I have a boyfriend and I’m very happy with him. Our sex life is great, and I feel fulfilled. The only thing is sometimes when I think about sex and shit, I think about going down on a girl or just generally doing things with a girl. It’s not all the time by any means, and I do think about my boyfriend a lot. It’s never a specific girl, just a female form.
I thought I was gay last year, but pretty much no one bought it because I don’t look “gay” at all. I ended up falling for my boyfriend, so I know I’m not fully gay. I just hate having random thoughts about having sex with women. How do I stop them? I want to be faithful to my boyfriend not just physically but also mentally.
I’ve talked to him about it, and he said as long as I redirect my thoughts when I start to think about women, everything’s okay. The thing is sometimes I don’t want to redirect my thoughts. Am I fucked?
Sexuality anxiety
If your attracted to females & not men then you should probably go after that. Because that will never change. & Eventually it will reach a breaking point & it will hurt you & your bf in the end
I’m definitely attracted to men too; I find my boyfriend really attractive. I just find myself thinking about women sometimes and then I feel guilty. I had a girlfriend for a year and a half but she only did things to me; she didn’t want me doing stuff to her. I feel like I missed out.
Inb4 “threesome” or something about me having sex with a girl while he watches, neither one of us will be good with that. We’re both strict monogamists which is why I feel guilty for even thinking about women.
there's nothing wrong with having sexual fantasies, and you said it isn't about specific women just women in general which makes it even more unlikely that you have intent to act on these urges
you're into women, so what? you clearly love your boyfriend but enjoy sex with him, so the relationship is secure
you're not messed up or fucked for your feelings, you seem to be bisexual which is a-ok
Just accept that you're bisexual, it's no biggie. Having thoughts like that about a woman is really no different than having them about some imaginary man as far as the whole faith angle goes. You can't just stop thoughts, but if you acknowledge they're not what you want out of your life and don't act upon them (ie you're happy with your boyfriend), then that's enough to keep you in good moral standings. I can't comment on your personal standards, but I'd say don't beat yourself up.
Thank you. I think it’s just anxiety. My boyfriend said the fact that it’s not a specific woman and I redirect my thoughts to him means he’s totally fine with it. He told me not to worry; I think I just don’t want him to think I’m a cheater because I swear I’m not purposely thinking about women. I would never do anything with anyone, man or woman, while I’m with him.
That’s what I do. I’ll be masturbating or something and my thoughts will sometimes go from my boyfriend going down on me (because we both love that) to me going down on a girl or just what my body looks like to him. I always stop and remind myself that that’s not what I want, that I want my boyfriend and no one else.
This but unironically.
You choose a girl and bring her home. You eat her out, play with her, finger her, do all the things you want.
He watches.
Then he fucks you while SHE watches.
It's never him and her.
It's just you. All about you.
He would get so jealous. I think I’d feel way too guilty
Our culture sexualizes the imagery of women so thoroughly that even 100% straight women are affected. Chances are overwhelming that you're just confused by all the "women are sex objects" propaganda coming at you.
Who gives a fuck? I'm sure he's wanked to porn. You wank to imaginary porn. Who fucking cares? What a stupid thread.
That’s the thing; he doesn’t use pornography, so I feel guilty for even using imaginary fantasies.
I agree with you that women are overly sexualized, but I also genuinely become aroused when I think of having sex with another girl. I don’t think that’s because of society. I don’t watch pornography or anything; it’s a naturally occurring thought for me.
I don't see the issue. Whether he watches porn himself is irrelevant, you can have all the fantasies you like so long as you don't go out and fuck some broad. Its literally harmless and nothing to be ashamed of. Also its pretty much guaranteed he has his own thoughts that he doesn't tell you. Its just part of being human.
Be free and stroke it out to women all you like, it is honestly nothing.
I know, but he said he’ll be upset if I don’t redirect my thoughts because he’s really strict about what he considers cheating.
sounds like an insecurity of his. sexual fantasies are normal for everyone. my boyfriends biggest sexual fantasy is being in a room full of naked women of every size and ethnicity etc. i'm sure sometime he wanks it to fucking a big titty black girl while eating out a pale midget.
from the perspective of your bf, you fantasy is slightly more threatening only in that women can offer you something he can't. regardless, it is a fantasy and he should trust you enough to not act on them. if he can't, what a pussy lol
he considers your thoughts about some random fantasy to be cheating? rofl, tell him to grow the fuck up. guarantee he does the same fucking shit in his own head.
Did you start dating women or men first? If you dated women first, did you do it because you were attracted to women?
It's funny, when I was around 11-13 I thought about guys a lot for some reason I would also very rarely have dreams about them but at the time being gay was looked down upon and I suppressed these thoughts. Fast forward at high school, my initial thoughts subsided and I was only attracted to women and from there on out I was only attracted to women. I wonder why I went through the first phase in the first place.
I dated women seriously first.
Forgot to add, of course I was attracted to them. When I went through puberty, my only sexual thoughts were of women. I typically had more romantic feelings for men, but I always was thirsting after girls in the locker room or movie stars.
I see and did you feel like you were naturally attracted to them? Did your relationships feel natural to you? Why did you start dating guys?
My relationships felt natural, and my attraction to women came before I started dating them. I watched a video of people being pranked in a pool locker room and one woman came out without a top on. I kept replaying and replaying that part of the video and felt a very warm feeling in my stomach.
I started dating guys because my boyfriend for whatever reason made me feel something other men haven’t made me feel. I was naturally attracted to him and decided to go for it instead of being like “hurrrr no I’m a lesbian”. I listened to my heart.
I see, well you're not the first woman to share experiences like that so I wouldn't be too anxious about that part of my life. My cousin also married a woman that happened to share your experiences. That's why I was a little curious.
Well as other have said you might be bisexual and your recurring thoughts of women might have something to do with unfulfilled fantasies or desires from the past, I can't be sure.