Is my boyfriend sexist? I kinda noticed that he acts differently around females than males. When he’s with guys he’s pretty normal, but with most girls he talks to us like we’re 5 year olds or retarded. Always using diminutives like he’s a kindergarten teacher and talking at a slower rate. Last night I cooked for us and he gives me this condescending look then says “You did this for me, sweetie? All by yourself? Great job!” smirking like a smug dick. I know that everyone is different and some folks might not think they’re being offensive but it bothered me. When we’re out in public he holds my hand when we cross the street too. I enjoy holding hands with him but I’m not sure if it’s to be cute or because he’s implying I’d run into traffic like a retard. Am I just delusional? Should I talk to him about it?
Is my boyfriend sexist? I kinda noticed that he acts differently around females than males...
>why does my bf always walk on the side the traffic is?
>why does he hold my hand when we’re crossing the street?
If you really need to ask these questions maybe you’re not as smart as you think. He’s just being supportive and thinking of your safety
>You did this for me, sweetie? All by yourself? Great job!
I mean I say stuff like this, because I know how nervous my fiance feels about cooking because she wants to get everything perfect. When it comes out spectacular (it usually does) and it's something that she hasn't attempted before, I want to verbally let her know that I'm proud of her for both stepping out of her comfort zone and going above and beyond to make me happy, as well as being successful with the meal. If I was like "hey, great, thanks" I feel that my appreciation wouldn't be as clear and she would spend the next hour second-guessing herself and putting herself down if she had an inkling of a thought that I didn't like what she did.
But that's my relationship dynamic, not yours. I wouldn't jump to conclusions though.
well I doubt it's problematic, but a relationship is not one-sided,so if it bothers you, of course you have to talk to him about it
You're probably just projecting your own insecurites on the situation. In reality he's probably doing it unintentionally. Maybe try talking to him and not a Syrian knitting forum
Some guys are socialized to interact with women this way, it's not really "sexist" in that he consciously disrespects you, but it's probably internalized. Try to not react positively when he does it but don't call him out if you think he's easily hurt - because he could take it as you not wanting his affection.
I can't obviously tell if he's actually being condescending just from your post. Why don't you talk to him at some point when it's a good time, and see if he's understanding or thinks it's part of some gender roles and shit. In the case of the latter, it's pretty clear your views of relationships aren't that compatible - he'd be better of with a girl who likes this sort of interaction.
As mentions, it's all about the relationship dynamic. My fiance as well as myself has a PhD and we banter and tease each other all the time about each other's stupidity and mistakes, and are generally pretty harsh critics of each other because we know deep down that we respect each other, and she'd be legit just amused/annoyed if I acted like she was a child. But some people's relationships are different.
just date somebody else if you find him annoying
This thread would make sense on a website with more normies; but on a site like Jow Forums? Pic related
Good post.
>women arent 5 year olds or retarded
Jow Forums is 90% troll threads now
these freaks are getting sick of each other and contaminating our board
t. OP's bf
Sounds like you found an honest one, learn to appreciate it, kiddo.
Kek
He's not being sexist, he just acknowledges the difference between men and women. Hence why you're with him, you subconsciously know he's right and that you want to be treated that way.
Oh look, more of the same "women don't know their own minds" bullshit that's poisoned the relationship between the sexes for decades. How stunningly original and thought provoking. Just kidding, please kill yourself.
This, OP actually subconsciously enjoys it, its the feminist brainwashing causing her concern.
OP you should encourage it and show that you enjoy his dominance and guidance.
God I wish I could be you
How is it bullshit? OP is with her bf for a reason. That subconsciously attracted her to him.
Fuck off roastie
>"women don't know their own minds"
I am sorry, but this is actually sort of true... How many women havent I met who acted towards one thing, but when they opened their mouth it was something completely different.
It might sound trivial to you, but alot of women seriously dont get the whole idea of practice what you preach sort of attitude.
>t. misogynist willl probably be your generic response.
god you're such a disgusting infant please kill yourself
all females find you worthless and disgusting, but not everyone who finds you worthless and disgusting is a female
Guy here, i'm condescending to everyone. Girls just get scorned by it worse than guys because of some gender issue drama. I don't get it.
Talk to the dude. If you cannot do this, break up with him. Relationships ONLY work if you communicate. Idk why that concept seems so alien to the vast majority of people.
And if you are unsure on how to approach the subject, take a step back and see how HE approaches these sorts of talks and follow that.
