunteering isn't just work and is a good starting point for a relationship to form. Who would you even meet? The simplistic volunteers who are engaging in some generic cause? Or maybe the malnourished Ethiopians, drugees, or homeless flood victims who have numerous issues that you have no fucking time for and nothing in common with? "S-so you like saving trees?" "YES I LOVE SAVING TREES LETS SAVE THE TREES IF WE ALL PUT OUR DIFFERENCES ASIDE WE CAN WORK TOGETHER TO MAKE THE WORLD BETTER AND BE NICE TO EACH OTHER BECAUSE BEING NICE IS GOOD OH HEY CHECK OUT MY CROSS NECKLACE AND HYPER LIBERAL PUSH-PINS"
These generic suggestions don't work... Just going to events and shit on its own doesn't help if you have social issues.
I don't really know. I've never used a dating website before but the mere fact someone's on one suggests a lot about that person.
When dealing with women you need to establish value from the second you meet them. If you portray success, they'll perceive you as successful. However, if you portray failure, they'll perceive you as a failure. If you aren't doing great right now it isn't the end of the world. Honestly, just fake it 'til you make it. That's the best piece of advice I can give to you. In such a narcissistic, selfish society a lot of value is placed on the material.
Thanks for the advice. Luckily my job/life situation is generally fine so I'm not worried really about impressing people so much as trying to build something from the ground up again. Unfortunately, I'm a starting attorney at a small firm so the hours are busy and there's not much opportunity to meet anyone, that's why I was thinking of a dating site.
You can pick up a hobby, take some classes or find events online
I wouldn't recommend volunteering, is there a park nearby? Maybe people get together there for jogging or do that thing where they ride bikes in big groups or do yoga or other kind of exercise or even sports
If you aren't into physical activities there are people who organize small scale events where everyone is invited in restaurants or bars
You can learn to play an instrument and try to find a band to play together, stay away from guitar since everyone plays the guitar and they are all asholes
You can pick up drawing and either join a group class or look up groups that get together and hire a model
Same for theater or cooking there are classes for those
You can go to a gym and join any of the group activities
Maybe you are kind of a douchebag and you don't actually want to do anything that's ok, there are adult classes that are sorth of like school where you learn about something instead of doing it like history
You can also pick up reading or board games, those are niche things but there are events for them aswell
You can take dancing lessons
These are all excuses to go out and be part of a group, then people get familiar with you over time and maybe you end up making some friends but even if you don't still having somewhere to go to and something you like doing with other people is fun
>t the mere fact someone's on one suggests a lot about that person.
>In such a narcissistic, selfish society a lot of value is placed on the material.
You are far to cynical. Maybe a person is on a dating website because they are shy. Maybe a person is on a dating website because it gives them a wider pool and they can just casually glance at it.
And no, people don't value the material nearly as much you think. That is not how human nature works.
This, if anything tinder will only make you more lonely
No
If you actually want to meet someone you have to do it in person, there used to be events for single people but I dobut that with all these dating apps there are many left
Yeah and you can use your vacation photos on your tinder.
There are, again limited to cities though - Speed dating. The issue with those is you will get to hook up with hot women afterwards but your less likely to get the lay (unlike tinder). The girls using these dating services are usually playing harder to get.
>Quotes a blanket insult that contains assumptions that are not actually backed up and instead relies on steretypes while at the same time either a) ignoring the popularity of Tinder b) being misanthropic enough to think most people are like these vapid women or c) all of the above.
>No actual content to the advice, just parroting things that some people say.
The real problem with Tinder is that you have to have good photos and its hard to break the ice when you're complete strangers. Its an awkward and somewhat forced situation with a very easy and readily available "escape and dismiss this entire situation" button (left swipe), which means that people are quick to flee with just a very slight bump in that direction.
People have already said, but hobbies is it. You can go the mutual friends route but most likely you wont have much in common. If you meet someone through a personal interest of yours you already know they're interested in similar things to you.
I met my girlfriend of three years in a twitch stream chatroom. We live together now, getting married in a few months. It's been pretty great.
Basically its just REALLY HARD to not come off as a creep on Tinder. There's no tone and you need to find a way to navigate to talking in person ASAP, but if you suck at communicating to girls via fucking text, you end up rushing it and... god I just wish I still had my DnD group...I almost had a normal life with them, surprisingly enough.
Any way I lost my train of thought and no longer know why I'm even in this thread considering how I feel about people who are or have been married when a part of me more or less wishes I was dead (not really...) because people are fed up with me.
Sorry I can't seem to control myself on Jow Forums very well lately.
In my experiences what I've said is true. However, that may not apply to everyone and their experiences may vary.
You're injecting your own insecurities into my response.
Hiding away from the world isn't going to resolve any of your problems neither are excuses because of so..so..social anxieties. Grow a set and seek medical assistance because your house is in disarray.
People need compansionship. They need to feel and belong to something greater than themselves. No where did I imply or remotely infer that becoming involved with outside activities was going to revitalize his life again or lead towards romance. OP stated he felt empty without his wife. Thus I provided some launching points.
Okay, in retrospect, maybe I set that up because I wanted someone to disagree with me in a specific way, which is cancer but uh...
>seek medical assistance because your house is in disarray.
What.
I find Tinder way easier than trying to meet girls any other other way. Without it, there's probably no way I would meet girls. I just moved to a new city where people are very insular, and I'm introverted and terrible at talking to women out of the blue. With Tinder you at least know that if you match with someone, they're probably somewhat interested in you, and that makes things way easier, especially if their profile has more than one picture and no text.
But they can still leave easily and that's what they do and you get no feedback.
I'm not sure there's any way to do it for me at least without first developing a circle of relatively close friends (i.e. people you're comfortable discussing sex and shit with. People who can hook you up with a girl or go to a bar with and it wouldn't feel awkward). And developing casual friends seems easier to me you just find people interested in a hobby that *interests* you and actually promotes discussion. For me, that was pen and paper RPGs, although those people are basically gone now in my case and I'm not sure RPGs were the best choice because most of these people are too obsessive.
But you need something like that. Like a writing group or something I guess.