Hi. Recently at a party shit hit the fan on several of my friends relationships all at once. It wouldn't really have anything to do with me if it weren't for one of the girls involved. Let's call her Claire. Claire dates (let's call him Kevin). They have dated for several years and kevin is like a brother to me. Claire after having gotten to a huge fight with Kevin had disclosed that he pushes her around and down all the time. She then tells me that he wouldn't let me come over to the house when he wasn't there because he was jealous and that it wasn't actually because of her not liking me being there when he wasn't. She then tells me that I am the exact kind of man she has always wanted. Up until this very point I have never considered her like that. But now I'm confused. As well as she technically hasn't left him and I have no idea if it's out of fear or love for him. What do I say to this? What do I do? Can I help them work through their issues and keep them together or should I try and help her leave him?
Torn on what to do
Brethren before wenches, dude. Help them work out their problems
What do I do about him pushing her around? I love them both like family and it sucks to see them like this?
That's a tough one. I honestly think people like that never change, so maybe encourage her to dump him, and then comfort him in the aftermath. Don't let him know you were involved, and for the love of god don't hook up with her.
If she goes through with it should I be there just in case ?
You're a rebound. If that was true, she'd have dated you in the past.
>> 19590124
I'd keep some distance from her, at least in front of your guy friend. It's best not to pick a side.
They've been dating since like 15 I met them bot at like 17/18 so no chance on the past thing being true. Besides I don't see she and I working either I told her I'd help her get back on her feet seeing as she is dependent on him.
But if it ever came to it I have no idea which side to be on.
Also he doesn't work either he lives in a house belonging to his family and has them help with the bills. I have even helped with their bills in the past.
See, you don't pick a side. You play both sides of the fence. Be there for your homie, but behind his back, be there for the girl. Don't let him know you're comforting her, because he'll freak out.
Secrets are what got them into this and I don't want to be one of their secrets.
You honestly believe her?
I believe her friend and mother who I went to afterwards and both of them told me what's been going on. It's more believable knowing he has been easily violent with people in the past and is on mood stabilizers for fits of anger.
Then you're gonna have to pick a side to help out their situation. Pick whoever means more to you. If it's the girl, get her to dump him, and be there for her (a bit of a dick move, as I stand by pals before gals, but it's your choice). If you choose your homie, get her to dump him, and be there for him, and him alone.
How about you mind your own goddamn business and do nothing?
How do I know who means more to me I can't imagine losing either of them?
Are you happier when you're around one of them? Which one do you think about more?
I've always been happy around both of them but when it comes to thinking about who more I know that when I go places and see a certain animal decoration I think of "Claire" because she decorates their house in them and I buy it for her to put in their house.
But I've always told him first because I don't want him getting the wrong idea
There's gotta be some way to keep them both close to you. The only way I can think of is to stay out of their businesses, but that's a bad option too.
I'm afraid of what could happen to them both if I dont
Is she strong enough that she'll inevitably dump him?
Without help I don't think so because I have just found out about the abuse. As well as some sick shit about her dad while growing up so I see her bottling it up and not telling anyone and sucking it up when she doesn't have to.
Nuts. That kinda means you'll have to step in, and that's a shitstorm waiting to happen. Take it simple, and simply let him know that what he's doing is not okay. Also let him know you care about them both equally.
Thanks for the help if the board still exists by the time something happens I'll post an update