Also don't listen to people about what might be the issue or cause, because only he knows, or maybe he does not realise he has been doing it. Assuming anything makes you an ass.
To be fair I think that's a socialized trait, it's not true of women in my country at all.
Ha ha
Fucking roasted by a roastie
Are you from Aus?
That described every chick i've ever dated. Needa jump country if I want to find wife materiel imo.
>Girls just get scorned by it worse than guys because of some gender issue drama.
Not really, I'd be pretty annoyed if my gf was condescending to me, or my friend was, in a way that isn't our dynamic. But I suspect the thing with women, is that infantalization is a common theme for them everywhere so it can be annoying to deal with in a relationship.
Guys like him do actually have gfs. I hope you realize that there's a lot of women out there who do accept and even want this sort of dynamic. Whether is biology, sociology or biology reflected through society, whatever, or just said guy hiding his opinions - the fact of the matter is, it's not uncommon for such men to have relationships. The whole "guys like this must be incels" thing isn't really true.
It hurts your feelings and OP's feelings but it's true. The more you feminize men, the more you feminists crave male dominance. What gets you wet, a guy treating you like an equal?
Logic is hard for you but try to think instead of react with your infantile whining.
>infantalization
I wouldn't go that far on it. I'm just an ass, but I am not a dick. Clear difference.
I mean, if I had to explain something a fair few times, I would talk to anyone like they are a child, clearly proper sentences are too much.
Ahh I see, in that case I do the same thing when I have to repeat myself. OP says that her bf does this all the time (we have no idea if perhaps she IS retarded and needs said explaining like a child though), which is a different thing entirely.
Your delusion is exactly why men talk to women like they're children.
God you’re adorable
>with most girls he talks to us like we’re 5 year olds or retarded. Always using diminutives like he’s a kindergarten teacher and talking at a slower rate
That is pretty normal. Most men talk differently to men and women and there is a good chance that he had a few bitches too much in his life and now talks like that as a safe way to avoid annoying overreactions. I talk to some women also like that because I know they will misinterpret everything I say if given the chance.
>“You did this for me, sweetie? All by yourself? Great job!” smirking like a smug dick
That is being an asshole.
If he treated you as an equal you'd cheat on him for being a beta male. This behavior if they reason why you like him.
No it’s not. I like him and later happened to make a simple observation.
Incels or the self-described Jow Forums “betas” are the misogynists anyway.
Most betas are not like the ones on Jow Forums. Most of them are huge pussy worshippers who would never dream of talking down to you. It's just that subconsciously you like it when Chad treats like shit. That's why you're with Chad and hate all those creepy nice guys.
>let me tell you how you think
>It's just that subconsciously you like it when Chad treats like shit
This. But the female brain is incapable of rationalizing this.
It's alright sweetie, your bf is just being a man. Relax.
You only know you're conscious thoughts. Our subconscious markes decisions for us before we're even consciously aware. All the things going on in your conscious mind about how you hate it when Chad acts like an alpha male is an illusion. Feminists have just conditioned you to have these fake thoughts.
>tfw no oversensitive anime posting qt gf
Why fucking live
Maybe he's sexist and/or a dick.
>Am I just delusional? Should I talk to him about it?
No, its a common belief among pua types or other garbage type guys that women are children. He's treating you like a child, I think it sounds intentional but you know better. Definitely talk, if he wont talk by arguing, deflection, avoidance, changing the subject, etc. then you know he's scared. Whatever that means to you, I know what it means to me when a guy is scared of me.
>I know what it means to me when a guy is scared of me.
It means you think 'fear of your femnazi gf getting triggered and having to find a better girl' means 'fear of said girl'.
This sort of girl is the absolute worst. Oversensitive is fine (and natural for women), but oversensitive about feminist shit like this is just insufferable.
My boyfriend isn’t some 6’7 rich Adonis with a twelve inch dick that shoots chocolate. You incels are insane if you think all guys with girlfriends are Fabio.
No, guy. It not like she'll see my post and throw away something good without try to fix it, the internet told me to do it. If a guy is scared, he's scared. Since you like being dramatic though, I will be dramatic too, little guy. When a guy does that it means that guy is so scared of what I might do he hides under the covers, says whatever he thinks I want to hear because he's afraid of the repercussions, so that guy grovels at my feet like a good puppy or else. Notice I didn't use the word "man" anywhere, guy, lol.
Now be a good puppy and run along.
> look at me being a strong woman
kek alright anonette
> guy being afraid of a woman
Good joke, indeed that person isn't a 'man' at all. And yeah, it seems like you are indeed mistaking fear of having to find another relationship, with fear of the woman (or her opinions kek). Repercussions? Like being broken up with? That's exactly my point.
All it means is that he doesn't have anyone else lined up and doesn't want to go through the work of finding someone new. It's far more convenient at times to just say what your girl wants you to hear.
He doesn't need to be, just being a man who it's a total beta is usually enough for most women to submit instinctively.
Women are retarded they think with emotion instead of rationality. You should leave your boyfriend because he deserves better.
>you should leave your boyfriend because you're a woman
so are you implying her boyfriend is gonna go gay or something
I'm sorry your thread is being derailed by incels OP.
No, he's probably going to cheat on her with a more feminine girl, or keep his gf while looking for a girl who's actually good for relationships.
all men are sexist sweatie
*reasonable men
This cracked me up
He's sexist.
There's not really much wrong with it. Bite back a little. "No, I did it for me. I'm putting you on a diet, pooch boy."
If it bothers you being treated like a doll, you gotta learn to react instead of passively taking shit like that. This is easily the biggest failing of many bourgeois women. They want to be taken seriously without contesting anyone who tries to put them back in line. You look at a working class woman and she's got body language, expressiveness. When she's angry, guys go "oh god, what are you bitching about now?" instead of "I'll take care of it, sweetie."
is it really worth to be "that bitch" tho?
> is it worth it to be comfortable in your own relationship
gee I wonder
Actions speak louder than words.
The action of you willingly dating a misogynist says more than any half-assed denial you can provide.
t. Man that only became successful with women after becoming misogynistic
>I'm putting you on a diet, pooch boy"
I would not be able to hear this from my girlfriend without bursting into laughter
> Man that only became successful with women after becoming misogynistic
Basically this. It's close to impossible to take women who say they don't like being treated like this seriously.
I hate that /adv./ is being derailed by incels. Go back to Jow Forums and Jow Forums, your """advice""" isn't helping anyone.
I dunno. I actually started to get girls once I started taking advice from Jow Forums & Jow Forums about women.
Advice I got from actual women just got me friendzoned or cucked.
first off don't ask this on Jow Forums
Female here.
>he acts differently around females than male
It’s natural to be closer to people you have a shared likeness with. I, myself, tend to befriend introverts. It’s not something I seek but something I’ve come to notice. Your bf seems to gravitate towards the same sex as far as friendship goes. I wouldn’t label this as sexist.
>with most girls he talks to us like we’re 5 year olds or retarded
This sounds sexist but I need hard examples to confirm this. Otherwise, it’s just your feelings and perception of what happened rather than what actually happened.
>“You did this for me, sweetie? All by yourself? Great job!”
He may not have meant it as patronizing or sexist and you may have misinterpreted his expression. Try to follow this rule of thumb when you’re unsure of his intent, “he loves you and he’s not out to get you”. If you still feel bothered, say “What you said hurt my feelings” in a serious tone. Letting him know that he crossed the line gives him a chance to understand you more and get on your level of what makes you feel loved. Don’t be resentful or hold that shit in. Address it and move on. That said, he probably wants you to be more active with chores, not because you’re female but, because he’s probably doing a lot more than you realize and isn’t telling you because it’s not a big enough issue to bring up but it is a big enough issue to joke about it. This may require a sit down talk so that it doesn’t become a big issue in the future.
>he holds my hand when we cross the street
He was probably raised to be protective of his counterpart. Sexist? Maybe his parents were a little bit on that part but, don’t blame him for being a product of it. If you don’t want it then tell him but understand that he may not be okay with this because it’s easy for people to change behavior, but not core values. I wouldn’t ask this of him unless you genuinely want him to stop holding your hand forever.
Listen to her advice OP, this is actually really great advice.
If you are indeed a female, you have your head screwed on far better than any female i've known. How old are you? Just curious.
And henoutsnhimself as a perma virgin incel from Jow Forums you must be very proud of yourself.
You act like just because they can get a girl to like them just enough to sleep with them that it makes all this shitty derogatory behavior ok? Guess what, they don't stay in a relationship for very long and definitely won't be in one for very long.
Catch you spouting off Jow Forums Proverbs and acting like a fucking 15 year old on Jow Forums who thinks he understands what "masculinity" means. Lmao kid get the fuck off this site, you're already brain damaged enough
roastie getting toasty
The prevalent theory is that women are more emotional than logical. Your emotionally charged non-argument adds to that theory, instead of debunking it.
Just letting you know.
>all diminutives are sarcastic and condescending, can't possibly be honest affection
>boyfriend looking out for you is sexist
Man you've really bought into the bullshit they fed you at school.
Hope he leaves your soon-going-to-be SJW ass.
that or please stop being so fucking skeptical. What if the dude just thinks that's how women want to be treated? Why do you go for the sexist answer so fast?
I didnt imply being a sexist makes you a bad person. I was just wondering, ya bunch of sensitive Sallys. My own dad is actually pretty sexist but he loves me and my mom.
If you say "sexist" as simply meaning that he thinks men and women are different, then yes, he probably is. Is English your first language?
Doesnt Jow Forums enforce the tits or gtfo rule?
>When he’s with guys he’s pretty normal, but with most girls he talks to us like we’re 5 year olds or retarded. Always using diminutives like he’s a kindergarten teacher and talking at a slower rate.
A lot of women respond positively to this shit and he's probably used to it, honestly. Maybe you don't like it but it works on more submissive type of women.
Jow Forums is one of the most normie-infested boards, it won't happen.
>ITT SJWs
PoundMeToo
>that it makes all this shitty derogatory behavior ok?
It's not 'shitty', it's natural. She was attracted to him because of it, of course he should continue.
It definitely is. Doesn't mean it's bad though.
Talk to him about it. Honestly the only way you can stop it if it annoys you
>A lot of women respond positively to this shit
This. Making things worse are women who just go along with it even if they don't like it. Like speak up seriously. I guess they don't understand that this is the way a lot of guys are socialized to think all relationships work (and that many women actually like it), but being a pushover and going with whatever your bf says isn't helping your case.
>holds hand when crossing the road
>walks on side closest to traffic
>Praises me when I do something nice
Holy shit. This is literally old school manners and charm and she is bitching about it.
Modern women are fucked.
You can give praise to someone without treating them like a child. And you realize that culture changes right? What's considered rude in one place and time is polite in others. I'm in no way saying that he's 'sexist' just because of this, but to imply that OP is somehow in the wrong for not liking this dynamic is also silly.
is that how to get a gf
just be like patronizing as fuck
damn
I agree that holding hands and walking on the traffic side is pretty polite, but the way he phrased the praising is like something you'd say to a kid. That's actually exactly how I praised my 8 year old sister for drawing me a picture. "Wow, you did this all by yourself? You're so talented!!! Great job!"
Maybe the 'all by yourself' would be justified if it was an extra extravagant meal, but if it's just something regular, then it's not necessary. Just a simple 'thank you, this looks great' would suffice. It's worth talking about, I think.
> everybody is the same and what works for some girls works for all
> attraction can be boiled down to just this one thing
> as if it's completely impossible that OP's bf is good in other ways that attracted her
The reason cocky and patronizing guys get girls is either the girls they go for are into that, or there's the hidden variable of confidence - guys who are attractive and sought-after can afford to be cocky, and confidence is very attractive. Ever noticed how a lot of really attractive women can be a little bitchy? Same thing there. That said, there are definitely women who like men like that, and you'll find that it's even more prevalent in hookups.
>Just a simple 'thank you, this looks great' would suffice.
Exactly, the way OP describes it doesn't seem like a normal thing to say even if it's an extravagant meal, it's quite clearly the sort of stuff you'd say to a kid.
The hand-holding is indeed minor and pretty normal though. I think OP just wanted to give us more potential information, that's totally fine. What OP seems actually annoyed about is the tone/manner of speech he uses, I don't know why so many people are just latching onto the hand-holding thing as if that's her only point.
Perhaps she just simply does'nt cook very much and he was truly surprised and said something dick-ish by accident.
There could be so many different reasons why.
Oh I agree, i'm not implying that OP's bf IS in the wrong here, OP didn't give us enough information. But that doesn't mean we should be quick to dismiss what she's saying. She clearly thinks that he speaks in a dismissive way frequently, so being Jow Forums we should at least consider it.
>and he was truly surprised and said something dick-ish by accident.
Oh yeah that's fair, I personally might do this too sometimes, but that doesn't make it a little dickish, and if that's the standard way he comments on things, then she's right to think that their dynamic isn't right for her.
No, he's got some unexamined sexism going on there.
you posted a lot there man
What?
Your Boyfriend is a natural born pimp and the ultimate alpha. MAH MAN!.
> “You did this for me, sweetie? All by yourself? Great job!”
>holds my hand when we cross the street
That's some ddlg shit. Start calling him daddy and bug him for treats. See where that gets ya.